"Falling Apart"
Author:
Holli
Email: summersfinn@hotmail.com
Sunnydale, 2000
The first thing Buffy noticed was the bright sun hitting her eyelids, willing her to wake up, which happened to annoy her. The second thing she noticed was the strong arm across her waist. Rubbing her eyes, she murmured, "Again." Beside her she felt his breath heavy against her neck as he came awake slowly. But from the poking in her back that wasn’t the only thing coming awake slowly, she thought with a smile.
Sitting up in the bed, she scooted up against the headboard, only to find that it wasn’t a headboard, but the back of a sofa. She looked around the bedroom only to find that it wasn’t her bedroom at all, but a living room. Correction, an unfamiliar living room. Where the hell was she? She wondered.
She looked to the sleeping man beside her. Unable to stop herself, she reached out and touched her fingers to his lips. He had this worried look on his face that killed her to look at, but glancing around at the obscure surroundings, she kicked Riley, hoping to wake him up.
He didn’t move for a few moments. She kicked him again. He still didn’t move. And he says *I* sleep like a log, she thought, as she kicked him again. "What?" he barked at her, through sleepy eyelids. Hah! She’d succeeded.
Arms crossed over her chest, she looked at him incredulously. How dare he play stupid?! She asked, "Where the hell are we?" She was silent for a few moments, watching as he tried to wake up, rubbing his eyes mercilessly. She swatted him across the arm. "What’d you do…kidnap me?"
He stared at her through a sea of annoyed deep blue. "What the hell are you talking about? Kidnap you?" he asked her, wondering where the hell she’d gotten that idea from. Then, "Now what reason on earth would I have to kidnap you? I mean, it wasn’t like you were having an affair or any such thing as that," he said, sarcastically.
Okay, now she was the annoyed one. "I don’t care if you had reason or not, Riley. Just take me home. I want to get back to my children. Who’d you leave them with anyway? Emmy and Matt?" she asked as she jumped out of the bed, searching the floor for her clothes. When he still didn’t move, she said, "Come on. Drag your ass out of bed and get me home. *Now*!"
Reluctantly, he threw back the blankets, glaring at his wife as he swung his legs over the side of the sofabed. "Geez…slavedriver. How did I stay married to you for seven years?" he said, not realizing that he’d said that aloud.
"You’re such an asshole!" she yelled at him. "How did you stay married to me? I think it was the other way around, honey," she told him. Why was she being such a bitch to him? He didn’t deserve it after the way she’d treated him.
Taking a deep breath, she said, "Look, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been that rude to you. You don’t deserve it."
He slid off the bed. "I don’t? Huh! After the way you’ve been treating me I thought that was your idea of the royal treatment," he said, sarcasm edged in his voice. "You’re not the only one who doesn’t really want to be here right now, okay? You’re the last person on Earth I fathom being in the same room with."
He shouldn’t have said that, but he deserved a little venting, didn’t he? She’d put his heart through the ringer the past few days and she should know how he felt. No matter how bad it hurt her. Hurt her? That comment wouldn’t phase her. She pushed you away, Riley, remember that, he reminded himself.
Buffy turned her back to him, blinking back tears. That hurt. That really hurt. But she did deserve it. She couldn’t expect him to take everything that she’d told him in stride then automatically want to cuddle. That wasn’t Riley.
Needing to make him believe that she still no longer wanted to be with him she retorted by saying, "Don’t worry, you’re not my favorite company, either, Riley. I’d much rather be stuck with my children or Bryant, God, maybe even Spike."
Riley looked around the room. As much as he was mad at her for the way she’d been treating him, he did love her. And he would be the first to admit that if they were in a secluded cabin in the middle of nowhere that would be fine with him. Then, maybe they could work at repairing their marriage. He watched as Buffy started walking down the hall, then he turned around and started making up the bed.
How had they gotten there? He wondered as he flung the pillows onto the floor and began straightening the blankets before pushing the bed back into the sofa. The last thing he remembered was lying back in the sand, staring up at the dark sky. So, he couldn’t quite comprehend how he’d suddenly woken up in bed with his wife.
Walking down the long, dark hallway, Buffy ran her hands along the oak paneling. The whole house smelled of fresh paint. Seeing a partially open door, she pushed it open to find it adorned with her stuff. Pictures of her, Xander and Willow hung on the wall next to her diploma among ribbons and certificates that she’d received throughout her school years. Did she still have her diploma? She wondered.
Sitting down on the bed, she picked up another framed picture on the night table this one of she and Riley. Smiling, she ran her fingers across their happy faces. Plucking through the memories, she remembered when the photo had been taken, which happened to be during a weekend trip to Santa Barbara. She replaced the picture back onto the night table.
That seemed like a lifetime ago, though. They rarely smiled in front of each other anymore. She certainly didn’t. They put on smiles for the twins, but that was the extent of their happiness. It was sad as she thought about it.
"Buffy." She looked up to see Riley standing in the doorway. "Sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you, it’s just…there’s something that you should see," he told her. He wanted to grab her hand and lead her out of the room like he usually did, but he knew that touching her was out of the question. Where had that gotten him in the past year? Usually on the side of a never-ending argument or sleeping on the sofa downstairs.
Disappointed when he didn’t take her hand like he normally did when they left a room, she followed him out of the room, back down the hall. They stopped in the kitchen where Riley pointed to a calendar on the wall. "What’s so special about the calendar, Riley? It has ducks on it. So what? I’m not a duck person."
He hated when she was so insipid toward him. It was taking every ounce of him not to hit her. He never hit woman, but Buffy was starting to piss him off enormously. He wondered what happened to the happy, carefree woman that he used to be hopelessly in love with. She’d been replaced with a morose, bitchy shell of a woman that he could barely stand to be in the same room with. "You’re really starting to annoy me. Do you know that?" he asked her.
You and me both, Riley. You and me both, she thought. She rolled her eyes at him, then listened as he pointed out, "Look at the date on the damn calendar, why don’t you? What year was it last night when you went to sleep?"
Her eyes focused on the calendar. What the…? Then, they darted to Riley. "Riley, this can’t mean that…You mean to tell me that…" she trailed off as she ran back to the room that she was just in, Riley close at her heels. Turning to him, she asked, "We’re in the year 2000. But…how?"
He could sense the slightest glimmer of a smile on her face. She was happy about being back in a time when…he couldn’t but smile. 2000 held so many fond memories for the both of them. He made a face. Some fond…some not so. "That’s what I was wondering."
"Buffy! Riley!" they heard a familiar voice yell. "I know you two aren’t having sex so get your asses out here!"
Buffy stepped closer to Riley so that she was almost flush against him. "That was…" her question was halted by the sudden presence of Graham behind Riley.
"Hey! It’s good to see that you two are awake. We thought that maybe you’d gotten turned into vampires or something," he joked. "C’mon. We bought lunch," he said, grabbing Buffy’s hand, dragging her out of the bedroom toward the kitchen.
Her eyes widened at the sight. Not only was Graham there, but also Willow and Xander and not to mention the rest of the Scooby Gang. Even Jill and Kevin were there. That’s how she knew that they were in fact in the year 2000. Kevin wasn’t alive in their time. He’d died. She closed her eyes, willing away the thought. She didn’t even want to think about that time.
"Hey!" Willow greeted them, looking up at them as she fought Anya for the tub of mashed potatoes. "We got fried chicken for lunch. You guys hungry?" she asked the two of them.
"Always," they said in unison.
Sunnydale, 2007
He came awake slowly, aware that something was nuzzling his neck. Figuring that it couldn’t be anything else but Buffy he leaned toward it, trying to wrap his arms around her. Instead, though, his arms found air. Then, he felt something hard protruding his back.
"Is he alive?" Steven McGraw, a deputy for the Sunnydale Police Department, asked his partner, rookie cop, Derek Spears, as he pushed the man again with the staff. His partner shooed away the dog as he squatted, pressing his fingers to the man’s neck to feel for a pulse.
"He’s alive," he stated. "Sir," Steven said again, shaking the man once more. Spotting his wallet on the side of him, he scrambled to pick it up. He stood up, flipping it open. The first thing he came across was the family picture.
"Nice family," Derek said from over his shoulder. He turned a few more pictures and stopped on a particular one. "Wow! She’s a hot little thing! Is that his wife?" his partner asked.
"I assume she is. She is very pretty," Steven commented. He’d been married for fifteen years and hadn’t looked at another woman since, but this woman was…beautiful. There was no other word for her.
Her blonde hair fell around her shoulders. She was wearing nothing but a black sheet, which was wrapping tightly around her body. The sheet accentuated her fair skin. He reasoned that she couldn’t be older than twenty-five. She was propped up on her knees in the middle of a huge bed, a smile lightening up her face.
"So, does this guy have a name?" Derek asked Steven who was still staring at the picture of the lovely blonde. If this was this guy’s wife, he supposed that she was extremely worried about him.
Steven flipped through it searching for an ID, finally finding the man’s license. "Riley Finn," he said as Riley began to move, signaling to the officers that he was, indeed, alive.
The first thing he became aware as his eyes opened was the bright sun shining down on him. Then, the smell of the ocean hit his nostrils. He sat up, running his hands over his face and through his hair. Rubbing his eyes to will himself awake, his eyes rested on the long stretch of ocean before him. What the…? How the hell did he get to the beach? He remembered settling down on the sofabed with Buffy to watch Psycho, falling asleep with her in his arms. So, how the hell did he get to…He noticed the two policemen standing beside him. He squinted up at them, saying, "Hello, officers. Can I help you with something?"
The taller of the two squatted down so that he was eyelevel with him, looking at him quizzically. "Are you okay, son? I mean, you do know that this is a public beach, don’t you?" the cop asked him.
He nodded. It was too early in the morning and he was too confused to answer the officers. "Yes, sir, I know. I just don’t know how I got here," he said, scrambling to his feet, watching as the officers exchanged looks.
"Well, do you know if you had any drinks last night?" the other officer asked him.
Did I? He asked himself. Hmm…Well, Graham and I were drinking a little bit as we watched movies. I’d gone for a walk by the beach before I’d gone back to see about Buffy, but I’m pretty sure I was sober by then. He shook his head. "No, I don’t think I did. Did I commit any crimes?" he asked them.
They looked at each other, shaking their heads. "Come on, son. Let’s get you home. I’m pretty sure your wife is worried about you," Steven told him as he led the boy toward the police car.
Wife? Since when do I have a wife? With a smile he thought, I hope at least that she’s hot. "His keys are still in the vehicle. Derek follow us in it. Mr. Finn here can ride with me. I just want to make sure he gets home alright."
When Buffy woke up that morning, she realized she was alone. For that she pouted. How dare he leave her alone? The nerve of Riley Finn. She would make him pay whenever he returned.
Sitting up she realized that she wasn’t in her bed or her own house, for that matter. The entire room was scarce of any familiarity. She sat in a huge, four post, cherry oak bed, the expensive, white satin sheets, pulled tightly around her chest. Her eyes darting around the room, she spotted a matching dresser complete with a mirror. To the right of the bed was a huge closet. Jumping out of bed, she went to inspect.
Throwing open the doors, she realized that it not only held her clothes, but also the clothes of a guy. Smiling to herself she wondered whose clothes they were. Sifting through them, she found a few business suits, a black tuxedo among jeans, khakis, and the rest of his assorted clothing.
Reclosing the closet, she jumped back into the bed. She lay back, hoping to go back to sleep when the door burst open. Not only did two dogs join her in the bed, but *two* children joined her as well. Staring at them, dubiously, she had no idea how to react to them. She had no idea who they were, but they obviously knew who she was, for they asked, "Mommy, where’d Daddy go?"
Oh. My. God. This is…this was…these were…She remembered them from the visions she’d been having. So this meant that…well they asked a very good question, didn’t they? Her husband…their father…where was Riley? On instinct, she pulled her daughter, into her arms, kissing her lightly on the forehead. "What are you guys doing up so early?" she asked them, turning to look at her bedside clock. "It’s nine o’clock. Are you two hungry?" she asked them, sliding out of bed. She pulled on her robe, pulling her hair back into a clip.
She watched as the twins ran out of the room, followed by the dogs. They were all soon bounding down the stairs. The twins ran into the kitchen, climbing up on the barstools opposite the stovetop. She threw open the refrigerator, looking for something good to make them for breakfast. "So what are you guys hungry for?" she asked them.
"Blueberry pancakes," Kennedy yelled.
Logan punched her in the arm. "No! French toast."
"Hey! No, hitting! I have one vote for pancakes, another for toast. What do you think Daddy will want when he gets back?" she asked them.
"Everything," they said, exploding into a fit of giggles.
Buffy couldn’t help but join in on the giggling. She knew what kind of appetite Riley had. She just hadn’t expected him to keep it. Surely, she’d assumed that his wife would’ve been strict with him to make him tone up a bit. She wondered if she had done that.
"Well, since Daddy will probably be very hungry when he gets back, let’s make him a monster breakfast. You guys wanna help me?" she asked them, watching the exchanged looks between them. Suddenly, they began shaking their heads. "Why not?"
"Cuz the last time we helped…we got in trouble," Logan told her, his blue green eyes soft.
"Well, I promise that you won’t get in trouble." With that they hopped off their stools and rounded the cabinet, stopping near her feet. As they went about preparing breakfast, she had to admit that they were a tremendous help. They set the table; they handed her whatever items from the icebox that she requested. They were truly wonderful children.
"Is there anything else we can do, Mommy?" Kennedy asked her, her emerald green eyes sparkling.
Buffy looked around the kitchen. "No, honey. Just go in the living room and watch TV until I call you guys in to eat breakfast." She bent down and kissed Kennedy before the little girl ran into the living room.
Buffy had just poured herself a cup of coffee when the doorbell rang. She crossed into the foyer, glancing into the living room where the twins were quietly watching their cartoons. She threw open the door to find two policemen standing there with a sheepish Riley. She hadn’t been happier to see another man in her life as she was to see him at that moment. He must’ve been just as happy for he smiled. She enveloped him in her arms, throwing her arms around his neck. "Oh, honey, where have you been? I’ve been so worried."
"Daddy!" he heard the voices yell from inside the house. He looked over Buffy’s head almost being knocked over by the double impact of the two children running into his legs. He picked them up, carrying them into the house, leaving Buffy to deal with the officers.
"Hello, gentlemen," she greeted them.
They tipped their hats at her, then immediately took them off in regards. "Sorry to disturb you so early in the morning, Miss Finn, but we found your husband passed out on the beach," Steven explained to her. At her alarmed face he quickly said, "Oh, he wasn’t drunk or anything and nothing happened to him."
She breathed a sigh of relief. Of course, she could see that nothing had happened to him. She wasn’t blind. "Well, would you two like to come in? It’s the least I can do since you came out of your way to bring him home."
"We wouldn’t want to intrude."
"Please, I insist," she said, turning to go back into the house. She found Riley in the living room, playing with the twins. She wondered if he was the Riley from this universe or from hers. She led the men into the kitchen, instructing them to sit down at the table.
They hung their hats on the back of their chairs, accepting a cup of coffee from her. "So, Steven," she read off of his tag, "how long have you been an officer of the city?" she asked, taking a sip of her coffee.
"Nineteen years…been married fifteen of those years," he said, happily. He had to admit that this woman was indeed easy on the eyes and definitely more beautiful in person than in her picture. He could see, though, why it was that the camera liked her. He scolded himself for thinking such things, mentally noting to buy his wife a dozen of roses.
"Oh? Well, that’s wonderful. Do you have any children?"
"Yes. Three…all boys. We always wanted a girl, but after the last one we found out that we could no longer have any," he said sadly.
"Oh, I’m sorry." She felt sorry for the man for it sounded as if he really had wanted another child.
Steven waved it off. She was a very polite young lady…or, er, woman. She still looked very young for being a mother of two. "Don’t be. I mean, we have three wonderful children. At least we were graced with them. So, do you and your husband plan on having anymore children?"
She smiled at him. "We haven’t really discussed it. Besides with our jobs and the two that we have already, it’s already hard," she told them.
Steven glanced at the clock on the wall. "Oh, look at that. We have to be going. Our shift will be over soon and we were supposed to be back at the station a half hour ago," Steven said, standing up from his chair.
She walked the men to the door, bid them goodbye, and then stood at the door, watching as they pulled out of the driveway. Turning back into the house, she stopped in the living room, calling her family into the kitchen for breakfast. The twins ran in immediately, but Riley took his time. He walked toward her, stopping a few inches in front of her. "Do you know what’s happened?" he asked her.
Buffy shook her head. "From the looks of things…we’ve wound up in an alternate universe. How did you wake up this morning? Was it confusing?" she asked him, brushing a wisp of hair from his forehead.
He laughed softly. "Well, let’s see, apparently a dog was licking my neck. I woke up buried in sand and two cops thought I was dead. I am still wondering how the hell I wound up at the beach."
She ran the tips of her fingers over his cheek lightly. "If it’ll make you feel any better, I woke up alone and I was mad at you for not being there."
He smiled. "That does make me feel a little bit better. So, uh, what do we do? Just go about what our regular people would do…or…what?" he asked her, hoping that she had some answer to this mystery.
"For the time being, or at least until we figure out how to get back to where we belong, we live this life. We act like a married couple. Hopefully, those two kids in there won’t realize that we’re not their parents."
He took her hand in his squeezing it gently. "Technically, though, Buffy, we are their parents. Not now…but someday we will be."
She nodded. "Yeah, you’re right. C’mon, I’m starved. Let’s get back to our kids." Our kids. It seemed so surreal saying that. She thought she’d never get the chance to say those words. And now…she could say it and not think twice about it. She just wondered how long they’d be stuck here and if they’d ever go home.
Sunnydale, 2000
She tried as hard as possible to focus on the conversation at hand, but all that she could think about was Riley’s leg that was nestled so close to her own. The moment they had seated, their legs had bumped each other’s. Disregarding how she’d woken up the last two mornings, in his arms, the bumping of their legs was the most intimate contact they’d had in a long while.
She spooned her mashed potatoes around in her plate not bothering to look at her husband who sat calmly beside her engaged in conversation with the other four guys at the table. She felt a masculine hand touch hers, causing her to jolt upright. Relaxing yet disappointed, she noticed that it was Graham’s not Riley’s.
"You’ve been quiet all throughout lunch. Are you okay?" he asked her quietly. Unbeknownst to them, the conversation at the table ceased, as their friends focused on her. She placed her fork gently on the side of her plate, then folded her hands in her lap, taking in all of the concerned faces.
She opened her mouth to speak, to explain to them, who she was…and who she wasn’t, but instead snapped it closed, sliding back her chair, bumping legs with Riley once again. Standing she said, "Excuse me." Then, on second thought, she grabbed Riley’s hand, forcing him out of his chair as well. She dragged him down the hall back to ‘her’ bedroom, shutting the door behind them.
"Buffy, are you okay?" he asked, worriedly as she sat down on the bed. He had been relieved when she’d stood up. Everytime she shifted her legs or crossed them, she would bump his. The first couple of times he was irritated by it, but after a while he didn’t seem to mind.
She lay back on the bed, draping her arm over her eyes. "Riley, we don’t belong here with all of them. We’re here and no telling where *they* are. What do we do? How do we get back? We have two kids to take care of. Who’s taking care of them while we’re stuck here again?" she asked him.
He sat down carefully beside her, placing his hand gently on her knee. It was more to comfort her than to cop a feel, but copping a feel had something to do with it also. "Buffy, don’t worry. Everything will work out. I promise you."
She sat up, propping herself up on her elbows. Searching into Riley’s eyes, she could see that he meant every word that he’d just said. He had never lied to her; his first marriage and his wife excluded. She’d been the liar. She was still a liar. Even in a world where she didn’t belong, she was lying to him.
He pushed a strand of blond hair that had fallen across her face, behind her ear. "We will get home. Don’t worry. I’m sure that the twins are fine. Besides, if we are in their world, I’m pretty sure that this universe’s Buffy and Riley are taking care of our children," he told her, pulling back his hand immediately when it lingered at her neck, stroking her softly. "Sorry."
She sighed deeply. "Riley, it’s okay. You don’t have to apologize everytime you touch me. I am your wife, after all," she pointed out to him. Even though I haven’t been acting like it, I am, she pleaded silently to herself.
She watched as his head fell into his hands. "No, Buffy, I do have to apologize. After what I did…after what I almost did to you…I shouldn’t be touching you at all. After what I told you about…and…" he jumped to his feet, running his fingers through his hair. "Yes, you are my wife, but for how much longer?"
She looked out the window, unable to answer him. Probably not much longer, she thought. If she could keep up the charade to keep him at arms length, then once they got back to their world, they could have a quickie divorce and hopefully he wouldn’t hate her for too long. But for now, he was her only link to their world.
"Once we get back to where we belong, it’s only a matter of time before we divorce. We both know this. Your affair is…I’m pretty sure you’re ready to get back to your lover…Bryant. Is that his name?" he asked, mentally picturing Bryant with Buffy once again. Bryant and Buffy. It did have a certain ring to it.
Whenever he had pictured losing Buffy he thought that it’d be to the guys that had always been in her life: Graham or Xander and especially Angel. Never did he think that she’d opt for a total stranger…and a married one, no less!
Bryant, yes, her ‘lover’. "Yes, he’s probably worried sick about me." If you only knew, Riley, that it was all just a ploy on my part to push you away. She wanted to tell him so bad that she wasn’t involved with anyone and that she had no intentions of having an affair since he was the only man that she wanted. But why bother? She was finally getting what she wanted. Riley was slipping away from her, accepting her affair. She should be happy. So, why wasn’t she?
She stood up, walking to the window. "I miss them, Riley," she said softly, staring up at the clear blue sky. "I’ve never been apart from them for longer than a few hours and I am worried about how they’re doing." By they, she meant their children. Logan and Kennedy were her life, her sole purpose for living, besides Riley; had been since they’d been born.
She felt Riley’s hands on her shoulders. She shuddered, but didn’t move. His hands were warm, heating up her body almost instantly. "I know you miss them, Buffy. You’re their mother. I miss them, too. Last night, I…" he stopped short. She didn’t know he was there. If she did she wouldn’t be happy about it.
Turning around to face him, she said, "I know you were at the house last night." When he asked how she knew she explained, turning back to the window, "I felt you…and partly, I heard you as well. But when I woke up you were gone." Once more she turned to look at Riley. "Why did you leave?"
He sat down on the bed, staring at the door. Just as long as he didn’t have to look at his wife. "I went to see the twins. I was lying in bed at Emmy’s and all I could think about were them…" his voice got softer as he said, "…and you. I only went to kiss them goodnight, but I felt compelled to see you. If it happened to be the last time that I saw you, I just had to…so I went in and sat down beside you." He paused, swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat. "And I just couldn’t help myself…I had to touch you. And when I did…it all came back. That morning…what you said…what I almost did…and I couldn’t stay there any longer."
Thank God her back was to him for she didn’t want him to see her crying. She didn’t want him to know that she still loved him, but for some reason, being here, back in a time where they were still a new couple, getting to know each other, she felt coerced to go to him, wrap her arms around his neck and plead with him to forgive her for lying.
But she knew that if he was to forgive her once they returned to their world, that he wouldn’t leave her. So, she had to keep up this charade. He couldn’t find out that she still loved him. Knowing that, or believing, that she no longer loved him, Riley would keep his distance.
"Buffy, I…" she heard him say as he started to approach her.
She would thank Graham later for interrupting them. "Hey Riley! Sorry, guys to interrupt but Willow want us to move the kitchen table for her. We need your help if you can wrench yourself from Goldielocks for a few minutes," he said, jokingly. Well, it was supposed to be jokingly, but Riley only looked at him as if he’d said something demeaning about his mother. "Oh, well, um, sorry. Just…uh, come meet us when you’re finished with Buffy."
Buffy could sense that Riley was about to ask her permission to go. Brushing her tears from her eyes and taking a few deep breaths so as to find her voice she said, "I’ll be fine. I’m feeling a little tired anyway. I think I’m gonna take a nap. Go." She waited until she heard the click of the door before she turned around, tears spilling down her cheeks freely.
She lay down on the bed, curling into a ball, clutching a stuffed teddy bear as her sobs overtook her body.
"Where’s Buffy?" Willow asked Riley, handing him a cup of fresh brewed tea. She’d had the guys working for the past half-hour moving furniture around and she’d just noticed that her best friend was nowhere to be seen.
Riley took a sip of his tea before saying, "She was tired so she said she was going to take a nap."
Willow put down the pitcher of tea. "I will not have any of that," Willow said. "I am going wake her up right now," Willow said matter-of-factly as she headed down the hall to Buffy’s bedroom. As she reached for the doorknob, her ears were hit by the sound of crying. She stood at the door for a few moments, listening as her best friend cried. There was only one thing that could make Buffy cry.
Marching back down the hall she walked to Riley hitting him square in the chest. "Ow!" he said, flabbergasted. "Willow, what the hell did you do that for?" he asked her, looking at Graham and Xander for some kind of explanation.
She slapped him again. "What did you do to her, Riley?" If there was one thing she hated it was seeing Buffy unhappy and seeing Buffy cry, that was just very unpleasant and it usually made her cry as well.
"I don’t know what you’re talking about, Willow," Riley said, rubbing his chest. Man, she had a solid hit. "What did I do to…" he stopped short, knowing whom he was talking about. Without another thought he ran down the hall back to Buffy’s room. Bursting into the room, he found her lying on the bed, her face stained with tears. Graham, Willow and Xander were directly behind him.
He ran to her side, kneeling on the floor beside her. Forgetting about everything but his upset wife, he reached out to cup her cheek, wiping her tears away. "Buffy, what happened? What’s wrong?" he asked her, watching her intensely.
"Riley, I…I want to go home."
Graham, Willow and Xander listened and watched in awe. They sensed that there something between Buffy and Riley…something was…off about them. Neither could put their finger on it, but they knew for sure that there was something wrong.
Riley glanced at his friends who were watching he and Buffy. Then, he turned back to the woman he loved. "We are home, Buffy. Remember?"
She kicked him back, making him fall onto his ass on the floor as her feet hit the floor. "No, Riley, we aren’t. We both know that we don’t belong here. Our world is…this is just…I don’t want to stay here. I *can’t* stay here," she yelled at him before running from the room.
"Buffy!" Willow yelled after her, running to meet up with her, leaving the guys alone so that she could see what was up with her friend. Willow caught up with Buffy outside by the pool. Grabbing her by the arm, she forced the Slayer to a stop. "Buffy, what is going on?" she asked.
Buffy shook her head. "I don’t belong here, Willow. I don’t know how we wound up here, but I don’t like here. Everything is simpler in my world, Willow. I don’t have all of you, but at least I know where my relationship with Riley stands. Here, though, I know absolutely nothing."
Before Willow could butt in, Buffy continued her vent, needing to get it off her chest. "I was actually going to tell him just how much I loved him! God, what is going through my head? I need to get back before I do something here that I will seriously regret."
"Okay, hold on, I’m confused. What the *hell* are you talking about? Why is telling Riley that you love him a bad thing? Buffy, explain this to me because in the loop…I am not. I don’t understand," Willow told Buffy, then after a moment, added, "Come on, let’s go for a walk and you can tell me what this is all about."
Without another word, the two women walked out of the apartment complex, not sure where they were going, but were only sure that conversation would take them a long ways.
Inside, Riley stood in the room, keeping his back to Graham and Xander. "This isn’t my fault," he said, trying to convince himself that it truly wasn’t just as much as he was trying to make them understand.
"We’re sure that it isn’t, Riley, but…do you know what is going on with her? I mean, she’s never this…" Graham couldn’t find the word for it.
"Neurotic," Xander offered.
"You guys just don’t understand." Riley moved past them out of the room.
Graham and Xander followed him out into the kitchen. "So make us understand, Riley. What’s going on?"
"Come on, let’s get a beer. You guys will need it because you will *not* believe what I am about to tell you." Intrigued, they followed Riley into the kitchen where they gathered around the kitchen table sipping beers as Riley began his explanation.
Sunnydale, 2007
After dinner was eaten and the kitchen was cleaned, Riley and Buffy adjourned into the living room with the twins where they now lay; Buffy on the sofa with Kennedy asleep on her chest and Riley sat a few feet, Logan passed out in his lap. "Riley," she called to him softly. He turned to her, smiling. "Think we should put them in bed?" she asked him.
He nodded. He pulled Logan against his chest, then stood up. He held out his hand to help her up, then, together, they headed upstairs. They put the twins down in their respective beds, pulling the blankets around them. "Mommy?" she heard Kennedy say, sleepily.
Buffy leaned down and kissed the child softly on the forehead, running her fingers through her blonde curls. "What darling?" she asked her.
"Are you and Daddy going dancing?"
Buffy glanced at Riley. "What are you talking about, honey?" she asked. Logan was out like a light so Riley joined her on Kennedy’s bed.
Kennedy sat up in the bed, rubbing her eyes. "You and Daddy. Logan and I used to sneak downstairs and watch you two dance in the living room when Daddy got home from work, but after the baby you didn’t do it anymore."
Buffy’s eyes didn’t waver from Kennedy’s. "Baby?" she repeated.
Kennedy nodded. "Member you told Logan and me bout the baby and then after Daddy went to see Grandpa Ross in the hospital you told us it was gone. That’s when you and him stopped dancing."
Buffy eased Kennedy back against the pillows. "Well, I don’t think there’ll be any dancing going on tonight, honey." She kissed Kennedy once more on her forehead. "Go to sleep, sweetie." Obediently, Kennedy turned over and closed her eyes. Buffy and Riley got up from the bed and left the room.
They walked downstairs in silence. Once in the living room, silent, they were not. "So, they had another baby, but something must have happened and she lost it."
"So, that’s where it came from." When Buffy looked at him confused, he added, "A few days ago when we did the spell. You weren’t yourself and you were yelling all kinds of stuff. You don’t remember yelling at me for leaving for Iowa and leaving you all alone to deal with the miscarriage?"
Buffy nodded. That night was still a little fuzzy to her, but she remembered yelling at Riley for not being there when she’d lost her baby, their baby. She turned from him walking to the window. Okay, maybe being this Buffy wasn’t so easy after all. Buffy had more stuff to worry about: a job, two children, a husband, not to mention probably fifty million other things that she didn’t know about. "I’m sorry about the other night, Riley. I had no control over what I was saying."
She felt him move closer, but instead of walking to her he moved to the sound system on the bookshelf; she saw him through the window. "Buffy, I know that you weren’t feeling yourself that night and I totally understand that. But knowing what we know now about our lives…" he stopped to put in a CD.
Buffy turned around. "What we know now…what were you going to say?" she asked him. As Riley started walking towards her, slow country music wafted into the room. He had always been a sucker for country music. She guessed that being raised in Iowa probably had something to do with that, but mainly it was because Riley was a slow dancer. He was *so* not good at fast dancing. And with country music, she guessed that he liked it so much because the lyrics were heartfelt. With one song, it could tell a person so much.
"Knowing what we know now about our lives, we can change some things. If we happen to stay here for a while, we’ll probably learn more things about one another, about our marriage, and about our lives that we’ll want to change," he said, wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her to him. Her arms wrapped around his neck, her head lolling against his chest.
They were silent for a few moments. "Riley, there’s something that you need to know. I should’ve told you the moment you got back, but I just couldn’t make myself do it. I missed you and when I tried to get in touch with you, you were always gone so I…" she stopped suddenly when she felt Riley’s arms go limp around her.
There was something about the way she was talking. He just *knew*. He stepped back, looking her dead in her eyes. He swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. "You…there’s someone else isn’t there?" he asked her. Before she could answer, he turned away from her, running his fingers rampantly through his hair. He’d thought that Buffy would…
"No, there’s no one else…" He breathed a sigh of relief. "Now." He looked back at her, his eyes stone cold. "Willow and Graham were still away. Forrest and Kevin had been sent off on a mission so Jules and Jill took me out on the town since I was all mopey without you around. They took me to L.A…"
"Oh, please don’t tell me what I think you’re about to tell me," he told her. "Because if you tell me that you were with…if you were with…*him*, Buffy, I don’t think I could…" He had thought that she was going to tell him that she slept with Angel, but she just shook her head. Okay, so it was someone else. At least *that* he could deal with.
She walked back to the window, falling onto the sofa. "I was pretty zonked that night, Riley, you have to understand. We were at this club and I looked around and saw these girls with their boyfriends, with their lovers and it just hit my heart how much I missed you. I had only had maybe two beers at this point, so unable to take it anymore, I found a phonebooth and I called you."
With his back to her, he asked, "When? What day did you call? I want the exact date this happened, Buffy. I need to know." He knew that he had no reason to be mad at her because if she knew that he had been with another girl, then she probably wouldn’t be too happy with him. Though, he had nothing to hide, he still didn’t want her to know.
She knew the date perfectly. "July 8. It was a Saturday. I called you at least a dozen times that night, Riley. I just wanted to hear your voice, but everytime I called it was a new excuse. He’s in the bathroom. He just went out to the barn. Oh, sorry, Buffy, but he just left with a group of his friends." She paused, her voice dark with emotion. "Then, you wanna hear the kicker? Around midnight I call and your brother answers the phone. "Hi, Buffy, he greets me. Sorry, but Riley just left with this girl. He mentioned something about a hotel up in Des Moines."
He would kill Toby when he saw his kid brother again. He turned to Buffy quickly rushing to her. "Buffy, certainly you can’t think that…?"
Tears had long since formed in her eyes. "It hurts doesn’t it? Thinking of the one person that you love more than anything in the world with someone else? I fretted that whole night and many more about you with someone else, Riley. ‘I’m going home to relax. I’m not going back to hook up with any girls. When I come back I want to know that I have something to come back to.’ That was a load of shit."
"So, what was it? A revenge tactic? To get back at me for something that you think I did."
She shook her head as she jumped off the sofa. "You just don’t get it, Riley. I didn’t sleep with anybody else. I tried. Let me tell you how much I tried. I met this guy at the bar. His name was…Jeff, I think. Anyway, Jeff bought me a few beers, a few shots, and you know how I get after a few drinks. Anyway, after a few dances I was feeling really touchy so he took me back to his place."
He put up his hand. "Stop, Buffy. I don’t want to hear anything more."
"No, Riley. I will say this and you will listen to it. I don’t care how much it hurts you to listen because it hurts me even more to remember that night. Anyway, Jeff took me back to his place and we immediately start to go at it. So, I’m sitting there on his bed in my underwear, working on his jeans and suddenly my eyes well with tears. I tell him that I can’t do it and I run out of there. I had no idea where Jules and Jill were so I wind up at the only place I know in L.A…at Angel’s."
She watched with satisfaction as he threw his hands up in the air. "Angel comforted me that night. There was some cursing your name and our relationship and Angel even cursed you for hurting me, but me, because I loved you so much, I took up for you."
"Loved? You say that in the past tense. What you don’t feel the same about me anymore?" he asked her.
She walked to him, bunching her fingers around the flaps of his shirt, holding on tightly, pulled him to her, capturing his lips in a passionate kiss. She had never wanted to hurt Riley in any way of the word, but, at least, she hadn’t slept with anyone else. She didn’t know what he did.
His hands found her arms and he pushed her away. "There’s something that you have to know, Buffy. That girl that Toby said I left with…you have to know that…"
Before she could open her mouth he spat out, "She was my best friend’s girlfriend. My best friend from Huxley anyway. He cheated on her and she got some bad news and she just needed somebody. We were pretty tight in high school so naturally she chose me to comfort her."
He paused as his eyes focused on hers. "Nothing happened between us. She was staying in a hotel and we went back there so that we could be alone to talk. That’s all. I swear."
She felt so…dirty. So ashamed. So completely undeserving of Riley. "Oh, God, this can’t be happening."
She tried to move away from him, but he grabbed onto her waist, forcing her back against his chest. "It was a mistake, Buffy. I probably should’ve called you before I went out, but it was late and I figured you’d be on patrol or something. I never thought Toby would tell you something like that." He turned her around, which was when he noticed the tears slipping from her eyes.
Her head slumped against his chest. "God, Riley, I almost had sex with another guy because Toby told me that. How bad a girlfriend am I?"
He pushed her back a little so that he could look her in the eyes. "You’re not a bad girlfriend. You’re a good one. Learning how bad that hurt you, makes me realize how much you love me…or loved me, and how I would never want to hurt you in that way."
She smiled up at him, running her fingers through his hair. "Riley, you know I would never hurt you on purpose…I just wanted to tell you that. I wanted you to know that I knew."
He took her hands, leading her to the sofa. He sat down, then pulled her onto his lap. "Is that why you kept your distance? Because of what you found out? I know that first day back was...it wasn't great. Suffice to say I didn’t make it easy on you. I immediately wanted things to go back to the way they were before I left and I’m sorry."
She shifted on his lap, her legs straddling his. "Riley, it wasn’t your fault. I think we both wanted to forget that the entire summer happened. We were apart for two and a half months. We couldn’t change that as much as we want to. But in the time that you were gone, I was able to assess our relationship."
Fear and total nervousness set in. Only two words, if you could call them words, came to mind, which were Uh and Oh! Desire and passion at watching Buffy smile immediately replaced that fear. "I realized how much I love you and that what we have is too special to let it slip through our fingers over something as petty as a summer apart."
"You do have a point there," he agreed. That one night Buffy could’ve very well cheated on him after receiving the information that she did from Toby whose ass he planned to kick next time he went home. "The only thing we can do now is forget that we spent anytime apart at all."
She wrapped her arms around his neck. "I think that that is a wonderful idea," she told him as she nibbled on his ear. To her surprise he stood up and planted her on her feet on the floor. Wondering what he was up to, her curiosity was soon ceased when he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her into his arms.
They’d been dancing for a while when Buffy whispered softly in his ear, "Riley?" She didn’t want to ruin the moment, but she just had to ask him. She couldn’t not ask him because if she didn’t ask him, he wouldn’t do it, now would he?
"Hmm?"
She blew in his ear, smiling as she watched him shudder. "I’m hungry. Can you run to the store and get me some ice cream? An ice cream sundae sounds so good right now," she told him. He kissed her forehead softly then ran for the door without another word. Buffy curled on the sofa and soon, sleep overtook her.
Sunnydale, 2000
After leaving the apartment, Willow and Buffy made their way downtown as Buffy explained to Willow who she really was. Two hours, six marriages, nine kids and one pretend affair later, Buffy and Willow wound up at the beach where they now sat in an awkward silence.
"So, an affair?" Willow repeated what Buffy had just told her, unable to believe what her best friend had been doing to the guy that she had loved for almost an entire decade. Of course, she could never understand the workings of Buffy’s mind. Nobody could understand what went through her head.
Buffy nodded. "Is your marriage that bad?" she couldn’t help but ask. She’d thought that when Buffy got married…no, *if* Buffy got married that the Slayer would live happily ever after. And now knowing that Buffy would be married to Riley she was sure that they would be happy…or she had been. Up until Buffy explained where and when her marriage went wrong.
Buffy looked from her best friend to the descending sun. The sky was sparked with beautiful yellows, oranges, violets, pinks and blues as the sun set and she couldn’t help but wish that she were with Riley. She remembered nights after they’d put the twins to bed how they’d climb up on the roof of their house and watch the sun set. She remembered the first night they’d done it.
She was sitting in the living room, curled on the sofa in a warm blanket, dressed in her p.j.’s, intent upon reading her novel. She had been so wrapped up in it that she’d forgotten that Riley was home. Of course, when Riley plunkered down beside her on the sofa, she remembered that he was.
"Whatcha reading?" he’d asked innocently.
Without looking up from her book she said, "A book." She smiled; knowing that Riley was trying to bite his tongue so as not to give her a lame comeback. Figuring that he would leave her alone, her attention focused more on the book as she read. She’d just reached a steamy love scene when she realized that not only was her husband still sitting beside her, but that his hand was beneath the blanket, grazing up her leg.
"What do you think you’re doing?" she asked him. "You’re bothering me…stop it." But he didn’t stop and she made no further attempts to stop him. Now when he was flush on top of her, pulling her book from her grasp, he got her full attention. "You know, for a normally considerate husband, tonight you aren’t."
"Is that so?" he asked huskily as he buried his head in the crook of her neck, kissing and nibbling.
"Um-hmm. I was…was trying to read my book and then you…" she trailed off when he started unbuttoning the first few buttons of her silk camisole. She swallowed hard as he continued to unbutton. He must’ve known that she wanted him for he looked up at her and plundered her mouth with his, his hands moving from her camisole to run through her hair.
Pulling away, he said, "There’s something I want to show you. And I have to show you right away because it’s about to go down."
Cocking an eyebrow at him, she played along knowing *exactly* what he was talking about. So she’d let him pull her up and lead her upstairs. Of course, confusion set in when he bypassed the bed for the window. He pulled her out much to her protests.
"Would you just sit down and shut up? Now stay right here. I can see you’re cold and it’s a little chilly out here so I am going get a blanket. Be right back," he’d told her. She watched as he climbed back through the window into the bedroom. He wasn’t gone all that long. In a matter of minutes he was sitting down beside her on the roof, wrapping a blanket around her, then pulling her into his arms.
"So, what’s this all about?" she asked leaning her head against his shoulder.
He kissed the top of her head, then said, "Just watch, Miss Impatient." So, she’d watched and watching the sunset with Riley’s arms around her had been one moment of sheer bliss. Well, you know, considering that a bed and nakedness wasn’t involved.
"Riley, it’s beautiful," she’d told him. "I’ve never sat down and watched the sunset…or the sunrise for that matter. What made you think to do this?" she asked him, resting her hand on his knee.
"Well, I talked to Stephanie earlier and she said that to be closer to me, she went on the backporch night before last and just watched the sunset. When I lived at home, we used to do that, just the two of us. We would sit on the porch swing, reminisce about our days as we watched the sun descend beyond the trees. I wanted to share that with you."
She turned her chin towards his, lifting it so that her lips met with his. The sun had done set and now the sky was dark and the first few stars were now twinkling. "In times like these, I realize why it is that I love you."
He smiled down at her, seeing that familiar twinkle in her eyes. "Let’s go inside, huh?" He stood up, holding his hand out to her. She climbed back through the window first and worked quickly so that by the time Riley was back inside she was standing naked before him. She took his hand and led him to the bed where she quickly divested him of all of his clothing.
Their lovemaking that night wasn’t quick or hurried. They took their time, keep their thrusts and strokes short and fluid. Every other time they’d made love they’d done it hurriedly in haste that the twins would wake and disturb them, but that night they knew that rushing things wouldn’t serve purpose.
She sighed deeply, remembering all those intimate moments between her and Riley. So many nights of waiting for him to return from work just to be able to spend time with him. After being away from him all day what with him teaching during the day and patrolling at night and she working at the hospital and doing her mom duties, they hardly had any time to spend together. The weekends were another story entirely.
So, whenever one was back late, the other didn’t go to sleep until they got home. That had always been a rule between she and Riley. Never go to bed without the other being home; and they always stuck by it. She remembered several nights that she’d stayed up until the wee hours of the morning waiting for Riley to get home. Usually, he’d get home battered and bruised from a run in with a vampire or demon. But, she had to admit that even though worrying about Riley and seeing his injuries, that cleaning him up was the fun part.
"I’m fine, Buffy. You don’t have to…Dammit!" he complained when she touched alcohol to his gash. "Why couldn’t you warn me before you did that?" he asked her, groaning at the stinging.
"You are such a big baby, Riley. I just don’t want this getting infected. I’m almost finished," she told him as she started blowing on the gash, catching Riley staring down at her a mischievous grin on his lips. He’d sauntered through the door at four o’clock that morning, informing her of a run in with the latest big bad vamp in town, Laurel. And apparently that night, Laurel had attacked with about a dozen friends of hers, leaving Riley a tattered piece of a man.
He threw his head back against the back of the sofa, Buffy’s nails digging into his thighs, her breath doing things to his chest and his libido that he so didn’t want to think about at that moment. Seeing her wrinkled forehead, he knew that she was in deep thought so he cut off any questions of hers with a simple explanation. "My gun went kaplewey just as I got her in shooting range and the demons all sprung on me at once, in case you were wondering."
She smiled up at him as she reached into the first aid kit for a bandage. "You know, it’s kinda sad," she told him.
"How do you mean?"
"Well, you’re supposed to be a man, right? You should be able to kick demon ass and I shouldn’t have to be mommying you. Our children don’t even get hurt as often as you do," she said, yelping as Riley grabbed her by her arms throwing her on the sofa beside him.
Brushing her blonde hair from her face, he hovered over her, staring into her eyes briefly before he leaned down so that his mouth was next to her ear. He blew softly, smiling as he felt her shudder. "I am a man," he said gruffly. "Besides I’m not a fighter, I’m a," he paused, his hand reaching into her pajama bottoms to touch her sex. "Lover."
She whimpered as she felt him stroke her clit. "Riley…" she said as she tried to move away from him. Yet everytime that she did, his strokes became more torturous. Finally she just remained still, arching up to meet his hand. When he pulled off her bottoms and her panties, she sat up. "No, Riley, we can’t do this."
His eyes clouded. "Why?"
She touched her fingertips to his lips softly. "Because you’re hurt, that’s why. You can’t do this when you’re…" she stopped suddenly when she saw his normally clear blue eyes turn a scary shade of dark blue, though, his smile softened them.
"Buffy, I’m hurt, not impotent. And right now I want to make love to my wife and you know if you want to object, I just may have to find myself another wife," he said jokingly.
She smiled slyly as her hands fumbled with his fly. "Well, see, then, you’d have two wives because I don’t believe in divorce and if memory serves me right, neither do you," she reminded him as she eased down the zipper.
"Oh. Yeah. Right. I forgot about that. So, um, what do we do?" he asked her, watching as she lifted her tank top over her head, her beautiful breasts tumbling free from their confines.
Grasping him by the back of the neck, she lowered his head to meet hers. "You make love to your wife."}}
Lost in her own memories, Buffy barely registered that Willow was talking to her. She didn’t snap out of her reverie until she caught the tailend of Willow’s speech. "…and I just can’t believe that you’re doing this to him. I mean, I may not be the Willow from your world, but I know you and Riley well enough…I think, to know that you two love each other."
"Willow, you have to understand…it’s complicated. You don’t live in our world. You don’t know Riley and I. We’ve changed over the years and I just can’t come back and change everything. I won’t do that. I am just getting things the way I want them, I am not going to fuck it up for anything."
Willow jumped up from her spot in the sand. "Okay, fine, Buffy, be stupid. It’s your marriage. You promised to love and cherish him until death and you know, I don’t see either one of you on your deathbeds." Not really wanting to give someone older than her love advice, she started back towards the house, leaving Buffy sitting by herself.
Graham, Riley, and Xander were sitting in the living room, sipping beers when Willow burst through the door. "Hey Willow!" the three guys greeted her as she walked past them.
"Oh, go blow yourselves!" she yelled at them as she ran down the hall to her room, slamming her bedroom door closed.
The three guys exchanged looks. "Okay, we are all agreed that she’s mad and that we can’t do that ourselves, right?" Xander asked the other two men who were watching the door, waiting for Buffy to walk breezily through it, but she didn’t.
Graham and Riley nodded as Willow walked out of bedroom. She stopped between Graham and Riley, hitting both upside the head. "Ow! What was that for?" they asked her.
She looked down at her boyfriend. "That’s for moving me to Mississippi away from all of my friends," she told him, then turning to Riley said, "That’s for…I don’t know what that is for quite yet, but it has something to do with your marriage." She turned on her heel, then walked back toward her bedroom. Remembering why it was that she was mad at him, she walked back to him, pulling him to his feet by his ear.
"Ow! Ow! Ow!" he said as Willow led him into the kitchen, making him sit down in a chair.
Before Riley could open his mouth to speak, Willow sat down in front of him and seeing her resolve face, he was sure he knew what was on its way. "When Buffy was telling me everything that happened in your marriage the one thing that sticks out in my mind is the fact that you left her by herself with two small children and one in her womb to go to Huxley."
Riley held up his hand, "But…"
"No, I am speaking and you will listen!" He clamped his mouth shut. "How could you leave her alone, Riley? I thought you had more sense than that. And you could’ve at least, told her to stay in Sunnydale. Instead, she went to San Francisco and she wound up losing the baby. Now she’s not sure she’ll ever be able to have anymore kids…" Willow said, then seeing the look on Riley’s face, quickly added, "Oops!" sheepishly.
Riley held Willow’s gaze for a long time, letting the information sink in. He then jumped out of his chair and started pacing the floor just as Graham and Xander entered the kitchen. "She might not be able to…" he trailed off, looking up at Willow. "She told you that?" Willow nodded. "Why would she keep something like this from me? I mean, I know that she was taking the miscarriage bad and then…" It all clicked in that moment. "…now, for some reason, this all makes sense."
"What makes sense, Riley?" Graham asked him. Riley had told them what their future lives held and both guys were just happy that they were still alive. Xander wasn’t too thrilled that his wife and child spent their days with ‘Dead Boy", but he was more shocked that he’d gotten married in Vegas and that Spike had married a Showgirl.
He ran a shaky hand through his hair. "Everything, Graham," he told his best friend, then turning to Willow asked, "Where is she?"
"I left her down at the beach. She told me some stuff that didn’t sit too well with me so I just left her there."
Riley’s eyes widened. "You just left her? Willow, how could you do that?!" he asked her.
"Riley, Buffy is a big girl. She *is* the Slayer after all. She can take care of herself," Willow said, yawning. "You know, I’m tired, I’m gonna head to bed. I’ll talk to you guys in the morning and we can try to figure out how you and Buffy got here and just where the other Buffy and Riley went."
Graham moved around the table to heed her getaway. "Going to bed so soon?" Graham asked her, wrapping his arms around her tiny little waist. He wouldn’t tell Willow to her face, but he was doing cartwheels inside knowing that she was the one that he’d be with for the rest of his life and, knowing Willow, it was probably freaking her out.
She nodded, yawning again. "A lot of new information to take in, I have to digest it all. Are you sleeping here tonight or you going back to your place?"
"Do you want me to stay?"
"When don’t I?" she asked him, kissing him softly. "I’ll see you when you come to bed and make sure you wake me up," she said with a wink before disappearing down the hallway.
Xander quickly made his exit since Riley became nervous boyfriend guy and Graham headed to Willow’s room to join her, but Riley was too worried about Buffy. He grabbed a beer, turned off all the lights in the living room, and then headed outside toward the pool to wait for his wife. He planned on confronting her about this little tidbit of information. At least now he had every bit of reason to be infuriated at her.
Sunnydale, 2007
Unable to sleep, Graham kicked back the coverlet and hopped out of bed, feeling around the floor for his jeans. Quickly pulling them on, he threw open the doors that led out onto the balcony and walked into the crisp night air.
As he leaned against the railing, he went through the if-only song and dance. If only I hadn’t taken the job in Mississippi. If only I had asked for the transfer sooner. If only they’d stuck around. If only, if only, if only.
The best times of his life were spent with Buffy and Riley and of course, Willow. He couldn’t forget about her. But before her, there was Buffy. He may have been just a jealousy tag for her to get to Riley, but he’d carried a torch for the petite blonde for the longest time and now she was like a sister to him.
He walked back inside the room, closing the doors behind him. He pulled on a shirt and his shoes, grabbed his wallet and keys and headed for the door. He’d just opened it when Willow sat up. "Graham?" she called out softly. "Where are you going?" she asked sleepily.
"For a drive. Go back to sleep." He watched as she fell back against the pillows before he headed out of the hotel room. Since that night he’d seen Buffy destroy a family picture and don a bottle of wine, he’d been worrying.
He pressed the button of the elevator watching as a couple whom, to him, resembled Buffy and Riley, stepped off the elevator. They smiled at him through their haze of devoted kisses and whispered sweet nothings. Stepping inside the elevator he pressed the button for the first floor.
Watching as the doors closed in front of him, he remembered when he and Willow had left for Mississippi. Buffy and Riley had acted exactly like that couple. He wondered what could’ve gone so wrong. What could’ve happened between a couple that was so much in love; whose marriage was so solid, that tore them apart?
The only way to find all of this out was to make his presence in Sunnydale known. Then, stepping off the elevator, he spied what time it was. Groaning, he realized that Buffy was more than likely in bed. Oh, well, it wouldn’t hurt him to go for a drive around and maybe drive by her house at least.
Heading down Main Street, his stomach grumbled. He parked the car in front of one of the grocery stores and hopped out. If he were going to stake out Buffy and Riley’s house, it wouldn’t hurt to have a pint of ice cream and a Playboy.
Sunnydale, 2000
Why did Willow always have to be right? In either world, she always wound up being right about everything. Willow didn’t need to remind her that she still loved Riley. She knew that. Every part of her knew that, but she felt that this was the best way for all of it to end. They all needed a fresh start. At least with Riley gone, she could raise her children in a peaceful environment. If he stayed with her there would only wind up being tension since she wouldn’t be able to give him what he wanted.
She couldn’t make love to him. It wasn’t that she couldn’t…it was that she wouldn’t. Doing so would drudge up so many memories: Memories of the baby that had been taken from them, memories of the last time they’d made love after she’d told him that she was pregnant, and remembering how good being with Riley was. Plus, add that to the fact that she’d been lying to him…
But it wasn’t just her affair that she’d been lying about. After the miscarriage, the doctor had informed her that there was a chance that she wouldn’t be able to have anymore children. This information she had decided to keep from Riley. Why should he ever have to know? It was her body. She would be the one carrying the baby if she happened to get pregnant, but with every passing day she knew in her gut that their chances for a big, happy family were all gone.
That’s why she had to get him to leave. Besides, she knew that if he found out that there was a chance that she couldn’t have any more children, that he would stick by her side from sympathy and remind her that there were so many other options. She knew Riley…a little too well at times.
Walking back towards the apartment, she wondered if she’d made a mistake. She knew that if they really tried they could work out their problems. Correction, if *she* tried, they could. But she hadn’t tried. She had thrown in the towel and to hell with it. Seven years of marriage, two beautiful children, and eight years of being hopelessly in love with a wonderful man and suddenly she was at the breaking point. In a matter of a year, her life had begun falling apart and there was nothing that she could do to stop it. Well, it could be helped if only she’d been truthful with Riley and let him help her through the trauma of losing their baby.
Instead, though, she pushed him away. For those few months after the miscarriage, everything hurt. It hurt to look at her children, at her husband and at herself. It hurt to look at herself because she knew that she was responsible, fully, for losing her child. If only she had accepted her mom and Giles’ hospitality to stay one more night.
Why couldn’t she have just stayed? If she had then she’d have a new baby right about now and her marriage wouldn’t be on the terms that it was. She sighed deeply as she let herself through the gate. Looking at the darkened apartment, she reasoned that everyone must be in bed already.
As she slid open the sliding glass door that led in from the patio, a light flipped on. Riley sat on the sofa, a beer in his hand. "Where have you been?" She realized that something was wrong right away for he only drunk when he had something on his mind and when he was mad at her.
She closed the door behind her, but stayed where she was. "I’ve been walking around Sunnydale. I had some things to think about," she told him. As she was about to open her mouth to ask him what was wrong, he bolted off the sofa and began pacing the floor in front of her.
"How could you not tell me, Buffy? I just don’t understand. How could you keep something this important from me? I honestly don’t know what the hell is going on in your head anymore," he said, keeping his back to her.
Buffy moved from the door, walking to him. She laid a hand gently on his shoulder, willing him around. Immediately, she saw the tears in his eyes. "Riley, what’s wrong? I don’t understand. What’s happened?" she asked worriedly. She reached up to wipe his tears away, but he grabbed her wrists, using them to pull her against him.
"The baby, Buffy. Why didn’t you tell me that you might not be able to have anymore children? I’m your husband, dammit. I should’ve known about this." He let her go, walking across the room to distance himself from her. "Did you keep this information from me because the baby wasn’t mine or…what? You loved me at one time, Buffy," he voice softened, "at one time, I would be the one you’d run to when you were upset. I was the one who wiped away your tears. I used to be the one that made love to you."
He knew. A part of her breathed a sigh of relief, but the rest of her wished that he had stayed in the dark. She just wished that she would've been able to be the one to tell him. "I know I should’ve told you, but you really had no right to know."
He spun around quickly. "I didn’t? I thought, no, you made me think that that baby was mine, Buffy. I had every Goddamn right to know. Just because you’re a cold-hearted bitch doesn’t mean I’m cold hearted too. Just because you don’t love me anymore, doesn’t mean I don’t love you, but, despite what I’ve learned in the past week about you, I don’t even know you who are. You’re certainly not the girl that I fell in love with."
He had every right to be mad at her and she couldn’t blame him for being mad. She knew exactly where he’d gotten his information, too. Willow had been the only one that she’d told; she must’ve let it slip on accident. But she couldn’t be mad with Willow. It was all her fault anyway. Everything was.
She shook her head. "No, Riley, I’m not that bubbly little college freshman anymore. I’ve grown up. I’ve realized that the world has more to offer. More to offer than you and your farmboy beliefs do." Buffy fell onto the sofa. She knew that she had to say it, but she didn’t really want to. But if she said it, it was guaranteed that Riley would be out of her life. She took a deep breath and let the words roll off her tongue. "Besides, Riley, you have no right to be angry because the baby wasn’t yours."
They both remained silent for a few moments. "I can’t be here any longer. Graham said that I have an apartment on the East Side of town near the beach so I am going crash there for the night," he said, heading for the door.
Buffy sprung off the sofa, heeding his get away. "Don’t leave. Please." She didn’t know what the hell she was doing, but she knew that she couldn’t let him get away. If he left, he may never come back. Looking into his blue eyes, she realized how upset he was. "I would like it if you stayed here. You’re my only link to our world and I’d feel safer if you were here. Please, Riley…please stay with me."
She had no right to ask anything of him. He should turn her away like she was turning him away, but he couldn’t. He could never deny her anything that she requested of him. He let his defenses down, nodding. He pointed to the sofa. "I’ll just bunk in here for tonight at least."
She shook her head, letting out a deep jagged breath. "No, Riley. I was hoping that you’d sleep *with* me." She watched as his eyes clouded. "Nothing will happen, I promise. Tonight is our first night here and I just don’t want to stay by myself. I know that it’s selfish considering everything that has happened, but please consider it. I’m going to bed."
She’d just changed into her pajamas when she heard a soft knock at the door. Taking a deep breath, she walked to the door, throwing it open to find Riley standing behind it. She stepped back so that he could walk past her. "I’m going brush my teeth and stuff so, um, you can change or something." She smiled at him, then headed into the bathroom.
When she got out, Riley was standing in his boxers folding his jeans. She watched as he draped them over a chair. He looked up at her and smiled. Together they turned down the sheets, then climbed into bed. Buffy turned on her side, her back to Riley and fell asleep softly sobbing.
Sunnydale, 2000
Riley had tried his best to go to sleep, but lying beside her was distracting. When they’d first gotten in bed and tried to sleep, he’d closed his eyes, willing it to come. But he’d been pulled awake when he heard Buffy crying. He wanted to cradle her in his arms and tell her to stop crying like he used to do, but he didn’t against his better judgement. Now, though she was sleeping peacefully.
He turned on his side, propping himself up on one of his elbows, letting his fingers dangle in her hair. He couldn’t help but wonder that if this meant…something. He wouldn’t jump to any conclusions, assuming that Buffy wanted a reconciliation, but he knew that it had to mean something.
She turned over, slinging a leg over his, wrapping an arm around his waist. She pressed her head against his chest and he couldn’t help but wrap an arm around her. He sat up, staring out the window, thinking about the twins. They were probably asleep at that moment. He wondered if they were okay. He sure hoped that they were.
Though, he was more worried about the woman in his arms. She was hurting; that much he was sure of. But about what? Over him? Nah, that couldn’t possibly be it. She’d assured him that he wasn’t the one that she wanted anymore. She wanted him out of her life. She probably just missed Logan and Kennedy. If he did, he knew that she had to be missing them also, if not more.
"Besides, Riley, you have no right to be angry because the baby wasn’t yours." Closing his eyes that statement rung in his ears like the church bell on Sunday morning. Could the baby not have been his? Was it even possible? If there hadn’t been a miscarriage, would he be raising a child that wasn’t his? Would he and Buffy still be living a lie? With these thoughts fresh in his mind, Riley sunk back against the pillows and fell asleep.
Buffy woke once again in the safety and warmth of Riley’s arms. She could feel his fingers grazing along the bare skin of her back and she immediately sprung up, fully awake. "You okay?" Riley asked, worriedly, sitting up.
She nodded her head vehemently. "Oh, yeah, fine, but a little shaken up from a dream. I’ll be fine. I’m sure. I gotta…um, get dressed now." She bolted out of the bed and down the hall to the bathroom.
While Buffy was gone, Riley slid out of bed and got dressed. Walking into the kitchen, sans shirt, he grabbed the bottle of orange juice from the refrigerator, pouring himself a glass, then joined Graham at the table where he was reading the morning paper.
"Willow has a yen to build a fire so she wants us to get some firewood and chop it. I called around this morning and there’s some up in L.A. Some guy just chopped down about a dozen trees from his backyard and he’s selling the wood. So, you wanna ride along?"
He needed to get away anyway. He needed a long drive to clear his head about everything anyway. "Yeah, sure. So, where’s Willow this morning, anyway?" he asked, noticing that the bubbly yet dangerous redhead was nowhere to be seen that morning.
Graham sat back in his chair, smiling. Riley knew what that smile was all about. Graham had often told him to wipe that smile from his face when he’d roll out of bed after a sex romp with Buffy. So, Graham’s smirk only meant one thing: somebody had gotten lucky last night. It surely hadn’t been him, but he’d kinda gotten used to not having sex.
"Well, there was an emergency at Giles’ so she had to run over there." Seeing the concerned look on Riley’s face, he quickly added, "It’s nothing serious. Giles just lost a few of his books. He thinks that Spike took off with them."
In each world, Spike managed to confuse the hell out of him, no matter what he did or didn’t do. "Spike’s a klepto now?"
Graham laughed, nodding his head. "Sorta. He goes to Giles’ to bunk or hide out from a demon that’s hunting his ass because he killed its mate and winds up kleptoing some of Giles’ stuff. He’s a vampire. You can’t expect much less." Graham sat forward. "So, you and Buffy…? How’d things go? I know you two slept together. Does that mean that things between you are cool now?"
Riley shook his head. "Cool is not how I’d describe things between Buffy and I. We slept together, yes, but only because Buffy begged me not to leave. She said that I was her only link to our world and that she’d feel safer if I stayed with her, so I did. But before that…I don’t think things could get much worse," he finished as Buffy emerged from the bathroom in a black silk robe, toweling her hair.
She leaned down kissing Graham lightly on the cheek. "Morning." She sat down in a chair beside him, taking a sip from his coffee cup, making a face. "Geez, Graham, sweet much. Did you pour the *entire* sugar bowl in there?" she asked him, getting up to fix her own cup.
He laughed. "No, but I like my coffee like I like my women…sweet." He looked at his watch. "Ooh, Riley, we better get on the road," Graham announced, pushing back his chair.
Buffy turned around, fresh cup of coffee in hand looking at the two men. "Where are you guys off to?" she asked, watching as Riley pulled on a t-shirt.
Buffy took her eyes from Riley as Graham filled her in on what Willow wanted and why they had to go to L.A. to get it. "Are you going to be okay here all by yourself?" Graham asked her.
She nodded, pushing them toward the door. "I’m gonna put on a bikini, slick on some baby oil and try to get myself a tan."
Graham spun around. "The wood can wait, this sounds more entertaining." Buffy gave him a look, then pointed to the door. "We’ll be back later." She watched as they jumped into Graham’s truck, then she closed the door and headed back to her bedroom to get ready to go sunbathing.
Sunnydale, 2007
With Riley still asleep beside her, Buffy slipped out of bed and out of the bedroom quietly. Downstairs she found the twins, lying on the floor, heads propped up on their elbows, consistently enthralled in the television. "Morning, guys," she whispered.
They turned around, smiles brightening their faces. "Mom!" they both yelled, running to her. She bent down to catch them as they flew into her arms, hugging her tightly. She kissed each lightly on the cheek, then asked what they had been watching. Logan had simply said, "Scooby Doo."
"That’s my favorite, too," she told them. They cocked their heads to the side, staring at her. Then, they looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders.
"What?" she asked them, turning on her heel and heading into the kitchen.
"You told us that you liked the Smurfs."
Uh-Oh! She hadn’t realized that there was a possibility that her tastes had changed over the years and clearly they had. Scooby Doo had been her favorite show since she was younger, though she’d watched the Smurfs also. "Oh, yeah, that’s right. Mommy forgets things sometimes."
"Are you making breakfast, Mom?" Logan asked her.
Buffy threw open the refrigerator, taking in what they had. "I don’t know. Are you guys hungry?" she asked as her stomach started growling. The twins must’ve heard for they exploded into a fit of giggles. "Well, I guess Mommy’s hungry," she said, joining their laughter.
Suddenly, the phone rang. Before she could get to it, Kennedy grabbed it off the table. "Hello?" she listened for a few seconds, then she giggled. "Yeah, Mommy’s right here. Okay." She held the phone out to Buffy. "It’s Uncle Spike."
Uncle Spike? Buffy took the phone from her, watching as the twins ran into the living room. "Hello?"
"Hey, Sunshine. How ya doing this morning?"
She found it weird that Spike was still alive in this world. But maybe he’d be able to help her out since she didn’t know where the rest of the gang was. "Hey Spike. I’m fine."
"Oh, well, that’s good. I thought that maybe you’d be barely hanging in considering everything."
"Everything?" she repeated.
"Well, the affair and the miscarriage and Riley leaving you. We’ve all been worried about you. Especially Emmy. She called here wondering if anything had happened to you since you didn’t go to work yesterday."
"Emmy?"
"Slayer are you okay? You don’t seem yourself today. Do you want me to go over there?" he asked her.
"How’s that possible, Spike? You’re a vampire. You know you’ll combust if you walk out in broad daylight. Tell you what I’ll go see you. I think you could shed light on a few things for me."
"Okay. Light on what?"
"Try everything. You’ll understand when I get there…where do you live again?" Spike hurriedly gave her the address, then hung up after telling her it was anxiety over what she’d done to Riley. Holding the slip of paper where she’d written down Spike’s address close to her chest, she asked, "What did I do to Riley?"
"Well, for one you left him all alone in bed so I’d say that wasn’t a very good thing," Riley said from behind her.
She spun around, smiling, wrapping her arms around Riley’s neck. "Oh, I’m sorry, but you just looked so peaceful. I didn’t want to wake you." She kissed him lightly on the lips, then patting him on the chest said, "We need to get dressed. I talked to Spike this morning he said a few things that kinda tweaked my interest and I think he could give us insight to what has been going on in our lives here."
Perturbed he asked, "What kind of things did Spike say that has you so curious?" Riley asked her, wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her tighter against him, getting an immediate reaction from his libido.
Buffy smiled up at him. "I see I’m not the only curious person here this morning," she said, winking at him. She watched as he blushed. "Come on, let’s deal with Spike now and we’ll deal with…um, *that* later." She grabbed his hand, leading him out of the kitchen.
Sunnydale, 2000
"So, Graham and I have been planning this getaway for a few months now and we just have to go or else we’ll lose all the money that we put into it. You don’t mind, do you?" Willow asked Buffy, placing more vegetables on the countertop for her to slice.
Buffy turned around to look at Willow. "Of course not. I know how excited you’ve been for it and I’m sure Buffy wouldn’t want you to miss it on account of this little world switching fiasco."
Willow smiled to herself, but something else was nagging at her. "What about Riley?" she asked Buffy. She knew that they had slept together the night before. She’d been ecstatic when Graham had told her that. But when he told her that they were still on bad terms, she had told him that maybe taking their trip wasn’t fitting.
Of course, he’d immediately said that they were adults and that they could take care of themselves and their problems. She’d told him that she’d talk it over with Buffy before she made any decisions.
Buffy swallowed. "What about Riley, Will?" she asked. If Willow and Graham left to go to Mexico then that meant that she and Riley would be all alone for a few days. On one hand, it was good; she’d wanted to be alone with Riley for a long time, but on the other hand, it was terrible. No telling what she would find herself doing.
"Well, you know, if we leave, you two will be alone for a few days. Giles is trying to figure out the source of the switch, but that could take days so no telling how long you guys will be stuck in this world. He said he’s never heard anything about this, but he’s importing some books from England and the Pekinese about alternate projection and alternate universes, which will take a few days to get. Until then you guys are stuck here living la vida loca," she said, laughing softly.
"I may not have my children, but at least I get to see you and Graham again," she said, sadly. Logan and Kennedy had been fresh in her mind since the previous morning when she realized that she wasn’t in her own home or in her own time. Every child that she saw made her miss hers all the much more.
Chancing a look up, her eyes focused on the sight. He raised his arms, grasping the ax tightly, then let it fall once more, contacting the wood, splintering it in two, sending wood flying in two separate directions. But that wasn’t what she was so mesmerized by. It was the rippling muscles in his back and arms. It was his sweat glistened chest. It was the way his blonde hair sparkled in the sun.
There was no doubt in her mind that he was gorgeous. There’d never been a doubt in her mind about that. She watched as he dropped the ax, wiping his brow with the back of his arm. When he looked toward the window, she quickly looked down, not wanting him to catch her staring at him.
A few moments later, she looked up to find that he had started chopping again. Enthralled by him, she didn’t pay as much attention to the cucumbers that she’s slicing and wound up, slashing her finger with the knife. "Oh, God, Buffy, how’d you do that?" Willow asked, dragging her to the sink.
She smiled as Willow ran cold water over her finger. "Willow, I’m fine. I guess I just spaced out for a few seconds." Willow then led her to a chair, instructing her to sit down so that she could apply antiseptic and a bandage.
After that was done, Willow shoved a pitcher of tea into her hands, telling her to bring it outside to the guys while she finished lunch. Buffy complied, knowing that arguing with Willow was out of the question.
The moment she stepped outside, the guys stopped their work. She set the pitcher down on the table. Picking up a towel, she walked to Riley, and began wiping the sweat off his brow then his chest. "It’s hot out here, isn’t it?" she asked him as casually as she could muster. He nodded. "I brought you guys some tea. Are you thirsty? Can you take a break?" she asked them.
Sensing that they needed time alone Graham went inside, saying that he was going help Willow with lunch, leaving them by themselves. Riley followed Buffy to the patio table, then sat down across from her. She poured him a glass, handing it to him, then poured herself one as well. She was the first to speak. "Look, Riley, about last night…" she started to say.
He held up his hand. "No, Buffy. Don’t. Last night was…well, it was an awakening for me. In more ways than one. I realized that I haven’t had your heart for a long time. If the baby wasn’t mine then that meant that somewhere before this year, things between us went horribly wrong and it wasn’t even due to your pregnancy. It was something else. I just wished I knew what."
She sighed, reaching across the table to take his hand and was taken aback when he cowered back. She sat back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest. "I wish I could tell you where exactly our marriage went wrong, Riley. I wish I could give you the answers you’re looking for, but I can’t. I don’t really know."
He nodded. "Buffy, I came to a few decisions last night and this morning when I went with Graham. I was lying awake and I realized something: Our marriage really is over. Let’s admit it. We haven’t been happy for a long time. We married young and I just think that we mistook lust for love. The only good thing that came out of this was Logan and Kennedy so I won’t say that this marriage was a total waste of the last seven years. But it’s over. I accept it."
"I’m giving you what you want…I’m stepping back and letting you go, however much it still hurts. So, you’re free to be with Bryant or whomever the hell you want. I won’t put up a fight."
He took a deep breath, noticing that she was keeping silent so he went on. "This morning in L.A. I saw fathers with their children; flanked by no mothers. I never thought of raising my children alone. I always planned to have their mother with me, living in the same house. All that stuff that my parents brought me up to believe marriage and commitment was all about, I wanted it to go that way. I never wanted to divorce and it looks as if I’ll be hitting my second one." He couldn’t help but laugh. "It’s funny if you think about it. The two women that I let myself love betrayed me in the same way. I hate to say it, but you’re exactly like Randa, Buffy. I never thought I’d say it, but you’re exactly like her."
Willow poked her head out the door. "Lunch is ready guys. Come now or you’ll be eating it cold." Riley stood up immediately, leaving Buffy sitting by herself. Riley brushed past Willow into the house going to meet Graham, but Willow sat down in front of Buffy, yet her best friend barely seemed to notice that she was there.
Willow watched as a tear streaked down Buffy’s cheek, so she put her hand on Buffy’s knee. When Buffy looked up at her, her eyes were filled with so much anger, so much hurt; it hurt her to look into them. She pulled Buffy into her arms, letting her sob on her shoulder. "He…he…he said it was over. He said I was just like…*her*. "
Reaching up to wipe away Buffy’s tears, Willow said, "Buffy, maybe you are." She watched as Buffy’s eyes widened. "You both lied to him. You are like her. You made him believe that the baby you were carrying was his, then you told him that it wasn’t. So did she…from what you’ve told me about her. You can’t expect to tell him all these rash, untrue things and expect him to remain unaffected. He’s hurt so he’s lashing out at you. It’s your fault, Buffy."
Realizing how that sounded, she added, "You’re the only one who can fix this. Tell him that you’ve been lying to him. If you do that, you’ll be able to not only save your relationship with him, but also maybe even your marriage. If not for those, do it for your sanity because I know that this is tearing you apart inside pushing him away and lying to him." Willow stood up. "Come on. We need to eat."
Buffy wiped her eyes and stood up. She had to get away. She need to digest everything that Riley had told her and decide if she was going to continue lying to him and let him go or if she was going to come clean. "No, I’m not hungry. You go. I think I’m gonna sit out here for a while and think."
Willow nodded. "Good. Thinking is good. So just sit here and think, then." She walked back into the apartment where the guys were sitting at the kitchen table eating and enjoying animated conversation.
Graham looked up from his food. "Where’s Buffy?" Graham asked when Willow walked in. He could tell that Willow looked a little upset.
Turning around, Willow realized that Buffy had disappeared. "She wasn’t feeling well so she went for a walk."
Cocking an eyebrow at her, he said, "If she wasn’t feeling well, shouldn’t she have come inside and laid down?"
Willow shot him a look and a smile as she passed him and began fixing herself a plate of food. "You two don’t understand women. It’s a woman thing. Sometimes when we don’t feel well, we take a nap. Other times we go for walks."
"Well, you’re an extremely hard gender to unravel, Will," Graham commented as he picked up his beer. "Ain’t that right, Riley?"
"Yep. I’m more experienced with women than you are, Graham, and yet I feel more ignorant of them now more than ever." Riley dropped his fork in his plate. "All of a sudden I’m not hungry." He pushed back his chair, put his plate in the sink, and then headed into the bathroom.
Shedding his clothes, he stepped into the shower, turning the water on to a temperature that he could stand. Laying his hands against the cold tile, he let the warm water pound against his head and back, watching as the water circled the drain. He wished that he could forget his problems or let them drain away like the water.
He wished he could forget the past week, the past year. He wished he could have that entire year back because he would do a lot of things differently. First of all he would’ve spent more time with his wife and his family than at work. Before he and Buffy had gotten married he had promised himself that he would always be there for his wife and his children. But he hadn’t kept that promise. He hadn’t kept any of the promises that he’d made to Buffy.
He’d promised that he’d always be there for her; promised that he’d never let her down. But he’d let her down a few times too many.
{{"But you promised me you’d be there, Riley. We were all counting on you. You couldn’t have told them that you had a former engagement? You couldn’t have kept your promise to me just once?" she’d yelled at him.
He hadn’t wanted to come home and argue with her. Thank God the twins were spending the weekend with Spike. Buffy and he didn’t like to argue when they were around. He had just wanted to come home, hopefully drop the news and have her accept it, but knew that that wouldn’t happen. Not in his lifetime…
"Buffy, I can’t skip out of this. My entire department must be there. Honey, it’s not optional, it’s mandatory," he said, reaching out to touch her, but was surprised when she pulled away, throwing him a pair of angry, disappointed green eyes.
"Don’t ‘honey’ me, Riley. You not only promised me, but you promised my mom and Giles that you would be there. Do you know how much of a fool I am going to look without my husband there? How my mom is going to look? I can’t believe you."
She turned and bolted up the stairs. "Buffy! Buffy, honey, wait!" he’d yelled after her. The bedroom door had slammed shut and he’d realized that he’d truly blown it. He had promised to escort her to her mom’s new gallery’s opening that Saturday, but an immediate conference had come up in Seattle that he had to attend. He hated to disappoint her and Joyce, but he couldn’t tell his supervisors no. If that happened his job would be at risk, then if he lost his job she would be pissed for that, too.
Either way he was shit up a creek. That night he’d slept on the couch so as not to disturb Buffy or piss her off even more. Then, he’d made matters worse by leaving the following morning without telling her goodbye. She had told him when he’d gotten back that the opening had went off without a hitch and that Xander had escorted her. Her mom had been disappointed that he hadn’t been there, but Joyce had been happy to see Xander.
She’d stayed mad at him for a few days, but after some coaxing on his part with ice cream, a cheesy romantic movie, and a full body massage, their reconciliation had gone rather well. Though, she had put off putting out for a few weeks just to prove to him that she wasn’t that forgiving.}}
He smiled, remembering that Buffy always knew how to punish him and that was usually with sex. That was the only bad thing about their arguments and fights. The making up usually took a while. But the majority of the time she made it worth his while. Despite what he’d told her, being married to her was the best time of his life. He loved her with every part of him and it hurt to let her go, but that was what she wanted and he always gave her what she wanted.
Maybe them divorcing was for the best. He wouldn’t be such a disappointment to her anymore and she could find someone that would fulfill the promises he made. He shampooed his hair, washed then rinsed his body then stepped from the shower. He wrapped a towel around his waist then stared back at himself in the mirror. His reflection was foggy from the moisture that covered the mirror so he wiped it away and his eyes fell upon the man that Buffy had once loved.
Throwing open the door, he heard Buffy’s voice in the living room. "No, I was just walking around and he was just standing there. I couldn’t leave him there so I brought him down to the police station. He was just so precious, guys. You wouldn’t believe. It makes me yearn to have another child…" she finished, her voice softening as she spotted Riley standing there.
She took a deep breath and managed to squeak out a hi, hoping and praying that he hadn’t heard that last part. Willow and Graham stood up simultaneously. "We have plans so we’re gonna get gone," Willow told them.
"Plans? What kind of plans?" Buffy asked, following them toward the door, flanked by a towel clad Riley.
"We’re heading up to L.A. Graham got us reservations at one of the exclusive restaurants and I don’t want to miss this. It’s one of those elegant things, you know. He’s even taking me to buy a new dress. You don’t mind, do you?" Willow asked Buffy.
Buffy shook her head as she hugged Willow. "No. Go have fun. I’ll be fine…we’ll be fine," she said, managing to shoo them out of the door without another word. She turned to Riley who was still standing in his towel, smirking at her, no less. "Well, it looks like we’ll be stuck by ourselves for the remainder of the day," she pointed out.
Riley nodded. "Looks that way. Are you going to be able to handle it?" he asked her, watching the way she kept avoiding eye contact with him. "Buffy, are you all right?" he asked her.
She nodded her head emphatically. "Of course, I’m alright. Why wouldn’t I be?" she asked him, walking into the kitchen.
He was directly behind her. "Well, for one you won’t look at me. Why won’t you look at me?" he asked her.
She stopped at the kitchen window, peering outside. "Because you’re…you’re half-naked, Riley. If you’re clothed, that’s one thing, but you’re wearing a towel that could fall off at anytime and I just don’t want to…to…" she stopped suddenly.
"Don’t want to…You don’t want to what, Buffy? What, are you afraid if you look at me that you’ll want me? Is that it?" He turned her around. "Answer me." He stared into her green eyes. "Are you afraid to look at me because you’ll be forced to remember what we had?"
"Had, Riley. Had is the operative word here. We don’t have anything anymore. Remember? You said that earlier. You said that we never had anything. How could we possibly have anything again if there was never anything there in the first place? Tell me that." He was silent. "Yeah, that’s what I thought. I’m going take a shower."
Riley slammed his fist against the counter. "Damn," he cursed. She had a point. He hated when she had a point. But he’d put his foot in mouth at lunch when he’d said that they may have mistaken lust for love when he knew damn well that what they’d had was indeed love. He just wished that he could make Buffy realize what they’d had was love and that they could get it back. They could…or could they?