Him

by Jerry

"Him", written by Drew Greenberg, is a blend of angsty teen melodrama and slapstick comedy that explores the familiar BtVS theme, "love makes you do the wacky", in both it's serious and not-so-serious ramifications.

We open with Xander, Buffy, and Dawn walking into Xander's apartment. "You're going to live in the small room over there", Xander says. "I know it looks like a closet, but it's a room now." He lays out a few more unfriendly ground rules, and we see Spike standing in the doorway. Xander is very unhappy about being asked by Buffy to take Spike in. Buffy reminds Xander that he needs to invite Spike in. "I invite you in - Nimrod". Spike isn't much interested in Xander's sympathy anyway, but he does come in.

Buffy has a new, softer hairstyle, and at least a bit of compassion for Spike. She explains that the basement was making Spike crazy, so she needed to get him out of there. Xander doesn't care. Spike crazy and tortured and away from Buffy is a happy ending in his book. Dawn is concerned also - she's worried that Buffy is getting back into her dysfunctional relationship with Spike. Buffy insists that's not the case, but she points out that Spike has a soul. In her book, that makes him someone she's obligated to care about. Neither Dawn nor Xander share Buffy's faith in the power of the soul - it's a distinction she has her (Angel-related) reasons for believing in, but Xander and Dawn don't see it that way. Buffy wants to believe the best of Spike (because of her soul issues or otherwise), though she still has understandable issues. He approaches her and grabs her arm, and she jumps. Spike doesn't want to be a part of this plan. Buffy optimistically points out that he's only slightly crazy now that he's out of the basement. "I don't need your mollycoddling", Spike objects, not wishing to be an object of Buffy's pity. "It's not coddling", Buffy replies. It is coddling, though, and as she realizes it, she needs to get out of there, not wanting to think about why she cares. "Now go to your closet," she says abruptly, and makes a hasty exit.

The next day, Buffy and Dawn are at school, sitting in the bleachers watching football practice, which isn't a place I'd expect to find them, but is convenient for the story. Dawn wants to know why Buffy is helping Spike, since she says it's not out of pity. Buffy doesn't offer much of an answer, sitting there in her sunglasses sipping soda, and in my eyes looking very much like she did in high school. She admits her feelings for Spike are conflicted. She thinks she should hate him, but she… loves him?, Dawn suggests, and she says no - she feels for him. Dawn points out the obvious, that neither Buffy's behavior towards Spike (professing disgust, but sleeping with him) nor Spike's towards Buffy (professing love, then attacking her) makes any sense. The complexities of love are new to Dawn, and Buffy and Spike's relationship is complex even for those to whom they aren't. Buffy finds herself taking Spike's side, pointing out that Spike understood the wrongness of his actions, and "went away" (to get a soul) in response. Dawn responds that Xander had a soul when he abandoned Anya, who he still claims to love, at the altar. Dawn thinks it's love, not the school basement, that makes people crazy.

Buffy gets up to go, and Dawn remains behind, babbling about the futility of love, and the energy people waste pursuing it. Suddenly, she spies a guy (RJ, we'll later learn is his name), walking off the practice field and donning his varsity jacket. As she watches him go for water in slow motion, there's rising music, and, well, just rising music, but it's clear she's love struck. She strains to follow his progress as he walks across the field, to the point where she eventually falls over. Looks like time for the credits.

Underrated credits moment - the group scream and big 'fraidy runaway from "Tabula Rasa".

After the credits, Buffy is mixing it up with a demon in what turns out to be Anya's apartment. Anya is crawling on the floor, insisting that D'Hoffryn probably wanted the demon to kill some other Anyanka. Buffy dispatches the demon, leaving us to wonder why D'Hoffryn went to so much trouble to not kill Anya last week, only to send assassins after her this week. I guess that will remain a mystery. Anya is grateful that Buffy saved her, but she wants Buffy to go - she's still trying to find herself and isn't ready to come back into the fold. Buffy insists that something bad is looming, and she doesn't want her friends out there alone - apparently Anya has been hastily re-added to the "friends" column. Anya rationalizes that she's needed - "Willow's not good with the practical strategizing... And Dawn - she's not really good for anything."

So of course we cut to Dawn, who's very much full of the teen belief in her own lack of worth. She's trying to work up the courage to approach RJ. RJ is in his element, hobnobbing with his teammates and cheerleader friends, when Dawn approaches. It doesn't help Dawn's cause that she seems to go to a high school where all the other students are 25. Dawn makes awkward small talk with RJ, who's polite, but not especially interested. One of the other guys mentions tryouts for new cheerleaders, as Cheryl (one of the group, who's there on crutches) recently had a vending machine fall on her (ouch, although among Sunnydale mishaps, you could do worse). It's not hard to guess what Dawn's next approach will be.

We see Dawn in the basement, rummaging through boxes of stuff until she finds what she's looking for, and soon we're at cheerleader tryouts. While the other girls are all in workout clothes, Dawn is dressed in Buffy's old cheerleader uniform, from "The Witch". Dawn proceeds to give a painfully awful display of her cheering "prowess", bad even compared to Amy's efforts in the aforementioned episode. The uniform and the episode it was last seen in are no coincidence - just as that one was (at least partly) about Amy's inability to fill her mother's shoes, this one is (at least partly) about Dawn's feelings that she can never measure up to Buffy. At any rate, Dawn's RJ-centric cheer and clumsy non-moves manage to seriously humiliate her, and embarrass the onlooking RJ in the process.

Back at home, Dawn is crying in the bathroom, as Buffy stands outside the door and tries to tell her it's not so bad (although, frankly, it was pretty bad). Dawn says RJ is never going to notice her now. Buffy awkwardly points out that he almost certainly did notice her. Xander appears, and Buffy tells him their video watching plans are probably off. But Xander prefers to hover around and watch Dawn's angst rather than go home to Spike, so he sticks around. Buffy tries to explain to Dawn that it's not so awful - in reality, she barely knows RJ. "I do know him," Dawn explains. "I know his soul". Xander observes that it's the jacket - there's just something about that varsity letter that makes girls crazy. Dawn reiterates how much she loves RJ, and Buffy gets to be on the other side of the all-consuming totality of teen love that we saw so much of from her at Dawn's age. Dawn interprets Buffy's efforts to put things in perspective as mockery, and suggests that Buffy doesn't understand love, given her track record. Drew Greenberg somehow resisted the patented "Get out, get out, get out!" that this scene positively screams for.

The following day, things gradually start to turn from a rather poor episode of "My So-Called Life" into a very funny "Buffy". First, Dawn overhears O'Donnell, (one of RJ's teammates) tell RJ that he has taken away RJ's job as the starting quarterback. Dawn approaches O'Donnell and says he can't do that to RJ. O'Donnell explains that it's a dog eat dog world, and he won the job fair and square. He also takes a dig at Dawn's cheerleading debacle. Dawn responds by pushing him down the stairs, getting RJ his job back and landing Dawn in the principal's office.

In Wood's office along with Buffy, Dawn claims that O'Donnell fell, and that he's blaming her because he's embarrassed by his clumsiness. Wood notes that O'Donnell has lied to him before. He bemoans the need to tell the football coach about O'Donnell's injury. Dawn volunteers that things will be fine, since they still have RJ, which sets off a bit of a red flag to Buffy.

As Dawn leaves, she runs into RJ. He commiserates with her about being in trouble with the principal, as he's apparently been quite a bit himself. "No one expects the Spanish Inquisition", Dawn notes, and is immediately embarrassed by her stab at humor. But RJ is sympathetic - it seems he knows or suspects about Dawn's actions, and he appreciates it. He mentions that he'll be going out after practice, and Dawn might want to meet him. Dawn is ecstatic. Crime pays!

Later, at the Bronze, Buffy is sitting with Xander and Willow, as Xander expounds on the state of Spike (annoying, but increasingly sane). Xander feels a soul should make Spike a more thoughtful roommate who doesn't leave wet towels on the floor. Willow figures it at least makes him feel bad about it. Buffy is grateful that Spike is showering again. She seems to be the only one concerned with Spike's grooming habits.

Staring out on the dance floor, Buffy spies RJ, as always in his varsity jacket, and points out t the others the object of Dawn's affections. Willow observes RJ's skimpily attired, seductively dancing partner. Xander lasciviously notes his approval. As Buffy trashes the "slut-bag hussy", the girl turns, and they all see that it's Dawn (assuming Faith hasn't been switching bodies again). Buffy is stunned speechless, and Xander is troubled about having looked at Dawn that way. Willow is as well, though a bit less obviously.

Xander and Willow leave, and Buffy angrily confronts Dawn. She points out that Dawn lied to her about where she would be, and that she isn't allowed to go out on a date without telling Buffy. "And Anna Nicole Smith thinks you look tacky." Dawn, however, thinks she looks hot, and more importantly to her, so does RJ. I'd lean more towards "tacky", but it's close.

Buffy tries to assert her parental authority, which Dawn objects to, noting that Buffy isn't her mother. "No I'm not, and I am glad she's not here to see you like this", Buffy responds, with what is probably not the most sensitive thing she's ever said. Dawn claims that Buffy is jealous that it's finally Dawn that's getting the attention. "And if that makes me a slut or whatever - I don't care!", she adds, in a very Faith-like tone and delivery.

After Buffy forbids her from going back out to dance, Dawn stalks off alone into the alley behind the Bronze (doesn't she ever watch the show?). She's accosted by one of the other cheerleaders, who wants her to back off from RJ. Dawn responds that it's sad the girl can't accept that she's been dumped. They fight. It turns out Buffy was right when she warned that Dawn's a hair-puller. Buffy shows up to break them up, and gets a swift kick in the shins from the other girl for her troubles. Buffy should, perhaps, be suspecting magic at this juncture, but how do you distinguish unnatural teen-love craziness from the regular kind?

The next day, RJ is in the principal's office, where Wood is chewing him out for getting girls to do his homework for him. Buffy looks on from her cubical disapprovingly. As RJ turns to go, Buffy stops him. He complains about Wood riding his back, and Buffy says he'll think fondly of that when she's done with him (ironic foreshadowing: well, she won't exactly be riding his back...). She doesn't much care who's doing his homework, but she is concerned about the way he treats the girls in the school. RJ notes that he didn't do anything to Dawn, and besides, she looked hot, which makes it okay. Buffy really doesn't want to hear that. As Buffy berates RJ for his easygoing manipulation and sense of entitlement, he slips on his jacket. She turns, and gradually changes her tone. She tries to stay angry with him, but just can't. RJ suddenly realizes she's susceptible to his charms, and he doesn't mind using that. Buffy feels compelled to explain that she's practically his age - "but with the sexual experience and stuff." RJ likes what he's hearing, but they are interrupted, and he leaves. As he goes, we hear the same love theme as when Dawn became smitten, and we see Buffy gaze longingly after him.

That evening, Dawn enters the house to find Buffy waiting. Buffy is very sympathetic and supportive. She explains that she talked to RJ, and RJ seems to like Dawn. Dawn is thrilled. "Tell me every word he said about me, including intonation and facial expressions". She sounds like she's asking for a description of the wildfeed. Buffy gushes about all the good things RJ said, in a way that implies something bad. She tells Dawn that RJ thinks she's coming on too strong, something Dawn is all-too-ready to believe (since it's true, even though RJ doesn't mind it). Buffy explains that the way to go is to hold back and let RJ come to Dawn - with Buffy on her side providing her inside information, she can't lose.

The next day, RJ is sitting indifferently in math class when Buffy, in Catholic schoolgirl-style plaid skirt, interrupts to say she needs him in the guidance office. They don't go to the guidance office, but instead to an empty classroom, where Buffy can put the moves on him. Buffy tries to empathize with his complaints about what a burden football is, but then she cuts to the kissing. He resists, mildly, noting she's like a teacher. Buffy asks if that bothers him. "Not so much." Resume kissing.

Dawn is in the hallway, thinking she can peak in on RJ in class without coming on too strong. She sees that he's not in his seat (don't ask how she knows which is his seat, because I can't help you). She looks in a few other rooms, trying to find him. Then she looks in the wrong one, and actually does see what RJ is up to.

After getting an eyeful of Buffy and RJ, Dawn rushes out of the school in a panic. As she sobs on a bench, Xander approaches. He asks if this is about "that guy in the jacket". Dawn says not to say his name. Xander points out that he called him "that guy in the jacket", and Dawn amusingly explains that that used to be her name for him before she knew who he was. Xander volunteers to get Buffy, and Dawn snarls that she never wants to see Buffy again. Xander says he thought this was about RJ - Dawn answers it's about both of them.

Xander goes into the school to find Buffy, and find her he does - in the empty classroom, partially dressed and straddling RJ. "Get off the boy, Buffy", Xander orders, "we're going home."

At the house, Dawn is understandably devastated, and Buffy is less than helpful - "Crying isn't going to make his love for me go away, you know." Xander tries to explain that both of them are under a love spell. Buffy's pleased to hear that it's a spell that caused Dawn to fall for her new love. Willow and Anya try to reassure them both that they will soon have the spell lifted. Dawn is about equally crushed by the fact that she's losing out on RJ and the fact that Buffy betrayed her. "You're the one that constructed this elaborate fantasy about you and my lover," Buffy tells her with thoroughly unhelpful sincerity. Dawn storms upstairs, with Buffy following.

In the dining room, Anya, Willow, and Xander resume work. Willow comments on how dangerous love spells can be. Xander reminisces about "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered", when his foray into love spells made everyone love him almost to death (flashback - look, it's Cordy!). "Good times," he declares, proving that all things get better with time. Anya gives him quite a look. Willow calls up RJ's file as Buffy walks in. She wants to know if there's a picture. Xander looks at the file and sees that RJ's brother (Lance) was a popular Sunnydale jock who used to bully Xander in high school. He figures that he can use their limited and "complex, at best" relationship to find out about RJ.

Later that night, Xander and, surprisingly, Spike approach Lance's place. Xander warns Spike not to be taken in by Lance's charisma and charm, as everyone was in high school. They ring the bell, and Lance answers - an overweight guy in a pizza delivery uniform. Spike does not appear charmed.

Xander sits down to talk to Lance about RJ. Lance explains that RJ's a great guy, following in his footsteps. He says he used to be concerned about RJ. He was into comic books ("Geek stuff - no offense Harris") and writing poetry (Spike raises an eyebrow as he wanders the room, turning ceramic angels to face away from him). Then he suddenly blossomed. Spike sees a picture of Lance in RJ's jacket. Lance explains that it's his jacket, and he gave it to RJ when he graduated and went to work at the Pizza Barn. He had gotten it from his father, who apparently was also a magnet for the ladies. By now, this is enough information for even Xander to have figured it out. As Lance urges them to stay and party in his rumpus room, and his mom calls down to offer them snacks (a scary reminder to Xander of where he's been and could easily still be), they make their exit.

Back at the house, Willow explains that her search for an anti-love-spell spell isn't going well. Anya tells her RJ would probably just do an anti-anti-love-spell-spell spell anyway. The bell rings before we can achieve full-blown Abbott and Costello levels of confusion. It's RJ, looking for Buffy. Willow and Anya tell him to go away. He agrees, but asks them to have Buffy call him. As he walks away, the music starts again, and we can see they're both smitten.

Soon, Willow and Anya are bickering about who loves RJ the most. Anya explains that she looked into him and saw his soul. Willow answers that that would only have happened if his soul was in his ass. Buffy and Dawn come downstairs to enter the argument. Buffy points out that Willow is a lesbian, and RJ isn't. Willow figures the fact that she's willing to work around that proves how much she loves him. "I'd kill for him!", Anya boasts, and Willow notes she'd kill for a candy bar. Talk of killing gives Buffy an idea - she'll prove her love by killing the principal. "That is hard to top", Anya notes ruefully. Willow says she can prove her love through magic. Anya asks sarcastically if she's going to make him into a girl, then realizes she's given Will the idea. "I know what he'll like", Anya mutters as she runs out the door. Dawn remains appalled that they are all backstabbing her like this, and seemingly has no plan of her own for how to compete. "Sorry," Buffy tells her. "You're never gonna get him." This is something Dawn already knew, and telling her it is the final blow.

We cut to Willow in the bathroom, surrounded by candles and ready to do her witchy work. As she gets down to business, the picture shrinks to the upper corner of the screen, and we get a "24"-style split screen of the simultaneous action, with 70's-style music. Next, Buffy, in her mom's SUV, driving typically badly as she pulls up at the school parking lot. Then, we see Anya outside a bank, pulling on a ski mask. Buffy gets out of the car, and she's carrying a rocket launcher, presumably the one she used to kill The Judge. Each of the girls is using the tools at their disposal. Buffy is used to getting her way through physical and sexual aggression. Willow will cheat by using magic - and her "love" involves a willingness to remake the object of her affections to suit her whims. Anya knows two things, vengeance and money, and having given up the former, she turns to the latter to get her way. Finally, the fourth corner of the screen is filled. It's Dawn, who feels she has no way to compete with her older and more glamorous friends. She's walking alone along the railroad tracks, which is never a good thing, and then lies down on the tracks, which is worse.

After the break, Willow is chanting, calling on Hecate to turn RJ into a woman. Xander surprises her and puts a hand over her mouth, interrupting. "Now I'll have to start all over. Hecate hates that!" Xander asks what she's doing, and Willow explains she's proving she loves RJ the most. She starts to explain what the competition is up to, specifically that Buffy is going to kill Principal Wood.

As Wood sits in his office listening to music and doing paperwork, we see Buffy outside his window, lining up a good shot. Spike comes out of nowhere to jump her and steal her rocket launcher. We see them chasing each other back and forth like the Coyote and the Road Runner in the background, as the oblivious Wood continues his work. Spike gets away with the weapon, and Buffy pursues him to where Willow and Xander are waiting, where Willow is doing a spell to locate Dawn.

They pull up by the tracks. Buffy objects that Anya is probably off seducing RJ while they are preoccupied with finding Dawn ("I wouldn't put it past her - she's recently evil.") Suddenly Xander points out Dawn lying on the tracks, as a train approaches. Buffy's priorities kick in, and she pulls off a dramatic and unlikely rescue stunt.

Buffy demands to know what Dawn thought she was doing. Dawn answers that she could never compete with Buffy - "you're older and hotter and have sex that's rough and kill people", but that by giving up her life for RJ, she'd convince him that she really did love him the most. "No guy is worth your life - not ever", Buffy responds - looks like Angel's back in second place, since Buffy already has died for Dawn. They both finally admit that they may be under a spell.

Later, Xander and Spike are stalking RJ on the streets of Sunnydale. Xander asks Spike if he has mastered the complexities of their plan. Spike says he thinks so. They run up to RJ, rip the jacket off him, and run away. Sometimes the simple plans are best.

Back at the house, the gang (minus Spike), watches the jacket burn. Buffy asks Xander how he resisted the temptation to wear the jacket himself. Xander concedes it didn't fit. Anya notes that they (i.e. we) will never find out where the jacket came from. Buffy and Willow both can't believe the things they almost did. Anya notes that they (and she) were under a spell, and shouldn't be held responsible morally - or legally. Dawn is still upset. She can't believe she acted that way all over a spell. Buffy advises her that it will be worse when she's acting that way and it isn't a spell. Willow wants to know what Anya did under the spell. Anya tries to evade the question, but when pushed, claims she wrote an epic poem about RJ. As she's getting this unlikely story out, the news comes on the radio about a string of unsolved robberies around Sunnydale. Anya is quick to shut that off - "How about ice cream? My treat!"

Overall, the episode was very funny, but also gave some poignant insight into Dawn's character and insecurities. Her sense of betrayal by Buffy may well be a plot element that lingers longer than the spell did. For the rest of the characters, it was mostly just funny, although they all went crazy in ways that have something to say about who they are.

-- Jerry

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