Beneath You

by Gaelicmaiden

Oh

My

God

Let me tell you something, in the entire span of watching Buffy for six years, I have cried 5 times. Buffy sending Angel to Hell, The Body, The Gift, Tara and Giles's duet and now-Beneath You. I am hard pressed to think of a more beautiful performance than what James gave us tonight. The music, the lighting, it was perfect.

Gonna get the small stuff out of the way first. 1.) Bite me, Harris! :D Why couldn't she have said that when they were together?

2.) The Istanbul slayer ran faster than the German slayer. Why? Poorly made German shoes?

3.) The uncomfortable looks Spike and Xander gave each other when Nancy asked if anyone hadn't slept together.

OK, the big stuff.

I don't even know where to begin. James was . . . perfection. The way he slid so effortlessly between all his demeanors: Insane, helpful, big bad, lost-it was breathtaking. If he doesn't get an Emmy nom, he should at least get into the Great Performances section of TV Guide.

When I read the WF, I thought I would be mad at Buffy for beating on Spike again. But I wasn't, cause I understand why she did. This wasn't her just hitting him cause she wanted info or cause she was frustrated. The first time, she thought he was evil again-and he encouraged her to think that. Then, when she threw him into the pews, all she saw was him unzipping his pants and when she tried to stop him, he grabbed her. Bad memories. So, she stopped what she thought was gonna be another bathroom scene.

But that's not what he wanted to do. "Service the girl." His duty. All he's good for. It gives him no pleasure but it's what he's supposed to do, so he'll just grit his teeth and do it. And when he says, "No touching!" he was like a little boy who had been pushed over the edge by use and abuse. He's not the Big Bad. There's too much pain there. And ME has finally acknowledged it. That pain was caused by both people in that relationship. And Buffy sees it, too.

Some people have wondered if Buffy looked mad when she found out about the soul. I thought she looked mad at first when she asked, "Why?" Now, I see, it wasn't anger. It was shock. But a bigger shock than she had ever known. 'Why would you [do that]?" Almost as if he had done something wrong. And, in a way, he had. At least, he had done something he wasn't supposed to have done.

When Buffy found out Angel had a soul, it shook her world. Vamps aren't supposed to have souls. But she learned that it was forced on him. It was a curse as punishment for a horrid vamp act. He didn't seek it out. Just as vamps aren't supposed to be prevented from hurting living things, but Spike didn't seek the chip out. So, Buffy could continue living in her black and white world of soul=good and no soul=evil. Until tonight.

"You don't have a soul. You can't feel anything real. There is nothing good or clean in you." So, said Buffy to Spike in DT. It's what she always said to him. He didn't have a soul, so therefore, he wasn't good. And she believed he couldn't do anything about it. Check that. She believed he WOULDN'T do anything about it. Cause vamps reject souls. They don't want them. So, unless Spike ticks off another gypsy clan, things will stay the same.

But Spike changed the rules.

He went off in search of his soul. He was so horrified at his actions in SR, that he sought out the one thing that would make him a true outcast in the demon world-but maybe, just maybe, make him good enough for Buffy. But he got more than what he bargained for. Perhaps he thought he would be stronger than Angel. That he could brace himself for what was to come. But he couldn't.

Now, Buffy sees her ex-lover in a way she never has before: Small. He's broken and lost. And he did it all for her. He changed-really and truly changed-for her. All of her cruel words, her emphasis on a soul-they weren't lost on him. A soulless vampire loved her so much that he did the one thing she thought he would never do. And a love that is as encompassing as that is truly scary.

And that's when she saw she was wrong. Spike isn't in love with pain. He just wants to be loved and forgiven. "We're okay now, right?" Spike did what she wanted. He got what she wanted him to have. So why isn't everything ok?

But Spike's tired. He's so tired of their games. Their dance.

"Buffy? Can we rest?"

---

Gaelicmaiden