Tabula Rasa

by Jerry

Tabula Rasa, written by Rebecca Rand Kirshner, deals with the question of identity. Why are we who we are? Is there an inherent me, or am I just an accumulation of my experiences? Through the plot device of a forgetting spell gone awry, we get to see the characters as blank slates, unshaped by the things they have been through, and untainted by their preconceptions about one another.

The early scenes act as somewhat of a 'Before' picture, establishing the relationships so we can see the contrast later. We open on Buffy in the graveyard, where she runs into Spike. When last we saw them, they were engaged in a passionate kiss, 'all Gone With the Wind, with the rising music and the rising….. music', and Spike, being the sensitive bloodsucker that he is, wants to talk about it. Buffy does not. Buffy may realize she has some feelings for Spike, but she's determined not to act on them She will never, ever touch him again, she says, a second before jumping on top of him to knock him out of the way of a flying stake. We meet our villain of the evening, Teeth, a loanshark with a foam-rubber shark's head that looks like something you might find at Sid and Marty Kroft's garage sale. It turns out Spike is in debt (kittens, of course), and Teeth is out of patience. Buffy roughs up Teeth's vampire henchmen (unlike Life Serial, this time she is willing to fight on Spike's behalf), but while everyone is distracted, Spike runs off, having evaded his responsibilities for the moment and leaving a rather bemused Buffy wondering why she saves his life.

Post-credits, we get to see the rest of the Scoobies adjusting to last week's revelation that they pulled Buffy out of heaven. Anya's mostly curious about what heaven was like ('Who doesn't look good with a harp?'), giving Xander another opportunity to act embarrassed by his bride-to-be. Personally, if I knew someone who'd been to heaven, I'd be a bit curious, too. Willow has a moment of honesty, admitting that she was selfish in resurrecting Buffy and didn't want to consider the possibility that Buffy was somewhere good. It's a moment that will pass. Xander wants to pretend nothing's wrong. He figures they can make things better just by acting normal. ('A book club. Short books. Videos.') He's not all wrong, but he's trying to evade the problem. Tara just wants to help Buffy recover. She seems to get the idea, implicit to much of this season. - that the past can be neither repaired nor recovered, so you have to keep moving forward. Willow very much does not get this. She figures she can make it all better with a spell to make Buffy forget she was in heaven, touching off a major fight with Tara. Tara reveals that she knows about the forgetting spell Willow performed on her, and correctly takes Willow to task for her misuse of magic. Willow has been using magic as a way to avoid working at things, including her relationship with Tara. It's easier to do a spell than to work through a fight, so she uses it to fix things. 'Including me', Tara notes sadly. Willow grows desperate when it seems like Tara will leave her, and offers to give up magic for a month, to which Tara skeptically challenges her to go a week. Willow and Tara's relationship hasn't had a lot of friction in it on the surface, unlike, say, Xander and Anya's, but their disagreements are more deep-seated and troubling as a result.

Meanwhile, at the Magic Box, Giles is informing a frantic Buffy that he's going back to England. He's decided to take the 'tough love' approach to Buffy's over-dependence on him no matter how much it hurts. It's tough to have much sympathy for Giles' decision, although Buffy has been so resolute about not learning lessons this season, perhaps he is right not give her any excuses.

In this episode we get to see in full bloom for the first time one of this season's central (and less-than-beloved) metaphors - Willow as a magic addict. It's more successful in this episode than in later ones, because here, the magic remains metaphor. Like and alcoholic, she's hiding magic supplies behind a stack of books. Like a compulsive gambler, she wants that one big score to get her out of trouble before she quits. And like an addict of any stripe, she can lie, even to the person she loves - as we soon see. Back at Revelo Drive, Tara and Dawn are ready to head out to the Magic Box, and they call out to Willow. She's not ready, still wrapped in towels, so she tells them to go ahead. As soon as they are out the door, she magically dresses herself (note to Willow - lose the addiction, but keep the addict-wear. I approve). Retrieving her stash from the bookshelf, she casts her 'Tabula Rasa' spell, invoking forgetfulness on Buffy to forget heaven, and, more menacingly, on Tara to yet again forget their fight. Of course, she screws up the spell, and a stray spark causes unintended consequences. It's not the first time.

At the Magic Box, the gang is waiting for everyone to assemble. Tara and Anya are thumb wrestling, which is lacking in any great symbolic significance, but it was cute so I thought I'd mention it. Xander and Willow come in, then Giles is interrupted by the arrival of a tweedy, hunting-cap-wearing Spike, who's seeking asylum from his foam-rubber-headed creditor. Giles makes his announcement, and Buffy is spilling her guts in response, when she collapses, followed closely by everyone else, in positions that are dramatically convenient for what's to come - Xander and Willow together, Giles on Anya's shoulder.

Much later (it's night), Buffy and then the others, in more or less reverse order of passing out, awaken without their memories, and we get a chance to see the blank-slaters redefine themselves. Xander is paranoid and rather cowardly, with not much self-esteem. Awakening alongside Willow and learning that she's wearing a jacket with his last name on it, his conclusion is that she's dating his brother. Willow, without the magical know-how to get herself in trouble, is more like the brainy, resourceful Willow of seasons past. Tara is basically unchanged, though more self-confident than we might expect based on what she was like when we first saw her. Anya is largely herself - she's pragmatic about the situation and gravitates to the cash register. Dawn is frightened to awake with no memories surrounded by strangers, but she's also less troubled than she usually is. Giles is mostly unchanged, though skeptical of magic and having a bit more 'Ripper' to his accent. Buffy and Spike we can get to later.

They begin to piece things together, reaching just enough amusingly wrong results. Buffy is inherently drawn to Dawn, and after a bit of familiar bickering, they intuitively know they are sisters. Having no ID, Buffy chooses to name herself, and opts to be 'Joan' - I guess her martyr complex runs deeper than her memories. Anya discovers that she and Giles own the store together, and seeing her ring, assumes they must be engaged. Spike (or 'Randy', as he reads off the label of his suit) concludes that Giles, his fellow Englishman, must be his father, leading Giles to curiously admit a feeling of 'familiarity and disappointment' towards Spike.

The group tries to head out to the hospital, only to be very surprised to find the shop surrounded by vampires, the very existence of which they were oblivious to. When one of the vampires threatens a confused 'Randy', an indignant 'Joan' comes to his defense, and in so doing discovers her superpowers, which she enjoys quite a bit more than Buffy generally does. The gang decides to split up, with Joan and Randy drawing off the vampires, while Giles and Anya ('I need to protect the cash register and, um, do some spells') staying in the shop and the others leaving through the tunnels to seek the hospital. We get a look at what elements of the characters normal relationships have carried over here. Despite her belief that Xander is her boyfriend, Willow is drawn to Tara (and Tara to her), suggesting some deep connection between them (or maybe just reinforcing that Willow is exclusively gay, but I'll go with the more romantic interpretation). Buffy and Spike seem drawn to one another as well, though more in a 'partners' sense than a romantic/sexual one. Xander and Anya have no interaction at all - their relationship is all about the little day-to-day things, and without their experiences there is no 'them'. Whether that makes it a lesser relationship is a matter of opinion.

Randy and Joan make a break for it, and in mixing it up with the vampires, Joan discovers to her initial horror that Randy is a vampire as he slips involuntarily into gameface. She runs off, and after defeating several vamps (Spike's fighting skills are substantially better as Randy - I suppose self-doubt has been holding him back), Randy runs after her.

After a brief scene of Xander, Willow, Tara and Dawn being stalked by a vampire in the tunnels (notable only for a bit of sexual tension between Willow and Tara), we check in on Giles and his 'fiancé' Anya at the Magic Box. I don't think the writers are intending to launch any sort of romance here, but they are just terrific together, in a very funny scene, as Anya's misguided intuition leads to deeper and deeper trouble. Having faith that she's the magically gifted half of the couple, she inadvertently fills the shop with her hated bunnies. Later, an exasperated Giles is forced to swordfight a skeleton that seems straight out of a Sinbad movie (the sailor, not the comedian). Eventually, as they hide behind the counter, he reveals he's got a one-way ticket back to England, prompting her to crave vengeance in a way more cute than menacing (at least to me).

Meanwhile Joan is breaking the news to Randy that he's one of the Evil Dead. He concludes he's a noble vampire - 'on a mission of redemption. I help the helpless. I'm a vampire with a soul.' While this is largely a chance to poke some fun at Angel, and at those who wax poetic over Spike's redemption, it also suggests something surprising about Spike's nature. Spike's usual less-than-evil tendencies would seem to spring out of the chip and his love for Buffy, so it would be understandable if without knowledge of those things, he wanted to kill everyone. What we get instead suggests that Spike's evilness is learned behavior, and that his self-image is the main thing keeping him from being good. This really is not what the show's mythology would suggest, so I think it's significant.

After some more of Willow and Tara making eyes at one another down in the tunnels (personally, I found their attraction more convincing in this one than I generally do), we are back to Randy and Joan taking on the vampires, and fighting quite well. Giles finally rids the Magic Box of its demonic and bunny-related problems, and he and Anya kiss. Meanwhile, back in the tunnels, Xander finally rises to the occasion and, with an assist from Dawn, stakes the vampire that's been stalking them. As he gets up, he steps on Willow's crystal, breaking the spell and restoring everyone's memory. For Willow, this means trouble, as Tara now knows what she's done and there's nowhere to hide. For Giles and Anya, it means some serious embarrassment and frantic cleaning at the shop. For Buffy, though, it means the traumatic return of all her painful memories, and she collapses mid-fight. Spike finishes off the vamps, and when offered a free pass from Teeth, he promises to make good on his debts. He offers a hand to Buffy, but she's less willing to take it now that she's back to being herself.

We close to Michelle Branch at the Bronze singing 'Goodbye to You'. Buffy sits forlorn at the bar. Spike approaches offering consolation. Buffy won't respond., so he walks off. Tara, meanwhile is disconsolately packing her things as Willow cries in the bathroom. Giles is on the Sunnydale-to-London shuttle, looking troubled. Tara tries to say goodbye to Dawn, who isn't taking the breakup well and storms inside. We close on Buffy and Spike in the Bronze, kissing passionately, as Buffy has for the moment overcome her issues to do what she really wants. Whether that's a good thing or not is something for a later episode. All in all, the return of their memories wasn't really a plus for anyone, but it's back to what's real, and real is good.

-- Jerry

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