by: Amy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Past--
Giles's eyes snapped shut at her words. Though he had been suspecting
something like it, once spoken, they were so much more hurting. His reply
came out in a long, painful breath. "Oh, Buffy..."
His eyes remained closed, but his hand found hers and clasped it, offering
all of his strength to her at the time when she most needed it. Buffy
squeezed his hand and he looked down to see the tears again streaming down
her face. He winced. The scrape markings were so much more obvious against
the paleness of her skin and he reached up, touching her wet lashes with
more
regret than he had ever felt.
She pleaded with him brokenly, "Giles, don't tell anybody! Please... Please.
I know how they'd look at me. They would... It would never be the same!
Giles, please!"
Unable to refuse her, even knowing that he should encourage her to do what
she was begging him not to, he slowly nodded and dipped his head against
his
chest. His head snapped up when some books on the outside table clattered
over, and both Giles and Buffy strained their eyes to see out the window.
With a horrified face on, Cordelia stood there. She walked in dazedly, her
eyes wide with sympathetic pain. Sitting down on the couch next to Buffy,
she looked at Giles for a moment.
"Give us a minute, will you?" she asked softly.
He looked torn, not wanting to leave his Slayer, but somehow knowing that
Cordelia could help some way. After shooting an uneasy look to Buffy for
her
assent, he nodded and left the room.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quentin Travers." Giles ordered through gritted teeth.
The unhelpful voice on the phone postponed him. "Password."
"My Slayer's been hurt, you bloody ignorant fool. Get him on the phone now!"
Giles barked. The voice gave a shaky confirmation and Giles waited for his
boss to pick up the phone.
"Travers here."
"Travers, we're stopping the test," Giles said, not beating around the bush.
"You must be mad Mr. Giles. No we're not." Rebuffed Travers coolly. "I
understand that this is hard for you, for both of you. But as we discussed
earlier, she must complete the test to--"
Giles cut him off. "She's been raped."
Travers paused and sucked in his breath. After a moment, he continued.
"Well, this is a horrible turn of events, Mr. Giles, but you know as well
as
I do that when she loses her strength that it's time for the test. And what
can we do about this?"
Giles spoke quietly in a voice full of muted rage. "Tra-- Quentin. We've
been colleagues for a long, long time. I helped you celebrate the birth of
your daughter, you told me insecurities over drinks, we've been through many
things. So I'm going to ask you one question and then I'll do whatever you
think is right and just." His voice dropped. "Were she Sarah, your
daughter, the tiny life you held once in your hands... Were Buffy her, would
you proceed with the test?"
Travers voice was shaky. "She's- she's not my.."
"But if she were."
"No. No, I wouldn't," the older man finally gave.
"Then pretend she is. Pretend you're not a Watcher, take my place as the
only real father figure that Buffy has in her life, and call off the need
for
the test. We all know she has the courage and skill. We just need her to
heal right now," Giles finished.
"Fine," Travers said finally. "Take care of your girl, Rupert. The Council
will think that she's gone through with the test. But don't use our
friendship against my job like this again."
Giles breathed a sigh of relief and hung up the phone, turning back on his
heel and heading for his office. He stopped three feet from it when he
remembered that Cordelia and Buffy were talking. He wondered what they were
talking about.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy looked absently at the one friend she would have never expected
sympathy from. Cordelia stared back at her, gathering her thoughts.
Finally, she broke the silence. "You don't think it's ever going to feel
better," she said confidently, quietly. "You want to scrub yourself until
you have no skin left, but once you do that, you're going to hurt twice as
much and not feel any better inside. Your eyes hurt from crying, your chest
hurts from the pressure, and it feels like your heart is covered in filth."
Buffy gazed at her with large, understanding eyes and nodded silently.
"How--"
"I was raped, too," Cordelia explained patiently. "When I was fifteen. By
one of my father's business friends. You're the only one I've ever told,
and
you know what?"
"What?"
"It feels different now," she said softly. "I mean, now that I've told
someone, someone I trust. I never even told my therapist, because she would
have to tell somebody else. But it feels okay to tell you. You know why?"
"Because I've been through it now?" Buffy ventured in a hollow voice, the
voice of a scared little girl.
"Yeah. But not just that. Because I've finally said it. Finally gotten
past it enough to think of telling someone-- you-- without bursting into
tears. You can't hold it in, Buffy. You need to tell somebody... Willow,
Xander, your mom." Cordelia hesitated and then exhaled sharply. "Angel."
Buffy shook her head frantically at the name, looking down at the crinkled
paper that was still clenched in her hand. "No," she whispered.
"Yes." Buffy's startled eyes flew up to Cordelia's strong ones. "I almost
told Xander once. But I felt the same way you did, and I refused to let him
know, afraid of what he would say about me. He wouldn't hate me. I know it
now, I'm sure of it. Angel loves you, Buffy. He'd do anything for you. You
have to tell him to have some kind of peace."
"I can't," Buffy sobbed dryly.
Cordelia nodded, pulling Buffy into a warm hug, which the Slayer clung to.
"Yes. You can."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The door opened and Giles sprang to his feet. Buffy and Cordelia exited,
the
blanket still wrapped firmly around Buffy's shoulders. Cordelia gave Buffy's
arm a touch and then turned to Giles. "I'm going to get a couple of things
from my car. I'll be right back."
Giles nodded and Cordelia left the library. Buffy approached him, trying
not
to cause him more grief than she already had, he could see it in her eyes.
He needed to tell her that he had known, he needed to tell her that it was
his fault, but the look on her face stopped him. She took his hand and
nodded toward the phone.
"Call them, call all of them."
Giles licked his lips, his mouth was suddenly dry. "All right. Buffy...?"
He let the question hanging in the air, not having the will to ask it and
give her more pain. She shook her head, scared and resolved at the same time.
"I'm going to tell them."