Summary: Buffy's pov in the episode "Angel."
Spoilers: Ummm, the episode "Angel." :)
Disclaimer: These characters aren't mine, no matter how much I wish they were. < sigh > They belong to Joss Whedon and the WB I have to live with borrowing them for my stories.
Rating: You watch the show, this is fine.

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We sat at the Bronze in our usual seats. Willow was talking about something, but I was so busy staring into space, that I didn't really hear what. I realized that Willow was asking me a question, and immediately felt bad for not paying more attention to what was going on. "--what's it like where *you* are?" she finished.

"I'm sorry. I was just thinking about....things" I replied.

Willow, always perceptive said "Oh. So we're talking about a guy." I looked at her, and she had an amused smile on her face. Sometimes I think she can really read my mind. I set out to deny it.

"Not exactly a guy. For us to have a conversation about a guy, there' would have to be a guy for us to have a conversation about. Is that a sentence?" She giggled at me.

"You lack a guy."

Sighing, I replied "I do. Which is fine with me most of the time, but...."

Willow jumped into my mind yet again. "What about Angel?"

Sardonically, I answered my silent question, and her spoken one. "Angel? I can just see him in a relationship. 'Hi, honey, you're in grave danger. See you next month' " My thoughts started to wander back to him, where they had been a lot, of the late. Willow said something about how it was true that he wasn't around that much. "Yeah, but when he is around, it's like the lights dim everywhere else, you know?" A little too much dreaminess pulled me out of my reverie. This could start to get embarrassing.

I looked at my friend, and not to my total surprise, she was busy identifying with me. I followed her gaze to Xander, letting loose on the dance floor. I stifled a laugh at his outlandish movements. "Of course you know what I mean."

Xander bumped into Cordelia and they exchanged words-insults-before he headed back our way. I spaced out again. Wish I were part of a cute couple. Xander and Willow would make the supreme cute couple. Sigh. Something Xander said caught my attention. "Wow, let's stop this crazy, whirley gig of fun. I'm dizzy!"

I sighed for real this time. "Looks like I'm affecting those nearest and dearest to me. I'm gonna take off. See you guys tomorrow." They tried to talk me out of it. I told them I'd have to take a rain check. I really was tired.

I left the Bronze, and started home. I was about halfway there when my spider sense kicked in. I stopped, too weary to really come up with a good quip. "It's late, I'm tired, and I don't wanna play games. Show yourselves."

Three vampires attacked me at once. I kicked one in the crotch, the one who was holding me, I head butted and the other I gave a nice roundhouse kick to. That should do it. They all got up. Uh oh. Two of them took a hold of me, and I started to get worried. My struggles weren't really being met with success. All of the sudden, I felt a thump and the vamps let go. Before I took the time to be confused, I went into my fighting stance, and let loose. Oh! Angel was the one helping me! I heard a breath draw in sharply, and took notice that Angel had just been slashed in the ribs. OK, gotta get us outta here, before I get him killed. I grabbed his hand and we took off running.

My house wasn't that far --nothing is in Sunnydale-- and we reached it pretty quickly, the three big vamps following closely on our tails. I got the front door open "Get in! C'mon!" Angel ran in after me. We shut the door hard, and looked out the window.

"Don't worry. A vampire can't come in unless it's invited." His voice was calm and soft, but I heard the underlying of pain.

"Yeah, I've heard that, just have never put it to the test before. Ohh, let me go get some bandages. Just....take your jacket and shirt off ." The thought of this gorgeous guy, with his shirt off, alone with me in my house, made my knees tremble. I went to the kitchen, and heard him shedding his clothes as he followed. I turned around to see him looking out the window--checking for vampires, I surmised. Ahh. Great back. I knew it. "Nice tattoo." I didn't realize I was holding my breath in. It would probably be useful to breathe. I exhaled heavily. "I was lucky you came along. How did you happen to come along?" I questioned as I began to bandage his wound.

"I live nearby. I was just out walking"

"So you weren't following me? I had this feeling you were." I smiled

"Why would I do that?" Lord, his smile is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. Was he teasing me?

I continued bandaging. It's not easy when you are trying your hardest not to think about the glorious physique of the person you are touching. The finely sculpted, beautiful, pale as marble chest and stomach.....Stop that! I spoke to get my mind off of my thoughts. "You tell me. You're the mystery guy who appears out of nowhere. I'm not saying I'm not happy about it tonight, but if you are hanging around, I'd like to know why."

"Maybe I like you." Oh my. Is it possible to have a heart attack at sixteen? I wanted to hear him say those words again.

"Maybe...." I gave him the opening, and we smiled at each other. He seemed about to speak again, when my mom's voice rang out.

"Hello?" I quickly ran to intercept her. I was also worried about the vamps outside. "Hi! What are you doing?" she asked, as I looked suspiciously outside.

"There's a lot of weird people out at night..." She started towards the kitchen, and I followed. "I just feel better with you safe and sound." Distract, distract!! "You must be beat."

I managed to get her going in the direction of the stairs when Angel came out. Darn! "Hi..." My mom raised her eyebrows as she addressed him

"Hi." Oh, great. *So* what I wanted to avoid.

I tried to put a stop to their interacting. "Oh! Okay. Um....Angel, uh, this is my mom. Mom, this is Angel. We, uh, ran into each other on the way home."

"Nice to meet you." Perfectly polite and even charming, but for once I wish he hadn't spoken.

"What do you do, Angel?" Oh, help. God, please let me out of this!

"He's a student." She gave me a disbelieving look. Think fast! "Uhh, first year at community college. And he's helping me with history. You know I've been toiling there" Buy it buy it buy it!!!

Thank you, thank you, she bought it. Mostly. "It's a little late for tutoring. I'm going to go to bed. And uh, Buffy?" She looked at me meaningfully.

"I'll say goodnight and do the same." I supplied

My mom looked at my Angel. I mean- Angel. Oh, nevermind. "It was nice to meet you"

He nodded.

As soon as she was upstairs. I gestured to Angel to be quiet. I opened the door, and said "G'night!! We'll hook up soon, and do that study thing!" I hope she heard me. I was really starting to feel the tension.

We went upstairs, and I closed my bedroom door softly. Angel looked worried. "I don't wanna get you in any trouble..."

"And I don't want to get you dead. They still could be out there" Yeah, that's why I wanted him to stay. Right. I moved to the center of the room. Uh oh. Dilemma already. "So, uh. Two of us, one bed. That doesn't work." Sure it does!, the evil part of my brain whispered. Bad girl! "Um, why don't you take the bed. You're injured."

"I'll take the floor."

"No, uh.."

He looked at me. "It's okay. Don't worry about it, I've had worse."

"Ok, then. Um, why don't you check and see if the Fang Gang is still loitering, and, um, keep your back turned while I change." Which nighty was I going to wear?? This is *so* not the type of thing I'm used to worrying about. But still... He went over to the window and looked out. I picked out a night shirt that was silk, but since I didn't want to seem, well, slutty, I wore the boxers with it too. A glance in the mirror affirmed that I looked nice.

"I don't see them"

"You know, I'm the Chosen One. I'm supposed to fight demons like that. What's your excuse?" I finished changing, and started to comb my hair.

He turned around, slowly, waiting to hear if I would tell him that I wasn't finished. "Uh, somebody has to" He was uhing? That's my thing. Guess I wasn't the only nervous one.

"What does your family think about your career choice?" I wanted to keep him talking. I had never been around him this long before. It was nice.

"They're dead." It was said flatly, and yet I could feel a great grief behind the words. So great that it hurt me. I walked over to him.

"Vampires?" I said it softly, as to not disrupt the sad closeness we had acquired.

"I-It was." He confirmed.

"I'm sorry."

"It was a long while ago." He was trying to change the subject, so I went along, pretty much.

"So this is a vengeance gig for you?"

He paused and looked at me. Looked at me some more. I was really liking him looking at me! "You e-even look pretty when you sleep."

My heart skipped a beat. Oh, oh! Okay, girl, calm down. "Yeah, well, when I wake up, it's an entirely different story." I smiled.

We went over to the bed, and I handed him a comforter and pillow. He laid them down on the ground, and pretty much fell after them. He looked pretty tired. I crawled into bed, and rested my head on the pillow. "Angel?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do you snore?" I'm so sneaky. My own personal way of finding out--

"I don't know. It's been a long time since someone's been in the position to tell me." He smiled up at me, and I smiled back. He knew what I'd been asking. I smiled to myself again, and snuggled down to go to sleep.

I think I slept better than I ever have before. And I had great dreams.

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I woke up to the annoying sound of my alarm clock. Man, how many of these did I have to break before they got the picture?? My hand slammed down on it when I realized that my mom might come up and tell me to get up herself. I sat up in bed, and looked down at a sleeping Angel. He was covered in shadows, and completely still. He must've not gotten any sleep last night. I *knew* I should've given him the bed!

I got up to wake Angel, though I didn't want to. He looked so peaceful; he didn't even seem to be breathing. My hand strayed over his face for a moment and I softly grazed his cheek with my knuckles. He stirred. I yanked my hand away, but he had caught me. I was blushing, so I think he decided to keep quiet about it. A smile curved on his lips, and nearly stopped my heart.

"Morning. That's a nice way to be woken up, with you looking at me." He said softly, taking me by surprise. Time for surprising me, I guess, he reached up and silently took my hand. He brought it to his cheek, our eyes on each other the whole time. I left my hand there, not knowing what to do. He turned his head slowly, letting me see his intent, and kissed my palm. "Morning" he repeated as I dazedly drew my hand away.

"Did you sleep well? Was the floor too hard? Are you feeling okay? Do you think you're still bleeding?" I rambled on, trying to cover my inability to think when it concerned him. My palm tingled. He let me slide away from the subject yet again.

"Yeah, I slept good. Not really. Just fine. Nope" He answered my questions in order, smoothing the ruffled air between us. I explained to him that I would be at school, and that he was welcome to stay here during the day, but that he had better stay in the shadows, figuratively speaking. Like hide in the closet or something whenever he heard my mom. "Thanks. No problem, I planned on doing that anyway" He sighed.

I was already late, so I didn't have time to ponder his sigh. He went into the closet-- I don't know why, he could've looked out the window- while I changed. Ever the gentleman. I smiled. My own Angel. It was a nice thought. I told him I was ready, and he came out. He stared at me. I was busy staring at him, his sleep mussed hair. His hand glided up and his fingertips moved over my eyebrow. I closed my eyes. He whispered, "You *do* look beautiful when you first wake up." And I fell.

I never really expected to fall. It's not a Slayers privilege, or right, after all. She is never supposed to have the time to fall in love. But I did anyway. Hopelessly and completely, with no thought to the future, I fell in love with Angel. It wasn't something I could help, or stop, even if I had wanted to. I inhaled deeply, and realized that his head was drifting towards my own. I tilted my own up in response, waiting.

He suddenly pulled away and dove for the closet. My eyes snapped open, as one door shut and another opened. My mother poked her head in. "Buffy? Oh, you're ready! Okay, well breakfast is on the table if you're hungry." She shut the door behind her and I went over to the closet where Angel was coming out.

"Be careful today, okay? And how did you know that my mother was about to come in?" I looked at him curiously, silently yelling at my mother for interrupting when she did.

"I, uh, heard her keys jingle" I guess I had been pretty out of it. Well, anyone in that situation would have been, I justified. We looked at each other, almost sadly, before he spoke. "I'll be careful. What time will you be home?" He looked at me--hopefully?

"I have to patrol tonight, so probably not until around 8. You'll be here?" I said uncertainly. Please let him say yes!

He looked deep into my eyes and nodded. "If you want me to be, Buffy"

It was my turn to nod. Staring into his eyes, his soul, I almost felt like crying. He must've had such a sad life to have eyes like that. Beautiful eyes, but it was almost as if there was something tortured deep inside of them. I cut myself out of my trance quickly. I heard my mom calling me. I pulled him into a hug without thinking, and felt his surprise. After a moment he returned it, and I realized that I was having the first hug with the man I loved. The man I loved! What a great notion. I chuckled softly to myself and Angel looked at me questioningly, pulling slightly away.

"I'll tell you later....sometime." He smiled and let go of me. After looking at him for another long moment, I headed downstairs.

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As soon as I got to school, I headed for the library. Giles would want to know about the weird vamps that attacked us last night, they were so strong. Xander and Willow were there, though, so I wrapped myself in explaining the details to them. When I got to the sleeping part, Xander interrupted. "He spent the night? In your room? In your bed?!" The last word had been fairly shouted. Aww, Xander. My overprotective big brother.

I looked up at him prowling around me. "Not *in* my bed. *By* my bed."

Willow's eyes looked dreamy. "That is so romantic! Did you uh... I mean, did he uh..." She stumbled around her words, but got her point across, and I answered her, grinning.

"Perfect gentleman." We smiled at each other.

Xander brought the focus back onto him, as only Xander can do. "C'mon, Buffy. Wake up and smell the seduction! That's the oldest trick in the book!"

Amused, I replied, "What? Saving my life? Getting stabbed in the ribs?"

"Duh! I mean, guys'll do anything to impress a girl! I-I once drank an entire gallon of Gatorade without taking a breath!" He smiled at me proudly.

Willow supplied,' "It was pretty impressive. Later there was an ick factor, though." She snickered softly, remembering.

Giles approached us carrying an old-looking book. "Can we steer this riveting conversation to the events that happened earlier in the evening?" I sat down in affirmation. "You were set upon by three unusually virile vampires?" He put the book in front of me. "Did they look like this?"

I looked down and saw the exact vampires that had attacked me the night before. I nodded. "Yeah. What's with the uniforms?"

Giles exhaled heavily. Oh, great. Every time he does that, it means something serious is going on. Faboo. "It seems you've encountered the Three. Warrior Vampires. Very proud, and very strong." For the first time that day, I completely forgot about Angel, and focused on what Giles was telling me.

"Obviously, you're hurting the Master very much. He- he wouldn't send them after just anyone. We must step up our training with weapons."

Xander interrupted again. He was getting good at that. "Buffy, you should stay at my house until these Samurai dudes are dust." Huh? "Don't worry about Angel. I'll go by your house, and tell him to get out of town fast."

I looked at Giles with a glance that asked if any of these precautions were actually necessary. He looked at me, but spoke to Xander. "Angel and Buffy are not in any immediate jeopardy. Eventually that Master will send someone else, but right now, the Three, having failed, will offer their own lives as penance"

"Well, that's a relief. Guess I'll just have to go home, and take care of the wounded Angel some more" Willow and I smiled at each other. She knew where I was coming from! Giles looked about to say something, but stopped himself and went into his office instead. Xander rolled his eyes.

Classes went by very slowly, and to make up for it, I replayed the morning in my head over and over. His mouth on my palm, his fingers on my brow. A whispered "Morning." The teacher called on me and I thoughtlessly replied "Morning".

"No Miss Summers, I asked how the smallpox relates to the bubonic plague." She looked at me expectantly.

"Um....they're cousins?" The class laughed, and even the teacher broke into a smile before telling me to pay more attention. I didn't. The rest of the day, I was like that, getting called on by teachers, and relying on my wit to save me. For some reason, it worked. As soon as school was out, I headed back to the library for some weapon training. There was a sign on the door: Closed for filing. I entered.

Giles was waiting for me, padded up. I walked over to the weapons case. "Cool! Crossbow!" I lifted it out and looked at the bolts. "Huh. Check out these babies. Hmm. Goodbye stakes, hello flying fatality. What can I shoot?" I glanced at Giles.

He took it out of my hands and placed it back on the weapons rack. "Um, nothing. Crossbow comes later. You must first become proficient with the basic tools of combat. Let's begin with uhh, the quarterstaff." He selected two wooden poles and came over to stand in front of me. He continued. "Which will, uh... require countless hours of vigorous training. I know, I speak from experience."

Sometimes he can just be so- so British! "Giles, 20th century? I'm not going to be fighting Friar Tuck."

He spoke while putting on the rest of his padding. "You never know with whom or what you'll be fighting. And these traditions have been handed down for centuries. Now, you show me good, steady progress with the quarterstaff, and in due course, we'll discuss the crossbow. Put on your pads."

I nearly laughed at him. "Giles, I'm not gonna need pads to fight you!"

"We'll see about that. En guard!" He made several thrusts, all of which I parried. I took the offensive, pushed his staff to the floor, and punched him in the face. I hit his back with the staff, and hit him again to knock his legs out from underneath him. He fell onto his back and I stood over him triumphantly.

"Very good. Let's move onto the crossbow" I smiled at his words in satisfaction as he tried to resume breathing.

We worked on the crossbow for another hour, until I had the hang of it. Finally, he told me I should go on patrol. "Um, Giles? I was wondering if I could sort of go strait home. I mean, Angel's there, and he's wounded, and if my mom finds him, I'll be grounded forever, not to mention all of the questions, and--" He cut me off and to my surprise agreed with me. I was free! Free to see Angel...

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I got home around five. Humming softly to myself, I headed upstairs. My mother stopped me, heading down.

"Oh, hi Buffy! I didn't hear you come in. I just came from your room. I was doing laundry, and guess what I found hiding in there?" Uh oh.... "The red blouse you lost about a month ago!" She held it up for me to inspect.

"Gee, thanks, Mom. Wow, I'm really pooped. I'm gonna go upstairs and take a nap....or something." I looked at the ceiling and smiled to myself. He was waiting for me, I could feel it.

"Oh, no you don't! I rented your favorite movie, and we're going to have a little mother-daughter time together. Oh! And I'm making chicken." She looked at me hopefully. I glanced at the ceiling again, sadly this time. Sorry, Angel. I'll be there as soon as I can. "What do you say?"

I sighed. "Sounds great, Mom." We headed off to watch "The Princess Bride". It was great, as usual. You don't find that kind of love every day, I thought, thinking of that morning, and smiling to myself.

After the movie I went into the kitchen to grab a plastic baggy. I realized that Angel might be hungry, having most likely not eaten since yesterday. While we were eating, I casually put my chicken in the bag. Thank goodness my mother wasn't watching me more closely. I filled it as much as it could be filled, and excused myself.

Before entering my room, I had to stop and catch my breath. This had all happened so fast! I fixed my face into a smile and opened the door. I looked around. Had he left?! "Angel?"

"I'm here." I turned on the desk lamp and saw him standing, right in front of the window. Wow, he really *is* good at lurking. He can lurk in plain sight. No wonder my mom didn't catch him. Interesting.

I handed him the baggy. "I brought you some dinner. It's a little plateless, sorry." He accepted the baggy, and stared down at it before returning his eyes to me. "So what'd you do all day?"

"Uh, I read a little." I followed his eyes to my desk. There, laying on top of several papers and books, was my diary. Oh, my God. I cannot believe that he did this!! He continued, "And I just thought about a lot of things....Buffy, I--"

I couldn't believe his nerve. "My diary? You read my diary?" I went over and placed it in it's drawer. "That is *not* okay! A diary is like a person's most private place!" I walked back over to him in a huff. "I...You don't even know what I was writing about! Hunk can mean a lot of things--bad things! And, and when it says your eyes are penetrating, I meant to write 'bulgy'. "

"Buffy...."

"And 'A' doesn't even stand for Angel. It stands for....Achmed. A charming foreign exchange student. So that fantasy part has nothing to do with you at all!" What a jerk!

He spoke softly, but I could hear amusement in his voice, and something else, too. "Your mother moved the diary when she came in to straiten up. I watched from the closet. I didn't read it, I swear."

I stared at him. Of course there was a reasonable explanation. Now if only I could get my vocal cords working again, things would be fine. "Oh! Oh..." I looked at him and blushed.

He started again to what he was saying before I made a fool out of myself. "I did a lot of thinking today. I really can't be around you." I felt my heart plummet. "Because when I am..."

I didn't want to hear him say it. It would hurt too much. I tried to let him off the hook, though I felt about to cry. "Hey, no big. Water ...over the bridge. Under the bridge..."

"When I am, all I can ever think of is how badly I want to kiss you" He looked at me.

"Over the dam..." It registered. "Kiss me?"

"I'm older than you. This can't ever be....." He looked in my eyes. I could tell that he didn't want to leave.

"H-how much older?"

"I should....."

I approached him. ".....go.....you said..."

We kissed. Tentatively at first, but then a pressure grew. The kiss deepened. I wound my arms around his neck and locked them there. His arms slipped around my waist to pull me closer. I didn't mind. A thousand tiny explosions were going on right behind my eyes. My heart was fluttering wildly. I'd never felt any sensation so exquisite and sensual as kissing Angel was. His lips were soft and moist. I hugged him tighter. Angel suddenly pulled back and looked away.

When it penetrated my fuzzy mind that he had pulled away, I caught his arm and tried to draw him back to me. "What? What is it? What's wrong?"

He turned to face me and for a moment I couldn't comprehend. When I could, I screamed. I don't think I'd really screamed that hard since I *first* saw a vampire. But then, it's not every day that you kiss one. I couldn't stop screaming, more terrified in my life than ever before. I had given my heart, trust, home to a *vampire*! I'm the Slayer....I should have known better.

He growled, almost a sad sound before jumping out the window to slide on the roof to the ground. My mom burst in the room. "Buffy! What happened??"

I backed away from the window shaking my head in empty denial. My mom took hold of my shoulders. "Uh...Nothing, I just thought I saw a shadow." We both looked out the window. She nodded and hugged me before leaving.

I walked shakily over to my bed and fell on it, sobbing. My throat was being torn up with dry heaves. The most beautiful person to ever cross my path in life was not a person at all. Somehow, I just could not wrap my mind around that. I fell asleep, still crying.

When I woke up the next morning, the pillow was wet.

CONTINUE