Summary: An alternate ending to In The Woods.
Spoilers: In The Woods
Disclaimer: Joss made the characters. But I'm pretty sure they like me
better.
Rating: PG
For Tracy, who has Rileylove.
As Good as Forever
by: Amy
* * * * * *
The earth rushed by me as my feet pounded on the pavement, in time with the
pumping of my heart. Only once had I felt this cold and then it was because
I'd been forced to do something that broke my heart. I had been forced to
kill him. And I had done it, because the world was depending on me, because
of the promises that Angel had made to me and the ones that I had made to
him.
But not this time. I don't have to let him go. I won't. Not Riley.
Not Riley.
I'd had no choice before, and now I did and I would fix it. It hurt me to
find out about what he had been doing with those vampires, tore me up inside
until I was sure that the pain would kill me, but it was forgivable.
Anything was forgivable. And maybe he would even forgive me *my* wrongs.
But he wouldn't forgive me letting him go.
And I can't. I can't let him slip through my fingers just because I was so
scared to love someone again. Because loving Angel had hurt me. I knew I
loved Riley before tonight. But not like this. Not the forever, needful,
painful kind of love.
I'd thought I didn't want that pain anymore. I had been so sure that safety
was better than eternity. But I hadn't counted on the fact that love isn't
love without forever in your heart. It's simply comfort. And I didn't want
to be comfortable anymore. I wanted to be scared. I wanted to let go. I
wanted him to stay with me and love me and I wanted to let him take care of
me like I had trusted no one to take care of me since Angel left.
I wanted everything.
Everything that I knew he could give me, if only I would let him. And I
would, I promised myself as I ran, my eyes and lungs stinging with the wind
and effort. I would let him give me whatever he could, I would take whatever
he offered, and I would give him the love that I should have given him in the
first place.
I entered the woods, the harsh slapping of my shoes on the pavement fading to
a soft thumping sound against the dirt. And still I ran. I ran to someone
who loved me, someone who wanted something from me that I could finally give
him. I could give it to him now. Now that I knew. Now that I was sure. I
could give him my heart with no reservations. I could give him what he
deserved from someone who claimed to love him.
I could give him my forever.
I would never stop loving Angel. Riley and I both knew that. But it was
different with him. With him, there were no barriers. I was him and he was
mine. Completely. And I didn't have to stay away to be safe. I was safer
in his arms than anywhere else in the world.
He loved me, I chanted silently. He loved me. He loved me.
He would forever, if I caught him.
In the distance, I heard the faint sound of a helicopter. And there wasn't
any time left.
At the top of my lungs I screamed his name. Screamed for him and for me,
praying desperately that he would hear me and that it still mattered. Prayed
that some part of him could feel me coming and that he wouldn't leave.
I ran down the small wooden steps that led to the path that would take me to
the heliport, skipping two and three steps at a time. "Riley!!! RILEY, STAY
WITH ME!"
Please, please, please don't let him go.
But then the sound of the helicopter flying away sank into my mind and I knew
I'd lost him. Lost the person I needed because I had been too proud to admit
that I needed anyone that much. Lost the person I loved because I had been
so sure that I could never, really, love anyone again.
I was tasting my tears even before I fell to the ground, grasping the earth
for support. They came fast and hard, disbelief at my inability to save our
relationship making them even more painful. My chest and head hurt. My
muscles ached.
My heart broke.
"Oh, God," I heard whispered before I realized that it sounded like my voice.
"Oh, God, please no."
The dirt slid underneath my fingernails as I clutched at it, staining the
ground with my tears. I deserved this, I knew, but had wanted so much to
change it. Had wanted to make it up to Riley. To me.
Hands slid over my shoulders and I flinched, not wanting to face anyone, not
wanting to have to slay a vampire or see a familiar face. I sucked in my
breath, trying to calm myself, trying to be the Slayer that had helped me
hide my pain for years. "Go away," I murmured as strongly as I could.
"And here I thought you were trying to stop me from leaving."
My heart stopped. No. Don't hope. Don't believe. "You're gone."
"Am I?"
I looked up.
And there he was. "Riley," I whispered. His blue, blue eyes met mine and
his smile widened. "I thought..."
"I heard you," he explained. "I thought it was just my imagination, my hope,
but no one can imagine the kind of panic in your voice. Thanks."
"Thanks?" I looked at him uncomprehendingly. "I almost let you leave. I
almost didn't get there in time. You would have been gone forever thinking
that I didn't love you. Thanks?"
Slowly, he helped me stand, and then pulled me close. I leaned into him,
pressing my face against his chest, wanting to be as near as possible. His
mouth brushed my ear. "Thanks for the almost. Thank you for coming. Thank
you for loving me."
"Oh, I do," I insisted, weeping. "I love you. I can love you. That's what
I want. I want to be with you. I want to give you everything I can,
everything I am. I want you to believe me when I..."
"I believe you," he interrupted. "I just wanted you to believe you. I
wanted you to know what you wanted."
"I want you."
"Good." His eyes shined in the dim light and he lowered his head, kissing me
gently and I slipped into one of those rare peaceful moments where everything
is right with the world because you're with the one you love. I reached up,
wrapping my arms around his neck, kissing him harder.
Claiming him.
Giving him my forever.
Finally we broke apart, still wrapped around each other, and smiled in unison.
"Come on," he murmured, hugging me tight. "Let's go home."
The End
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