Title: You Forgot To Mention Hell, Horatio
Author: JR
Email: JRR42@yahoo.com
Rating: PG-13 for language.
Status: Complete
Warnings: Nope. Not this time.
Category: Crossover with Highlander
Disclaimer: All other characters belong to their respective owners and are used without permission. This story is not intended to infringe upon any copyrights, nor is any profit being made from it.
This is what happens when you get involved with too many different fandoms.
Universe setting: For you Highlander fans, this story takes place sometime after ‘Archangel’ (sorry to all those Richie Forever people). Please forgive me for playing with the timelines of the shows, but hey, it’s fan-fic and I can do that ;-)
Thanks: As always, to Carrie, and to Marius, the oak and the ash to my birds in the forest.

“Don’t think of it as mopping,” Cordelia called helpfully to Xander, who was busy cleaning up the remains of the female vampire they had captured only hours earlier. “Just think of it as a chance to brush up on valuable vocational skills.”

“You’re killing me, Cordy. And speaking of practical job skills, maybe you should worry. After all, there aren’t a lot of companies lining up for ex-May Queens.”

“At least I won’t have to practice asking ‘Do you want fries with that’...” she retorted from her chair at the long table in the center of the room.

“Enough!” Adam shouted, tired of the pair’s endless bickering. “I may be Immortal, but you two are giving me a headache.”

“Indeed,” Giles commiserated as he herded everyone to their usual places at the table. As they took their seats, the librarian began speaking in his most serious tone of voice. “It appears that we have, in fact, run out of time. With what we just learned from our...guest...”

“...before she fit into a Dirt Devil...” Xander interrupted, much to the Watcher’s displeasure.

“...whatever Eleni is planning will happen tonight.”

“What exactly did she tell you?” Adam inquired, having been out of the room for the better part of the interrogation.

By mutual agreement, the Immortal had agreed to let the Slayerettes question the vampire before Adam made his presence known. Even intoxicated, the female vampire had been less than helpful, until Giles broke out the Holy Water. Although they had no qualms about staking vampires, the teenagers were nevertheless more than a little squeamish about torturing one, despite her undead status. That was, except for Willow.

Normally somewhat hesitant by nature, even Giles was taken aback by the redhead’s ruthless determination to get any information their captive had known about about Angel’s whereabouts. When they were satisfied that they had gleaned everything they could from the vampire, it was a grim-faced Willow who marched out into the hallway to retrieve Adam, who had been patiently rereading Cassandra’s journal as he waited.

For the third time in just over twenty-four hours, they watched a vampire react to the presence of an Immortal. What they witnessed shocked them all to the core, even the jaded Adam. Only a few days ‘old’, the fledgling vampire had no real inkling on how to ease the torment she was experiencing. Adam did not even need to enter the caged storage locker before the recently-made creature began clawing viciously at her own face. Minutes passed as the Slayerettes stood mutely by while the vampire continued her pitiful self-mutilation.

Unable to watch any longer, Cordelia ran from the room, covering her mouth with her hand along the way. One by one, the remaining Slayerettes turned away from the grotesque sight, finding interesting things to stare at on the walls or the floor -- anywhere they wouldn’t have to see the horror of what was happening inside the cage. In the end, Adam was the sole witness as the female vampire accidentally nicked her own jugular vein. It took another minute or two for her to finally bleed out before collapsing into the pile of blood and dust Xander had just finished mopping.

“The...ah...vampire,” Giles began shakily, still rattled by the gruesome sight he had just witnessed. “She..ah...mentioned something about a ceremony taking place tonight at midnight.”

“In the meeting place,” Oz added thoughtfully. “Wherever that is.”

“No, that wasn’t what she said,” Willow recalled. “She said in the ‘chamber of meeting’.”

“Do you think she meant that big cavern near the Master’s old domain?” Giles inquired of Xander. The teenager had accompanied both Buffy and Angel underground on various occasions.

“You mean the Vampire Arena?” Xander asked in return.

“’Vampire Arena?’” Adam parroted.

“It’s what Buffy used to call it. It’s this huge...I don’t know how else to describe it...stadium, maybe? The ground kinda slopes upward to one side, and there’s this rock formation that kinda looks like a stage. The whole thing is at least as big as the school auditorium.”

“And how many does the school auditorium hold?” the Immortal asked the librarian for reference.

“Four hundred, seated. But there is additional standing room in the rear,” Giles clearly recalled from his assigned stint as director of Sunnydale High’s last talent show.

“Did she say anything else? Numbers? What the ceremony was for? What kind of security they were going to have?” Adam asked hopefully.

“Nah,” Oz answered before Giles could speak. “As vampires go, this one was pretty new.” The Immortal was about to question the kid’s assumption, but the nods of agreement the other teenagers gave belayed the comment. Since the group was much more familiar with vampires, Adam was willing to take their word on it.

“Well, that coincides with the estimate the barkeeper gave me.”

“Four...*hundred* vampires,” Giles whispered as all trace of colour drained from his face. Not surprisingly, the assembled teenagers quickly followed suit.

“Actually,” Adam hesitated, “more like five hundred, give or take.”

“Giving or taking how much?” Xander demanded nervously.

“Ah...giving. About fifty or so,” the Immortal admitted.

“Five hundred and fifty.” Giles’ eyes closed, almost as if in prayer.

“What, if anything, can be considered normal here in Sunnydale?” Adam asked the others.

Sparing a quick glance at the teenagers, the Watcher reluctantly answered.

“At any given time, there are usually somewhere between twenty and one hundred vampires here in town.”

“That’s it?” the Immortal questioned.

“Isn’t that enough?” Cordelia shot back defensively.

“What did Willy say about Angel?” Willow questioned, abruptly changing the subject. There was a no-nonsense edge to her voice, one that seemed to raise more than a few eyebrows among her friends. But, having seen a glimpse of this side of the young witch the previous evening, the Immortal was not overly surprised. Only hours ago, the frightened, almost hysterical girl who had burst into the library had vanished once they had confirmation of Angel’s disappearance. After that, the normally shy redhead had become all business. There was an air of determination exuding from her -- one that Adam doubted would fade until Angel was safely returned.

“As we suspected, Eleni does, indeed, have Angel,” Adam informed them. “Willy mentioned that a number of his customers were discussing tonight’s ceremony. Apparently, Eleni’s second-in-command came into the bar a few days ago, asking all sorts of questions about Angelus and his curse.”

“His curse?” Giles questioned on behalf of them all.

“That’s not even the best part,” Adam verbally baited. “From what Willy overheard tonight, that ceremony thing happening this evening is going to have an opening act of sorts.”

“Why am I suddenly *not* looking forward to hearing this?” Xander asked of the universe at large.

“Maybe you are actually smarter than you appear,” Adam snipped.

“Hey...” Xander complained indignantly.

“Apparently, this Eleni has taken a shine to your boy, Angel. She’s going to openly claim him as her consort in front of the entire assembly tonight, right after she relieves him of his soul.”

“In front of everyone?” Xander exclaimed. “I always knew that Angel was bizarro, and not just in an ‘undead creature that roams the night’ kinda way. But talk about your exhibitionist…”

“Wait a minute,” Cordelia pleaded. “What exactly does this mean? Does Eleni have Buffy or something?”

“Buffy? What does she have to do with…oh,” Adam was struggling to recall the information he had read earlier on Angel’s prior reversion to Angelus.

“Last time Angel did a one-eighty, it was because he and Buffy got pelvic, if you know what I mean,” Xander said with more than a trace of disgust.

“Are you saying that the loss of Angel’s soul is triggered by him...” Adam snorted in disbelief. Now he really wished that he’d read further into those diaries this morning.

“...yes, well,” Giles interrupted before Adam could say anything...inappropriate in front of the students. “In all actuality, Angel only needs to know a single instant of total contentment in order for the curse to be broken. Although it has already been established that Buffy was, indeed, capable of…well…uhm… that is, we have no concrete way of knowing whether or not another person may be able to provide Angel the…uhm…same…uhm…”

“Satisfaction?” Adam supplied helpfully.

“Wait a minute,” Willow exclaimed, a small measure of hope in her expression. “Angel told me once that Buffy wasn’t the first person he’d...ah...”

“Done the horizontal cha-cha with?” Oz offered.

“...yes, I mean, since he was cursed the first time. That was why he ah...uhm...”

“Oh for God’s sake! Just say it already! Had sex with!” Cordelia blurted impatiently.

“Okay. Right. If he had known what was going to happen, he never would have...slept with Buffy,” the redhead blushed.

“Oh please. He was always all over Buffy like white on rice!” Xander protested before wheeling around on his best friend. “And what were you doing talking about *sex* with Deadboy?”

“I...that is, we were just talking about his past...not that it’s any of your business.” Willow’s eyes narrowed defiantly.

Through the entire exchange, the Immortal was strangely silent, pondering over this new twist in an already complex problem.

“So,” Adam concluded. “Basically, we can’t be certain of whether or not Angel will lose his soul during the ceremony tonight. Perhaps, then, it would be better to focus attention on the larger issue: the prophecy.”

Willow appeared as if she was about to protest abandoning the topic of Angel so quickly. Seeing her reaction, Oz was quick to offer her some reassurance.

“Don’t worry, Will. We’ll get him back before anything can happen to him.”

At the teen’s words, Giles’ and Adam’s eyes met, sharing a look of doubt.

“We should begin by reviewing everything we know about the prophecy -- every detail, no matter inconsequential it may appear,” the librarian insisted.

“Hold up a second here. I don’t know about anybody else, but I’m still stuck on the 550 to 1 part of this picture. Is anybody else thinking ‘Custer’ right about now?”

“God, Xander,” Cordelia fumed. “We’re in serious trouble here, and all you can think about is food?”

Like the others, Xander stared intently at the dark-haired girl, attempting to make any kind of sense of her admonishment. It was Giles who figured it out first.

“*Custer*,” he emphasized in exasperation. “Not ‘custard’. General George *Custer*...oh, never mind,” the librarian conceded in disgust.

Xander opened his mouth to issue a retort, but ended up simply shaking his head in disbelief. “Oh no. *So* not even gonna go there.”

“Did you remember to ask Willy about the masks?” Oz asked Adam, clearly attempting to get the conversation back on track.

“Repeatedly,” Adam replied. “He swore that he hadn’t heard anything about any masks whatsoever.”

“And you believed him?” the young werewolf asked.

“Oh yes,” the Immortal reassured with a cold smile. “Willy wasn’t in any...condition to withhold information by that point.”

The teenagers all looked a tad queasy as their imaginations supplied mental pictures to accompany Adam’s none-too-subtle implication.

“Although Willy was procuring items for Eleni’s second-in-command, a mask wasn’t on the list.”

“What was?” Willow asked curiously.

“Quite a variety of things actually,” Adam recalled.

“Curtains, coffins, o-neg,” Xander supposed. “All the usual stuff vampires get from the Home Shopping Network.”

“Actually, that was something that surprised me. Given what you all said last night about the ‘food shortage’ here in Sunnydale, I fully expected blood to be among the items they requested.”

“It wasn’t?” Giles asked, surprised at the revelation.

“No. Willy was arranging delivery for things like fifty pounds of cloves, thirty pounds of saffron, fifty pounds of some kind of mangos, and two hundred narcissus plants,” Adam recounted, his brow furrowed in puzzlement.

“Sounds like they’re making the world’s largest air-freshener,” Oz joked.

“Those crazy kids,” Xander chided. “Some people will do anything to get into the Guiness Book of Records these days.”

“Including evoking a prophecy to create the largest army of vampires in recent history,” Giles reminded tartly.

“Cloves and narcissus? That sounds like it could be the ingredients for some kind of spell,” Willow thought aloud.

“Look into it Willow,” the Watcher ordered. “If you wouldn’t mind, Dr. Pierson, would you please take a closer look to see if Cassandra had anything additional to add? The rest of you should review everything we’ve found to date.”

“So, have any of you found anything noteworthy?” Giles questioned an hour later. When no replies were forthcoming, the librarian first called upon Willow.

“Well, I found some references to some of the stuff, but nothing that combines any of them together,” she replied in frustration. “Cloves are pretty common in witchcraft. It’s like a core ingredient for a lot of different types of spells. But saffron is pretty unusual. The only time I found it was in this spell to hide acne.”

“Ooh!” Cordelia perked up excitedly. “Can I see that?”

“The only thing I couldn’t find in any of the books was a spell that called for mangos,” Willow concluded as she handed the book over to the other girl.

“What was the other thing mentioned?” Giles asked.

“Narcissus,” the red-head answered.

“Love spells, I’d venture,” Adam added thoughtfully.

“Not exactly love spells,” Willow corrected. “It’s mostly used in spells for adoration.”

“That would make sense, given the mythological origins of the flower,” the Immortal agreed.

“A boy who fell in love with his own reflection. Yes, that would seem to be accurate,” Giles audibly considered the old legend. Turning directly to Willow, the librarian offered the redhead encouragement. “Keep searching. Maybe something will turn up. Now, as for the rest of you?”

“Only the same old stuff,” Xander shook his head. “Prophecy of Legion...masks will overwhelm...yada, yada, yada.”

Cordelia and Oz nodded grimly, letting the Watcher know that they, too, had found nothing new to add.

“And you, Dr. Pierson?” Giles inquired discouragedly.

“It’s mostly the same. I did stumble across one additional reference, though, with a slight change in the wording.” Adam flipped through the pages until he settled upon the correct one. “‘Ahriman’s arrival shall be heralded by that of his army, led by two who mask evil with beauty.’ See? Nothing really different.”

“Oh my God,” Willow whispered, what little colour there normally was in her pale complexion draining away. “OhmyGod, ohmyGod, ohmyGod.”

“Will?” Oz asked out of concern.

“You okay, Will?” Xander repeated.

“Oh my God.”

“I believe we’ve covered that,” Adam joked weakly, curious as to what had brought forth this kind of reaction from the girl.

“Don’t you guys see?!?” Willow squeaked to five very confused faces. “We’ve been looking at this all wrong. Eleni already has the masks!”

“Yes,” Giles agreed, speaking solicitously to the redhead as if she were a child. “We have assumed that she most likely already has the masks in her possession.”

“Of course she does!” Willow exploded in frustration. “We all thought that the masks were something separate, but they’re not! ‘Led by two who mask evil with beauty’,” Willow quoted.

“Oh my God!” Giles’ reaction was identical to Willow’s just moments earlier, right down to his shocked, white face. “How could I have missed something so obvious?”

“Don’t worry, G-man,” Xander soothed. “Most of us still haven’t figured out...*just what in the hell you guys are talking about!*”

“The masks, Xander,” Giles began impatiently. “A vampire’s true appearance *is* what you all refer to as its ‘game face’.”

“But,” the dark-haired teenager sputtered, “I always thought it was the other way around. I mean, Angel only goes ‘grrr’ when he gets riled or pissed off.”

“That is because those are the times when he loses control of his ability to keep his human appearance in place,” the librarian explained. “In this case, the illusion of humanity could be interpreted as a mask.”

“So then what you are implying is that Eleni intends to augment her beauty with this spell, seducing -- if you will -- people en masse to be enslaved by her?” Adam surmised, putting the various pieces of the puzzle together.

“That would be one way of looking at it,” Giles agreed.

“Well, I guess it’s obvious why this psychobitch chose Angel to be her lovetoy,” Cordelia concluded.

“Oh?” Xander whirled, fixing his eyes on his girlfriend.

“If this vamp, Eleni, is as beautiful and as vain as everybody makes her out to be, she’s gonna want to be seen with the hottest vamp in town. And Angel definitely qualifies as an eleven on the yum-meter.”

“What is it with that guy!?! First Buffy, then Willow, and now you!!” Xander accused his girlfriend. “What? Does he put out pheromones or something?”

“C’mon, Xander,” Oz chided. “Even you have to admit that Angel is, and I’m not saying this in any kind of a gay way, *is* good looking.”

“You, my friend, are a *very* sick person,” Xander chided the werewolf.

“’Angelus,’” Giles quoted the Watcher Diaries from memory. “’The one with the angelic face.’ Of course!” As was normal, the librarian seemed to be thinking aloud. However, his train of thought seemed to turn a darker corner. “Dear God, if Eleni were to succeed in removing Angel’s soul...the implications...”

“Like one more vampire will make a difference in the grand scheme of things,” Adam muttered impatiently.

“You are mistaken,” Giles coldly informed the Immortal. “Angelus is no typical vampire. He is highly intelligent, cunning, compulsive, and exceedingly vicious. Worst of all, he will know our strengths and our weaknesses, and he will use that knowledge to his advantage. If Angelus were to head the Army of Legion, I doubt there would be anything we could do to be able to prevent them from taking over the world. ”

“And there you have it from the Voice of Doom, himself,” Xander scolded. “Way to fire-up the troops there, G-man.”

“Perhaps you would rather we don pom-poms and do a cheer right here in the library?” Giles snapped.

“Look, all I’m saying is that we shouldn’t forget how many times we kicked Deadboy’s ass the last time he turned to the Dark Side.”

“Nor should we forget the losses we so dearly suffered at Angelus’ hands,” Giles quickly retorted. With the exception of the Slayer herself, the Watcher had, by far, suffered the most during Angelus’ reign of terror. “This time, however, Angelus will not be as easily distracted by his cat-and-mouse games with Buffy. I dare say, had he not been so obsessed with her, our losses would have been far greater than what they were.”

“Guys! Guys!” Willow interceded smoothly. “You both are making really good points here, but shouldn’t we be focusing our attention on making sure that he doesn’t lose his soul again in the first place?”

Properly chastised, the two men mutually decided to let the matter drop. It was long since time for them to begin making their plans for the evening.




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