Title: First Breath
Author: Christine
Email: Xanderette43@hotmail.com
Distribution: My site, Lil’ Nibblin, Railroad Spikes and Runrises, Tremble, Original, Aurora Borealis... anywhere else, just let me know.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Spike, Dawn or any other Buffy character... Joss owns em.
Feedback: Pretty please with sugar on top?
Rating: PG-13.... will become R later on.
Couple: Spike/Dawn
Author's Notes: Post ‘The Gift’.... about 3 years from now.

Part Three


The sun was setting when Dawn’s eyes slowly opened again. She slowly sat up and stretched, looking around the crypt for Spike. Panic hit her as she realized he wasn’t there. She quickly got up, wincing at the pain from having slept on the hard concrete floor all day long. The door was partly closed, and as Dawn opened it up again, she saw a figure sitting on a hill in the distance. She walked over and smiled a little when she saw the shocking bleached blonde hair. She sat down next to him quietly and squinted a little as they watched the sun slowly disappear from view.

“You know, when I was human back in the ol’ days, I never much appreciated the little things.... I was always striving to be the best scholar I could be, ya know? I wanted to be rich, and I wanted to have a beautiful wife so I could read my bloody awful poetry to. I never was thankful for the small things.” Spike gestured around, waving his arms around at their surroundings. “The sunset was beautiful, I hadn’t seen one since the night I was turned.”

Spike’s hand unconsciously reached out for Dawn’s, and he held hers tightly, as if she would disappear if he let go. The wind started to kick up sending a cool breeze across them. Dawn shivered, wishing she had worn something warmer then a skirt and a t-shirt. She gripped his hand, and laid her head on his shoulder. “Do you want to go inside Spike? I think it’s getting cold, and I don’t think we’re safe out here.”

Spike looked over at Dawn, and tried to smile. She looked like she was freezing, and even though he wanted to stay outside a bit more, he nodded his head. She let go of his hand and stood up. Dawn leaned down and offered her hand back to Spike, who accepted it. She helped him up and then hand in hand they walked back to the crypt.

Once inside the crypt, Dawn rubbed her shoulders to get some of the feeling back in them. Spike was shivering too, he wasn’t used to body temperatures yet. Dawn noticed and walked over, putting her arms around him. He wrapped his arms around her too and for a moment thought he was going to break down again. He willed the tears away and concentrated on getting them both warm again. Dawn sensed his sudden tenseness and moved her head so that she could see his face. She noticed the unshed tears in his eyes that threatened to fall. She caressed the side of his face and kissed his forehead. “It’s okay to cry Spike, I’m here, you don’t have to be embarrassed.”

He looked at her and saw the sincerity in her eyes. He also saw something that he never saw there before, love. His eyes widened and he backed away from her. “No.”

Dawn was confused. She didn’t understand why Spike had so suddenly pushed her away. True, she wasn’t experienced in the whole ‘vampire-turned-human-with-a-soul-thing’ but still she would’ve thought Spike needed comfort. “No what Spike? I don’t understand.”

Spike shook his head. “You can’t love me, I’m a monster... the things I did, the innocent people....”

Dawn’s eyes grew wide. Spike knew she loved him. Her hands grew shaky as she realized her darkest secret was out. But now was not the time to be upset, she needed to convince Spike that he wasn’t a monster. She walked slowly over to where he stood and reached for his hands. He drew his hands back and backed away again. She saw the pain and loneliness in his eyes and felt for him.

“Spike please don’t avoid me.”

Spike looked down at the floor as tears ran down his face. “I’m sorry Dawnie, I just can’t let you love me... I’m a nobody, you should be with a man who doesn’t have a mental list of the people he’s killed over the past hundred plus years. I should go...”

He started to walk to the door but Dawn ran in front of it, blocking his way out.

“Dawn, please move out of the way.”

“No.”

“Dawn, I need you to move so I can walk out of here.”

“No.”

“Dawn, I’m not going to ask you again!”

He walked the few paces to where Dawn stood, and was about to push her out of the way when she put her hand up at him.

“Don’t make me use my power.”

Spike’s eyes widened and he backed up. Dawn moved towards him, never breaking eye contact. “You say I can’t love you, but you know, love does that funny little thing where it doesn’t listen to what people tell it. I never planned on loving you Spike, but ever since I was fifteen I loved you more then anything. You were my best friend, you listened to me when everyone else shut me out, whether by accident or on purpose. I trust you with my life.”

Tears ran down her cheeks as she continued, her voice shaking. “Don’t tell me I can’t love you. And do not tell me you’re a monster because I know you’re not. You weren’t when I first met you, and you aren’t now. I've wanted to tell you for a long time now how much I've wanted to be with you, I just never knew how. I’m sorry you’re in pain right now, and I know its my fault, but please don’t shut me out because I’m the only person right now who cares about you.”

Dawn wiped her face with her arm, and looked down. Spike walked over and put his arms around her. She looked up at him and saw the same emotions in his eyes that she felt whenever she thought about him. “I’m sorry Dawn, I just don’t want you to have sit here with me while I feel guilty, and this isn’t your fault, I would’ve fought that thing whether you were here or not." He ran his hand up and down her back, closing his eyes at the feeling of her pressed up against his now beating heart.

Dawn felt the thumping sound in his chest and smiled. She looked into his eyes, and without words, she knew that he loved her just as much as she loved him. He slowly leaned down, his lips lightly touching hers. She leaned forward more and returned the kiss. He held on to her tightly and she wrapped her arms around him. Her lips grazed his again, and this time he broke the kiss and looked at her. “Dawn, I need to tell you something.”

Dawn could see the inner conflict in his face... whether or not to tell her that he loved her. She smiled a little, sensing his decision would be the better of the two. “Yea Spike?”

Spike kissed her again gently and took her hands in his. “I love you too. I never meant to love you like I do, but it just happened and even though I feel guilty and remorseful right now, I needed you to know, ya know, in case anything happened.”

Tears slid down Dawn’s face, making her torn shirt wet. She reached up, took Spike’s face in her hands and passionately kissed him. He returned the kiss and together they made their way to his bed.

To be continued....