Fateful Drinking Buddies: Baby it's Cold Outside."
by Strange Bint


Fateful Drinking Buddies
by Strange Bint
Strangebint.com




Fateful Drinking Buddies

"Give me a pint of Guinness. That ought to get the taste of Mountain Dew outta my mouth," Spike said to the baby-faced bartender.

He didn't question about the Mountain Dew. People around here seemed to just keep to themselves. It wasn't as if he could share his story with anyone anyway. He was usually good at leaving out the bits of magic and vamps and blood when he wanted to suss things out in his head by telling his tale to someone. Did it really matter that he was a vampire, or that the girl who he burned for was a Slayer? Every story really boiled down to love and blood, and if you glossed over the bloody parts people wanted to hear the story. But, now things were getting a bit more complicated. For instance, how does a bloke work wanting to be the chosen champion of mankind and then getting a mouthful of that yellow piss into a tale of humanity?

"Yeah, that happens when you dew the dew. It seems like a good idea for the caffeine buzz, but the after taste almost makes it not worth it," a familiar voice chuckled and sat down next to him at the bar.

"I was going for the caffeine high of all time, Mate. The one that would give me the energy to save the world. I finally got the edge over the Poof that always beat me out. But, the dew turned out flat, as you know...Been hopin' you'd drop in," Spike smiled.

That was how one could tell the tale to the average Joe. But this bloke wasn't average and he was no Joe.

"You drinkin' Guinness? That's an Irish beer, and here I thought you wanted to get the boss off your mind," Gunn said.

He tapped the glass with his thumb.

"He's not MY boss, Charlie...He's the man I beat to the prize, and I do mean beat," Spike smiled.

"Yeah, you beat him to the fairy tale cup. Big wow. And as far as the rest of the beating it looks like he gave as good as he got," Gunn said.

"It's not how you play, it's the winning part that counts. I know you know that," Spike told him.

He'd been watching Charlie. He was never a fan of lawyers or any of the stupid shows about them on the telle, but there was something about how Charlie went for the jugular.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Gunn snapped.

"You can put down the paranoia. I'm not a fellow barrister that's taken you out for a five martini lunch to give you nice smiley threats...You want a Guinness?"
Spike asked.

Poor Charlie. He always had to be looking over his shoulder. But, that's what you get for working at Wolfram and bloody Hart.

"Never had one. Are they any good?" Gunn asked.

"Real good. Real dark...The Mics did something right...Lots a' good things come from Ireland. Beer, music, potato famine...Oh, yeah that was only good when I was evil- and actually not really. Ya ever tried to feed on a starving person? No challenge, hence no fun," Spike told him.

"If were gonna hang, you're gonna have to kill the found reminiscing of the bad ol' days, Dude."

"Oh, you have rules for being Mates? How lawyerly. You're fillin' in your new shoes real good I take it."

He had just said "lawyerly." He was still talking like her. Buffy.

"I am. But, bein' a man who knows the law isn't gonna change this brother. So far, I only have one rule for being my friend. Well, two."

"Something tells me you didn't have to pull out that rule about not reminiscing on Angel."

"Whatever is telling you that is right. The boss isn't one to remind people of what he is--- I mean was."

"That's 'cause Angel is ashamed of what he is." Spike smirked and drew out every next word as sarcastically as he could, "Oh oops, ever so sorry, I mean what he was, or do I?"

"Ya know you're a real pain in the ass?" Gunn's eyebrows raised as he smirked.

"Yeah, but I'm fun. That's something that your boss and Percy are lacking or you wouldn't have come out drinking with the likes of me."

"Yeah, but if you don't feel a thing about being a blood sucking fiend for the past one hundred plus past years I may just turn around and go home."

"I gotta feel something now? Is that your second rule, Mate?"

"No, the second rule is don't step up on my girl, not that I have one anymore. So, you can step away on Fred. You and everyone else workin' for Wolfram and Hart."

"I had a feeling the cute Tex was your Ex."

"How did you feel that?" Gunn asked as he put down the Guinness he ordered.

"The bitchiness," Spike answered after a swallow.

"Yeah, she is kinda bitchy to me these days, but why should she be any different from anyone else."

"I meant you to her. But, I understand, it's hard when a woman breaks your heart," Spike sighed and took another swallow after doing a little toasting gesture.

"The thing is she didn't. It would almost be better if she had."

"How's that now?" Spike asked, but not in a confused way.

He looked at Gunn who was looking at his Guinness.

"I loved her. I really did. I did all I could for her, and that was the thing. I did ALL I could. I did shit that was wrong. And 'cause of that she shut me out," he looked up at Spike with pursed lips. "So, I shut her out too. Then I had a chance to get back in. She wanted me back and, dude, I'm tellin' you when I say I loved her-- But, when I had a chance to get back I just felt nothin'. Dead inside. I didn't want her second chance. Part of me still finds that unbelievable, but even that part of me still feels a big nothin'."

"Sounds familiar, except for the feeling nothing part. What's wrong with you, Mate? And here you were all on me for being cold."

"Thanks a lot. Well, Baby, it's cold outside. Maybe that's why I'm so cold inside. Who knows?"

"Um, hate to tell you, but, we're in LA, Mate. Maybe you need to get outta here. I know I do."

"I mean the world's a cold place. I may have been in LA all my life, but I know this city is the world. Anywhere I go, anything I do, It won't make no difference."

"That's bollocks! You've been hangin' with Mr. Let-The-Powers-Lead-Me-Around-by-My-Ass too long!" Spike grumbled. A couple of the keep-to-myselfers looked over at him.

"Finally Angel's last name revealed," Gunn laughed. "You know he signs all the document 'Angel?' I wonder if Madonna does that? I guess he just doesn't want to be that mortal dude he used to be. I get that. But, if I start referring to myself as just 'Chuck' or somethin', just bight me," Gunn rolled his eyes.

"That's the spirit, Charlie. You gotta grab fate by the balls and shake it, if not it'll do it to you." Spike gave him a bitter smile.

"Well, that's what I'm sayin'. I did do that. I'm doin' it. This demon dude got all preachy on us this one time. He said we were just all players, pawns in a game. We weren't in control of what we did, of who we were... I was played into being the muscle for Angel-- for all of them. And it wigged me out big time. Before Angel I had my own thing goin' killing vamps. My own gang."

"No kidding? Somehow I can picture that, even though you'd get your suit dusty."

"No suit back then, dude. Try a do rag and whatever I could find in the dumpster. We came. We saw. We slayed. Ah, the simple life," Gunn smiled fondly.

"I know the feeling. You miss it. The purity of it of just going out there and hunting and feed--" Spike was surprised to interrupted by Gunn snapping.

"We were stupid! I was stupid. A stupid kid leading a whole bunch of others just as stupid as me to the end. My sister got turned. I hadda kill her. It hadda end, but I didn't want it to end. It was all I knew. So, I hooked up with Angel. What was left of my crew said I was a sell out. I knew Angel was the real deal though," he ended lowly but firmly looking Spike in the eye.

"But now you feel like some heavy hitter pushed you towards the big Poof, like they are tryin' to push me," Spike sighed.

There was no sense in denying Angel was "the real deal."

"I thought I was going with him for all the right reasons. I didn't want to be the one to lead those kids into a death trap. So, I told myself I wasn't selling out. But, Angel had money. He had an actual bed I could crash in," Gunn nodded.

"And, Baby, it's cold outside," Spike smiled sadly. "Not to mention Angel has fetching women all about him that he could never touch," Spike shook his head and smiled happily now.

"And he had kick ass weapons. But all we had then looks like tinker toys compared to what we've got in this evil Law firm deal... Dude, you gotta see this one thing that we've got, it's like this kick ass double sided sword-Ax thing," Gunn was smiling happily now too.
Spike could see it clearly in the dimly lit bar.

The trick dimming the lights to make people more pretty or mysterious didn't work on him.

"Love to, now that I could get my feelers on things again, but you aren't gonna waste my time feeling guilty thinkin' you sold out when we go up there to play with it."

"Naw, Dude. That's what I'm tryin' to tell you. I decided to do some things, not for my crew, and not for a girl, but for myself. Somebody or something may have played with me to get me here, but this time I'm gonna play back."

"There you go. I'm gonna do a bit of that myself. Why do you think I'm still in this God awful city?"

"Um, yeah. Why are you?" Gunn asked with a wrinkled brow.

"Well, like you said, I just won the practice match with being the one and all. I've got to stick around to whup your bosses ass in the Championship. I'm gonna be the one, Charlie," Spike said excitedly.

"I wouldn't bank on that. Angel may have been slow today, but HE'S a believer of fate, and he knows he's the one." Gunn said plainly after he ordered a second Guinness.

"Well, we can change that, can't we?" Spike said.
"Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Who is this we?" Gunn demanded standing up.

"I'm just said 'we' 'cause we are both grabbin' fate by the balls," Spike grinned.

"Let me set this straight right now, bro. You and I-- got zero in common," Gunn stuck his face in Spike who sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Really? Let's see..." Spike said as he slid down off the stool. "Both been thwarted by a girl we killed for, both of us really don't trust Percy, and both of us should probably be dead by now with the things we've done, but we're fighters...Unless you really did sellout and forgot how to fight," Spike grinned as he was
counting on his fingers.

"I never told you I killed for Fred. Be up in my business again, and you will have to leave LA. And, his name is Wesley, and I trust him a hell of a lot more than I trust you... And as far as fighting," Gunn paused as he punched Spike in the face." It always seems to come back to me."

Spike heard the bartender object to Spike getting hit. Spike waived the bartender away. He wasn't going to let some stranger decide what wasn't okay. His face could take it. It was an impressive hit. Spike almost fell.

"Me too... I'll never stop fighting, ya know? You heard what the Little Miss Yuppie said. This town isn't big enough for both me and Angel. Funny the world can handle all the big bad vampires it gets, but throw two good guys into the mix and it goes bloody bonkers." Spike shook his head, it didn't seem right.

"News flash, English. You ain't so good. I've been workin' with Angel a long time, and there is one thing we're all sure of and that one thing is him...being it...The one," Gunn shook his head, as he suddenly stopped with his intensity, and looked at his empty Guinness glass. "Say, what's in this drink. Anyway, Angel is the one, dude."

"Now you're saying 'we', and the only we here is us, Charlie. Maybe Angel is so sure he's the one that he doesn't need his little friends anymore."

"So, that was what this little drink date was all about? That's why you snooped around to find out the dirt on what I did for Fred?" Gunn said through almost gritted teeth as he grabbed Spike by the leather. "You thought I'd be an easy mark. Turn the brother, get him to flap his gums about his life and talk about how you're your own man too. Why does everyone think I'm stupid? They wouldn't have been able to magically put all that law junk in my brain if I didn't have one to begin with."

"I don't play like that, never did. If I ask a bloke for a drink it's for a drink... and maybe a bit of information. But, not in your case. I don't give a toss about anything that is going on with Wolfram and Hart or Angel. I never put my peepers on any files and records...Well, okay I wanted to know if Sid really did in Nancy, but they aren't around to be brassed off about it. I knew you killed for Fred because that's what a man like you would do for a girl he loved -- Anything. That's what real love is, and it may not be pretty but you felt it. We may not have the same taste in who we pick as mates, but I know you'd never betray yours because I wouldn't mine," Spike said on his toes as Gunn still had him by his duster.

He could have easily gotten Gunn's angry mitts off of his leather. It was going to get stretched, but Spike wanted to make sure he was heard.

"Oh and he keeps going with this 'Loyal like me' thing. All I've seen of you has been you out for you...A'right maybe you gave up what you thought was your last chance to be solid to save Fred, but--" Gunn let go of Spike and turned away from him before he turned back again

"What is this about?" he demanded.

"Wha? This," Spike gestured to the mahogany bar, "I wanted to talk with a bloke, and you were the best - no- you were the only choice."

"You wanted to talk?" Gunn raised his brow.

Spike didn't blame him for being confused. It seemed like Angel's people did little actual talking.

"Yeah, have a drink, maybe throw a few punches at each other. It all worked out nicely. If you wanna throw down some more let me say that you actually are stupid in one area."

"In trusting you right? Because this is all about finding a way to get to Angel. I'm tellin' you, you're barkin' up the wrong brotha," Gunn was smiling now and pointing at him with the confidence he probably had in court.

"No, Angel and I are going to fight it out alone. You, Percy, Fred, his big bad company, they can't help him be the one. The only thing that can is his desire, his passion...So, that's the only thing that can be used against him," Spike smirked.

"I'll buy that. So, why exactly am I stupid?" Gunn paced around to the other side of Spike in definite courtroom style now.

"You mentioned that you let them use magic for your brain. Now there's a mistake." Spike said.

But he knew you couldn't get Charlie's swagger like that with magic. You had to get it the old fashioned way. You had to fight for it.

"You may have pulled some psychic mojo to know I killed for Fred, but what you don't know couldn't fit in your dead brain. I've got my resources from way up high that what I did was cool." Gunn said airily.

"Oh, that doesn't sound too ominous," Spike rolled his eyes.

"The big cat does a lot of things, lying isn't one," Gunn folded his arms in his white button-down.

"He might not have to be lying for things to turn out in a way you don't want. I'm not lying, and things aren't going to turn out the way you want for your boss."

Spike could sound ominous too.

"You're pretty damn sure of yourself for a dude with no job or a place to crash, and Baby, it's cold outside." Gunn dismissed him.

"Sorry, Charlie," Spike sighed with a smile.

"You're sorry?"

"How do you think this universe being out of balance with the me an' Angel all soul-happy is gonna end? With a slap and a tickle for the loser? One of us is gonna have to throw the other off the scale to balance it."

"Angel's gonna kill you, damn! That's too bad. You are a decent listener," Gunn said lightly.

"Well, I'll be free to listen to you bitch about how I had to kill Angel."

"You realize I can't root for you in this fight in any way."
"Doesn't matter. I don't need a cheerleader...Some Guinness's will do."

So, they ordered a few more. The bar seemed to get darker, and it made Spike only see the drunk people easier. Easy kills, back in the day. He needed more blood. He'd have to go back to the big bad office and knick some of Angel's.

"Wanna go see the sword~Ax thing?" Gunn asked after some time of drinking in silence.

"Sure," he answered.

They went into the big old weapons room. The room itself had to be one of Angel's favorite toys. Spike could finally feel weapons in his hands again. That alone was almost worth burning up backwards into this God awful place. Of course, him and Gunn ended up in a friendly fencing fight with real swords.

"So, it seems they make two breeds of English people, with the stick in the ass, or without. I think I like the without version better," Gunn said as their swords fell together.

"Yeah, Percy is a Poof," Spike confirmed as he was able to back Gunn up a bit.

"I wasn't talking about Wes. I was talking about that dude that gave you the fake prophecy. What was up with him? Besides being evil," Gunn said as he was advancing on Spike.

He was good.

"Yeah, he had more than a stick up his ass, more like a whole tree, but Percy HAS got a stick-- admit it," Spike tried to smile, but he had to concentrate harder than he thought to hold his own.

"Okay, maybe you aren't trying to turn me against anyone for the Sanshu, but you are a catty bitch," Gunn laughed out of breath.

He had stripped down to his T-shirt.

"Oh, c'mon you know he's a Poof," Spike insisted.
He wasn't tired at all, and of course he wasn't sweaty or out of breath. But, still Charlie was a fighter, because Spike had to move his ass in order to keep up.

"No, he's not!" Gunn grumbled as he hit Spike's sword away from him for a second.

"What is a Poof exactly?" Gunn asked as their swords were locked together.

"You know...what I call a cigarette, um, Gay," Spike said.

"Dude, my life would be so much easier if he was a Poof," Gunn smirked and put his sword down and turned to get water.

"Really?" Spike wrinkled his forehead in surprise.
He usually sensed these things.

"Hmm, never would have suspected you. Sorry for the slur then. Why didn't you say so? You could do so much better than ol' Percy. But, no wonder you were numb about Fred then. But, I could see where she could straighten you out for--"

"Okay, I'm going to have all you just said so erased from my head! I'm not gay!" with that Gunn knocked the sword out of Spike's hand.

"Wes moved in on Fred when I was with her. So, if he was gay---"

"Oh, please and you won't even admit he's a Poof. You
can take loyalty too far. I'd rip his bloody throat out," Spike said as he kicked up his sword and caught it with a smile.

"Tried that. It only put more of a rift between me and Fred...Maybe he is just a little poof-ish, but if you ever mess with him--"

"Please, like I would waste my time with him. You're the only bloke worth talking to," Spike said as he waited for Gunn to be ready to fight again.

"Ya know, I thought you were gay?" Gunn said as they both bowed in the center of the room.

Charlie was into to the Eastern stuff.

"Me?" Spike was distracted and Gunn gained on him again.

"Balls! It's because I'm pretty. Can't help that," Spike said as their swords hit.

"No, you ain't that pretty. It's because you always showed up in the bathroom when you were a ghost makin' comment about my..."

"Oh that. Bloody hell!" he laughed, "I just wanted to shake things up. It's what I do -- figuratively. I wanted to see if the blokes Angel chose could handle a rattle-- again I mean a rattle..

"...figuratively, so how'd I do?" Gunn asked as he backed Spike out of the circle because the conversation topic was just too funny for him to fully concentrate.

"Pretty good. Hope you can take what's to come," Spike said as he whipped his sword back and forth, feeling the wind he was creating.

"I'm ready," Gunn said as he went back to the center of the room.

"You know...if you try to kill Angel in any way that's not cool-like a sneak attack or something-I'll kill you."

"Right," Spike nodded. "But, I know you won't do anything if it's a fair fight."

"Right, but something tells me you haven't always fought fair. You were the dude that said it's winning that counts," Gunn said as he escaped Spike's hit.

"I meant, it doesn't matter how bad you get beat," Spike explained as he hit Gunn's sword, "or how many times...Just as long as you win...in the end. And it doesn't matter what I used to do, does it? But, just for the record, I was never one for the ambush. That's was never really my style I'm more--

"...direct," Gunn completed as he ran at Spike hard.
"Right. No challenge---" Spike said as Gunn was backing him up.

"Means no fun," Gunn smiled.

END

BABY IT'S COLD OUTSIDE
I really can't stay
But baby it's cold outside
I've got to go 'way
But baby it's cold outside
This evening has been
Been hoping that you'd drop in
So very nice
I'll hold your hands they're just like ice.
My mother will start to worry
Beautiful what's your hurry?
And father will be pacing the floor
Listen to the fireplace roar
So really I'd better scurry
Beautiful please don't hurry
Well maybe just a half a drink more
Put some music on while I pour.
The neighbors might think
But baby it's bad out there
Say what's in this drink
No cabs to be had out there
I wish I knew how
Your eyes are like starlight now
To break this spell
I'll take your hat your hair looks swell.
I oughta say no no no sir
Mind if I move a bit closer?
At least I'm gonna say that I tried
What's the sense of hurting my pride
I really can't stay
Oh baby don't hold out
Ah, but it's cold outside
Baby it's cold outside
I simply must go
But baby it's cold outside
The answer is No
Ooh baby it's cold outside
The welcome has been
How lucky that you dropped in
So nice and warm
Look out the window at that storm.
My sister will be suspicious
My your lips look delicious
My brother will be there at the door
Waves upon a tropical shore
My maiden aunt's mind is vicious
Gosh your lips are delicious
Well maybe just a half-a-drink more
Never such a blizzard before.
I've got to get home
But baby you'd freeze out there
Say lend me a comb
It's up to your knees out there
You've really been grand
Your eyes are like starlight now
But don't you see
How can you do this thing to me?
There's bound to be talk tomorrow
Think of my lifelong sorrow
At least there will be plenty implied
If you caught pneumonia and died
I really can't stay
Get over that old doubt,
Ah, but it's cold outside
Baby it's cold outside
It's cold out side.
It's cold out side.

End Fateful Drinking Buddies by Strange Bint.





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