My Heart Will Go On: My Heat Will Go On
by Sapphire
Disclaimer: Angel and Buffy belong to Joss Whedon and Mutunt Enemy, I am just borrowing them for a bit. I promise to return them unharmed ;) The song 'My Heart Will Go On' is from the movie and Titanic, and is sang by Celine Dion, and I don't own that either.

This is my first Buffy fanfic, although I have been writing X-Files fanfic under different names for a couple of years. Feedback would be very much appreciated. This is basically a slayerangst piece. Hope that you like it.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


That song pays on the radio 5,000 times a day, and I am pretty sure that I have heard it every time since that day. You know, we saw that movie together, Angel and I. It was our one attempt at an actual normal date. It was nice to get out of that cemetery for once.

Gee, that's a sentence you don't hear very often, I bet. Such is my life.

After he walked me home and we talked and he told me some stories that he had heard about the Titanic when it happened.

Yes, it is much weird to have your boyfriend telling you 'Where I was when' stories about something that happened almost ninety years ago. But it was nice anyway.

When I watched that movie I thought that Angel's death was about the least of my worries, seeing that he is immortal and all. I mean, we put ourselves in danger so much, I...I don't know, maybe I just never let the actual possibility sink in.

I was so wrong.

What he is, what happened, its worse than death, and it is all my fault. I feel like I am in hell. I look at his face, hear his voice, see his body, and they all belong to the guy I love.

Then I look in his eyes.

That is when I know that my Angel is really gone. They are cold, calculating, loathing.

Pure evil.

I almost wish he *were* dead. It would be easier to take than listening to the same voice that said 'I love you' to me say such ugly things now. Part of me wants to die when I hear it. The other part of me is raging that fate, God, gypsies, whatever, could use something as beautiful as what we shared to turn him into the monster that he is now. How could I have been so stupid? What was I thinking? How could I have known what would happen? I keep asking myself these questions over and over, like a bad song that I can't get out of my head. He tried to warn me that it might not be a good idea, but Buffy the Raging Hormone wouldn't listen to him. I just loved him so much...no, I *love* him so much. Present tense. I am in love with someone who doesn't exist anymore. The soul I love is gone and the demon has taken its place again. Most girls have to worry about STD's and babies when they have sex the first time. Me, I turn my boyfriend back into a blood-sucking vamp fiend after one time.

It doesn't feel like it now, but I know that the song is true. I will go on, my heart will go on. I will always love the Angel I knew, but if I don't find a way to get him back, I will have to do it. I will have to kill him. I will want to die if that happens, but my heart will go on. But, it won't ever forget. I will never forget what he had. And I know that wherever *my* Angel is, he would want me to kill Angelus, and go on. I will go on, and he will go on...in me. Becuase I keep him here in my heart, and my heart will go on.

The end.

Short and sweet, and right to the ansgt ;) Please let me know what you thought!


This story archived at: The Slayer\'s Fanfic Archive
The Slayer\\\\\\\\'s FanFic Archive - http://www.slayerfanfic.com/viewstory.php?sid=9670