Even the Music is Against You: Even the Music is Against You
by The Te Whakinga Kid
The characters are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy etc. The plot is my own.
The song lyrics used in this story are:
The Perfect Girl - The Cure
Possibly Maybe - Bjork
Do You Love Me Now - The Breeders
Scene III - Che Fu
Crestfallen - The Smashing Pumpkins
Author's note: (look ma, I'm an author!) This is the sequel to Graveside
Confessions. Both stories are post-Becoming.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Xander yawned as he treaded slowly upstairs to his bedroom. The day had been tiring, both physically and emotionally.
He'd spent the past three hours with Willow, working at repatching their tattered friendship. Things were starting to get better. After half an hour or so their mutual discomfort began to melt away. Apart from a few accidental mentionings of Oz and Cordelia (accompanied by rather uncomfortable silences) the afternoon had been good.
Their friendship was on the mend, but Xander still had one problem. He was still in love with Willow in a less than friend-like way.
He opened the door to his bedroom and surveyed the mess. His mother had finally decided to stop picking up after him a year ago. Three months ago she point-blank refused to enter his room again. He walked in and closed the door behind him. He waded through the rubble on the floor to his desk. Slumping in to the chair, he reached over and switched on his stereo.
Depression was something he didn't feel like experiencing depression now, so he by-passed the local country station. He twisted the tuner aimlessly until he heard something.
The music was pure pop. Definitely '80's. Infectiously happy. He relaxed and leant back in his chair.
'You're such a strange girl
I think you come from another world
You're such a strange girl
I really don't understand a word
You're such a strange girl
I'd like to shake you around and around
I'd like to turn you all upside down'
He started bobbing his head to the beat.
'You're such a strange girl
The way you look like you do
You're such a strange girl
I want to be with you
He sat up straight in his chair as thoughts of Willow began to invade his mind.
'I think I'm falling
I think I'm falling in
I think I'm falling in love with you
With you'
More thoughts of Willow started to creep into his head. The way she smiled. The smell of her hair. The way the t-shirt she'd been wearing today had clung to her upper body.
Xander shook hi head. No. He was not going to fantisise about his friend. He reached over and twisted the tuner again until he reached the next station.
The last thing he needed was a song telling him something he already knew.
'As much as I definitely enjoy solitude
I wouldn't mind perhaps
Spending a little time with you
Sometimes
Sometimes'
He recognised the distinctive female voice immediately. Some woman with a weird name. Willow listened to her.
'Possibly maybe
Probably love'
He reached over again and twisted the tuner violently.
'Do you think of me
Like I dream of you?'
Xander groaned and lay his head on the desk, giving up.
'You've loved me before Do you love me now?'
As the song continued to play he thought of Willow. Today it had been like two friends hanging out together. But as the day wore on he began to focus on the smallest details about her.
When he'd followed her in to the ice cream parlour he noticed how pretty her neck was. So he told she should wear her hair up more often. She'd given him the tiniest of smiles and thanked him. A year ago she would have given him a real smile and blushed.
He reached over again and turned the tuner. The song was beginning to depress him.
'She took my hand
And wrapped her words around me
I drew breath so that I could reply
But my voice grew weak
For my heart can't speak
And the moment cruised on by'
He had thought about telling her. The words had danced on the tip of his tongue. I love you.
They had been walking aimlessly around the town with their ice creams. He had been thinking about last Summer, just before Buffy had returned. They'd been eating ice cream and playing one of their silly games. They had almost kissed, but his idiot brain had interferred.
=What are you doing?=
Huh?
=It's Willow!=
So?
=She's not a girl, she's your friend.=
Oh.
So he'd pulled back. Which was lucky since a vampire had been about to pounce on them. But now he just felt regret.
He turned to look at her, but she was totally involved in licking her ice cream. He noticed a new ring on her finger. It was simple, two pieces of gold wrapped around each other. It suited her perfectly. He mentioned it, hoping to score some Brownie points.
"Oh, Oz bought it for me," she looked down at it and smiled. One of her proper ones that showed her teeth.
Her casual reply felt like a kick to the gut to him. All thoughts of professing his love for her fled his mind and were replaced by thoughts of Willow and Oz together. The idea of the two of them having sex made him physically ill.
He got up from his desk and lay down on his bed. Another song began.
'Who am I to need you when I'm down?
And where are you when I need you around?
Your life is not your own
And all I ask you is for another chance
Another way around you
To live by circumstance
Once again'
He listened closely to the words of the song, hoping for some sort of an answer.
'Who am I to need you now?
To ask you why, to tell you no
To deserve your love and sympathy
You were never meant to belong to me
And you may go but I know you won't leave
Too many years built into memories
Your life is not your own'
He rolled onto his stomach and thought about the words. Maybe they weren't meant to be together, at least not now. She was with Oz, and she obviously loved him (and, if he knew what was good for him, he loved her too). And he had his own strange, hormone-driven relationship with Cordelia.
He would still be her friend. He would always be her friend, he thought determinedly. And he was happy with that. For now.
FIN
This story archived at: The Slayer\'s Fanfic Archive
The Slayer\\\\\\\\'s FanFic Archive - http://www.slayerfanfic.com/viewstory.php?sid=9662