Three Handed Game: Part 6
by Theodore J Miller
Spike was at his warehouse base, that same day after the negotiations. He'd been studying the printout listing the criminals he'd captured from the prison van. "Dirk!" he called.

A vampire in punk attire came over. "Yes, Spike?"

"How many of the prisoners have had the whole blood- exchange routine so far?"

"Just the one, Spike." Dirk replied. "You did say that you wanted our blood concentrated in getting that particular one ready quickly, rather than converting several and waiting days for them to rise."

"That one has such an amusing little 'hobby', doesn't he?" Spike commented. "If things work out right, he'll get rid of both Simon AND the Slayer for me."

"He's the one with the beautiful name, right, Spike?" Drusilla asked. "Sometimes I wish that was my name. You can do all sorts of lovely things to people if your name is 'Torture', and they can't complain about it, because that IS your name. Can I change my name to 'Torture' if I want to, Spike?"

"His name's not 'Torture', love," Spike said, "it's... oh, never mind. You can change your name to anything you like, Princess." He turned to Dirk. "Dirk, my punkish chum, I've got a slight dilemma. I promised that Slayer girl that I wouldn't change any more people into vampires. However, one new vampire is hardly sufficient, is it? So, here's my problem. Should I lie to her and say that I've already changed all the criminals I captured into vampires? Or should I lie to her and say that I've already changed MOST of the criminals into vampires? What do you think?"

"Well, I..."

"You know, you're right, Dirk. Why be greedy, when I don't really need ALL these criminals? Here, get these two," Spike said as he indicated names on the list. "They're about the least useful ones. Take them through the sewers, and shove them out in front of a police station. Let the Slayer think I'm a nice guy, that I keep my word and all that rot."

"Uh, Spike," Sheila spoke up, "what if they tell the police about us? I'm not complaining or anything, just asking."

"Well, let's see. 'Hello, Mr. Policeman, we're convicted felons who escaped from a prison van. But we didn't WANT to escape; the vampires made us do it.' I can just see the coppers going for that one." He turned back to Dirk. "Oh, we'll be doing Wallinsky next."

"The blackmailer?" Dirk asked. "Why...?"

"Just a thought I had," Spike answered. "He's apparently very good with hidden video cameras, and there's a certain Slayer who I'll want to immortalize on video in her farewell performance." He turned to Josh. "Go watch your computer, kid. The Slayer's friend is supposed to be in contact with us, so we can plan the Grand Alliance's attack on Simon the Boring. As for me, it's about time I introduce Mr. Wallinsky to the joys of immortality and a liquid diet."

Eventually, Josh got an e-mail from Willow. "Here you are, Spike."

"Oh, how magnanimous of them," Spike said as he read it. "They're letting me send one vampire each to help the Slayer at the morgue, and Angelus at some funeral parlor, and as many vampires as I want to the cemetery. Well, I'll let them call the shots for now; but soon, it'll be a different story." Spike paused. "Now let's see. I think I'll go 'assist' this Slayer myself. Give me a chance to get to know her."

"You're not going to be TOO friendly with her, are you, Spike?" Drusilla asked. "I'm the only one you love, aren't I? You're not looking for someone else because I'm sick?"

"No, of course not, Princess," Spike answered. "You're my one true love, Drusilla."

"That's good, Spike. Because if you loved someone else, she might have an accident, like leaving big bits of her insides all over the countryside, miles and miles away from each other."

"That's what I love about you, Dru. You show such concern for others. No, love, I'm just going to talk to this Slayer a bit, work with her, fight alongside her, and THEN I'll kill her."

"Will you kill her VERY dead?" Drusilla asked.

"Extremely dead, love," Spike said. "Dead as dead can be. But first, we've got things to do. Sheila, girl, get over here. I want you to go to this fancy funeral parlor, and help my 'beloved sire' Angelus kill some of Simon's vampires if they show up. Oh, and while you're waiting, talk to Angelus. See what kind of Darth Vader he's pulled on us."

"Darth Vader?"

"You know, really great character for two movies and most of the third, then at the end they spoil it by getting him all 'redeemed'. That's the trouble with writers; they come up with these great characters, like Scrooge or the Grinch, then they have to make them go totally out of character and become all marshmallowy inside."

"Uh, right, got it," Sheila said.

"Spike, tell her not to kill Angelus yet," Drusilla interjected. "He's my daddy, too, and I want to say 'hello' to him."

"Now, YOU'RE not going to be too friendly with someone else, either, are you, love?" Spike asked her.

"No, I just want to tell him what happened to all my family," Drusilla said.

"Drusilla, love, he KNOWS what happened to your family. He's the one who killed them," Spike said.

"But I haven't TOLD him what happened," Drusilla replied. "I used to tell Angelus about my family, and sometimes we'd laugh, and sometimes I'd tell him he was bad, and usually I wouldn't kill him."

"Whatever you want, Princess," Spike said to her, then told a confused Sheila, "You just go, and try to make sure Angelus survives, for now." He turned to the other vampires. "Dirk, Tex, you get to hang around the cemetery. And that leaves Josh. You stay here with your computer, see if you can find anything else for me. And keep an eye on things; make sure nothing happens to Dru while I'm gone, and watch the criminals and that Prof Higgins guy. I'm leaving him human in case I can use him, but I don't trust him."

"Um, do you trust anybody?" Josh asked.

"Not a one, kid. I even hold a knife on myself while I'm shaving, in case I try anything. Now, let's go, people. I'm giving you an opportunity that usually only vampire leaders get; you get to kill other vampires. Make me proud, and remember, it's dangerous out there, so be brutal."

Buffy was at the morgue when a noise startled her. She whirled, stake in one hand and cross in the other, and saw Spike standing there. "Put down the toys, little girl. Remember, we're on the same side now. And isn't that a kick in the head? Me and a Slayer, on the same side. Like they say, politics makes strange bedfellows."

Buffy relaxed but remained wary. "I'm nobody's bedfellow," she said.

"Nobody at all? You Slayers lead sheltered lives, don't you. But you're different; the whole friends and family bit. Sure there's not some boyfriend out there, just waiting for you to show him what a Slayer can REALLY do? That boy who helped you negotiate with me, perhaps? Or is it my old friend Angelus? Is that how you made a tame lapdog out of him, by letting him sniff after your body? You fancy a bit of rough, girl?"

"Shut up! Don't talk about Angel, or Xander. You don't know anything about them, or me; you're just another stupid vampire. I should stake you right now."

"But this is so much more amusing. I never get to talk to Slayers. Oh, sometimes they beg me not to kill them, but that's not real conversation. Sit down, girl; tell me your hopes and dreams. You know, the whole girl-talk bit."

"My HOPES? My DREAMS?" Buffy said incredulously. "I could HAVE some hopes, and some dreams that weren't nightmares, if bloodsuckers like you didn't keep coming here. Why can't you just stay in Transylvania or wherever it is, and stop screwing up my life?"

"It was Prague, actually. Nice place, but a bunch of tiresome peasants with torches took exception to me. I can't imagine why."

"Because you tortured and killed a whole bunch of them, probably. The whole inhuman monster bit."

"Inhuman? Interesting word, girl. I've known quite a few humans in my day. And some of them killed more people every single day than I could kill in a year. Of course, they had an advantage. Whole bunches of other humans, willing, no, eager to follow their orders to wipe out whole populations."

"And that makes what you do okay? You can go around killing people so you can drink their blood, or just because it AMUSES you, and that's okay, 'cause some dictators in Europe killed a bunch of people, too?!"

"I've got an excuse; I'm a vampire, remember? Birds gotta fly, fish gotta swim, vamps gotta kill. Those dictators; what's THEIR excuse? And in the whole scheme of things, am I so bad? Get rid of me, get rid of ALL the vampires, and humans would still go on merrily killing each other by the millions, for land or money or religion or whatever other excuse they find."

"Sure, let's sing 'Imagine' together, why don't we?" Buffy said sarcastically. "I'm not here to listen to you talk about politics, or whatever."

"Then let's talk about something else. What's with that mother of yours, coming after ME with an ax. You got some kind of second-generation Slayer thing going here?"

"She's my MOTHER; she loves me, she cares about me, and she doesn't want to see me hurt. YOU wouldn't know about that, would you?" Buffy paused. "You're not planning to hurt her, are you? If you do, I'll..." she began fiercely.

"You're a fierce little minx when someone threatens your family, aren' t you? I'll remember that. But relax, girl; I don't hold grudges. Oh, who am I kidding, of course I hold grudges. But I'll make an exception in your mother's case. She's too old for me to drink anyway; I prefer something younger. About your age, in fact."

"Try it and the deal's off, and you're leaving here in an ashtray."

"Oh, I'll keep our little deal, girl. I've even let the criminals I hadn't killed yet go free. Well, as free as they'll be after the police get a hold of them. But don't be too sure that I'D be the one leaving in an ashtray. So far my record against Slayers is two and oh, with one 'game called on account of mother'."

"And MY record is one Master, lots of other vampires, a giant bug, a few demons, dead once but still undefeated."

"You've been a busy little Slayer girl, haven't you? Just a non-stop killing machine. I said we were a lot alike."

"Stop saying that! I've got real feelings; you're the one who's just a killing machine. YOU don't have anyone you care about, and who really cares about you, like I have my friends, my mother."

"Oh, don't be too sure about that, girl. We vampires aren't as lacking in those feelings as you think. But if thinking about us that way makes it easier on your conscience to go around offing us, be my guest."

"Ha! You probably killed your mother, and your whole family, AND all your friends, as soon as you became a vampire. You probably started BEFORE you were a vampire."

"Actually, I was quite a gentle soul in my day. I wouldn't have hurt a fly."

"Yeah, only because flies don't scream loud enough," Buffy retorted.

"Good one, girl. I'll remember that one. But anyway, if you want to talk to a true expert in wiping out whole families, try talking to Angelus. Tortured and remorseful, now, is he? He's got a lot he can be remorseful about. When I knew him, he could wipe out an entire village, and never kill two people in the same way."

"I said, shut up about Angel! He's different, now. He doesn't hurt anyone, he wants to make up for what he did."

"But underneath is the Angelus I knew, just waiting to pop out. You know, girl, if I was the merciful kind, I WOULD kill you now. You'd suffer less than you will when Angelus finally shows his true colors."

"No more talking about Angel! We're not here to talk to each other. Just go watch the dead bodies, and wait for them to get up, and leave me alone."

"As you wish, girl," Spike said, and turned away, letting a slight smile of satisfaction play over his lips.

Around the same time, Xander and Angel arrived at the funeral parlor where the bodies of City Councilman Peter Sanchez and his wife had been brought. Xander looked around, and commented, "Nice place here; some people really know how to live. Well, sort of; they're dead and all, but other than that..."

"Do we really need the whole 'amusing banter' routine while we're here?" Angel interrupted "I'm not some teenage girl that you have to impress with your supposed cleverness. And why Buffy saddled me with you in the first place..."

"Maybe to give you a kick in the rear if you just sit around brooding when there's work to be done," Xander retorted. "It's not like THAT hasn't happened before. Or else when the vampires show up, you could use that great 'I'm still a bad vampire; let's bite Xander' trick; it worked so INCREDIBLY well with Spike."

"You know," said Angel, "I don't know why Buffy thought working with the vampires would be so bad. After working with you, anything would be a relief."

"Like you're Mr. Fun-To-Be-With," Xander said. "If I was picking someone I wanted to work with, it would be someone much younger than you, much more female, and much less dead."

"Settle for two out of three, Xander?" a female voice asked. Xander and Angel looked up and saw Sheila standing there.

"Sheila," Xander said uncomfortably. "Buffy said that they, um, made you a vampire. I'm, uh, sorry about that?"

"Don't be sorry," Sheila said. "Don't you think it suits me? You once called me 'the girl most likely to take a life,' didn't you?"

"Well, yes, but that was over a year ago, before Buffy showed up. That is, I mean...."

"And I guess you were more than you seemed." She looked at him contemplatively. "Xander Harris, junior ghostbuster. I used to think you were just another loser, but maybe I should have given you a try. Didn't you ever want that?"

"Well, actually, the guys you were with, they tended to have cars, and tattoos, and felony convictions, so I never even thought..."

"Is this really necessary?" Angel interrupted.

"And you, Angel," Sheila said. "I saw you around the Bronze once or twice. If I'd known you were a vampire... that beats biker guys by a mile."

"Yeah, Angel," Xander said; "you could have been the ultimate thrill date."

"Thrill dates, ha," Sheila said, "and everything else I did. To that rodent Snyder, I was the worst thing he could imagine, just because I stabbed a teacher once."

"Well," said Xander, "that was pretty... intense."

"It was nothing! If Snyder knew what was really going around here, what I am now and the things I do now, he'd wet himself."

"I do NOT want to listen to you brag about whatever atrocities you have committed," Angel said. "The descent, from whatever you may have been like before, to this, this THING you are now, a thing like I was..."

"Spike told me about you," Sheila said to Angel. "You used to be worse than me, or him, or any of them."

"But I am NOT like that anymore," Angel said firmly.

"Yeah, he's not like that anymore," Xander agreed, then added under his breath, "At least, I HOPE he's not like that anymore."

"But can you really change from all that?" Sheila asked. "What I was like before; no way could I have gone from that to being Sister Sheila the saint. And you were so much worse. Once you've been REALLY bad, you can't go back."

"Once I had my soul restored, once I had the knowledge of what I'd become, and the strength to fight it..."

"But can you fight it?" Sheila asked. "Look at Xander here. I heard you arguing with him before; you don't like him. Don't you just wanna sink your fangs in him?"

"Hey, I've got a cross here," Xander said, "and I'm not afraid to use it."

Ignoring him, Sheila continued, "Come on, Angel; let's be bad. Let's be REALLY bad. Even before, that was the biggest rush, to do something just because everyone said I shouldn't. But now, like this, it's just, whoa! The blood, the killing, the sheer ... badness. I bet you miss all that; I bet sometimes you miss it so bad you can't stand it. We've got Xander here; we can have all sorts of really NASTY fun with him, and you can just tell Buffy that one of the other vampires got him. Do it, Angel; I dare you."

And Angel laughed. "Is that it? Is that the big temptation, the big attempt by the forces of evil to bring me back to the dark side? A high school girl DARES me?"

"Hey," Sheila said, "I'm..."

"You're a juvenile delinquent who's been a vampire for a couple of weeks," Angel said. "Don't try to play the great temptress and queen of evil; you're not up to it yet."

"Hmmph", Sheila said, and went off into a corner to sulk.

"Hey, don't feel too bad," Xander said to her reassuringly. "You would have convinced me to ... sheesh, what am I saying?" He turned back to Angel. "Angel, my man, you weren't actually tempted there to chomp on my neck, were you?"

"Do you REALLY want me to answer that?" Angel asked him.

"Um, maybe not," Xander said. "If you'll excuse me, I feel a sudden need to sharpen things. WOODEN things. LOTS of them." He turned away, muttering, "They either want to bite my neck, or bite off my head. I'm more than just a neck, you know..."

And over in the cemetery:

"Chinese?"

"Nah, an hour later you're hungry again. Mexican?"

"Too dang spicy. Vegetarian?"

"BOR-ING."

"I kin make a run to the all-night doughnut place."

"Hmm, a nice fat guy buying doughnuts. Yeah, I could go for that."

"Fine, I'll rustle us up a little snack, a pint each, then we'll let him go."

"Catch and release? Guess that'll keep Spike's little arrangement intact, for now. Oh, don't take too long, Tex. Spike wants us to watch this grave."

"Ya kin watch a grave by yaself for a few minutes, Dirk."

Back at Spike's base, Josh had been left to wait around. "Enough of this garbage," he said. "I'm not gonna sit around here 'minding the store' just because Spike says so. I'm a VAMPIRE now; I'm not working at McDonald's. And it's time that pain Calendar got what's coming to her."

Josh looked around and spotted Prof Higgins. "You, Prof guy. Get over here. Spike left you human so you could get into places; well, you're going to get ME in somewhere now. Unless, of course, you would prefer for me to ... oh, stuff the fancy threats. You come with me and do what I want, or I'll bite you and drink your blood. Got it?

"Y-yes, I got it."

"Then let's go."

Josh and Prof left. Drusilla wandered into the room soon after, carrying one of her dolls. "Look, Miss Edith, nobody's here. I was going to tell them that Mr. Torture with the lovely name got up now, but there's nobody to tell. Isn't it naughty of that boy to go out when Spike told him to stay here; Spike's going to punish him for that. I hope Spike lets me watch; punishing is such a lovely red color."

Drusilla listened to the doll. "That's a good idea, Miss Edith; I'll give Spike a present, and he'll let me watch the punishment. Spike wanted me to see where the bad vampires are; I'll draw him a picture of it. I can do it in red, and Mr. Torture can have a drink at the same time, if we use that man who Spike said was a loud-mouth." She left the room, saying "Are you here, Mr. Loud-Mouth? You have to die now, so I can draw my picture."

In the school library, Willow called Giles over to her computer. "I've got something here, about that prisoner Angel said that Simon had. You know Walter Benedict, the bank president, he was killed in what was supposed to be a mugging, and we thought he was killed by a vampire, and that he's going to rise as one, and...

Giles cut off the flow of words. "Yes, Willow, I know that. What do you have that's new?"

"Sorry, I was just, anyway, there's Benedict's assistant, Harry Cortland. He was supposed to have been with Benedict last night, and he disappeared. The police don't know if he was another victim or what."

"So he could be the prisoner that Angel heard about?"

"It, um, it sounds like it, because he's the only one who disappeared in connection with what we think was vampire activity."

"So how would Simon be using Cortland to get further victims for conversion to vampires?" Giles asked.

Willow thought. "Maybe the police? The police are looking for him, right? If Simon turned him into a vampire, he could be found by the police, then he'd capture some police officers for Simon or something."

"Possible," Giles mused. "Police officers would make good vampire candidates: special knowledge and skills, access to places, etc. Although perhaps a bit out of character for Simon; he seems to like his vampires more, um, aristocratic."

"So, what do we do about it?" Willow asked.

"Hmm. Well, you can check police reports, see if Cortland turns up, then alert Buffy, or maybe Angel, to get over there. If we know where Cortland is, Simon's vampires should be nearby; Buffy can deal with them before things get out of hand, I hope."

"And maybe an anonymous tip to the police," Willow suggested. "We'd, um, we'd have to phrase it right, not mention the vampires, just say that Cortland's, that he's, well, can you call them? I get nervous, and I don't lie well to police officers. Or to my parents. Or my friends. Or total strangers. I just don't lie well."

"I'll take care of it. But let's not rest everything on one assumption. Keep checking into this Harry Cortland with your, um, computer stuff. Maybe there's somewhere other than the police that Simon could use Cortland. We want to be sure to cover everything. Oh, and I'd better call Jenny, um, Ms. Calendar at home and fill her in; she might have some alternate possibilities for on queue, sorry, on line investigation."

Giles went into his office to call, but then came out looking concerned. "There's something odd; I was speaking to Jenny, and she said she heard something, and then the phone went dead and I couldn't get through again. Will you be all right here if I just, um, pop over there quickly to check it out? It's probably nothing serious, I'm just making myself nervous over faulty telephone service, but, well..."

"Go ahead, " Willow said. "I'll be fine here, I'll do the whole computer thing, you look like you'd be too worried to help anyway."

"Okay, then, I'll just, I'm not being too overprotective of her, am I? I don't want her to think that I think she's the stereotypical damsel-in-distress, she's a remarkably competent woman, but..."

"Go, Giles," Willow said firmly, and he left.

When Giles got to Jenny Calendar's house, he found the door ajar. "Jenny?" he called out.

"Rupert!" came her voice from inside, followed by a "Shut up!" from a male voice.

Giles rushed in, to see Ms. Calendar backed into a corner by Josh Fornell. Josh had his vampire face on, but was being kept at bay by an ankh that Jenny was holding. She had apparently been working at her computer; it was still on. Prof Higgins was also there, standing by uncertainly.

"Not another teacher from that damn school!" Josh complained. He ordered Prof, "Get that damn thing away from her," then dived at Giles. Giles grappled with Josh, barely holding him off and unable to get at his own anti-vampire gear while doing so.

Prof grabbed the ankh, but Jenny shoved him aside and lunged for her computer. She hit several keys, then shouted "Josh!" Josh automatically turned to look at her, and saw what was now on the computer screen. He just stood there, staring at it and counting under his breath.

Prof looked at the tableau, muttered "Oh boy," and tried to flee. Jenny yelled "Stop him, Rupert!" and Giles tripped him and stood on him. Prof began sniveling that he didn't mean it, it was the vampires' fault.

Ignoring this, Giles looked at Josh, who was still mesmerized by the screen. "Jenny, what..." Giles asked.

Jenny gave a relieved sigh. "You know that bit about how if you spill a bag of certain types of seeds, a vampire will be forced to count them ..." she began.

"But that only works if you get exactly consistent seeds, and there's the whole preparation process..." Giles interrupted.

"But a computer makes it so much easier," Jenny said. "I programmed myself a new screen saver, with all the appropriate characteristics. A vampire looking at it has to count the seeds flying past. See how useful computers can be, Rupert?"

"Although, when you use real seeds, that's it; the vampire's stuck," Giles replied. "With your, um, screen saver, all anyone has to do is turn it off." Jenny just sighed.

"Hey, really, those vampires, they used hypnotic powers on me, honest," came from Prof on the floor under Giles' foot.

"Jenny, what is all this, anyway?" Giles asked.

"The vampire is Josh, Spike's computer hacker..." she began.

"Spike sent him after you? Damn. He's already broken the deal; we've got to tell Buffy..."

"Relax, Rupert. This was apparently just free-lance bloodsucking. From what he said, it seems that Josh was upset at me, so he came after me without Spike's permission."

"Then what do we do with him? And by the way, who is this fellow that I'm, um, standing on?"

"The guy you're standing on is one of the criminals Spike freed. They didn't make him a vampire; I guess so they'd have a human agent to use."

"I didn't want to, really I didn't," came from Prof. "They made me do it."

"As for what to do with them..." Jenny continued.

"Hmm, I guess the criminal can be given to the police," Giles said. "Actually, that feels rather peculiar. Vampires, demons, we just kill them; it's odd to have someone we turn over to the police instead."

"I'm not a vampire, not a demon, not at all, please don't kill me, I'll go quietly," Prof said.

"And Josh?" Giles continued. "I, um, I guess we either stake him, or we give him back to Spike." Giles paused. "Although, before we get rid of either of them, I think a short discussion is in order. There's a question I need to ask, and one of them had BETTER answer it," Giles said, an untypical hardness in his voice.


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