Bitca: Part 4
by Theodore J Miller
When Buffy saw what had happened to Giles and Willow, she ran out into the corridor, instinctively barking like mad. But there was no sign of whoever had tossed in the gas which transformed the two.

Around the corner in the utility closet, Xander heard the barking. "I think that's, and it's still incredibly weird to say this, I think that's Buffy barking out there," he said to Cordelia. "Not good in the 'getting Buffy back to normal' area. I'll go see what's going on; you'd better wait here a minute, so we don't go back together."

"Fine, I'll just stay in here and have a brief chat with the mops," Cordelia replied crossly.

Xander peeked out the closet door, then went out and around to the library. Buffy, still a dog, was in front of the library door, looking frustrated. "Buffy, what's..." Xander began, but Buffy grabbed his sleeve in her jaws, and dragged him into the library.

Xander looked around. "Shouldn't there be more people in here?" he asked. "And where'd the owl come from?"

Using the alphabet printed on the blackboard, Buffy spelled out "GILES". "That's what I asked," Xander said, "Where's Giles?" Buffy pointed firmly at the owl.

"Huh?" Xander said, "oh no, I'm wrong about this, I've GOTTA be wrong about this, but you don't mean that owl, it's not, it couldn't be... Giles, is that you?" The owl didn't respond, but Buffy nodded firmly.

"He screwed up your cure and turned HIMSELF into an OWL?" Buffy tried to indicate that someone else had deliberately caused this, but Xander interrupted. "No, Willow! What about Willow?"

Buffy spelled out "MOUSE", then pointed to the computer keyboard.

"Do you mean the computer mouse? Or that real mouse that's walking around on the ... THAT'S Willow?! She's a MOUSE?!" Xander exclaimed. Buffy nodded.

"We've gotta do something; this is serious now," Xander said. Buffy looked sharply at him and pointed at herself. "Huh, oh, not that it wasn't serious that you're a dog, no that's very serious, an incredibly bad thing, I just meant that, um, well, ..., say, why aren't they trying to communicate with us, type things on the computer, point to letters like you did, all that stuff."

*Nice subject change, Xander,* Buffy thought, annoyed. *All right, let's see; Giles thought I was resisting this more because I'm the Slayer, so maybe he and Willow are more fully changed, and they're all animal instinct now.* Buffy was considering how to indicate this to Xander, when the owl, which had been flying around the room, now dived toward the computer. Buffy saw this, and thought, *What? Oh no, animal instincts, owls EAT mice!*.

Buffy leaped into the air and forced the owl to swerve aside just before it reached its target. The mouse, panicked, ran somewhere behind the computer. Napoleon was tied down, so he couldn't join in the chaos, but he started barking anyway.

That was when Cordelia's voice came from outside the library door. "Well, have you finished in there? I would LIKE to get Napoleon back where he's SUPPOSED to be." She began pushing the door open; the owl flew toward the opening.

*No!" Buffy thought, *We can't let Giles go flying all over the school!* She leaped at the opening door, and managed to slam it shut in Cordelia's face just before the owl got out. An "Ow!" was heard from outside.

*Xander, try to grab the owl in something,* Buffy thought, but she couldn't take the time to spell it out. *No, I'VE got to do something. Sorry, Giles, I'll try not to hurt you.* Buffy leaped again, and with a combination of Slayer skill and golden retriever skill, she managed to grab the owl in her jaws without injuring it.

As Buffy landed, she saw the coat that Angel had given her, which had fallen off when she started leaping around. She ran to the coat and gestured emphatically at Xander with a paw, while trying to hang on to the wildly flapping owl in her mouth. *Giles, stop that! I'm trying to HELP you! And you're getting feathers in my mouth, and they taste awful!* Xander figured out what Buffy wanted. He came over, and they managed to get the owl safely restrained by wrapping it in the coat.

Cordelia cautiously pushed the door open again, and said indignantly, "All right, who hit me with the door? I could have gotten a broken nose, or a black eye. It would all right if you people went around looking like ex-boxers, but I have an image to maintain."

Xander saw that Cordelia wasn't really injured, so he ignored her for the moment. "Wait a sec, Cordy. Buffy, what WAS all that? What was Giles doing?" Buffy spelled out "EAT", and Xander said, "Eat? WILLOW? Giles wanted to EAT Willow? We've gotta get a cage for him." He glanced at the library's book cage, but it was still damaged from the last monster to escape from it. Holding the wrapped owl tightly, Xander said to Cordelia "I've got to find a cage for Giles. You help Willow; she's a mouse," and he ran out.

"Willow is a mouse?" Cordelia said, puzzled. "You mean she's too shy and plain-looking, and I'm supposed to help her, give her makeup and fashion advice or something? And this is because Willow, and GILES, the two of them were going to, but I haven't even had a guy do THAT yet, and Giles was going to with WILLOW, and in front of you and Xander? They BOTH belong in a cage."

*What IS she going on about?* Buffy thought. She nudged Cordelia, and then pointed to the mouse cautiously peeking out from behind the computer.

"So get a mousetrap," Cordelia said. "I'm talking about Willow and Giles, and..." Then she realized. "Oh, Willow is a MOUSE mouse. And Giles was going to REALLY eat her. What is HE now? A cat?" Buffy spelled out "OWL". "Okay," Cordelia said, "that makes more sense than that he and Willow were going to..."

Cordelia stopped and shook her head. "All right, that's it. I just said that this makes sense, when it's reached the point of weirdness at which Rod Serling would run screaming into the street. I'm taking MY dog, handing in my resignation to the Young Monster-Fighters Club or whatever this bunch is, and going back to just being beautiful, sophisticated, and the envy of everyone I meet. It's a dirty job, but someone has to do it. And it's a lot more ME than hanging with a group that now consists of a vampire-slaying dog, a bird librarian, and the Brain without Pinky. Or is that what Xander's going to turn into?"

Buffy just looked up at Cordelia plaintively, with big doggy eyes. "Ohhh, I'm way too nice a person for my own good," Cordelia complained. "Okay, okay, I'll help." She rooted in her pocketbook and took something out. "Come on, Willow, come over here, I've got a nice fat-free, low-calorie, cheese-flavored cracker for you."

Cordelia managed to lure Willow out, and got her into an empty box. That was when Xander returned, with the coat covering something. He lifted the coat off, revealing the owl in a cage. "Okay, the bio lab had an empty animal cage. Um, what do we do now?"

Buffy nudged Xander, and indicated the coat he was holding. "Oh, right, you're, um, that is, you're not actually wearing, I mean, ..." Buffy nudged harder, and he stopped talking and put the coat over her.

Just then the bell for the next class rang. "Oh no, I've got French now," Xander said. "I can't blow it off; I'm too close to failing as it is. Cordy, can you...?"

"I'm not gonna cut a class just to watch this menagerie; for something I WANT to do, sure, but not for this," Cordelia answered.

*Too nice a person for her own good, huh?* Buffy thought sarcastically.

"I've got it," Xander said. "I'll tell Ms. Calendar what's happened, and SHE can watch all the animals. I mean, she knows about the weird stuff that happens here, right? Buffy, you just wait here, and Ms. Calendar will be here in a bit." Buffy nodded.

"Fine," Cordelia said, "let's go, already. Oh, and Ms. Calendar better take particularly good care of Napoleon; he's a very expensive dog."

*Sure, Ms. Calendar can let me and Willow and Giles get killed by some, um, some thing which kills animals, as long as Cordy's little money-dog is okay,* Buffy thought crossly.

"And what IS Buffy growling about?" Cordelia said as she and Xander left.

Buffy waited impatiently, until she heard a voice from the library door. "Giles, what's going on here?" Unfortunately, it wasn't Ms. Calendar; it was Principal Snyder.

When Buffy heard Snyder's voice at the library door, she thought *Arrgh, no!*, grabbed the cage containing Giles in her mouth, and hid behind the nearest bookshelf. *Not Snyder! If he sees me, he'll probably want to send me back to that dog pound! I'm not going, and if he tries to make me go, I'll bite him! Okay, I guess I can't really bite him, but I'll do SOMETHING nasty to him. I can go to his house, chew up all his shoes, and be not housebroken all over the carpeting!*

"Giles! I want to talk to you about..." Snyder interrupted himself when he saw Cordelia's dog Napoleon. "I thought so! They SAID they heard a dog barking around here."

Just then Jenny Calendar arrived at the library. "Oh, Principal Snyder, hi, what are you doing here?" she said as she tried to slip past him.

"Ms. Calendar! Where is Mr. Giles? I need to talk to him about keeping unauthorized animals here." Snyder pointed at Napoleon.

Jenny's eyes bugged out as she looked at the dog. "It IS true; Buffy's..." she muttered, then caught herself. "Oh, uh, Mr. Giles, he just stepped out, he had an important errand to take care of. That dog is, well, Rupert had to take care of it for a friend, a very close friend, saved his life once, so he really couldn't refuse. The dog will only be in here for today, tomorrow's the weekend and all, and by Monday the dog will gone, guaranteed. I'll be watching the dog now, so it won't cause any trouble."

"Very well," Snyder said, "I'll let it go for now. But keep that animal quiet and under control, or I'll be forced to take steps."

"Yes, of course," Jenny said, as Snyder left. She rushed over to Napoleon. "Buffy," she said to the dog, "Xander told me you'd been changed into a dog, but it seemed so unbelievable." Napoleon picked that moment to begin licking himself. "Um. Buffy, I don't want to nag, but you really shouldn't do that..."

Buffy peeked out from behind the bookshelf, confirmed that Snyder was gone, and came out, dragging the cage. She barked to get Jenny's attention.

Jenny looked up from trying to stop Napoleon's self-cleaning. "ANOTHER dog? Buffy, what's going on?"

Buffy walked over to the blackboard, and spelled out "I'M BUFFY".

"Oh, YOU'RE Buffy," Jenny said. "Then this is..."

"REAL DOG" Buffy spelled out. "CORDY'S"

"Ohhh," Jenny said. "If it's a real dog, why am I trying to stop it from licking itself?" She shook her head. "Never mind that." She noticed the owl in the cage. "Buffy, is that Rupert, um, Mr. Giles?" Buffy nodded. Jenny picked up the cage. "Oh, Rupert, I'm going to do whatever I can to help you. I can call my uncle..." She paused, then muttered, "But would he help, since all of this WOULD make Angel more..." Out loud, she said, "I'll think of something to do. Buffy, what can you tell me about what's going on here?" And Buffy slowly began passing along what she knew.

When Xander and Cordelia returned to the library, Ms. Calendar said to them, "Oh, there you two are. Buffy's explained things to me..."

"Then you can explain them to me," Cordelia interrupted. "No one seems to want to tell me anything, except for Xander complaining that this is all my fault."

"It IS your fault," Xander replied. "Your dog bit Buffy, and..."

"Actually, according to Buffy, Giles determined that Cordelia's dog wasn't the problem. Someone seems to have deliberately caused this."

"See, I TOLD you it wasn't my dog," Cordelia said to Xander triumphantly. "Dogs that expensive do NOT carry werewolf disease or whatever it is. I told you that, and you kept insisting that you knew better, that it was all my fault, when all along it had nothing to do with me."

"Okay, already," Xander said. "I get the point."

"But have you learned anything from it?" Cordelia asked. "I haven't heard any apology, and a promise from you that the next time something really weird happens, you won't blame me, plus..."

"Okay, I'm sorry, let's drop it. Let's save arguing about it for later," Xander said.

"That's hardly good enough, when..."

"I said we could argue about it LATER, somewhere ELSE, when we're ALONE," Xander said heavily.

"Ohhh," Cordelia said. "Well, you'd better be very apologetic later if you expect me to ARGUE with you."

"Excuse me," Ms. Calendar said, "But we do have a crisis here to deal with."

"Someone DID this to Willow, and Buffy and Giles, right?" Xander said. "Let's go find whoever it is, and make them change everyone back."

"And what happens when they do the same thing to YOU?" Cordelia asked. "You'll be running around as a gibbering baboon or something. Not that anyone will notice the difference."

"Yeah, well, no one would notice when YOU turn into, um, some animal that's really like you are now," Xander retorted. Cordelia turned away with a snort, and Buffy looked at Xander. "Okay, okay, I panicked. Give me a little while and I'll come up with a better one."

"Cordelia has a point," Jenny said. "We'll have to find out who's responsible for this, and how to defend against it, if we're to face them."

"And the guy who actually knows about all this stuff is busy preening his feathers," Cordelia said, looking at the owl. "So does anyone know how we find out who's responsible for this?"

"I think I can help," Angel said as he entered the library.

"So where have YOU been while everything was going down here?" Xander asked.

"I'VE been trying to find out if the vampires knew about Buffy's, well, condition, and were preparing to take advantage of it," Angel answered. "I gather that Giles was not successful in helping Buffy?"

"And what was your first clue to that?" Xander said. "That Buffy is lying on the floor here, covered with fur and wagging her tail? Wagging her tail a LOT, actually." Buffy looked embarrassed at this, and turned away from looking at Angel. "And if you haven't noticed, we've got an OWL here; that's Giles," Xander continued. "And Willow's the mouse over in that box. So yes, Giles was not COMPLETELY successful."

"But if I may continue," Angel said crossly, "while I was out, I heard a name mentioned. Circe."

"Circe? As in the Odyssey, turns people into animals?" Xander said. Buffy looked at Xander in surprise. "Hey, I can know things," Xander said. "The Odyssey is a classic book, isn't it?"

"You probably read the Classic COMICS version," Cordelia commented.

"I did NOT read the comic-book version," Xander retorted. As the others continued to look at him, Xander continued, "Oh, all right, it was the TV adaptation. With Bernadette Peters as Circe."

"If someone's brought Circe here, and she's responsible for all this," Jenny said, "then, hmmm, I guess I'll have to do the Giles bit. Well, do it my way." She turned on the computer in the library. "Let's see, we do a search for 'Circe', wait a second, no, don't want the web page for the Cornell Institute for Research in Chemical Ecology, yes, here we are, Greek mythology web page, Circe. Daughter of the sun god Helios and the ocean nymph Perse, she lived on the island of Aeaea, and used her magic to turn people into animals, based on their personalities."

"So Willow's a mouse because she's shy? Or is it because she likes computers?" Xander asked. The others rolled their eyes at this.

"And Rupert's an owl because owls are associated with wisdom, as the symbol of Athena," Jenny said. "Though they're also predators, and Rupert has had, well..."

"That whole Ripper thing," Cordelia offered.

"So what about Buffy," Xander asked. "Why a dog? Or is it the type of dog, a golden retriever?"

"Buffy is very warm and loving," Angel offered, then he looked embarrassed.

"Well, thanks for sharing that," Xander said crossly.

"She's also a very loyal person, isn't she?" Jenny suggested. "Plus a retriever is a hunting dog; that fits her aspect as the Slayer, a hunter of vampires."

*And I'm a GOLDEN retriever because I'm blonde?* Buffy thought. *Why don't you stop analyzing how dog-like I am, and concentrate on making me LESS dog-like?* She managed to convey this by barking and pointing at the computer screen.

"Right, where was I?" Jenny said. "Okay, here it is. Circe turned warriors into wolves and lions and commanded them to guard her palace, she turned some of Odysseus' men into pigs, yes, here's the crucial part. When Odysseus went to rescue his men, he encountered Hermes, messenger of the gods, who gave Odysseus moly. The moly protected Odysseus from Circe's magic, and he was able to confront Circe and force her to change his men back to normal."

"Fine, let's grab our moly, and go get this Circe," Xander said. "Um, what's moly?"

"It's a magical herb from Greece," Jenny said.

"So who's going to hop a flight to Greece to get it?" Cordelia asked. "Or are we just going to sit around until Hermes shows up?"

"Actually, neither," Jenny answered. "There's a place to get it, a store I know of which sells mystical supplies. They should have moly."

"Where is this store?" Angel asked.

"Where else would it be?" Jenny replied. "Los Angeles. I can drive there, get the moly, and be back here this evening."

"Then go, already," Xander said. "We've got to get the stuff, find this Circe, and get everyone back to normal."

"You might want to finish your classes today, first," Jenny said as she left.

"Sheesh, we've gotta run," Xander said. "Angel, you have to watch the menagerie. But no petting Buffy."

"And take special care of MY dog," Cordelia added, as she and Xander left.

Xander's voice drifted back from outside the library. "A peacock! You're so vain about how you look, no one would notice the difference when you became a peacock!"

"So, it's just the two of us for a while," Angel commented. He and Buffy were both nervously trying to avoid looking at each other. "I, well,..." He stopped. Eventually he picked the owl to focus his gaze on. "I think Giles is looking hungry. Why don't I find him something to eat, so he won't bother Willow." And he slipped out.

*REAL good,* Buffy thought. *I get some time alone with my boyfriend, and we spend it trying to control our weird desires. How many teenage girls have THAT problem? Oh, okay, most of them, I guess, but still. And we can't even TALK to each other. At least, I can't talk, except by spelling things out, though Angel could talk. Oh, yeah, THAT will work nice, the GUY having to do all the talking. Angel will reveal his deepest thoughts and feelings to me, NOT!*

Angel came back into the library. "The cafeteria served cheeseburgers for lunch, so..." He scraped some cheese off and gave it to Willow, then slipped some hamburger into Giles' cage. "Um, would you want...?" he asked Buffy.

Buffy shook her head no. *I think I can do without leftover cheeseburgers from the garbage, or wherever Angel scrounged them up,* she thought. *Guess I can't blame a vampire for not being, um, finicky about food; Angel's idea of a hearty meal used to involve assaulting passing strangers. Not really fancy restaurant material, or even McDonald's.*

Buffy walked over to the box where Willow was, and looked inside. *Well, Willow's enjoying her meal; nothing like yummy scraped-off cheese. Will, are you still in there, like I am? Or are you all mouse, now, just thinking, um, mousy thoughts? I wish I could help you; I'm at least still sort of me, but you... you're so smart, you could go on to do so much, and now you're, you're just..."

Angel sensed something. "Buffy, are you all right?"

*Stupid dogs can't even cry right.* Buffy looked around for something else to think about. She noticed a couple of other containers Angel had brought up with the food, and was now pouring together. She pointed to them and spelled out "WHAT". "Oh," Angel said, "those are, well, I was feeling thirsty, so..."

*The cafeteria has bottles of blood!?* Buffy thought. But when she spelled out "BLOOD", Angel replied, "No, it's not blood. One's milk, and the other is gravy. If I mix them together, it's, well, somewhat like blood. It helps, temporarily."

*Okay, Angel is DEFINITELY not fancy restaurant material. Order a gravy milkshake for dinner; that'll go over REAL well.* Buffy shook her head. *Oh, like I AM fancy restaurant material, this way. After Angel orders his gravy milkshake, he can ask if his date can just rummage through their garbage can for dinner. And they'd make us sit at a table out in the back alley, since dogs wouldn't be allowed in the restaurant. Whoopie, the big romantic dinner scene from Lady and the Vamp. I have SO got to get changed back to normal; even being a Slayer dating a vampire is looking good, compared to being a DOG dating a vampire.*

*Well, enough of THOSE cheery thoughts. Maybe I CAN get Angel to open up, at least a little; worth a shot, anyway.* "TALK TO ME" she spelled out.

"I don't, I'm not really used to talking to anyone. I'm alone most of the time." Buffy asked "DOING WHAT." "A lot of brooding, mainly, remembering everything I did back when I was, well, you know. My victims, everyone who suffered because of me; I can still see every one of their faces."

*Good news, Angel's opening up; bad news, he's a major downer when opened up. Something in the music he likes to listen to or TV shows he likes to watch categories would be nice, not how he remembers everybody whose blood he drank. Maybe I don't WANT Angel to reveal his deepest feelings, at least right now. Okay, I'm going to be sensitive, have this conversation, reassure Angel, AFTER I get my body back. I can NOT handle this right now.*

Angel had stopped talking; now he looked up at Buffy. "Sorry, I didn't mean to be so depressing. I guess you're a little preoccupied at the moment, with, well, everything. Now's not the time for my whole routine, right?"

Buffy nodded. *Okay, aware of and sensitive to my feelings, give him points for that.*

"Let me see, something more cheerful. I, well, okay, I don't ALWAYS sit around brooding. Sometimes I've been known to, well, don't tell anyone this, but sometimes I, um, I watch old movies. In between brooding."

*Good! That's something I didn't know; Angel watches movies, sometimes. Like a real person and all.* She spelled out "WHICH".

"Which movies? Well, I, um, I saw 'It's a Wonderful Life' recently. When I saw that, how he was depressed, but he saw how everything would be worse if he had never been born, I thought, well,..." Buffy was nodding. "Actually, I got depressed, because if I had never been born, hundreds of people would still be alive. Well, they wouldn't still be alive NOW, because they'd be over a hundred years old, but..."

*O-kay, let's NOT do conversation just now.* Buffy grabbed Angel's sleeve and pulled him in the direction of Giles' training equipment; when he looked at her, she spelled out "PRACTICE".

"Hmmm? Practice? Yes, you should be prepared in case you encounter vampires while you're, um, not back to normal. Let's give it a try."

The crossbow proved a total washout. Buffy couldn't load it with teeth and paws, and after Angel loaded it, the only way she could fire it was when she left it lying on the ground. *Okay, crossbows are out, unless I meet a vampire who keeps his heart in his shoes. Let's try stakes.*

Buffy clenched a stake in her jaws, and Angel dangled a practice dummy from a pole. *Charge!* Buffy ran at the dummy and leaped into the air. Angel jerked it to the side, and Buffy had to do a four-legged bounce off the wall.

*No fair! The vampires can't go jumping out of the way when I'm trying to stake them! No, I guess they CAN, actually. Let's try that again.* Buffy made a couple more unsuccessful runs at the dummy. *Okay, that's it! No stupid stuffed scarecrow is gonna get the better of me. It's Slaying time!*

Buffy charged again, holding her leap as late as possible, and twisting her body in the air. This time she connected; the stake entered the heart area marked on the dummy. *Yes! GOT him!*

"Good work, Buffy!" Angel said. "NOW you're getting it." Excited at her success, Buffy jumped on Angel and began licking his face. Her tail was wagging rapidly. "Um, Buffy..." Angel began.

Buffy got down. *Oh! STUPID dog instincts! I wanna be a GIRL again!*

About then, Cordelia and Xander arrived back at the library. "That's BAD," Cordelia was saying. "That's INCREDIBLY bad."


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