A Slayer Carol: A Slayer Carol
by Theodore J Miller
DISCLAIMER: The characters in this story belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, WB, FOX, etc.. The concept belonged to Charles Dickens, originally, and has been used in many sitcoms.
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Christmas Eve in Sunnydale:
"But Giles," Buffy complained, "why do I have to fight vampires on Christmas?"
"Buffy," Giles answered, "Christmas is one of the strongest days for vampire activity. Generally, vampires don't have families, usually having murdered them. Therefore, most vampires volunteer to work on Christmas. And as the Slayer, it's your responsibility to..."
"I don't want the responsibility! I just want to have a normal Christmas, like everyone else. I don't WANT to spend Christmas slaying vampires!"
"Buffy..." Giles began, but Buffy ignored him, left the library, and went home.
Joyce Summers noticed her daughter's mood. "Buffy, are you okay?"
"This is going to be a really sucky Christmas," Buffy complained.
"Buffy, I know you're upset that your father won't be with us for Christmas this year. But we can still..."
"Oh, you don't understand," Buffy complained, ran up to her room, and threw herself on the bed.
Eventually Buffy heard a sound at the window. She looked up, and saw a figure in a white sheet, with "Boo!" on its chest, climbing in her window.
"Willow, is that you? Halloween was months ago. Why are you wearing that costume again?"
"I'm not Willow," came Willow's voice from under the sheet. "I'm the Ghost of Christmas Past."
"Will, this is SO not funny," Buffy said.
"No, I AM the Ghost of Christmas Past. Really. The, um, the people who are in charge of Christmas ghosts, you know, the, um, Christmas ghost people, they made me the Ghost of Christmas Past, with, um, magical ghost powers. Here, touch my hand."
Buffy grabbed Willow's hand under the sheet. "See, I grabbed your hand. You're not a ghost."
"Yes, I am. I'm a, uh, touching kind of ghost. Look around."
Buffy looked. "Well, okay, I'll admit we're not in my bedroom anymore, we're in my old house in Los Angeles. And my Mom looks ten years younger."
"See, this is Christmas past," Willow said.
Just then the door opened. Hank Summers came in, followed by a little girl. The little girl was carrying a full-size Christmas tree. "Okay, Buffy, just put the tree in the corner, then we'll decorate it."
Buffy watched the family decorate the tree. "Okay, who wants to put the star on top?" Hank asked.
"I do, I do," squealed little Buffy. She took the star, leaped up to the top of the tree, and placed it, then jumped back down.
"I don't think that's exactly right," Buffy said to Willow, but Willow had vanished, and Buffy was back in her room in Sunnydale.
"Okay," Buffy said, "what's going on here?"
"I think I can explain," Giles said, as he climbed in the window. He was wearing an unusually festive tweed jacket.
"Well..." Buffy said impatiently.
"Well, first of all, I am the Ghost of Christmas Present," Giles began.
"Oh, goody, another one," Buffy said in an annoyed tone. "We gotta do the whole hand-holding routine?"
"No, just cling to the edge of my unusually festive tweed jacket," Giles said. "We don't want to give the Buffy/Giles 'shippers ideas." Buffy clung to his jacket, and found herself downstairs in her living room.
"Couldn't I have just walked down here?" Buffy asked.
"There are extremely complicated reasons why not," Giles answered. "It involves the Mesopotamian calendar, and its relation to..."
"Never mind," Buffy said. "So, all I see is my mother, and our Christmas tree. Although, why does the tree have fangs?"
"It's not an ordinary tree," Giles answered. "It is actually a rare form of demonic tree, whose close resemblance to a Christmas tree enables it to take its victims by surprise. Such demons naturally gravitate to the Hellmouth."
"Naturally," Buffy said.
The scene shifted. Buffy and Giles were now on the high school campus. "Look over there," Giles said.
Buffy looked. "There's Willow, and Xander, and that's you," Buffy said in surprise. "How can you be here and over there at the same time?"
"I'm me in the persona of the Ghost of Christmas Present," Giles said. "While that's me in the persona of Rupert Giles." He pointed to another figure, who was drinking coffee. "And that's me in the persona of the Taster's Choice guy."
"Never mind him," Buffy said. "Why are you and Willow and Xander being followed by three vampires in Santa Claus suits?"
"Those vampires are members of the Ancient Order of Satan's Claws. They're vampires who were created on Christmas, and thus feel the need to dress like that while they stalk their victims."
"Okay, now that's just..." Buffy began, but Giles was gone, and she was back in her bedroom.
"All right," Buffy said. "I've read this story. The Ghost of Christmas Future is this scary death thing. Where are you?" she asked as she looked out the window.
"Hey, over here, Einstein," said a voice from the bedroom doorway. Buffy turned, and saw a sight to chill lesser mortals: Cordelia Chase.
"Why didn't you come in the window?" Buffy asked.
"I don't DO windows," Cordelia answered in a huff. "Come on, let's go already. I've got a hot date with the Ghost of Expensive Foreign Cars, and I am NOT keeping him waiting." Cordelia grabbed Buffy's hand, and the two girls were immediately standing in the Sunnydale Cemetery.
"See, this is your future, if you don't do something to change it, blah, blah, blah," Cordelia said, pointing at a tombstone with Buffy's name on it.
Buffy looked at it. "You mean, I'm going to die when I'm only ... wait a minute. The date of death is June 1997. I ALREADY died then. I DID change that."
"So, mission accomplished," Cordelia said. "Go home." And Buffy found herself alone again in her bedroom.
"This is WORSE than having to fight vampires," Buffy said. "I'm not staying in here." She went down to the living room, just in time to see the Christmas tree reaching for a totally oblivious Joyce Summers.
"Mom!" Buffy called out, as she grabbed the tree. "This Christmas tree, it's too big, or too small, or something. I'll just take it back and get another one."
Buffy ran out of the house with the demonic tree, and over to the school. The three vampires in Santa suits were just about to pounce. Hurling the tree with Slayer strength, Buffy impaled all three vampires on it. The vampires, and the tree, crumbled to dust.
"Buffy," Giles said, turning around. "Are you ready to fight the vampires now?"
"Might as well," Buffy said. "At least a sucky Christmas is better than a sucky Christmas where everyone gets killed."
The End
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