Becoming What, Exactly?: Part 32
by Theory Queen
moment later, it was done. Spike sat up slowly, groaning. "God, what happened?"

"You'll remember in a minute," Adam told him, not without sympathy. "It'll probably hurt, but at least you're not by yourself like I was. I can help you out, you know." He smiled at a memory. "I'll be your 'Whistler.'"

"Right, well, whistle me up some aspirin, will you? You weren't kidding about the pain - my head feels like someone hit me with an axe!" Spike shook his head slowly trying to clear it.

Adam slid one silently across the table, with a bottle of water. Spike swallowed it, then downed the bottle of water in one gulp. He slapped the bottle down on the table, then announced, "I feel better. Wow. This sure is a different sort of high from drinking slayer blood! It's interesting."

"You're getting a high?" Adam asked, incredulous. "Huh. I never got a high. All I ever got was guilt."

"Oh, I've got that too," Spike admitted. "I'm sublimating."

"You're what? How can you do that?"

Spike looked at Adam in disbelief. "I'm not the real killer, stupid. The demon is. Why should I feel guilty for stuff my body did while I was away?" He laughed suddenly. "Don't tell me you never realized that? Ha! No wonder you were always so boring and angsty!"

Adam shifted uncomfortably. Somehow, Spike should be having a harder time with this! He was suspicious. "Ok, maybe you're sublimating the guilt, but what about the demon? Aren't you fighting it?"

"Oh, yeah," Spike said airily. "The thing is, I've already been fighting it for weeks now, living with the slayer. Her blood is so... unbelievable, I've had all I can do every night not to suck her dry. This just gives me an ally."

Adam gave in and accepted it. "Glad to hear it. And speaking of the slayer -"

"What about her?"

"Well, we got caught up in this ritual and sort of forgot about her." Adam said.

"You did. I didn't. Listen, man, she's the only reason I even went through the bleedin' ritual - it's the one chance I might have with her."

Adam tried to be soothing. "But she didn't say that exactly."

Spike snorted. "She didn't have to, chum. Let's examine the situation, shall we? With you, she gets to go home to her family and friends, you and she get to have a life together and - when the time comes - get old and die together. What does she get with me? Nothing. The only thing on my side is that she's got a soft spot for vampires with souls."

"It's true, she does," admitted Adam. He wasn't really worried about the girl's decision, but wanted to comfort his friend who wasn't going to have an easy time of it after Buffy left. "She and I have been through a lot, though," he said.

"Yeah, yeah, you have a past. You fell in love, then tried to kill each other. WE tried to kill each other and then fell in love. What's the bloody difference?" Spike's voice had risen.

Adam didn't answer. In truth, he didn't know what to say, but in the silence he could hear his own heartbeat.

So could Spike. "Bloody hell!" he swore. "Did you have to remind me?" He got a sudden glint in his eye. "I could make you into a vampire again," he suggested. "Can you see the irony of that? Might cure that heartbeat problem you've been having! Not to mention that dreadful, garish sunlight..."

"Except that she didn't want either of us to kill the other one. Draining out my heart's blood might constitute a death, if only in the literal sense." Adam felt a little nervous.

"Get out." Spike ordered in a carefully controlled voice. "I don't trust myself not to hurt you right now. The girl I love is going to spend the rest of her life with you, and I don't want to have to look at you. Out!"

Adam got out. He still felt nervous, so he went upstairs and looked through some books on the west side of the building, where the late afternoon sun streamed in the tall windows. He sat down to read in full sunlight, keeping an eye on the door.


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