Becoming What, Exactly?: Part 27
by Theory Queen
Buffy was out walking in the sunlight. Once again she hadn't been able to sleep. She went out to feel the sunlight, to look around at other people - ones who didn't attack her in the park, for a change - and to spend some time on her own away from Spike, so she could sort through her strange and unfamiliar feelings towards him. She walked aimlessly, and thought hard.

The first thing she decided was that this had nothing to do with Angel. Thought he had been her first love, he was gone now. She still felt sorry, but no longer felt any guilt. If Angel - her Angel - had known the true situation, he would have thrown himself onto the sword and into hell of his own accord. Buffy was beginning to accept his loss, and even beginning to think about plans for the rest of her life.

Her early days with Spike had been an uneasy truce, but they had gotten to know each other much better, and had both grown and changed as a result of their time together. She knew she had a much better sense of humor about the burden of being who she was, and she knew that he had also changed. The Spike she'd met last fall wouldn't have even thought about making the deal they had made, and certainly wouldn't have shown any discipline regarding when and on whom he fed.

She had never been so shocked in her life as when he had suggested the restoration ritual last night. Had stood by while she made her phone call to Giles, and had explained later that, since he was already living an "angelic" lifestyle (she smiled sadly at the expression) and not killing anyone, getting his soul back would only make it easier for him. He'd have his own conscience to answer to, instead of just the wishes of his roommate/guardian. An "ally," was how he put it.

She shook her head in wonder at the thought that he'd be willing to go through all that just to be with her. By this point in her thoughts, she was sitting alone on a park bench, enjoying the fresh air, the sunlight, and not getting attacked by gang members or winos. She closed her eyes and let the sunlight fall on her face. She smiled, stretched, opened her eyes - and screamed as loud as she could. And ran.

She burst into the basement lounge at the library, startling Spike awake and into his game face. He changed back when he saw it was she, and looked curiously at her. "What's wrong, luv? You look like you've seen a ghost!"

She collapsed on the end of his sofa and struggled to maintain her composure. "I think maybe I have," she said. She took a few long, shuddering breaths and began to calm down.

Spike put a tentative arm around her, and when she didn't object, drew her close. "It's all right, baby. Whatever it is, I'll take care of it," he stroked her hair.

She shook her head. "You don't understand. Spike, the ghost was Angel. I swear I saw Angel out there in the park just now. Standing in front of me in the sunlight!" She rested her forehead on his shoulder and sighed. "I went out to the park to spend some time by myself... well, and to think about 'us,' and there he was. Maybe I'm going crazy. I didn't think I was still hung up on him, but maybe I am if I've started seeing his ghost outdoors in sunlight." On an impulse, and to give Spike some reassurance, she kissed his neck where it joined the shoulder. Spike's body stiffened and she drew back, afraid she'd offended him.

"You're right, pet," Spike said in a very strange voice. "It's much more natural to see him indoors under florescent lights!" He drew away from Buffy and moved aside so she could see.

She took one look at the dark-haired man standing in the doorway - and then the two men got treated to a sight that few people have ever seen: Buffy, Vampire Slayer Extraordinaire, fainted dead away on the floor.


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