A Single Touch: Consequences
by Fairfax
Buffy had no idea how long she‘d been sat on the floor. When Vix left she’d just dropped, drawing her knees up, laying her head on them - totally still as her mind reeled. Giles never showed his tattoo to anyone, as for the scar it had been a long time before he‘d stopped being self-conscious about it with her. So how had Vix…? There really could only be one reason, but Buffy could not, would not believe it. Yet everything about what Vix had said, the triumphant look on her face as she leaned over Buffy dripping that poison from her lips, told her the truth. As did Giles’ recent behaviour.

‘Buffy?’

Giles knelt in front of her, wincing as his knees clicked.

‘Please, look at me.’

She raised her head, tears streaming down her face.

‘Oh hell, I-I’m so very sorry.’

He reached out a hand towards her, Buffy shrank back against the wall.

‘If you touch me - I’ll kill you.’

She’d that to him once before, many years ago. She’d spat those words out fuelled with rage at his betrayal of her, the force of the memory now adding to her hatred. There had been a time when she would have hit him, now she didn’t want to get that close.

‘Get out.’

Giles held her gaze briefly then did as she asked.

******************

Buffy came into the kitchen the next morning to find Giles, red-eyed and unshaven, sat at the table drinking tea. Had he been there all night? Buffy had slept alone before being joined by Alice who’d had a nightmare - which wasn’t surprising. Over-excited by the party then upset by the distress they couldn’t hide from her, she’d acted up terribly before crying herself to sleep.

Buffy could feel him watching her as she fixed herself some cereal. She added milk, grabbed a spoon then realised she was far from hungry and tipped it all in the bin in disgust.

When she was upset she turned to Giles, always had done. The fact that the man sitting a few feet away from her was the source of her problems not, as usual her strength and refuge made Buffy feel strangely dislocated from reality. All her instincts about Giles were wrong, she couldn’t go to him, she couldn’t allow herself to be comforted by him and she couldn’t trust him. Yet she loved him, and now she hated him too.

‘Perhaps we might talk before Willow and Alice join us.’

Giles addressed her in a patient voice, which grated on Buffy’s nerves. He was one hundred per cent guilty, how dare he talk in that oh so British ‘let’s all calm down and be reasonable’ way.

‘There‘s nothing I want to say to you.’

But her voice trembled as she said it - she wanted to hurt him, she wanted to hug him. This was crazy, Buffy couldn’t handle feeling so mixed up.

‘I understand that you…’

‘What do you understand, Giles?’

Anger once more rose within her as did her voice.

‘Do you understand how I’m feeling? Got all the answers, have you? Just like always cos you’re so smart. Well, you’re way off this time.’

Giles held his hands up in a gesture of defeat.

‘No, I don’t have the answers.’

The rage left her as fast as it had come, leaving Buffy feeling raw and emotional.

‘Do you love her?’ she asked so quietly Giles had to lean towards her to catch what she was saying.

‘What?’

Buffy was scared of the answer, yet she had to know.

‘It’s a simple question. Do you love her? Do you want to be with her and not…and not me?’

‘No, Buffy, no.’ Giles responded sounding horrified. ‘I love you, with all my heart .’

He stood up, taking a step towards her.

‘Then why? Why did you do it?’

Giles couldn’t answer, instead he held Buffy in his arms as she sobbed. There was no affection or reconciliation in the gesture, they were simply two desperate people clinging onto each other as the world crashed down around them. Some time later Alice found them in that position, she took in her mother’s crying and Giles’ look of bitter resignation before bursting into tears herself.

*******************

Willow stopped talking, it was obvious that Giles wasn’t taking in a word she was saying. Buffy and Alice were leaving with her for New York in a few moments. Willow felt irrationally responsible, she couldn’t help wondering whether had she not been there to provide such a convenient escape route Buffy would’ve stayed and she and Giles could start to work things out.

‘They’ll be okay. I’ll take them straight to Dawn’s - Buffy needs her sister right now.’

She placed a hand over Giles’ gently squeezing until he focussed on her.

‘But Giles, she needs you always. They’ll be back, you have to believe that.’

Giles sighed, briefly covering his face with his hands as he did so. Willow was afraid he was going to cry - not that that was a bad thing, but she wasn’t sure she could handle it if he did.

‘My wife is leaving me. Taking with her the child I regard as my daughter and they are leaving because I was foolish and selfish enough to be unfaithful.’

He flashed an attempt at a smile at her that utterly failed to convince.

‘Forgive me, if I don’t share in your sunny, optimistic outlook.’

Outside a car blasted its horn - it was their taxi. Willow embraced Giles fiercely then headed for the door, anxious to withdraw and leave her friends to say goodbye in private. All day Willow had been hoping that Buffy would change her mind, convinced that despite what had happened she and Giles belonged together not apart: time was running out.

She took a last look at Giles, who was leaning heavily against the doorway dead-eyed and exhausted. At the moment Buffy was thoroughly lost, yet Willow had every confidence that she would bounce back. It was going to take some time but Willow was sure that the future for Buffy and Alice was a good one. Regarding the state Giles was in, with some sadness and sympathy she felt unable to say the same of him.

*******************

‘Will you look after Wilf?’

‘Rest assured, Wilf shall be my top priority.’

Once again Giles was sat on the carpet in front of Alice. He’d tried to keep his goodbye light-hearted for her sake, but she wasn’t fooled and had become increasingly solemn.

‘I’m going to miss my race.’

‘Sports Day is in three weeks Alice, you may be back. However New York is a wonderful city, you’ll be having such a good time with Auntie Dawn you won’t give it a thought.’

Unconvinced, Alice pouted at him; suddenly so like her mother he had to look away.

‘Why aren’t you coming?’

‘You know why,’ he said gently. ‘Your Mum explained.’

Alice’s silence told Giles all he needed to know about what she thought of Buffy’s explanation. Buffy had simply said that she and Giles were sad at the moment and needed to spend a little time apart to get happy, besides wouldn’t it be wonderful to see Auntie Dawn again? He felt Buffy had done a good job, the truth was too adult and complex for Alice, and he was grateful to Buffy for not portraying him as the villain of the piece.

‘C’mon, kiddo. Time to get gone.’

Buffy was standing over them both. They got to their feet, then Giles lifted Alice up, she threaded her small arms lightly around his neck, resting her forehead against his.

‘I don’t believe you know just how much I shall miss you,’ he whispered.

He set her down, dropping a light kiss on the top of her head and turned to Buffy.

‘You don’t have t-to do this.’

‘I do.’

Buffy was stood straight, her expression set - determined.

‘Ring me as soon as you get there. I should like to know you are both safe.’

‘Fine.’

‘Don‘t do this. Please don’t leave.’

She didn’t respond, instead gathered up the last of her bags and walked out to the car. Giles held up a hand in response to Alice’s frenzied waving, then stood watching the cab until it disappeared around a corner. He went back inside, letting the door slam behind him, and walked slowly down the hallway, suddenly at a loss as what to do.

The house was completely silent. He was alone.

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