The Watcher: 1.4 Must be Tuesday: Act I
by gumboy

Disclaimer: Xander Harris and all things slayer belong to the Mighty Joss and Mutant Enemy. Anything else belongs to me.

FADE IN:
EXT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE
Lucy and Liv pull up to the firehouse and get out of the car.
Lucy is dressed a little fancier than normal and is carrying
a covered dish. Liv is dressed in her usual fatigues for
training and is carrying her military body armor.

LUCY
You're imagining things.

LIV
(counting on her fingers)
New dress, your hair is in fancymode
and you made him the baked ziti.

LUCY
Means nothing.

LIV
You got the hots for Mr. Harris.

LUCY
No. He's been cooped up in his
apartment for two weeks and he can
use the company.

LIV
Oh my god, did you get a manicure?

LUCY
Okay. Do you really want to play
with me? I know for a fact that the
most popular boy in school is
upstairs waiting for you. As a
mother I have information that I
guarantee will make you want to
live in the basement for a month.

LIV
You wouldn't.

LUCY
Sesame Street on Ice anyone?

Liv gasps in shock.

LIV
I can't believe you'd play the
muppet card.

LUCY
Make this difficult for me, you'll
pay dear girl. You'll pay. And no
Lizzie Borden jokes.

LIV
Damn.

INT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - MAIN ROOM
Xander is sitting in his chair with his leg raised. He still
has some pretty bruises on his face.

LUCY(OS)
Hey Sparky!

XANDER
Hey girls.

LUCY
Well look at you. If I didn't know
better I'd say you were recovering
from a beating from Tony Soprano
instead of a Mu shu pork demon.

LIV
Mushannanu Nyork.

LUCY
Whatever.

XANDER
You look nice today.

LUCY
Well thank you, I brought you some
substenance in the form of baked
ziti and I thought...

Lucy notices a shapely female rear end, clad in leather
pants, sticking out from beneath Xander's desk.

LUCY
I... Did you know that there's a
butt sticking out of your desk?

XANDER
Yes. That would be Dawn.

LUCY
Oh. And Dawn is...?

Dawn pops out from underneath the desk. Lucy is somewhat in
a quandary about who she is.

Liv seems to be enjoying her Mother's quandary.

DAWN
That would be me!

Dawn sits down on the arm of Xander' chair and puts her arm
on the back for support, effectively putting her arm around
Xander in a most familiar way. Lucy notices. Liv notices
Lucy noticing and is even more amused.

XANDER
Sorry. Everybody, this is Dawn
Summers. She's the chief archivist
for the Watcher's council and a
good friend of mine.

Lucy has an "eyebrow raising" moment at the words "good friend".

XANDER
Dawn this is our new slayer Olivia
and her mother Lucy.

LUCY
(a tad jealous)
I see. It's nice to meet you.

DAWN
Thank you. I've heard a lot about
you two.
(to Liv)
Oh my god! Look at you! You're so
cute in your fatigues and... is
that kevlar?

LIV
Available at your local army supply
store.

DAWN
(confused)
That's... That's actually a pretty
good idea. How come we never
thought of that?

XANDER
If there's anything I've learned in
the last couple of weeks is that
Liv and Lucy are light years ahead
of us when it comes to the slayer biz.

LUCY
So what brings you to the Cape?

DAWN
Well, Xander needed a dedicated
terminal set up to access the
council's new library system and
since my guy here...
(tousles Xander's hair)
is all thumbs when it comes to
technology, I thought I'd come down
for a few days and visit.

LUCY
Oh. I see.

DAWN
Oh and I brought you guys something
too!

Dawn pulls out a laptop case and a heavy duty leather duffel.
She hands the laptop to Liv.

DAWN
This is a mobile laptop with a
broadband wireless card and a
wireless PDA. Both connect to the
council's mainframe, just in case
you need to do some work in the field.

LIV
(geeked out)
Cool!

Dawn hands the duffel to Lucy.

DAWN
This is a Willow Rosenberg survival
kit, complete with a twelve month
supply of anti-demon glamour spells
for your house.

Dawn takes what looks like a glass globe filled with green goo.

DAWN
On every full moon just smash one
on the floor.

Dawn tosses it on the floor and it instantly dissolves into
green smoke and disappears.

DAWN
Any unfriendly magic creature will
only see a vacant lot. No locator
spell will be able to trace you.

XANDER
Why does that sound familiar?

DAWN
Will got the idea from Harry Potter.

XANDER
Well at least that will cut down on
the whole property damage thing.

LIV
So um... Is Brad here today? I
didn't see his car.

XANDER
(smiles)
Sorry kiddo, Brad had a tournament
upstate.

LIV
(disappointed)
Oh.

DAWN
But I'll spar with you.

LUCY
Oh, are you a slayer too?

DAWN
No, but my sister is. I've picked
up some moves as a result.

LIV
Oh, you're Buffy's sister?

DAWN
(smiles)
Well, kind of.

XANDER
It's a long story.

DAWN
I'm an inter-dimensional energy
being given human form from Buffy's
DNA.

XANDER
That would be the short version.

Lucy and Liv are a little floored by the revelation.

LUCY
Our lives are never going to be
normal again, are they?

XANDER
Oh, you can count on it.

INT. VIZIER'S SANCTUM
It's a creepy room, filled with various items you'd expect
to find in an advanced biology class room. The walls are
covered with ancient runes. The equivalent of a magical
klaxon is going off.

An old man dressed in weird clothes runs into the room.
Think Armin Shimerman (aka Principal Snyder), only uglier,
ancient and mean as hell. He runs up to what looks like a
floating orb of light.

VIZIER
What? What is it? Silence!

The klaxon silences.

VIZIER
(to the orb)
What is it?

The orb gives off a green glowing aura.

VIZIER
Are you sure? Can it be?

The orb pulses light.

VIZIER
Aha! Aha! I see! Moleg!

A hidden figure dressed in a cloak rises from one of the
work tables.

VIZIER
(commanding)
When night approaches, go to the
city and seek out the energy
signature the orb gives you and
bring it to me.

The figure rises from the table and the cloak drops
revealing a monster patched together with different human
body parts. It gives off a shuddering groan of acknowledgement

INT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - MAIN ROOM

Xander and Lucy are working on the new computer, trying to
figure out how it works.

XANDER
Man, I'll never figure this thing out.

LUCY
That interface looks familiar.

XANDER
That's because it's based off of
the consoles from Star Trek.

LUCY
Really?

XANDER
Andrew must have designed it.

LUCY
Who's Andrew?

XANDER
A bigger dweeb than me.

LUCY
I didn't think that was possible.

XANDER
Oh believe me. I'm nothing compared
to him.

Lucy tries to be nonchalant.

LUCY
So... ah... Dawn... she seems
really nice.

XANDER
Yeah. She's great. I don't get to
see her a lot these days now that
she's graduated and working for the
council full time.
(reading)
"Parameters for inquiry incorrect?"
What the hell does that mean?

LUCY
Beats me. How often do you see her?

XANDER
Dawn? Not often. Mostly phone calls
nowadays.
(sighs)
I never thought I'd say this, but I
think I prefer the smelly books. If
only Giles could hear me now.

LUCY
Giles?

XANDER
The quintessential watcher. I guess
technically he's my boss. We're not
exactly on good terms these days.

LUCY
Ohhhhh... I talked to him when you
were doing that coma thing. I think
we got off on the wrong foot.

XANDER
What happened?

LUCY
Well after calling him thick in the
head he was like...
(imitating Giles stammering)
"Well...I..I..I..I don't think
that...that...that there's a reason
to get snippy."

Xander laughs.

XANDER
What happened then?

LUCY
He passed me off to Buffy.

XANDER
Smart man. The last place I'd want
want to be is between you and a
hard place.

Lucy smiles flirtatiously.

LUCY
Are you sure about that?

Xander smiles back.

Dawn and Liv bound down the steps laughing.

DAWN
Oh my god! Xander, she is such a
cute fighter! One minute she's all
thumbs and the next she's kicking
your ass.

XANDER
That's actually a disturbing
image.

LIV
Hey Mom? Is it all right if I show
Dawn our school library?

DAWN
I heard that they have some
original texts regarding Saint
Bufalari that might be of use.

LUCY
That's fine, but you haven't eaten yet.

DAWN
That's okay, we'll grab some pizza
afterwards.
(deferring to Lucy)
That is, if it is okay with you.

LUCY
Well... ah sure. That's fine.

LIV
Okay.
(kisses mom goodbye)
I'll meet you back here afterwards,
'kay?

LUCY
All right.

XANDER
Now Dawn, just because this place
is just a potential hellmouth
doesn't mean it's safe...

DAWN
(sighs)
Okay. Okay. Don't be such a nag big
brother. I'll keep to the main
streets and avoid any ne'er do wells.

Lucy's attitude brightens immensely at the words "big brother"

Liv throws her jacket on and the two girls head out the door.

DAWN
Hey, you like anchovies right?

LIV
Omigod! Love 'em!

And they are gone. Xander and Lucy share a smile and a brief
moment of silence.

XANDER
So. Baked ziti, huh?

LUCY
Got any wine to go with that?

XANDER
I think I have a bottle of Pinot
Noir some place in the kitchen.

LUCY
I'll go find it.

Xander smiles to himself and picks up the magic 8 ball.

XANDER
Was I just set up?

The Answer: DUH.

EXT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE

Liv and Dawn walk away from the firehouse.

DAWN
I wasn't too over the top was I?

LIV
No the "big brother" thing was just
the right touch.

From the darkness, Moleg walks out into the light. He looks
at Xander's place and tilts his head back and forth.

MOLEG
Errr?

MOLEG'S POV: Xander's house is just an empty lot.

MOLEG
Ungh.

Moleg moves on, following the girls from a distance.

INT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - MAIN ROOM - LATER
Xander and Lucy sit at the table with the remains of the
dinner and wine.

XANDER
That was ziti-licious.

LUCY
Thank you.

XANDER
Where'd you learn to cook?

LUCY
Ripping recipes off of campbell's
soup containers.

XANDER
Well it truly is good food.

Lucy smiles at the compliment.

LUCY
So... I was pretty sure I had met
every single man in the Cape
Kenneth area. How can you live here
two years and slip under my radar?

XANDER
Well... I've been in stealth mode.
When it comes to relationships I
have not had the best of luck.

LUCY
Oh really?

XANDER
(bitter)
Let's just say my love life and the
supernatural don't really mix.

Awkward pause ensues.

LUCY
Did I hit a bad topic?

XANDER
(smiles. still bitter)
Bullseye.

LUCY
Okay, there's no way it could be
that bad.

XANDER
Wanna bet?

Lucy smiles flirtatiously.

LUCY
What are the stakes?

INT. SAINT BUFALARI'S LIBRARY
Dawn and Liv are chatting away as Maya walks in wearing
workout gear.

MAYA
Hey Worm! Thought I heard your
voice in here.

LIV
Hey Airhead. How was practice?

MAYA
Don't ask. Who's the pretty one?

LIV
Oh... This is Dawn.

DAWN
I'm an old family friend from out
of town.

Liv and Maya snort with laughter.

MAYA
Wow. That was pretty weak. Slayer
or watcher?

LIV
Neither. She's their librarian.

MAYA
Ahhh. The ever elusive Senior Worm.
Look upon your future young slayer!
(grave voice)
In every generation there is a
chosen one. She alone will stand
against late fees, paper cuts and
the Dewey Decimal System. She is...
The Librarian.

All laugh.

DAWN
I take it she knows?

MAYA
I know waaay too much.

DAWN
Welcome to the scooby lifestyle.
It's a fine and honorable tradition.

Maya and Liv exchange blank looks.

MAYA
What's a scooby?

INT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - MAIN ROOM

Xander has a superior grin on his face. Lucy has a shocked one.

LUCY
Your last date was a demon who tried to
sacrifice you to the first
incarnation of evil?

XANDER
(grinning even more)
Yep. Still have the scars from the rope burns

LUCY
Well, that sure beats the guy who
plucked out a nose hair during a
dinner date.

XANDER
I didn't even mention the Inca
Mummy Girl, the praying mantis, or
my ex-fiance/reborn demon who wiped
out an entire fraternity.

LUCY
(laughs)
You're kidding right?

Xander just smiles.

LUCY
You're not kidding.

XANDER
Nope.

LUCY
All right! You win. Okay? Don't rub
it in.

Xander just grins.

XANDER
I'm soooo going to enjoy this!

EXT. CAPE KENNETH - MAIN STREET
Dawn, Liv and Maya are walking home.

DAWN
I can't believe you guys didn't
watch Scooby Doo.

LIV
I'm sorry, but there just aren't
any good quality cartoons these
days featuring talking dogs.

MAYA
Except the Family Guy.

LIV
Well, duh!

MAYA
Besides, it's not like there's a
group of friends hanging around you
fighting evil. It's just me.

LIV
I suddenly feel very lonely.

MAYA
And another thing, I'm nobody's
sidekick.

LIV
What about being the plucky comic
relief?

VOICE(OS)
How about being dinner?

Four vampires walk out of the alley and surround the girls,
their "game" faces are on.

MAYA
Okay. Not good.

LIV
Stay between Dawn and me.

DAWN
You guys picked the wrong girls to
mess with.

Dawn and Liv pull out their required stakes and jump into
action. Dawn dust her first vampire and dodges an attack
from the second.

Liv sweeps the leg on the first vamp as it charges her,
knocking him over. She rolls past the second vampire, pops
up and dusts him from behind. The first vampire charges her
again and Liv side steps him, gives him a one-two punch and
a stake in the heart.

Dawn gets caught from behind on her other vamp. She stomps
on his arch, elbows him in the bread box, spins and stakes him.

DAWN
(breathing hard)
Whew. I've been out of the field
too long. You okay?

MAYA
I'm... fine. Need a change of
underwear, but I'm fine.

LIV
Wow. My first ambush. Not bad
though, huh?

DAWN
Trust me kid. That was no ambush.
That vampire broadcasted his attack.
With a true ambush, you won't...

Moleg pops out of an alley and bashes Maya and Liv's heads
together, knocking them out.

Dawn gets two good punches and a kick in, but Moleg doesn't
even feel it. Moleg back hands her and knocks her out with
just a punch. He catches Dawn before she hits the ground,
tosses her over the shoulder and heads off into the night.

INT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - KITCHEN

Lucy is doing the dishes while Xander sits on the counter
and tries to find new and inventive ways to come up with
more dishes for her to clean.

LUCY
I'm not washing that bowl. That
bowl was here before dinner.

XANDER
It was my oatmeal bowl and the bet
was that the loser did the dishes.
No parameters were ever set on what
or how many dishes were to be cleaned.

Xander picks up a clean dish and offers it to her.

LUCY
That's a perfectly clean dish!

Xander licks the dish and offers it back to her.

LUCY
(taking the dish)
You're a sick man, Sparky.

INT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - MAIN ROOM

Liv bursts through the door in full panic mode carrying an
unconscious Maya.

LIV
Mom! Mr. Harris!

Lucy and Xander run into the room and help Maya to the couch.
Lucy starts examining Maya.

XANDER
What happened?

LIV
We were ambushed by a demon.

XANDER
Are you okay?

LIV
I'm fine.

LUCY
(shining a light into Maya's eyes)
Maya? Sweetie? Do you want to say
something silly to make me feel better?

MAYA
(mumbling)
I don't wanna be a sidekick.

LUCY
She's okay. She's going to have a
lump on her head the size of a
grapefruit, but she'll be all right.

XANDER
Where's Dawn?

LUCY
The demon must have taken her. She
was gone when I woke up.

XANDER
Okay. Hit the library and find out
what kind of demon it was. I'll dig
out a locator spell from the kit.

LIV
(tearful)
Mr. Harris, I'm so sorry! I...

XANDER
It's okay. Don't blame yourself. Go
clean yourself up and hit the books.

Liv hangs her head in despair. Xander takes her by the
shoulders and kneels down to her eye level

XANDER
Hey. Seriously. It's going to be okay.

Liv shocks Xander by giving him a big hug. He holds her tight.

XANDER
Scared?

Liv nods her head and sniffs. Xander wipes away a couple of tears from her face.

XANDER
It's okay to be scared Liv, but we
have work to do. Can you help?

Liv nods, wipes her tears and then rushes off.

XANDER
(sighs)
Dawn's in trouble.
(shakes his head)
Must be Tuesday.

INT. VIZIER'S SANCTUM
Dawn is unconscious and hangs suspended from mid-air as the
Vizier gleefully examines her.

VIZIER
The key! The key!
(Chuckles)
How fortunate you stumbled into my
neck of the woods. Hmmmm.... the
monks did well in changing your
form. It will be interesting to see
what exactly you are made of.

The Vizier cackles evilly as we...

END ACT I

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