Wondering: Just a little sing-song
by Willow Fireheart
Wondering

Spoilers- S3 up to ‘Provider’
Disclaimer- None the characters used belong to me, they belong to Joss, et al. The song ‘Wondering’ is by Good Charlotte.

&&&

Angel winced as the loud music assaulted his sensitive hearing. Cordelia had insisted that Fred needed to learn the changes of the last five years. So that’s what she had been doing these last few months, in between visions, comas, revelations of impending doom and fighting vampires and demons as well as helping care for his son. Ever since the Burkle’s had left Cordelia had taken it upon herself to help Fred discover what she had missed.

Recently they had moved onto music and in a move that surprised everyone Texan-born and bred Fred had developed a liking for a band called Good Charlotte. And she liked to play them loud.

He couldn’t ask her to turn it down, Connor couldn’t hear it from his crib, and when he had complained the first time Fred had looked up at him with her soulful brown eyes wide and her lower lip trembling. So he sighed and decided to take it like a man-pire, besides Cordelia had been standing nearby when Fred had given him the puppy dog treatment and her eyes had danced and twinkled with laughter.

Angel sighed with relief as the song ended and silence reigned. Then the music started suddenly. Angel winced and scowled.

**
If you want me to wait, I would wait for you
If you tell to stay, I would stay right through
If you don’t want to say anything at all
I’m happy wondering
**

Angel chanced a panicked glance at Cordelia. She was sitting on the floor of the lobby playing with Connor. He looked over at Fred, who had situated herself on a stool behind the counter and was idly flicking through the case files, her glasses low on her nose. Fred looked up, feeling someone’s eyes on her. Her honest brown eyes met Angel’s and she gave him a little half grin. Angel’s brow furrowed. Was she doing this on purpose, trying to push him to tell Cordelia how he felt? To torture him?

**
Since I was a young, I never was a fun man
I never had a plan and no security
Then ever since I met you, I never could forget you
I only wanna get you right here next to me
**

Once again in his very long life Angel was glad that he didn’t have to breathe, if he did… Well that wouldn’t be going so well.

Angel glanced at Cordelia again. Still she sat on the floor, her attention focused on his son.

‘Lucky kid,’ Angel thought.

It amazed Angel that she could be so oblivious. It was like someone had looked into his heart and written a song about it. Angel smiled. Okay, maybe the ‘ever since I met you’ part was a bit of a stretch. He couldn’t remember the first time he met her, sure he’d seen her at the Bronze or walking with her date and she was there the night that Buffy killed the Master. But his first real memory of the real Cordelia was that night at the Bronze just before the Halloween when Giles’ old friend, Ethan, turned everyone into their costumes when Buffy had been late for their date. At first when Cordelia sat across from him he thought that she was going to act all vapid, shallow and flirty but she didn’t. For the first time in a long time he had smiled and laughed and it wasn’t forced. That was a moment he would never forget, when she showed him a side of herself that he had only seen hints of before.

**
‘Cause everybody needs someone that they can trust and…
You’re somebody that I found just in time
**

A smile curled on Angel’s lips. Well that part was certainly true. He did trust Cordelia with a lot: his visions, his mission, his life story, his life, his heart and his son. And Cordelia had done nothing for him not to trust her with them.

And it was just in time too. When he met Doyle, Doyle had theorized about how Angel’s life would go if he didn’t accept the mission. That he would eventually start feeding on humans again. He probably would have been right, if it wasn’t for Cordelia. If it wasn’t for Cordelia Angel knew that he wouldn’t have made it this far, that he wouldn’t have any of the things he had today.

**
Now my life is changing. It’s always rearranging
It’s always getting stranger than I thought it ever could
Ever since I found. I wanna be around you
I wanna get down to the point that I need you.
**

Angel chuckled quietly. Once again the song was right. Life was about change, for normal people anyway. But as Spike once told, spitting anger and betrayal, ‘demons don’t change.’ You only had to look at that last three years of his life to disprove that: moving to L.A., joining up with Doyle and Cordelia, the additions of Wesley, Gunn and Fred, the whole thing with Darla, realizing that he could get over Buffy, Cordy becoming half demon, the birth of Connor. The list just went on and on.

**
‘Cause everybody needs someone that they can trust and…
You’re somebody that I found just in time
**

Angel’s eyes darkened. He had almost lost her. Not that you’d know it from how she looked and acted now, but one of the most terrifying times in his life was sitting beside the bed while she was in that coma on her birthday. He still had nightmares were he saw her fly back into the glass, but in his dreams she didn’t have the option of waking up all healthy and half demon.

He understood why she hid her dying from him. That didn’t mean that he was happy about it, but he accepted it. What was done was done and couldn’t be changed. Loving someone meant forgiving them for their mistakes and if Cordelia could do it for him than he could do it for her.

**
If you want me to wait, I would wait for you
If you tell to stay, I would stay right through
If you don’t want to say anything at all
I’m happy wondering
**

Angel’s mouth twitched. That described it, didn’t it? Anything Cordy wanted he did. It was getting so he was starting to feel like her eager puppy, trailing after her. The knowing grins from Wes, Gunn and Lorne didn’t help the situation any either.

**
Don’t tell the bad news
Don’t tell me anything at all
Just tell me that you need me
And stay right here with me.
**

A sudden panicked feeling seized his chest. What if Cordy found out he loved her and was disgusted she left?

She wouldn’t do that?

Would she?

“Angel?”

Angel’s eyes snapped open and he stared into Cordy’s worried face. He started.

“What?” He asked panickedly.

Cordy shifted Connor higher in her arms. “Are you okay? If the music’s bothering you that much I can get Fred to turn it off.”

Angel gave her a half smile, the best he could do under the circumstances. “No, it’s okay. It’s no Barry, but it’s okay.”

Cordelia rolled her eyes at him. “Dork.” The smile took the bite out of the insult. “Have you eaten today? I’ll fix you some blood.”

Without waiting for an answer Cordelia bustled towards the small refrigerator they kept in the office and pulled out a bag of blood, cooing at Connor the whole time.

Angel scratched the back of his neck, a large grin threatening to engulf his face. It didn’t matter, he decided, right now it didn’t matter if Cordelia loved him the same way he loved her. It didn’t matter because right now, with his friends and family, this as the happiest he could ever remember being.

**
If you want me to wait, I would wait for you
If you tell to stay, I would stay right through
If you don’t want to say anything at all
I’m happy wondering
**

End.



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