Come Undone: Chapter 4
by claudia6913
Chapter 4

Willow sat meditating while the sun rose into the sky, greeting the day as she had done ever since settling in Kitty Hawk. It was her daily ritual, and one she cherished. Slowly she opened her eyes and smiled as the sun gradually filled her room with a warm glow. Silently she greeted Tara and Kennedy, letting them know her plans for that day. It made her smile, sad though it was, to think they were listening, ready to begin the day with her.

Moving to the kitchen, Willow busied herself with making breakfast, some toast, and a fresh grapefruit, while she waited for the water for her tea to boil. She tried not to think of the first time she had had freshly brewed tea. However, try as she might to ignore the memory, her mind brought forth the image of Giles, leaning against the table in the library, sipping from a cup and offering her some. She missed him, the way he always made her feel important, always made her feel loved. He was like a father to her and if there was anything she regretted the most, it was not being brave enough to tell Giles she was leaving…for good.

The whistle of the kettle brought Willow out of her musings. Pouring herself a cup, she took it and her plate to the table.

‘Will it never end?’ Willow thought, looking at the diaries she had left there the night before. She debated moving to her chair to eat, but avoiding them would only work for so long. Pushing them to the side, she set her tea and breakfast down and pulled her laptop to her. She had not looked for April’s present last night like she had planned.

Booting up the computer, she searched for Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. It had been her favorite book as a child and Willow was sure April would adore it. She wished she could obtain her copy, but Willow was not sure if her parents had kept it when they had called for their things from Sunnydale. Somehow, her parents had gotten wind of the massive evacuation of the town. When Willow had gone a few days later to pick up a few things, she had found an empty house. They had not even left a forwarding address. That loss, however, was not as great as when she had found her things, rumpled, and tossed in a corner, looted, it had looked.

Willow put in her order for the children’s book. She hated that those memories flooded back. It seemed the dam she had built around her memories was breaking, and she blamed the Watcher’s Diaries she had received the other day. They had made a crack in her defenses, making her remember, and now it threatened to all come flooding back in waves big enough to drown her.

“No, I won’t let you do this to me,” Willow said to the books, as if they had had ears to hear or thought to motivate them.

Finding a box, Willow took the books and shoved them in there, closing and taping the lid. She did not see the small piece of paper that fell to the floor as she picked the box up and hauled it down to the storeroom. Out of sight, out of mind, or so the saying went.

**********

The day passed normal enough, slow, with only a few regulars to stop by. It gave her time to do the inventory a bit more and catch up on the books. These were the days she liked the most, the ones where nothing demanded her attention, and she could relax into an easy pace.

Bells chimed on the door and Willow turned in time to see April running through the shop towards her. She laughed, kneeling down to receive the hug. The girl hit her and Willow fell to her bottom, arms full of a squirmy four, almost five, year old bundle of giggles.

“April! What did I tell you about running in the shop?” Susan cried out, unable to stop the girl.

April looked ashamedly at Willow, saying, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, sweetie,” Willow said kissing her on the cheek. April giggled again and climbed off Willow, walking back to her mother. Standing up, Willow walked over to Susan.

“I thought I told you Thursday. Isn’t not Thursday, is it?” Willow asked confused. She hoped she had not missed a day. Sometimes she got so caught up in her work that she would forget what day it was. It was rare, but it happened.

"No," Susan said, laughing. "It's Wednesday, Willow. But, Steve found a winter home inland. That's what I stopped by to tell you."

She tried to be just a little tactful about it, but after almost two years of knowing and working with Willow, Susan found that tact was not always the way to go. Sometimes with Willow, she had to be blunt, and that worked fine for her. However, when she mentioned the winter home, she saw Willow tense up. Not a good sign. Susan was worried about Willow, cared about her like a sister. It could not be good for her to stay here cooped up in the shop all winter long while all of the other people on the Outer Banks packed up and left. Susan imagined it had to be a very lonely time indeed.

"Oh, that's good," Willow said carefully. She knew just where Susan was going and she wished her friend would not. Her good intentions were understood by Willow, but she wished Susan would understand that she just...she just could not leave. It would be like leaving a piece of her behind. Not only that, but also what would she do in their house, with their kids. Willow was not technically a part of their family and she would feel like an intruder.

"Yeah, Steve went to go see it yesterday. He said it has a nice large, fenced in yard, an attached garage and an attic that had been made into an apartment. Complete with microwave, and a little mini-fridge, and everything. We were thinking, if you wanted, you could take the attic room. That way you could have your own space."

There, she had said it. Now, Susan would just wait for the inevitable no that was sure to follow and go tell Steve the news.

"I could come visit you more, Willow," April said, looking up at her. "We could play with my dolls and have tea."

"I don't know, sweetie," Willow said, stroking the small girl's hair. She looked up to Susan who shrugged as if to say 'I didn't put her up to this'.

"I won't bug you that much," April said, her voice small and her eyes pleading. "And mommy would like you to come."

"From the mouth of babe's," Susan said smiling. She took a hold of April's hand and pulled her up, setting the girl on her hip. "Look, you don't have to."

"I'll think about it," Willow said. There was no harm in thinking about it, she reasoned. The self-imposed isolation, however punctuated with occasional human interaction, was not healthy for her and she knew it.

"Ok," Susan said, cautiously. "I'll let Steve know."

"Don't look at me like I've grown a second head," Willow said forcing a laugh. She had to remind herself that she was not on a Hellmouth and a second head would not just - appear - out of nowhere.

"Sorry, Willow. I just, well, honestly didn't expect you to say you would come. But really, I'm glad you're at least thinking about it."

They smiled at each other and April wormed her way out of her mother's arms to go and hug Willow around the legs.

"Promise to be good the whole time you're there," April said.

"I know you will sweetie," Willow said. Silently, she wondered if she could do it, leave the safe haven she had built up around herself. There would be so much she would have to bring. Herbs and books were definitely needed to protect the house and the surrounding area. They did not know about vampires though. How could she tell them not to invite anyone inside of the house without telling them about vampires. Then, once she got into that conversation, how did she keep from spilling everything?

"We're going down this weekend, if you want to come along and check out the house. You don't have to stay for the winter with us, but I will not take no for an answer on this weekend," Susan said, bringing Willow out of her thoughts. She stood, hands on hips, and a resolve face to rival Willow's any day.

"But, it's a weekend, people will -"

"Not be stopping in," Susan said, cutting off Willow's excuse. "Honey, they stopped coming in on weekends two weekends ago. The tourists have all gone home, and just us lonely ruffians come by."

"You're not ruffians," Willow said, shaking her head. Susan was not going to let up.

"Good, so it's settled, we'll stop and pick you up about five-thirty Friday night."

"But-"

"Oh, and don't worry about furniture and things, it's all there."

"Susan, I-"

"It's so beautiful, Willow. I know you'll love it. The yard is massive, and there's even a little apple orchard behind it. Someone else's property, but the broker told Steve we could pick whatever apples were left over. We could be in apple pies all winter long."

"That's, really, wow, but-"

"Oh, damn! I'm sorry, Willow, I've got to run and pick up Jason. See you tomorrow."

With that, Susan and little April were gone, and Willow was left standing alone in her shop, her head spinning. Susan could out talk her; out maneuver her in any conversation, without even batting an eyelash. It was impressive and slightly disconcerting because Willow was fairly certain she had said she would think about going with them this winter. And knowing Susan that meant yes.

Sighing, Willow found the nearest seat and fell into it, groaning as she laid her head on her arms. She was loosing her touch. The old Willow would have seen that coming. And poor April, she had been a pawn in Susan's evil plans - with those big, brown, shining eyes and that soft voice promising tea parties.

Well, she would just have to tell Susan no. There was no way she could leave the safety of her home. Not only was it safe, but it was hers and she was comfortable there. Willow knew where the towels were if she ran out. She knew just how to turn the water so it was the perfect temperature every time. Even still, she knew she was being neurotic about it. But, it was not that it was different, or not hers...how would she explain the spells she would have to do around the house? How would she tell Susan about vampires, and invitations, and not to make a wish, and...

No, Willow could not do it; she could not leave the comfort and safety of her own home.

Now, she had to tell Susan that without going into the why's and how's of it.

**********

They had driven in silence, neither one having anything to say to the other. Spike smoked one cigarette right after another, annoyed with both himself and the blue god next to him. She did not have to tear him apart like that, dig into him, and rip out what she found. He did not do it to her, tear apart her reasoning like that. He let Illyria keep some of her delusions, knowing himself that sometimes they were the only things that kept you going when all else was lost.

Silently, Spike wondered just what would drive Willow so far away from everything and everyone she had ever known. The East Coast was like the end of the world to Spike. Not that the East Coast was bad, but when you considered where everyone else had ended up, to find Willow there, of all places, so withdrawn...he just wanted to make sure she was alright. That was it. If she had gone to this extent to keep away from the others, then he would only do the very basics of what Dawn had asked him to do. Spike would find out if she was alright, healthy and happy, report back to Dawn what he found, then leave Willow in peace. It seemed that was what she wanted.

Finally, they were able to make it onto the Outer Banks. Crossing the bridge, they were able to see all the way across the Banks to the Ocean on the other side. The sight was beautiful and even Illyria found herself somewhat captivated by the sight.

"Much has changed since my reign," Illyria said softly, as the Atlantic Ocean disappeared from view. There was no bitterness in her voice, only appreciation for the view she had the chance to glance. She told the vampire once in one of their many conversations that there were things in this world that confused her and therefore made her angry because she could not yet comprehend them.

"Odd not to see humans in chains, is it?” Spike asked facetiously.

"You would still be upset, vampire," Illyria said, looking over at him. His jaw worked furiously, and constant muscle twitch could be seen. "You hold things in too long, things which do not matter. I do not see the purpose of it."

"It takes a bit more than eyes to see it, Pet. You're problem is you're not lookin' hard enough."

"It is because you do not open yours, that you fail."

"Look, let's just find Red, yeah? Then we can bloody go the four corners of this soddin' Earth and leave each other 'lone," Spike said. He did not know how she did it, but she had, once again, made him feel in the wrong. Not even Angelus...well, no, that was not true either. Spike thought she might actually enjoy Angelus' company more then she did his.



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