Season One In Review: The Witch
by rockangelz25
GILES: Oh no. It's terrible. Buffy wants to be a cheerleader.

VIEWERS: YAAAAAHHHH!!!

BUFFY: Fighting vampires isn't terrifying. But cheerleading is? You people have serious issues.

VIEWERS: Someone does, anyway...

GILES: Whatever. It's your funeral.

VIEWERS: Hopefully that's figuratively speaking.

CAMERA: (Shot of some eerie things happening in a dark room)

WILLOW: It doesn't matter. We support you, Buffy!

XANDER: Yeah. Especially if you wind up on the squad... In that short skirt and tight sweater... Oh! Moral support! Yeah, that too. And here, by the way, a bracelet. To maybe provoke thoughts of the romantic variety???

BUFFY: You shouldn't have! Thanks, Xander! Oh, time to sit.

AMBER (another cheerleader wannabe): (Cheering on the floor for a while... Then...) YAAAHHH!!! My hands are on fire! Oh my God! Oh my God!

EVERYONE ELSE: Oh my God! Oh my God!

BUFFY: Because I fight vampires, I'm still sane--let me help you!

VIEWERS: Gee, that was thoughtful. And obvious. Maybe cheerleading is more dangerous than it looks.

BUFFY: Giles, are you sure that cheerleaders don't just spontaneously combust around here?

GILES: You never know, Buffy... This is, after all, the hellmouth.

VIEWERS: Oooh. Scary.

GILES: Oh, well. I suppose that it will make your going out for this... cult obsession slightly more bearable. The supernatural occurances and all

BUFFY: Gee, Thanks.

CORDELIA: In my mad rush to be a cheerleader, I'm going to take my position as head bitch to a new extreme. Amy Madison dared throw me off, so now I'm going to pick on her forever, and cast her into permanent social disfavor--at least for the rest of the episode.

XANDER: Buffy, I'll find out who made the squad for you! After all, I'm your friend.... Who wants a little something more...

BUFFY: I heard your first two sentences. So, thanks!

XANDER: Good news! You and Amy are alternates!

BUFFY: Um, thanks?

AMY: Because my mom was a great and powerful cheerleader, I will now run off and try not to cry. Angst, angst, angst!

WILLOW: Amy's mom is a major bitch. She intends to be skinny forever, and wants Amy to be just as obsessed with cheerleading as she was.

BUFFY: I see.

CORDELIA: In order to be an uber-bitch, now, I'm going to tell Amy that I made the team, so she should be happy.

VIEWERS: Because that makes sense in her world.

CORDELIA: Amy. Be happy.

AMY: Um, why?

CORDELIA: I made the team. So I won't ruin your social life.

AMY: How... Comforting.

CORDELIA: I know! Bye! I'm going to go and cheer now!

(MYSTERIOUS SHOT:) A hand wrapping a blindfold around a doll that looks a little like Cordelia. Mysterious, people!

VIEWERS: Ooh. Scary.

CORDELIA: (At school.) Huh. This is funny. I'm running into lockers. In fact, I don't know which one's mine. I'm not going to be an uber-bitch for now, because I've got vision troubles.

BUFFY: Something's wrong with Cordelia.

VIEWERS: Who cares???

BUFFY: Well, it could be supernatural.

VIEWERS: Ah, that's right. Go check on her.

DRIVING INSTRUCTOR: Cordelia! If you ever want to pass Driver's Ed, you have to drive now--today!

CORDELIA: I'm not feeling well.

DRIVING INSTRUCTOR: Too bad. Get in.

(And, of course, she does.)

CORDELIA: I can't see. So I'm going to run into many things now... And try to run us into a semi! Holy crap, I really can't see!

BUFFY: I am.... Super-Slayer! I saved Cordelia from a semi! Cordelia. What is your issue??? (Sees her eyes.) Holy crap, you really can't see!

VIEWERS: We know, we know!

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