Only the Beginning: Feelings
by kepSiBabe
Only the Beginning
She couldn’t tell why, why she constantly felt him. Her mind flashed through the years of their relationship.
The first time she had met the bleach blonde outside the Bronze when he threatened to kill her that Saturday. When she formed an unlikely alliance with her nemesis to defeat her former lover. She remembered when he came to her on Thanksgiving de-fanged, and who could forget when they were engaged from Willow’s untimely spell.
She remembered when he had first told her of his undying love, the expression on his face when he first saw her after 147 days of lying in the ground. How she constantly went to him when she could no longer talk with her friends, which led to all their rough yet passionate sex. How she only felt human when his body was beneath her, on top of her, inside of her. A memory of her telling him the relationship was over, that the one thing that he had ever hoped, wished and prayed for, was killing her on the inside. Clips of her bathroom and how he had tried to take her against her will; she could feel the pain and anger building up inside of her. The moment she realized that he had regained his soul, his look of confusion and desperation.
She could see the way he still constantly looked at her and somehow she felt complete. She had been denying her feelings for so long that she was beginning to believe them, but truth is that she loves him; loves him for his heart, and his soul that he went to ends of the earth through pain and torture to get, all for her, for her acceptance, forgiveness, and love. She loves him because he continued to love her even through everything that she had done to hurt him. Her true devotion would always lie with Angel, but Spike’s and her love could be compared to anything that anyone has ever experienced. She finally now understands that Spike will always hold a small piece of her heart that not even Angel could fill.
It was in this moment that she realized that before the end she should come to him with her true feelings.
Buffy turned and looked into Spike’s perfect blue eyes. Today was the day their fate would be decided.
“Mornin’ luv,” Spike said with a quiet voice.
“Morning.”
Spike’s hand lay on her stomach tracing designs. She then cupped his face and laid a kiss on his forehead. Their noses then rested in a constant Eskimo kiss. He took an un-needed breath and kissed her lightly on her soft lips then pulled away, afraid of the repercussions that would follow. She held his head in place and pulled him back for another feather kiss.
They both smiled.
“Are you ready to be a hero… well… again?” Spike asked.
“Always,” she replied as she stood up and prepared for the battle.
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She saw him, light flooding his body.
“Spike!” She ran to him as the army of vamps burned from the ray shooting out of Spike’s Elizabeth Taylor accessory.
“Everybody out now!!” Faith yelled to the newly born slayers who began to run up the stairs to safety.
Buffy then stood at Spike’s side.
“I can feel it, Buffy,” he said with eyes in shock.
“What??”
He looked at her as he said, “My soul…. its really there…” he turned his head, “kinda stings.”
He could always make the worst situation just a little bit funnier.
The cave began to collapse around them.
“Go on, then,” Spike told her.
“No, no, you’ve done enough… you could still...”
“No, you’ve beaten them back. It’s for me to do the cleanup.”
“Buffy, come on,” Faith yelled as she ascended the stairs.
“Gotta move lamb. I think it’s fair to say school’s out for bloody summer,” Spike said laughing.
“Spike!” Buffy yelled to him.
“I mean it, I gotta do this!” Spike said obviously in pain, his hands raised up sending her the signal to get back.
Her breathing got heavier; he was ready to lay down his entire existence for the world. She brought her hand to his outstretched one, intertwining their fingers, she held on harder as she felt his fingers gripping hers.
Flames bursting from their joined hands. They both could feel the heat from their bodies creating the flame.
She knew this was it, he needed to hear it and she needed to hear it for herself.
She looked hard into his beautiful face.
“I love you,” she smiled tears welling up inside.
He chuckled, “No you don’t but thanks for saying it.”
Her heart broke for him, she did love him, but she would always love Angel. She couldn’t reply so she stayed silent.
The cave began to crash around them, their hands losing grip and the heat leaving them.
“Now go!” Spike yelled; her heart dropped as she looked at him for the last time. She ran by him and up the stairs.
After she had left, Spike stood alone, “I wanna see how it ends.”
His body began to burn, he started to smirk and laugh as his face burned to the bone. The last thing that ran through his mind was Buffy’s beautiful face, his golden angel.
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“I don’t understand. Who did this?” Giles asked.
She turned to look at the crater that was once her home and thought of the man, not the vampire, who had just saved the world.
“Spike”
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