Gone 2: Rome: Part Fifteen
by Bria
Typical disclaimer, all feedback is welcome, please don't copy unless you have my permission, it wouldn't be very nice.



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Part Fifteen

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THE LETTER

Dearest Angel,

I don't even know how to start, what to say. There are all these feelings and thoughts running around in my head like a tornado, I just can't figure them out. They swirl around, running into each other, making it impossible for me to see. I just want to say right off the bat that I love, have always loved you and will always love you. You don't ever have to doubt that.

I know you'll probably blame this on yourself, say that you did something wrong, that you let me down, that you should have been there for me. Well, you're wrong. The only people to blame here is me, for letting myself fall and not picking myself back up, and the Anointed One, for being the evil little SOB he is. There's only enough blame for two, so butt out, it's none of your business or your fault.

I guess by now you know that I'm not in the apartment. Don't go looking for me. For one thing, it's daylight, and for another, you won't find me. I've left Rome. I don't know where I'm heading or what I'll do. All I know is that I have to go. I don't want to- God, it tears me up inside to even think of leaving you while I'm writing this letter, but I have to. Fate knocked me flat on my ass, and if I don't get up by myself, then I'll never live again. A lot has changed for me, and a lot of it I haven't been willing to accept. Like you said, I've got a lot to learn, but first I need to learn some things apart from you.

Don't worry about me, I'll be alright. I'm not sure when I'll be back, but I will. I don't care how long it takes me, a year, two years, ten. It doesn't matter. I'll come back to you, I'll always come back to you. I guess that's what I really want to say. That you're my everything, my all. You complete me, make me whole in a way I never knew was possible. I couldn't ever have imagined, in my wildest dreams, that love could be so powerful and when I think of it, of you and all the beauty you bring to my life, I get down on my hands and knees and thank whoever is in charge for sending me you, my own Guardian Angel. You are the light in the dark, the safe haven in a world full of danger. I have run to you for the past year. But now I have to leave you.

I can only pray that you understand and love me enough to leave me alone. I'll contact you once a year, probably through the Internet or a letter. They won't have a return address and if they do, you can bet that I'll have already left. I plan on writing Giles annually as well to let him know I'm okay, and I'd ask you to do the same. Just let him know what's happened and that you're all right. If you decide to stay with the Family, I wish you all the luck in the world. I spoke a little with Matthew and he truly cares about you. I think that you could find friends there.

I have to go now, it's only an hour before dawn and I want to be gone before you wake up. I don't think I could stand looking you in the eyes and then walking away. I've done that too many times for one lifetime, don't you think? I just want to tell you, one last time, that my heart belongs to you completely and that you own my soul, as I own yours.

Utterly and Totally Yours, 'Til the End of Time;

Buffy Summers


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