Nor a Borrower Be: Part 1
by Berloke
Disclaimer: Of course they aren't my characters. I nicked them all. From Joss Whedon
It isn't even remotely copyrighted. If Joss Whedon feels like given me a ton of cash for it, fine, but I'm not holding my breath. Meanwhile you buggers can steal it if you like, only don't make it funnier. That would make me feel bad.

This story is set between "Helpless" and "The Zeppo" Written by Bruce "Berloke" MacDonald
Additional Dialogue and Editing by Duncan Paton.



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Part One

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Outside Sunnydale High, at the end of the school day. Xander, Oz and Willow are sitting on the steps.

Willow: So Buffy's back to full strength?

Oz: That's the word on the street.

Xander: The Buffy Mustang is firing on all eight cylinders.

Faith walks up the steps

Faith: 'Bout time, too. Solo slaying was getting majorly dull. Speaking of which, I'm late for my daily dose of Britishness. If I don't run now they'll be new a Slayer on the scene. See you round

Exeunt Faith

Xander: Wow, Faith worried about a tardy? Giles must really be into General Patton mode

Oz: No man, he'd be Field Marshall Monty. British

Willow: Or Field Marshall Full Monty. Full Monty. Imagine Giles doing the... No don't.

Suitably digusted expressions on their faces

Oz: Never before have so many owed so much “ewwww” to so few.

Willow: I didn't mean to, i-i-it was a mistake, I was young and foolish and now I've unleashed a monster.

Pause. Further disgust appears.

All: EWWW!

Xander: Will, May suggest a better choice of words? None.

Buffy approaches

Xander: Buffy! Come speak to us, about anything at all except Giles nmfmf (muffled by Willow)

Buffy: That was my original plan.

Willow: But Buffy, you just missed Faith, and she says Giles is Fascist Time-Keeping Guy today. You'd better go.

Buffy: I can hang. He's just giving Faith a hard time because he's gotta be nice to me. I just mention my Mom and he's like coupon day at Apologies'r'us.

Oz: Emotional blackmail huh? Cunning.

Buffy: Come to think of it he was kinda twitchy about Mom even before he almost got her eaten. Anyway what're you guys doing? Apart from talking about Giles “nyumf nyumf?”.

Xander: Hoping and praying you'd stay off that topic. Are you sure you don't need to go train?

Willow: Giles does get cranky.

Buffy: Thanks for the welcome. I suppose I better be a good little slayer. Don't worry. Giles may be “nyumf nyumf”, but I've got him wrapped around my little finger.

exeunt Buffy. Looks of darkest horror of the remaining faces. Even Oz.

Intro Theme

The Library, Giles is clearly annoyed. Faith is hanging back out of the way. Enter Buffy.

Giles: What the bloody hell kept you? It does not take three quarters of an hour to get from class to here. It is imperative that you and Faith adhere to a proper training schedule until your new Watcher arrives.

Buffy: I'm sorry. I just wanted to phone home to make sure Mom was okay

Giles: Oh, I see. Well I, er, see. I trust she is...

Buffy: She's fine.

Giles: Good

Faith: Hey, do I get to take a half hour break to phone my Mom?

Giles: I thought you didn't know where she was.

Faith: Damn. British memories suck..

Giles: Well in any case we have a lot of work coming our way. I'll need both of you on patrol tonight.

Buffy: Why the double bill?

Giles: Vampire attacks are well down from usual in all of the surrounding areas. In fact the last two days have seen virtually none for a radius of around a hundred miles.

Faith: I know, last night was about as busy as your social life.

Giles: My social life is alive and well thank you very much. Why just last week, well last month.....Well I've been working a lot...now that I've been sacked.

Buffy: Vampires? Lack of?

Faith: Yeah isn't that reason to party? All the vampires being dead or retired?

Giles: My sources tell me they haven't died, they're just in transit.

Buffy: Ooh Let me guess where they're headed? Is the first letter an “S”

Faith: And I'll bet a months rent the next letter is “UNNYDALE”

Giles: I'm afraid you'd be on a sure-fire winner. My sources...

Buffy: What sources? I thought the Council shut them down?

Giles: Well they have, but I got to them before the Council's memo did. And I have a few, erm unofficial contacts that don't quite see eye to eye with the Council. Or possess eyes for that matter. Plenty of ears, though.

Buffy: See, you do have a social life. Lots of eyeless eary friends.

Giles: This is no time to be flippant, Buffy. The indications are that someone, or something is organising this migration, and until we know why, I suggest you exercise extreme caution. Vampires don't leave their territory unless they have a good reason. Whoever is behind this must have something they find worthwhile. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to find the things that could draw such a crowd.

Cut to interior shot of warehouse. Heavy curtains cover the windows. Ethan Rayne is standing in the middle of a large circular mystic symbol with runes etc. painted on the ground. He is holding a large ornate staff with a jeweled orb at the top. Three vampires are standing outside the circle

Ethan: Spirit of Hades, I beseech you, Let your ungodly servants step into the light and deliver your vengeance on the living

One of the vampires steps into the circle. A glowing light bursts from the staff to the vampire.

Vampire: Has it worked?

Ethan: You're sure you've not fed in the last three days?

Vampire: Not a drop, just like you said.

Ethan: Then it's worked. Allow me to prove it.

Ethan walks up the the vampire and holds a cross in his face. It doesn't flinch. Ethan pulls out a flask marked “Holy Water”

Ethan: Care for a drink?

Splashes the water on the vamps face. Nothing happens.

Ethan: And now for the biggest thrill of all.

He reaches for a rope pulley, which pulls aside a curtain. Sunlight falls on the vampire, but doesn't kill it. He stakes the vamp, but again, it's fine.

Ethan(to other two): Now go and spread the word. No more skulking around in the sewers, my friends. No more running from every do-gooder with a cross. We're going to take back the day, and make the world our slave.

The two vampires leave via a manhole in the floor, grinning evilly

Ethan: And now, let's discuss my payment.

Vampire pulls out a big wad of cash.

Vampire: Five grand, as agreed

Ethan: Excellent. (takes the money) There is one more thing. I need some extra cat litter for my tabby, Mordred. Care to volunteer? He pulls the rope some more, and reveals the fact the original sunlight was reflected off a mirror. As the rope is pulled, real sunlight comes in and burns the vampire, and dusts it in seconds. He fetches a broom, and sweeps up what's left of the vamp.

Ethan: There's one bitten every minute.

He walks up to a sink on one of the walls, and refills the “holy water” bottle from the tap. The Mayor and Mr Trick step out of the shadows.

Mayor: Very efficient set-up Mr Rayne. Mr Trick informs me that you're quite a hit.

Mr Trick: The grapevine's jumping, and every vamp not working for us is lining up to get killed.

Mayor: It's a crying shame. When I think of all that untapped potential just going to waste for lack of a little vision., well it just makes me want to cuss. Darn. Hooey. Nope, still don't feel better. Well I made them the offer, which they could refuse , and now I guess they'll have to live with the consequences for the rest of their lives..

Mr Trick: That won't take long. (Handles the cross and the stake) What's with these?

Ethan: The stake isn't wood. It's carbon fibre, and the cross is made of the bones of a heretic.

Mayor: How inventive. Mr Rayne, you stand to make a great deal of money from this venture. Have you considered donating some to charitable causes?

Ethan: Such as?

Mayor: Well, the Sunnydale Orphan's Trust is always in need of funding, but I think you should consider donations out.of town . After all, we want to make your contribution last.

Cut to night-time. Buffy and Faith are patrolling in the park.

Faith: Man, this sucks. Nothing, not even a hint of slayage. I need to stake something or I'm gonna explode.

Buffy: I know exactly what you mean.

Faith: See? I think you're finally getting that whole “slaying is fun” concept. Only took you three years B.

Buffy: No, I mean I want to make sure I'm back to normal. Or abnormal.

Faith: Can't you just feel it? Running through you, I mean? Man, I remember what it was like, being weak. I can hardly believe I lived like that. And the Council want to do it on purpose? They try that crap on me, and this slaying drought ends, I tell you that.

Buffy: It wasn't the best birthday I've ever had.

Faith: But still better than the one before. I mean, at least no-one did a Darth Vader.

Buffy: Faith,

Faith: I know, you don't like to talk. I've dropped it already. In fact, I'm outta here. There's some really exciting static on TV right now.

Buffy: We haven't done the Restfield yet...

Faith: And you think it's gonna be a Mardi Gras for the gross? This town is dead B, I'm going home.

Cut to Buffy walking through Restflield cemetery. She sees two vamps, one fat one has just started feeding on a woman, one standing back.

Thin Vamp: Hey, you can't eat her, dumbass. Now you gotta stay off blood for three days. What, are you Sunnydale guys stupid?

Buffy: Hey, you can eat the people, but don't badmouth my town's undead.

Thin vamp and Buffy fight, Buffy stakes him, turns to face Fat Vamp

Buffy: Oh, by the way, I lied about eating being okay.

They fight, Buffy pins Fat Vamp down.

Buffy: Your friend was right, you should lay off the blood. Little out of shape.

Stakes Vamp

Cut to Library, next day Scooby Gang sitting at table.

Buffy: I don't get it Giles, we did the whole town, and all I saw was two vamps. This town should be crawling by now

Giles: Yes, I must confess it has me perplexed. And you said one was from out of town?

Buffy: I think so.

Willow: What's with the three days thing. They'll all starving and for what?

Giles: Again, I'm not sure. I've looked through all the rituals concerning increasing a vampire's power, and none mention fasting beforehand. I'm still not entirely sure they have come here. After all, you did only see..

Willow: No, they're here.

Giles: Willow, how do you know?

Willow: I read it in a fortune cookie?

Giles: Did you read the aether?

Xander: She wouldn't need to. I mean cookies are the up and coming source of wisdom. In a couple of years, Cookie Monster will be like Yoda in blue.

Giles: Thank you Xander, Willow?

Willow: No , no I didn't read it. In the sense that yes I did.

Giles: Willow, the aether can be deadly, especially if all the vampires are here. They can infect you with their emotions, their needs and their unnatural urges, and that could drive you insane.

Willow: I only took a little. And I just got really hungry.

Giles: Well, you'd best be getting to your classes. There's nothing useful here. I'll widen my research.

Giles and Scooby Gang walking out:

Xander: Hey Willow, are we still on for ice cream and algebra at your place tonight?

Willow: Yay on the math, nay on the ice cream. I ate it all last night.

Buffy: Okay, then Jell-O?

Willow: No.

Xander: Cookies?

Willow: No

Buffy: Frozen pizza?

Willow: No

Xander: Potato chips?

Willow: No

Buffy: Then we get takeout pizza

Oz: No, Toni's Place ran out of stock last night.

Willow: Sorry...

Cut to outside Willy's new place. Willy is taking out some rubbish bins. He turns and sees Giles behind him.

Willy: Grand Opening`s on Saturday, pal. And even if wasn't, we won't be serving sherry.

Giles: I'm here for infomation actually. There's a small army of vampires in town, and I'd like to know where.

Willy: You Buffy's Watcher?

Giles: Effectively.

Willy: Well I might know something, but you know vampires are good customers here. Why d'you think I'm expanding? I'd lose out if I told you anything

Giles: Here's a fifty dollar note.

Willy: You kidding? I just developed amnesia pal.

Giles: Here's another

Willy: Still sick...

Giles: Here's another

Willy: You know medical bills these days are way up. If I told you what Ethan's doing for a measly..

Giles slams him up against the wall.

Giles: Ethan! Why is he here?

Willy: My amenesia just got worse. I don't remember any Ethan

Giles produces some wicked looking heavy duty pliers.

Giles: They used to call me Ripper. Ethan still does. Would you like to find out why?

Willy: Praise be! I'm cured! Okay, the vamps are way underground, but they're gonna come up to the warehouse on Edmund Street.

Giles: Why?

Willy: He's got something planned there, something big. That's all I know

Giles: Ethan likes to brag. I know that's not everthing

Willy: Really! I just know what the vamps tell me, and they're being pretty discreet

Giles puts the pliers to Willy's mouth

Giles:Are you fond of solid food?

Willy : I swear, that's everything I know.

Giles throw Willy down and storms off

Cut to interior Willy's bar, in utility room in back. We see Ethan Rayne .

Willy: You know that guy has a lot of hostility. To you I mean.

Ethan: Did he buy it?

Willy: Yes sir, hook, line and sinker.

Ethan: Excellent. I'd better get over there now. Give my regards to your customers.

Willy: Yeah, my crash dieting customers. You know start-up costs are a nightmare. I mean I move to a bigger place, and all of a sudden you turn up, and all the vamps turn into Karen Carpenter. I want this place to be a success.

Ethan: You'll compensated in full, don't you worry.

Cut to Sunnydale High, the Gang are in class. Giles enters and speaks to the teacher, bearded one of hangman “they always go for the “E”” fame

Teacher: Okay, Messrs Harris, Osburne, Rosenberg and Summers. Mr Giles has an exciting errand for you to run. You are excused. Please see me tomorrow to catch up your work.

Cut to corridor.

Xander: So what gives, Giles, have you finally realised what a waste of time Geography is and spared us?

Giles:Do shut up Xander. Oz, is your van here?

Oz: Yeah, we had practise in second period.

Cut to interior of Oz's van

Giles: Ethan Rayne is back. He's behind the vampire migration. I know where he is, we have get there immediately. Buffy, call Angel, and tell him to wait for us. I've been in touch with Faith and told her to meet us there too. We'll use Oz's van to transport Angel and ourselves to Ethan's warehouse. Willow, I have no idea what to expect, so you bring as many wiccan supplies as you can fit in the van. I may need you to defuse whatever Ethan has planned.

Xander: So what do I do?

Giles: Nothing actually.

Xander: Why am I here then?

Giles: Clerical error?

Cut to interior of Ethan's warehouse. He is standing in the centre of the circle,wearing an Egyptian crescent necklace thing, and holding a staff similar to the one he had earlier, but with a different coloured jewel at the top. He is chanting in Incan. As his chant reaches its end, the circle flashes with coloured light. The doors burst in as Oz drives the van through them. Angel, Faith and Buffy jump out and surround Ethan.

Giles: Stay out of the circle!

Ethan: Buffy! Ripper! How delightful to see you again. Angel, isn't it? And you must be Faith.

Giles: What does the staff do, Ethan?

Ethan: Why don't you try and take it from me?

Faith: How stupid do you...

Xander rushes Ethan and wrestles the staff from him, Xander ends up holding it, lying on the floor. Giles rushes in

Giles: Stay out the circle!

He fights Ethan, which takes them out of the circle. Giles overpowers Ethan, and forces him over a workbench. Faith, Buffy and Angel are on the other side of the circle from Giles, and Xander is now standing in the middle.

Giles: What does the staff do?

Ethan: Nothing, Ripper, I'm just trying to get a place on the marching band.

Giles forces Ethans hand into a vice on the workbench.

Buffy: Giles, no!

Ethan: I agree

Giles begins to turn the vice. As it begins to crush Ethan's hand, Buffy, Faith and Angel run into the circle to get to Giles.

Ethan: No, don't do that!

Giles: Then tell me what the staff does.

Ethan: Not you, but you too. Ow.

As the three get fully into the circle, a weird shimmery effect pass between them to Xander. They fall down, unconcious. Giles is distracted, and Ethan knocks him out with a nearby wrench, then frees his hand.

Ethan: Told you so

He picks up the staff and runs off. He stops and look back at the pile of money from earlier, which is sitting on the workbench. Oz and Willow run in and revive the others. Ethan sees them coming round, curses and leaves.

Angel: Everybody okay?

Buffy: Kinda oogy. What happened?

Willow: You went all blurry and fell over.

Giles: Ethan?

Oz: Took off.

Angel: Nice going Xander.

Xander: Hey, I got the staff. I had things well under control until you jumped in.

Angel: Xander, you jumped first. Into a mystic circle that you knew nothing about. How could you be so dumb? Oh wait, years of practise.

Xander: Listen, Dead Boy,

Angel: Don't call me that.

Xander: Okay then , Kid Corpse . At least I did something, acted like I got a pair. A pair that work anyway.

Angel takes a swing at Xander. He effortlessly parries it and shoves Angel in the chest so hard he flies out one the windows into the sunlight outside. Buffy runs up to Xander, wigging furiously

Buffy: You son of a bitch! I'll kill you!

Willow: Buffy, no!

Buffy swings Xander round to face her, and throws a monstrous right hook. It bounces, with a sickly cracking sound, off Xander's vamped out face. Xander doesn't move an inch, but stares instead at his hand, not believing his strength. Angel staggers round to the hole left by Oz's van, bleeding from broken glass, and struggling for breath.

Angel: Buffy...help. I can't breathe

Buffy: Angel, my hand.

They slump to the floor in each other arms

Willow: Giles? What's going on

Xander: Buffy I didn't mean to...

He runs towards them. Oz steps in his way, brandishing a cross. Xander flinches and growls

Oz: Nothing pesonal man, but you look kind of vamped

Xander returns to human face

Xander: I'm not a vampire, look I can (reaches for the cross, but jerks away and vamps out again) Argh!

Willow and Oz now both hold crosses up to Xander, while Giles and Faith have by now got crossbows from the van

Xander: Please, you gotta believe me guys, I didn't mean to hurt Angel. (human face)

Giles: You threw him into the sun for the sake of his health?

Oz: But, it didn't kill him.

Xander: I didn't mean to throw him either, I can't do that, I'm a wuss, I'm Xander, Mr Gets Beaten-Up Guy.

Willow: Remember my “what's going on” question, Giles? Can we answer it now?

Cut to Library. Oz and Giles wheel in a large cardboard box on a trolley. They bring it to a dark area of the room Willow and Faith are in tow

Oz: Last stop, the Library. You can get out now

Xander gets out of the box

Xander: Perhaps my strangest entrance, and I fear my least stylish.

Giles: Lack of style aside it was the best way to get you here without sunlight.

Xander: And on that subject, why do I have these sunshine issues?

Giles: I think it's pretty obvious what has happened here. Somehow, Ethan's staff acted as a conduit for an interpersonal paranormal power transferrence. Clear?

Xander: On a scale of one to minus ten? No.

Giles: Angel and Buffy's strength was taken from them and given to you.

Faith: What about me?

Giles: Hmm?

Faith: I was there too, I got all blurred, didn't I?

Oz: One way to find out. Hit me

Faith squares up to Oz, and they exchange blows. Oz has the upper hand by some margin, parrying everything Faith throws at him.

Faith: Screw this

She runs out, tears in her eyes. The phone rings and Giles goes to answer it.

Oz: So I'm guessing Xander's now strong as two slayers and Angel? Xander, my man you are officially bad.

Willow: Well how come you aren't evil? You aren't evil, right? Please say you're not evil?

Xander: I'm not. I guess I must have picked up Angel's curse too. Soul Brother Xander. Maybe I should learn to play the blues.

Willows eyes go wide.

Willow: I hate you

Xander: What?

Willow: Yes, I hate you , for, for what you did to Buffy's hand. I'm going now and I never want to see you again.

Willow storms off. Xander looks crestfallen

Xander: Oz, man can you....

Oz: I'm on it.

Oz leaves. Cut to corridor

Oz: Willow?

Willow: Oz, don't you get it? If Xander gets happy, he will be evil, and if he's that strong.

Oz: I see. But he seemed pretty happy just before you...

Willow: Oh. But...wait, Xander's never, you know, done the true happiness thing. He hasn't, right?

Oz: I would ask Cordy, but I'm strangely fond of my kneecaps.

Willow: And now I feel guilty. I'll just tell him about the curse

Cut to Library

Willow: Okay Xander, I don't hate you, but stay upset, or you'll lose your soul. And then I will hate you. Of course you'll probably kill me before I get any real hatred going, but I can get cranky really fast.

Giles comes out his office

Giles: That was Buffy, she's at the hospital with Angel

Xander: How are they?

Giles: Well Angel is fine, just cuts and bruises, but Buffy's hand is broken.

Xander: Man I am so sorry

Willow: Good, I mean, well good. Sorry.

Giles: Well the good news is she'll be fine, it's a simple fracture. She'll be healed in under a month.

Willow: A whole month? Shame on you! (slaps Xander)

Xander: Hey, that...didn't actually hurt at all. How's your hand, Will?

Willow: Numb.

Cut to outside hospital. Buffy and Angel walk through the sunlight, Buffy's hand is taped up, Angel has small plasters on his face and hands.

Buffy: How do you feel? Apart from all the pain and stuff?

Angel: Great. I haven't felt sunlight in two centuries. Well, not without agonising pain. You?

Buffy: Well I once feel asleep on the beach in LA for six hours, and that was pretty scorchy.

Angel: I meant the hand.

Buffy: I'll live. Xander must be feeling pretty crappy.

Angel: I hope so. (looks thoughtfull)

Buffy: Angel, don't be mean. He didn't know he was....whatever he is. I sure as hell didn't. Ow.

Angel: That's not what I meant, again. What about the curse? If Xander achieves true happiness, he'll be virtually unstoppable.

Buffy: But that depends on Xander, you know finding that lucky lady. We have his terrible track record working in our favour, right?

Angel: I don't know Buffy, I've killed more people than you've ever met. Enough to fill half this town. It took something pretty special to take that kind of pain away. Xander's an innocent.

Buffy: So he could turn at any moment.

Angel: We'd better get over there. Taxi!


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