To Never Say: To Never Say
by AngelLover379
I don't own them, though I wish I did, don't we all!
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Tears streamed down Buffy's face as Angel's words registered in her mind. He was leaving her. She would be all alone with no one to watch her back any longer.
The one man she had ever loved, the man she had come so close to losing just yesterday, was leaving town. He had told her weeks before the Ascension that he was planning to leave, but after everything they had been through she couldn't believe he was still planning on following through with his plan.
"I have to leave...for you...for the others..." Angel stammered.
"For yourself. You forgot that one," Buffy shot back, her eyes flashing in anger.
"I told you before that..."
"That you were leaving, doing the honerable thing so that I can have a normal relationship instead of this 'freak show' I think is pretty close to your exact words. You're not doing the 'honerable' thing. You're doing what you do best...running when confronted by something that scares you," Buffy was not backing off, she was going to let him know her anger and frustration.
Angel's head hung low. He tried to convince himself that she was wrong...that he was doing this for her, but the more he thought about it the more he realized how right she was. He was doing this for himself because he was afraid...afraid of the demon being released again...afraid of hurting her, causing her more pain. She was right, he accepted that, but that didn't mean he would stay. He had promised himself he would stick to his decision, he had known that it would be hard to say good-bye to her, but he didn't think it would be this hard.
"I'm sorry, Buffy, really I am, but I have to go. I can't stay here any longer. I just... It's just too hard being..."
"I know it's hard! Don't you think it's hard for me too! But we can get through it together, you and me. It's always been you and me...together," Buffy whispered.
Angel walked up and stood in front of Buffy. He took her face between his hands and tilted her head up to look at him. Her eyes were brimming with tears and reflected the pain the was clearly shown in his too. One look into her eyes and he had to hold her one last time. Feel her skin brush against his, the soft tickle of her hair on his neck, her warm breath coming in soft ragged sobs against his chest.
"I love you. I'm sorry," Angel said as he pulled away from her embrace and turned to leave.
"How dare you! After everything that we've shared you're just leaving! After I literally gave myself to you? After I went through hell on earth? After I risked my life for you yesterday? How can you do this to me? Don't you love me anymore?"
"Don't say that. You know I love you, but I have to go. You're right though, you know, I'm doing it more for me than for you, but I promised myself that I'd be strong about this and I will be...no matter how much it hurts to do this to you," Angel whispered to her, careful not to get too close.
Angel turned and headed out the door. Buffy whimpered at his retreating back. She took in a gasping breath and bit back the words that longed to be said.
"How can I go to sleep tonight knowing that I might never get another chance to tell you I love you? Knowing that I might never see you again? Knowing that I might die alone?" Buffy shouted, she said them, the words that she had longed to say since they started this tonight.
Angel heard her words and slowly turned around. He remained quiet for a long time, not even looking at her. He looked as if he was starring into the future, seeing what she would become with and without him. He looked up at her, his pained, tortured eyes telling Buffy everything she needed to know. He truly didn't want to leave her.
She walked quickly to him and wrapped her slender arms around his waist. She buried her face in his chest and sobbed. Angel let out an un-needed breath that he had been holding in. He leaned down and buried his face into the groove of her neck.
"You'll always have a chance to say 'I love you' because I'll never leave you. I promise. You mean so much to me and I'll do whatever you want me to. If you want me to leave, I'm gone. If you want me to stay, then I'm here for good. I'll do anything for you, I want you to know that," Angel said softly, almost afraid of the words coming out of his own mouth.
"I want you here. Always...with me," Buffy quietly replied. "You will stay with me won't you? Forever?"
Angel pulled slightly away from her to gaze into her eyes, "Forever...that's the whole point," he softly replied through his words and through his eyes that were shining with love and which were mirrored with the love in Buffy's eyes.
The End
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