Amends: Amends
by Breniah
Disclaimer: So don't own them, no infringement intended
Author's Notes: This for Sam, Happy Birthday babe. Hope you likes it.
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Willow was sitting in her wheelchair with Oz at her side. He had one hand on her shoulder and he was looking down at her adoringly. She looked up at him and asked sweetly, "Kick his ass?"
Oz nodded and kissed her gently on the forehead. Xander watched the scene bemusedly until he felt his jaw explode in pain as Oz's fist connected with it.
Giles came up behind Xander and kicked his feet out from under him, before following up with a sharp kick to his ribs. "Kick his ass," he said in a detached voice, kicking him again as an afterthought.
Cordelia bent down and slapped him hard across the face saying, "Yeh Xander kick his ass!"
Xander started to stutter, "I didn't mean to… I mean… you see it was…."
They were all standing over him, chanting "Kick his ass" over and over, drowning out his fumbled protests and excuses.
Suddenly, a deadly quiet fell over the group. Buffy stepped up towards him and looked down at him contemptuously. The sun shone brightly behind her, creating a halo around her body and the stake she was holding in her right hand.
"Kick his ass," she said softly. She bent to him, her motions fluid as only a Slayer's could be and shoved the sharpened piece of wood into his beating heart. "Kick his ass…."
"Whoa! Shit!!" Xander woke up in bed sweating and shaking violently.
It was that dream again, the same one he had been having for 5 nights in a row. His mind was screaming at him and he wondered with a certain sense of detachment when he had developed a conscience. It was unbearable and he couldn't take it any more. He was becoming afraid of falling asleep, knowing what dreams would come. He decided it was time to talk to Giles, he needed some serious help.
He got out bed and began to dress, throwing on clothes any which way. It didn't really matter to him how he looked as his mind was occupied with other things. Like trying to figure why he didn't tell Buffy the truth. He wondered what things would be like if he had told her. Would Angel have been staked before he could open the portal? Would the world have been sucked into hell? Or would Buffy been able to save the 2 things most dear to her, Angel and the world?
He smacked himself on the forehead in disgust. It was all so easy! ‘Why hadn't I thought of that before? All I have to do was go back in time, tell Buffy what Willow really said and my conscience is clear. Willow knows all sorts of magick stuff, I mean how hard can it be?'
He began whistling a jaunty tune, smiling to himself as he went over to Willow's to beg for some ‘technical' help. As it was he had no idea of the magicks involved in sending someone back in time but Willow did and he was hopeful that she would help him out, without asking his reason for wanting to go back.. He knew she probably would help him out but he also knew it was futile to hope that she wouldn't want to know why. It was worth a shot though, and even if she did get angry at him, which in all certainty she would be, at least once he had gone back and changed things she wouldn't remember anyway.
"Ok so you want me to send you back in time, to about this time last year, specifically before the whole Acathla thing went down, you can't tell me why and I should do this because...?" Willow said looking at Xander in amazement.
"Look Wills, you're the only one who can help me with this. It's not that I can't tell you it's more that I really don't want to." He paused for a minute and cringed as mental picture popped into his head of what she would do to him if he told. "Really, really don't want to," he said shuddering.
"Xander, I kinda have to know. I mean this is the whole scary magick thing, how certain are you that this needs to be done?" she asked, her resolve face on.
"Ok Willow you win, I'll give," he said knowing he was going to have to tell her. He stood and wandered around her room. He glanced absently at her desk, a few print outs scattered around the place. One in particular caught his eye. "Hey, what's this?" he asked, indicating the papers on her desk with his thumb.
"Ah, that's nothing. Nothing that has any meaning for anyone that we know. It's my own private research type stuff."
"It said restoration on it Willow. Are you trying to do something for Angel?"
She sighed in resignation, who'd have thought Xander could read? "Yeh it does. I was trying to make his soul permanent but the only way I could figure how it might work was if he was bad Angel to start with. I don't want Buffy and Angel to have to go through that again on a ‘might'." She waited patiently for Xander to explode in righteous indignation at the thought of helping Angel. She looked to see him smiling faintly as if she had just missed the end of a really ironic joke.
"The reason I need you to help send me back in time is so that I can change the past, and make up for what I did wrong." He paused, running tired hands over his eyes. "Believe it or not it actually involves helping Angel, well Buffy but Angel indirectly. Do you remember when you were in hospital and you wanted me to tell Buffy that you were going to try the spell again?" She nodded slowly. "Well you see, I kinda didn't tell her that. I told her that you said to kick his ass." He rushed on, talking very fast, wanting to get all he had to say out before Willow exploded. "For the last couple of nights I have been having these god awful nightmares where everyone tells me to kick his ass, and the you all start beating up on me. I can't live with it anymore Will, I fucked up majorly and I need to make up for it. I can't live with this guilt, knowing that I should've given Buffy the information. Maybe nothing would've changed, maybe she would've had to send him to hell anyway but she still should've known and I was stupid and childish and malicious for not telling her." He stood uncertainly, waiting for her to explode at him.
She sat there for a moment, considering her options. Then she sighed, she knew she couldn't stay mad at Xander for long, try as she might. So while she still had the rage of what he had done burning inside her, she stood, walked over to him and decked him. Xander fell hard to the floor. He made no move to stand again, just lay looking up sadly at her.
"Ok, if we are going to this, we have to do it right. No one can be told about this, Giles would disapprove and Buffy… well let's just not tell her at all. If you do succeed, it won't matter anyway. Since you've decided to do this, I want you do one things for me."
He looked up at her warily, "What?"
"Take back the spell I have been working on to make Angel's soul permanent. Give it to the me of back then. If it doesn't work at least I still have the other soul restoration spell of Ms Calendar's."
"But… Angel, murdering fiend! Remember?" Xander asked in protest.
"No arguments Xander! Buffy and Angel have to be together, you have seen how lifeless she has been since the Prom. No more hate Xander, there's no point you going back if you still hate Angel."
Xander sighed, and looked at her. She was right as always. He knew he had to let go completely to be free of his guilt and past actions. "Alrighty then, I'm friends with Dead Boy. Whadda we do to get this show on the road?"
"Xander I mean it! You can't be so flippant about this," she cried in exasperation.
"Seriously Willow, I am not being flippant. Dead Boy and I are friends, no more hate or bad judgment calls. I'll even be the first to welcome him back to the home team! When I go back, I'll turn into his bestest bud. We'll play football together and watch the wrestling and do other manly style stuff together. Promise."
"You better mean it Xander," she said threateningly.
"I do, I do," he said solemnly, one hand over his heart. He paused and then asked, "But I can still use sarcasm can't I?" He looked desperate for moment and then begged, "Please, please don't take sarcasm away from me!"
Willow giggled at the tragic nature of his face. "C'mon, let's get to work."
"Herbs?"
"Check."
"Spell?"
"Check."
"Time traveler?"
"Check."
"Ok seems like we are ready. Are you sure you want to do this?" Willow asked for the zillionth time.
"Damn sure. Nothing could make me change my mind now. My mind is made up. No changing of the mind."
She gestured for him to get into the pentagram she had created for his protection. As she began lighting the various herbs around him he said softly, "Willow, I also plan to change something else." She looked at him curiously and waited for him to continue. "I want to change what happened between us, when Cordy and Oz found us. I don't want to loose her again Will."
She sighed in relief at his words. "I wanted to ask you to change that, but I didn't know how to ask it of you." She smiled at him and they both began to wonder how different their worlds be. She handed him the restoration spell which he folded up and put in pocket.
"Well, time to travel I guess," he said jovially. He reached over and gave her a huge bear hug which she returned with equal affection.
"Here's hoping it works," she said softly.
Xander gave her a silent 2 thumbs up as she began to read the Latin text. Xander sat watching her as her words got stronger and her voice got louder. Suddenly, she began to fade and everything got blurry around him. ‘Here we go,' he thought as everything suddenly faded to black.
He jerked suddenly and looked around. Hospital yep this was a hospital. Oh fuck, that meant the serious shit in the library went down already. "Damnit!" He sat down and tried to remember what happened that day. Willow woke up, wanted to do the spell, Buffy was going to attack at daybreak. He shook his head in confusion. 'Time wise, she needed only a few more minutes,' he thought getting up and starting to pace.
He stopped suddenly as he realised all he had to do was make sure that Willow had her stuff ready for when she decided to redo the spell and tell Buffy to attack the mansion ten minutes earlier. He smiled faintly in disbelief. He had come up with a plan!
A with that faint smile on his face he strode off out of the hospital to get Willow's things.
Several weeks later…
"So what's the party plan for tonight?" Xander whined. "I for one am sick of the Bronze!"
"How can one be sick of the Bronze?" Willow asked. "Well… unless they are us and have spent every night there over the summer?"
"Well I for one think Buffy and Angel have had their fun. Time to get them both back in the land of the living and the partying. Well Buffy anyway. Angel can just do the partying," Xander tried explained himself.
Oz, Cordelia and Willow all stared at him in shock and wonder. He noticed their stares and he had prepared an answer for this situation. Grinning at his forethought he said, "What? I'm not allowed to welcome Dead boy back to the home team?"
"What happened to murderous fiend? Faster pussycat, kill, kill? This ringing a bell?" Cordelia asked sarcastically.
"Well that Angelus! He killed Angel, same as Jenny and everyone else. The way I see it, Angel and Angelus are two separate people. It's not Angel's fault that he has to share a body with a demon. Angel is the good guy remember? As in not hurting us? I mean we should feel sorry for the man, he has to live with the memories. What would you do…"
"So the point of this is where?" Cordelia butted in.
Xander smiled ruefully and thought 'satisfied Willow?' Out loud he said, "I say we have a good old fashioned party to welcome him back to the fold, some munchies, some drinks, some pyjamas, lots of laughing, and if we're really lucky, some crazy Indian TV. So whadda say guys? Shall we drag the Buffster and her beau from their 2 month long touching reunion?"
Willow laughed at Xander's sudden change of head and clapped her hands together with delight. Oz merely nodded, showing his approval. Cordelia sighed and then they began to plan.
"Truth or Dare?"
"Umm…."
"Quit hesitating Angel, and pick one!" Xander cried out impatiently.
Angel looked at Buffy. "Tell me again why I am here?"
"Cause you love me, and our friends wanted to celebrate the return of you and basically, yeh, cause I forced you. Choose Dare, I know Xander's mind too well, he'll get all your skeletons out of the closet and I don't think now is quite the time…" she left it hanging.
"Ok fine, anything to get this over with," Angel sighed. "Dare."
Xander smiled at him evilly. He rubbed his hands together and his face took on a look of intense concentration. Angel began looking towards the window desperately, wondering if he could get out before his girlfriend hauled him back in. Buffy noticed the direction of his looks and held onto his arm, smiling smugly at him.
"I've got it. Angel you have to stand on Buffy's bed and dance the Macarina."
"Buffy doesn't own that song," he said quickly, panic etched deeply into his features.
Xander rummaged through his bag and held up a CD. "Oh look! What can this be? I do believe it's a copy of the song in question. Amazingly good luck don't you think?"
Angel sat there, his mouth opening and closing, like he was trying to say something. The others sat back in anticipation, while Xander put on the CD. Xander made himself comfortable grinning expectantly. He gestured to the bed with one hand, "The stage is yours…"
The End
Author's note: I'm sorry I couldn't write Angel actually doing the Macarina, it far to disturbing and traumatic. I was trying to think of something funny Xander could do to him and once this idea came upon me, I couldn't get rid of it. The mental pictures (shudder), what have I done???
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