Twisted: Buffy's Inner Pain
by spikelover6661
Disclaimer: I own this little twist on something I don't own... Oh well, I am only a child... Sort of... Don't sue....

****

Buffy stared at the wall of her bedroom, thinking so intensley, she wasn't sure her brain was actully working. What was going on? Buffy wasn't sure. All her brain could process was that Angel was gone. But she wanted him to be with her. She wasn't sure she could ever make it if Angel wasn't there to take some of that pain off her shoulders. If he wasn't there to help her face the big evil. She needed him. And she decided, she even needed Angelus if that was what it would take. If that would make her better, if that would make her stronger, if that would make her anything but what she was, she would be happy. And she would still be Buffy. But a grounded Buffy...

Buffy threw on her leather jacket and jumped out her window, slowly climbing down the drain and going to the mansion. Where she would find all the answers in the world. All the answers to her inner torment. All the answers to life and love and Heaven and Hell. All the answers in the world. The answer to the universal question. What are you willing to do for the one you love?
*****

Angelus was not at the mansion, neither was Drusilla. Only Spike. Of course he couldn't come. And of course his stomach would grumble and he would complain and Dru would be having to much fun with "Daddy" to remember to get him anything to eat. That's the way it always was, always had been. And he hated it. He spun his wheels around the mansion, unbearably bored and unamused. He needed something to divert his attention and he got it.
****

Buffy bursted through the glass door and found a smiling Spike, sitting in a wheelchair. "Where's Angelus?" she demanded. Spike looked so amused it hurt.

"Not here. Just missed him. But I'm sure I can do something, can't I?"

"No. Tell him... tell him I stopped by."

"Sure, luv. Whatever you say. But I'm not sure he'd be as happy about that as you're expecting. I mean, he is evil."

"And you're not?"

"No. I'm just bad. I don't have the 'artistry' he does. The 'passion for destruction'. I have, well, let's see. Everything else."

"Right, I now can see why you aren't the brains of the operation."

"Hey! Take that back or I'll..."

"Do what? Pop a wheelie?"

"That was rude."

"And you find yourself polite? The first time I met you, you tried to kill me."

"Hey, at least I didn't."

"Yeah, 'cause my mom scared you off."

"Not scared of. More like an outnumbered effect."

"If you're so big and tough, why didn't you kill her."

"She had an axe, what was I supposed to do?"

"You are so lame. I am so wasting my time. Give Angelus the message."

"Wait..."

"What do you want?"

"Nothing. Nothing. I'll tell him. If I feel liek it."

Buffy rolled her eyes and walked out on Spike. He turned around and gulped. *Oh no... I think I like Buffy.* Spike thought. He swallowed, his sapphire eyes gleaming with fresh waves of fear.
****
"Buffy, we missed you. Where have you been?" Willow asked.

"Oh, umm... just a sweep, you know. Hoping maybe Angel would show, but no. Just a gang of reform vamps he sent," Buffy explained.

"And you didn't want us to come with?" Xander asked.

"Nah. I didn't really want to bother you. I mean patrol, big danger, not really. That's mostly the stuff I can handle. Mostly being the key word in this equation."

"Yes, but Buffy, it would be wise to have a secondary combater about. It could save you a few times, you know. In case you do actully encounter Angel," Giles told her.

"I don't need all the help, okay, guys?"

"Yeah, we know, Buffy, but it wouldn't hurt is all Giles was saying. And it's not like it's a bad idea anyway."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'm gonna get some water."

"Yeah, get water, Buffy. Get water," Cordelia sighed.
****

Buffy ran out the door. She knew where Angelus was. The last place you would expect someone as old as him to be. School. School was where he was.

Buffy was in for a big surprise.
****

Of course, Buffy knew what had been going on in the school. The poltergeist. But she didn't think the poltergeist wanted to play that game today. She thought he wanted to play a different game instead. One that involved Buffy being a happy Buffy. Or an unhappy Buffy. Either was fine. As long as she had Angel.
****

"Spike? What are you doing here?"

"I don't... actully know...."

"That's great, but you can go. Now."

"But see,I know now I don't want to do that. If it bothers you so much..."

"Uggh.... Fine. Fine. Just... wait a second, what happened to your wheelchair? Why are you standing?"

"Oh, uhh... I just didn't feel like sitting anymore... I'm not up to full stregth... Just enough to walk and stand."

"I see..."

Spike took a step toward Buffy and fell. Buffy, though not thinking, caught him. For a second time seemed to stop. Buffy's heartbeat pounded in her chest, echoing in Spike's. Her breathing raced, making Spike's chest moved. Her face got so close to his...Her nose grazed his... Her lips almost slid against Spike's... Her hands held his... Her sould reached out for Spike's, but he... He was so lost, she couldn't find it. She let go, threw Spike away from her, her head turned away, tears welling in her eyes.

"Buffy... Buffy, it's okay."

"No... No.... It's not. I.. I killed you."

Buffy felt something taking over her. Something mroe powerful than she had the ability to grasp. It was James, the poltergeist. And Spike... Spike was going to forgive her. For what? For loving Angel? What was this? Buffy didn't know, but it was what was happening. Now.

"Shh... It dosen't matter." Spike took Buffy up in his arms, putting a finger on her lips.

"But..."

"Shh... You thought I stopped loving you. But I never did. I'm sorry."

And Buffy felt a coldness touch her lips, a coldness like she had never felt before. But she liked it. She like it and it scared her. She liked it so much it hurt. She held on... for what seemed like ever. And the energy, that strange power, was gone as fast as it had come. She was alone. More alone then ever.

"Spike..." she whispered.

"Buffy... I... I..."

"Shh... I love you..."

"I love you..."

Buffy wrapped her fingers in Spike's. "It dosen't matter. It dosen't matter."

THE END!!!!!!




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