Iris: Part 2
by Sita Alighieri
Disclaimer: Ok, I dinnea own em, the sqeuuling way'ns in Fox do, and Joss and his mystic knights of Mutant Enemy.
Author's Notes: Ha ha ha hahahahaah! I wrote this, and I never thought I would. Feedback would be loved and flames will be put to good use.
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Part Two
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The next morning, I woke up with a headache in a very dark room. All the windows were painted black and not a ray of light shone in. I kicked the blankets to one side and sat with my head in my hands. I looked around and saw Angel sprawled on another bed, tightly tucked under the duvets and blanket. There was a note taped on the door and I took it down. I squinted in the darkness and groped for a light switch. I found one and flicked on a bedside lamp and read it.
Buffy and Angel,
I had to go find some food. It’s best not to leave that room, Giles put some protection spells on it so it’s the safest place in Sunnyhell. I’ll be back in an hour or two, hope you like generic pizza.
-Oz
I smiled, nice guy, and crumpled the note. I sat back down on my bed and was about to try and go back to sleep when Angel sat up.
“What did the note say?”
“Not much, Oz’s gone shopping. How long have you been awake?”
“When you turned on the lamp. Are you ok?”
“I’m fine.” I turned the lamp off and lay back down. Last night seemed like a dream, a hazy kind of non reality. I wouldn’t have believed it happened if he hadn’t kissed me.
He kissed me.
Wow.
Sure, so it only been to illustrate a point, to show that he had enough control to not kill me and I do trust him more now but I’m still kinda annoyed that it can never go anywhere other than that. Could it? No, shake my head and get rid of the memory. Slaying doesn’t leave much time for fun or anything involving men other than beating them up or listening to them rant. I really, really, really tried to adjust to school, to fit in but I had to get a rep. Three days after I joined, walking home minding my own business four guys caught up with me. They didn’t do anything more than leer and hollar but believe me, I’d been pissed off all day and needed a vent. Next day in school, I became the school psycho, relieving Carry Manson of the title. Then came the scar.
It hadn’t been too bad before, at least I’d met guys in clubs and stuff. It never came to anything much but it had been something. When I go anywhere with the scar, people give me a wide berth. But now, this vampire Angel kisses me, after I treat him like shit and basically jump on his fangs. That had to mean something. I can’t help but feel guilty about the way I’ve been treating him, coldly, yelling at him and thinking about killing him one minute and flirting with him the next. Sure, he is only a useless, neck sucking, undead waste of space but he saved my life. I wouldn’t have been able to win without him, I’d be dead. Maybe undead.
Jesus, why can nothing in my life ever go simply? Why does someone have to throw in one sordid little detail after another. I know it’ll never be anything. He’s a vampire, I’m the Slayer. He’s good looking, I’m a skinny little scarred runt and nothing can ever come from it. No matter how much I want it.
Buffy lay back down and closed her eyes, sleep not being the most faithful partner.
* * *
Buffy moaned in her sleep and Angel sat up. He rubbed his eyes and tip toed over to her bed. She tossed and turned and her blankets were lying in disarray.
“No. No, no! Please, no.”
Angel saw that her face was twisted in fear and he sat on her bed, gripping her shoulders and shaking her.
“Buffy, Buffy, wake up.” He kept calling her name until she seemed to come out of her stupor. She gasped and took long, deep breaths. Her eyes were wide in terror and she trembled.
“Buffy? Are you ok?”
She shook her head numbly, shaking like a leaf in a storm and she gripped Angel’s arms tightly. Her breathing slowed and she closed her eyes. She put her forehead to Angel’s chest and sighed again.
“I, I dreamt about the night Mom died, the night she was killed.”
Angel’s heart shook with the sorrow and tears in her voice. She looked so vulnerable there, so small and young. He wrapped his arms around her and she stiffened, unsure of what was going on. He put his head over hers and she relaxed into the embrace, letting her tears fall with no restraint. He held her as she wept, knowing the power of bound sorrow and its nearly limitless capacity for self destruction.
* * *
Oz stumbled through the bright streets. How could nature have the audacity to be bright and sunny when so many lay dead? When all he could hope for was a quick death, not to linger on in misery. God, Giles dead, Larry and Nancy, his entire family. He didn’t have anything left. Nothing at all.
Well, at least the Slayer was here, maybe she could save the people who lived here, the ones who weren’t already dead. And that dude Angel, wow. A good vampire, that was new. He trusted them, he had an instinct that was never wrong and he wasn’t going to judge people because they’re immortal bloodsuckers or supposed street bitches. Let them be, they might be helpful.
“Hey, Oz!”
Oz turned to see Terry Shakinski running towards him. “Oz, man, I thought you were dead dude! When I heard the vamps got you, I thought the worst.”
“You’d be stupid not to.”
“You ok? You look way dour, what happened?”
Oz sighed, Terry sometimes helped fight the evil of Sunnydale, she was good with heavy artillery and stuff and no idiot. There wasn’t much point in lying to her. “Giles, Nancy, Larry, they’re dead.”
“What?”
“Giles was killed by a demon, the others by vampires.”
“Jesus, what about Malcolm and Susie?”
Oz shook his head and Terry paled. She walloped the nearest brick wall with a curled fist and swore loudly. “Dammit! That’s it! Do you want to get rid of them for good? I know a way.”
“The Master’s dead, so’re Willow and Xander, and a couple of others.”
“So? That’s only a couple. I think we can get rid of most of them, kill the bastards.”
“You sound like you’ve got a major revenge thing going.”
“Yeah, I do. Come on, lets talk. Your place? My momma can still come in, she might get hungry sometime, feed off her only daughter.”
“Didn’t know they got her too.”
“Yeah, one dick with a sense of humour said he liked her brownies.”
“Harsh.”
“I’ll get her, don’t worry. Let her rest in peace.”
“Better get going. You’ll never guess who I found...”
* * *
Buffy woke up stiff but warm in Angel’s arms. She was embarrassed and pushed away from him. He woke up with a start and looked around.
“Are you ok?”
“Peachy. Oz still isn’t back.”
“So I noticed.”
They sat in silence and Buffy found a pair of wraps in her cargo pants. She began to wrap them around her wrists and hands carefully, wanting to get in a shadow box before sun down. She coughed and frowned. The tension between her and Angel was palatable. She kept her back to him but spoke, hoping her voice wouldn’t crack.
“Hey, listen, I’m sorry about last night. I, I went kinda crazy.”
“It’s ok, it was, different, having a Slayer, anyone, practically slit their own throat for a vampire.”
“I have no idea what came over me.”
“It doesn’t matter, just as long as you don’t do it again with vampires who don’t have souls. It could get dangerous.”
“I lost it, I can’t explain it.”
“I understand, I know what it’s like to lose people you’re close to. When they die and it feels so wrong, you keep telling yourself that you should have been able to stop it when you know there was nothing you could have done.”
“Yeah, it’s not a good feeling.”
They sat in silence and Angel puled on a clean shirt, grimacing as his wounds stretched and burned. Buffy finished wrapping her hands and stood, bouncing on her toes and fighting the wall. She aimed for her shadow’s tender spots, the head and stomach, the chest and kidneys. Her hands brushed off the plaster but didn’t connect making it all feel a bit cheap.
“Hey, it’s usually easier if someone fights you.”
Buffy looked over at Angel and grinned. She tossed a couple of slow, gentle punches which he blocked easily. It got a bit more intense and Buffy became annoyed at how she couldn’t get in a kick, the room was too small.
“No fair. There’s not enough room in here.”
Angel ducked a punch and came up behind her, tipping her back in a soft punch. She grabbed his wrist and pulled him out in front of her. He ducked a kick and came up like a cobra, grabbing her ankle and holding her off the ground. Having a good few inches on her, he dangled her off the ground and she crossed her arms huffily.
“Ok, put me down.” He did and she struck again, slightly harder than before. He dodged to the left and was suddenly behind her. He grabbed her wrists and brought them both up behind her back.
“Ok, since I can’t get out of this without seriously hurting you, why don’t we call it quits huh? Of course, if you want to go on, I have absolutely no problem with head butting you...”
Angel let her go and stood still for a second, staring vacantly at the air. “Sunset, it’s safe for me to go out.”
“Well lets go then, see if Oz’s back yet.”
They walked out of the room just as Oz entered with a gaunt, pale girl who eyed them with curiosity and caution.
“Slayer and vampire, right?”
“Yeah, you are?”
“Terry.”
“’K. Oz, what’s going on?”
“Well, Terry says she knows a way to kill most of the remaining vampires in Sunnydale.”
“Really?” Buffy was interested. “How?”
“Right, we all know the Bronze is their little hidy hole but during the day, they go underground, right? ‘Cause of the sun. We go in at dawn, as soon as they’re all in bed and wire the place to blow to kingdom come.”
“I see problems. How can you be sure we’d get them all?”
“Get a couple dozen gallons of blood, put it in a pot and leave to simmer. Smell’ll bring out all the demons around, especially if we mix in some bones or something. Vampire stew.”
“Fair enough, where are we going to get a bomb?”
“We make ‘em. Lots of them. Get some pipe bombs first, for shrapnel, then a few petrol bombs, then a couple of big massive ones that’ll spew more fire than all the napalm in Vietnam. To finish it off, something nice and big to level the place.”
“Ok bomb girl, how and why do you know so much about bombs?”
“Me mother was in the ‘RA.”
“The what?”
“The IRA.”
“The Irish terrorists?”
“Yup.”
“Ok.” Buffy sat and thought for a moment. Angel and Oz watched the two, knowing that the green light would be given by them. “I say we go with it. How long ‘till we can have all ready?”
“I can make them tonight, tomorrow, the next night and wire the place that morning. Then we sit back and watch the place blow up. It’ll be day so either they’ll be buried in rubble and die or they’ll get burned to death or they’ll run into the sun. Anyway you go, they’ll die.”
Buffy sat back and nodded. “It may be a bit excessive, all the bombs.”
“You really think that?”
“No. They’re vampires, I kill them. Any method works for me.”
Terry sat back and nodded. “Right then, a little breaking and minor looting are on the cards.”
* * *
Two days later, Buffy stood in the main room of their base of operations, an old karate school. It hadn’t been empty long and it made the perfect place to live and train. She looked at the high roof and the blackened skylights. The padded floor and walls were covered in a fine white dust and it rose in tiny, very eerie clouds. She heard a noise in the ‘sleeping bit’, two rooms that were raised above the main floor with a small stage in front of them like a porch. Angel emerged from one bedrooms in a black shirt and jeans. Dawn was moments away and although the windows were painted, tiny rays could get through.
“Hey, I thought you would be in bed by now.”
“No, I wanted to wish you good luck.”
“Thanks.” Buffy closed her eyes and sighed. “I’ll see you soon.” She turned to leave and Angel grabbed her wrist gently. He pulled her around and smiled at her.
“Stay here, and close you eyes.” Buffy frowned but did so, she could fight blindfolded anyway. A few moments later, she heard his cat like thread on the floor. He was close to her, very close. She idly realised that he was wearing Lynx deodorant. “Open your eyes.”
She did and saw a long, beautiful katana in his hands. He slipped it out of it’s black sheath and the ebony handle shone with the polished blade. He gave it to her and she twirled it, testing its strength.
“It was made about five hundred years ago. I stole it from a Samurai on a dare when, before I had my soul. I’ve never used it. I was keeping it.”
He took the sword from her and slid it back into the sheath. He slipped the belt around her narrow waist and tightened it. It hung at her side and she smiled.
“I always liked swords, nice weapons.”
“Be careful. Please.”
“I will be, the big bad Slayer can hold her own, Angel.” Angel just shook his head and sighed. He drew her into his arms for a quick hug. He wanted to let go of her, knew he had to, but he couldn’t. He put his head on top of hers and pulled her tight into his chest. She snaked her arms around his waist and buried her face in his shoulder. He moved one hand up to her head and caressed the hair, stroking it with gentle fingers. She held him tighter.
He moved his head slightly and realised that what he did qualified as nuzzling her hair. He knew he couldn’t have her, he knew he shouldn’t have been able to hold her without fear but he could, he could and he was. He was so amazed at the feel of her slim frame against his, the way her warm skin tickled his own and how he could smell the shampoo and perfume she used, mixed in with the salty odor of her skin.
She shifted her small shoulders against his and she wanted to have him hold her, to never let her go. Before she had become the Slayer, guys were just guys, you made out with them and flaunted them. You didn’t want to loose yourself in their embrace. They didn’t make your mind go blank with the wonder of their touch. He moved his hand over her hair and she just stood, savouring the fact that somebody, anybody would want her. That she would want them.
Angel lifted her face and kissed her, so gently at first it could have been called chaste. She gasped at first and brought one hand up to his face, stroking his cheek and he deepened the kiss. They stood, locked in a mutual embrace. After so much hardship, both deserved some peace, comfort, the sweet ecstasy that holding, touching, being held brought.
The kiss was long and heartfelt. They ended it and looked each other in the eye.
“Be safe Buffy.”
“I will Angel. I promise.”
She turned and left, sword jutting behind her like a proud battle ornament and Angel covered his face with his hands, praying that that kiss wouldn’t be the only, or the last.
* * *
“Right, Oz, Buffy keep low. Take care of anyone that tries to get out of the Bronze. I’ll get the trips.”
“Ok, when?”
“When you hear this,” she blasted an airhorn and Buffy and Oz covered their ears, “duck behind something big.”
“Terry, why don’t you just use the radios?”
“In case they fail. Get going.”
Buffy and Oz spread out in different directions. They found places to hide and hunkered down, Buffy clinging to her sword. The radio at her waist crackled with static and she picked it up.
“Terry here, you two ok?”
“Fine. Buffy, where are you?”
“Near the dumpsters. Get on with it Terry.”
“Roger that.” Buffy waited, and waited but didn’t hear and airhorn. She picked up the radio and hailed Terry.
“Hey, Buff, I have a problem. The wires ain’t tripping. I’m going in.”
“You sure that’s safe?”
“I just spent three hours in there wiring the place, didn’t I?”
“Yeah.”
Oz listened to the exchange and rose up from his hiding place. He brought a small pair of binoculars to his eyes and saw Terry approach the pipe bombs. She fiddled with the fuses and detonation wires until she was happy that it’d work. She stood and brushed off her knees when suddenly, a huge vampire slammed into her, the air horn must have woken him up. Terry could fight, but not this guy. Oz screamed and she looked out the window at him. As the vampire’s fangs got nearer and nearer her soft flesh, she caught his eye. She shook her head and he could make out the words she mouthed.
“Mom and Dad.” She took a Zippo lighter out of her pocket even as his fangs broke the flesh. She gasped in pain and lit it. She threw it over to the pipe bomb, and her hands went limp. A scrap of paper, some spilled whisky near the bomb caught and as Oz ducked, a huge blast thumped thought the air. It was followed by many, many more and he curled around his head, protecting it from bits of debris.
One massive explosion shook the ground and the dumpsters tipped over, right onto Buffy. She gasped in agony and bit her lip, drawing blood. The fireworks seemed to be over but a vicious fire raged through the old club, consuming every part of it. A hugely heavy hunk of concrete flew through the air and bit into her head. She gritted her teeth and fought the darkness that beckoned for her. She couldn’t hold it off much longer, the blackness came after she slipped her bruised leg out from under the heavy dumpster.
* * *
When she woke, it was nearly dusk and she stood on wobbly legs, brushing off the trash that covered her and had hidden her from the emergency services. The blaze was over, she knew it. The acrid smoke hung in the air and the reek of charred flesh and vampire ash floated in on the breeze. She stood and limped away from the scene, stopping a few times while her battered leg healed itself. A bad sprain, no need for immediate worry. Finally, she reached the karate school and saw that Oz and Angel were pacing around, Angel grilling Oz. He saw the beaten Slayer and he raced over to her, picking her up as she felt a spasm of pain run through her leg.
“What happened? We were getting worried.”
“I had a nap under a dumspter, got hit in the head.”
“You need to get ice on that,” Oz said, going to get the ice packs he stored in the ice box.
Angel helped her up into her bedroom and Oz followed with a couple of ice packs. He handed one to Buffy and she pressed it to her forehead where a vicious purple bruise was forming. Angel saw to her knee and Oz just sat and looked despondent.
“Where’s Terry?”
“She’s gone. She went in to light the fuses, got bit and threw a lighter on the bomb. blew the place up. I looked for you, I couldn’t find you. We were worried.”
“I’m sorry, about Terry.”
“It’s ok. She wanted to get back at them, they killed her folks.”
“Bastards.”
“I know. Listen, I’m going over to Giles’, I want to try and get as many books as I can from his place. I’ll check the library tomorrow.”
“Are you sure it’s safe to go out?”
“I’ll be ok. See you two later.”
Oz left and Angel kept the ice on Buffy’s leg. She screwed up her nose in pain but tried not to show it.
“Are you ok? I mean, you barely had time to heal after the Master got you.”
“I’m fine, I just need to sleep it off.”
Angel nodded. Buffy lay down on the bed and kept the ice over her head, cooling her racing blood. Angel sat, keeping an eye on her breathing and pulse, keeping the ice packs on her leg. She closed her eyes and Angel sighed.
“Buffy?”
“Yeah?”
“What I did, we did earlier on, it wasn’t the best thing to do. I wanted to, don’t get me wrong but I know I can’t. I, I won’t put your life in danger just because I’m selfish enough to, to...”
“To what?” Buffy was sitting up again, eyes levelled straight at Angel.
“I, I want to be with you, I know I can’t though. When the Master, when Willow threw boxes of matches on me, doused me in holy water, all I wanted was a release from it. I wanted to hope that I could have, more. More than I can ever deserve, I know that now.”
“What are you saying?”
“I think I should leave, that you should forget about me, for good.”
Buffy hung her head, immensely saddened. “Angel,” her voice broke his heart, but he couldn’t hurt her. And he knew he would if he was around her. He was too much of a coward, to weak to hold her without fear. She needed that, not him. “Angel, please, don’t do this. Why didn’t you mention bailing before you kissed me?
“Why does everything I have, all the stuff I’ve ever cared about or ever let myself consider caring about abandon me?”
“Buffy, you, you’re so much more than me. More than I deserve.”
Buffy was still, for a very long time. She barely drew breath and she spoke after a while, looking into space.
“Leave, if you want to, I can’t stop you but listen to this first: My mother and father and Watcher and all my friends are dead. The only people who’d notice if I died are you and Oz. My lifespan, it’s short, you know that.” She was silent again. Speaking in a weaker voice. “The last guy who kissed me was a guy in a bar, that was over a year ago, before the scar. All I have, it’s left me. All I can hope for now is a quick death. No afterlife. If you leave, it’ll just prove how shitty my life is.”
Angel took her hand. “The things I’ve done, they haunt me, some literally. I don’t want you to be put in danger because I’m a coward.”
“If you were a coward you’d have let me go to the Master alone. I wouldn’t have lived. You would have bitten me.”
“Not like that. I know I can’t hold you without, without knowing that sooner or later, you’ll leave me. When I saw you, I was so amazed. You were so young but so old. The way you just stood there and let your mother yell at you, kept your secret to protect your parents, you showed so much courage. Courage I will never have.”
“Who needs courage?”
Angel closed his eyes and sighed. Buffy sat on the bed, the pain almost gone from her leg. She watched him carefully and she reached out a hand. He seemed to start at her touch. He held her hand and she crawled up next to him.
“You don’t need courage, you only need to be here. You, you make me feel, different. Better. Go, if it’ll make you feel better but remember that you’ll have run away.”
Angel didn’t bring his gaze up. Buffy put her arms on her shoulders and turned him to her. “Yeah, I’ll leave you, I’m mortal. I’ll die before you but God, carpe diem.”
“Seize the day? Carpe noctem.”
Buffy smiled a sweet smiled and Angel held her cheek in his cupped hand. She turned her face into his hand and her innocence seemed to slide off, leaving her hard and battle worn. He looked deep into her eyes and it slid away too, leaving only vulnerability on her face. “I need something, even if it’s a vampire. I need to know that I’m not just some killing machine.”
Angel nodded. “I know the feeling.” He kissed her, running his fingers along her back and shoulders. She pulled herself onto his lap and pulled him into her. He kissed her eyes and face, her throat and her collar bone. She gasped in pleasure and felt dizzy, the ecstasy of the surrender she was giving herself to consuming all of her mind and driving her body. She ran her hands up and inside Angel’s shirt, feeling his hard muscles and strong body. They kissed, and kissed. Angel finally broke the embrace and searched her face, trying to know what to do.
“Angel,” Buffy moaned in desire as he held her and she ran her fingers over his back. She opened her eyes and stared at him in wonder. “Don’t leave, not tonight, not ever.”
Angel nodded and kissed her again, his heart bursting with the thrill of the flesh and for once, it was a human need, not a vampiric one. Not the bloodlust. She pulled him back down onto her bed as he slipped a hand up her shirt and she casually threw a shoe at the lamp, plunging them into the most intimate of darknesses.
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