Black Goddess Trilogy: Light Fulfilled
by Shay
A/N: The previous part to this story is incomplete, as is this one, but I went ahead and posted it. If you do not wish to jump ahead in the story, then please do not read ahead. This chapter isn't to terribly long, because it is in the present, and it is kind of hard to make the present very long! Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy chapter two of my trilogy!
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As I sit in my car, reading my old personal diaries, I contemplate love. Passion, lust, adoration, all the aspects of the word love. I wonder when I realized I loved Buffy in a different way. Was it the night she arrived with hundreds of slayers, and helped us fight off the demons, that the Senior Partners had sent after us? Was it when she told me in the cave she loved me, just before I burst into flames? Or was it always in the back of my mind? I didn’t love Buffy the way she, or I needed. Maybe seeing her and Angel side by side, made me finally see that. She went to him, before anyone. But no, it wasn’t because of that, that I realized we weren’t meant to be. It was long before. Maybe I never truly loved her, like I thought I had. Even though I couldn’t pin point the exact time, that this realization had overtaken me, I knew that it was over. Buffy and I were friends, nothing more, and nothing less. We had always been friends…well except when I had wanted to kill her.

I flipped through the old, yellowed pages of my journal. No one, not even Drusilla, who had been the closest to me the longest, had known about these diaries. I had kept journals as a human, and for some reason, it was the one thing I couldn’t give up as a vampire. My journals documented who I was. Without them, I was no one more than a face in the crowd. Dawn kept diaries. I remember when she once let me read an entry. She let me pick randomly. It’s a good thing she didn’t know which one I picked, because it turned out, that it was all about me! How she loved my “Piercing blue eyes, and platinum blonde hair.” Just seeing the word platinum, had brought back terrible memories of Harm. I had treated her so badly. But, she was annoying…

I start reading over again, the parts about Buffy and Drusilla. Flipping back and forward through my journal, and analyzing the different things I said about them both. Drusilla had the most complements on her side. Buffy’s part of my journal was a long slur of curses, up until the point when I got my soul. Even the night I told Buffy I loved her, was full of drunken anger. I remember going to the nearest dive, and drinking until I passed out. When I sobered up, I wrote terrible things about Buffy in my journal. Wished her dead, wished me dead…or completely dead.

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A/N: That's all I have for now, I hope you like it so far. Thanks again for reading!


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