Definition Of A Hero: Not A Hero
by inlovewithangel
Despite what Giles said the night of the second time I died (Willow told me later), I am not a hero. Not in any way.

I’ve been described that way too many times for me to count, by my friends and family. As soon as they bring up that word, my smile tightens and guilt glazes over in my eyes.

One time, I looked the word “hero” up in the dictionary. It said: “a man/woman admired for his/her achievements and noble qualities; one that shows great courage.”

I laid the big book of words down and frowned. By this definition, am I a hero? Maybe I’m admired for my achievements, and maybe I have some qualities that could be considered noble. I know people see me as courageous.

Who am I kidding though, really? I’m not a hero, never have been. A true hero isn’t chosen by some bigger force. A true hero isn’t dragged kicking and screaming into saving the world. A true hero genuinely desires to help the world, desperately wants to keep people out of harm's way. A true hero would take slaying vampires over a normal life, any day.

I am just a frightened little girl who does this because she has no other choice. I mean, I care about the fate of the world, I do…but I would give anything not to have to do this anymore. I would give anything to hand over the responsibility and be able to fall into the arms of the man I love. I would gladly let the burden of mankind fall onto someone else’s shoulders.

That’s why I’m not a hero. That’s why I—



A strong hand enclosed around Buffy’s, causing her pen to jump, leaving a trail of black ink staining across the page. She cursed silently in her mind. She had always prided herself on having a spotless, organized journal. It was nice to have one place where chaos didn’t rule.

Buffy stared down at the hand, the black fingernails in direct contrast to her light skin. She turned in her chair to look up at the person whose hand held hers.

“You’re wrong, pet,” he said. With a tilt of his chin, Spike motioned to the Slayer’s diary. “You’re wrong.”


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