Never Letting Go: Part 3
by Lildrusilla
It had been two days now since Jenny had got out of hospital, and ever since then, her mind had been pondering over Rupert Giles, and what his relationship with Ethan was, exactly. She didn’t understand how he could have seemed so sweet and kind one second, and as soon as Ethan entered the room, become hostile and frightening.

She had asked Ethan of course, as soon as she saw him again. He hadn’t revealed very much, only that, yes, Ethan had met him before, and that they had used to be friends about 20 years ago.

Determined to wheedle some more information out of Ethan that night, Jenny sat down to dinner. She never really saw Ethan during the day. She was doing some freelance work for a computer company at the moment, and she spent the rest of her time looking for a more permanent job. She’d thought about maybe teaching computer science to kids, if she could find any nearby high schools that would be interested in taking her on. Ethan was out at work most of the time, at Sunnydale Museum. When he was home, he spent a lot of time in his study. This was his private room, Jenny never went in there.

The lack of time that they spent together bothered Jenny sometimes. Work, she could accept, but having him spend hours by himself when he got home annoyed her. She wanted Ethan to want to spend more time with _her_.

Although she would never admit this, being alone frightened her. She had no memory, and all that she knew about herself was her name, her age and that Ethan loved her and the empty nothingness that lay beyond that terrified her beyond words. She wanted to fill it up with something, some kind of memory, but even Ethan hadn’t been able to tell her that much about herself, and no matter how desperately she tried, she could remember nothing. Sometimes she felt like she didn’t even really know Ethan. She hoped that if they spent more time together, more memories would come back to her, but Ethan didn’t make it easy, and she didn’t want to complain because it had obviously never bothered her before her accident...

Ethan suddenly arrived.

“Are you all right, Jenny? You look like you’ve got a lot on your mind,” he observed. She shook her head.

“No, not really, it’s just that... I was thinking about the guy at the hospital. Rupert Giles.” Ethan rolled his eyes and turned away.

“I’ve all ready told you all there is to know about him...”

“No, you haven’t!” Jenny interrupted. “People you used to be friends with 20 years ago don’t suddenly try to kill you as soon as they see you! Something happened between you and that guy and I want to know what!”
Ethan sighed, “Fine, fine, but it’s not a nice story.”

“Oh, now there’s a surprise!” said Jenny sarcastically “There was me thinking it was gonna be sunshine and flowers.” She knew she sounded harsh, but she hated being kept in the dark about what was going on, especially because she had no memories of her past, and Ethan, of all people should have known that.

“When I was about 20 years old, I fell in with a rough crowd. Into black magic, demon raising, that sort of thing,” Ethan began. Jenny frowned; Ethan had never told her that about this part of his youth.

“One particular friend of mine was Ripper. Otherwise known as Rupert Giles.”

“Nice nickname,” Jenny commented sarcastically.

“Believe me, it wasn’t undeserved. Anyway, once, we went too far. We started summoning this demon. Eyghon the Sleepwalker, it was called. One of us would fall asleep; the other five would summon Eyghon, who would possess the sleeper. Afterwards, that person would feel extremely powerful, on a high, if you will. We kept on doing this for several months, and then something happened. Eyghon possessed one of us, a boy named Randall. However, Eyghon did not willingly return. Ripper said that the only way to send Eyghon back to the demon world was by killing Randall. So he did.” Jenny stared at Ethan with wide, disbelieving eyes.

“Our group disbanded after that, and I met you and moved to America. However, Ripper had, too. He summoned Eyghon again, and it killed each one of our group one-by-one, until he and I were the only ones left. I doubt that that was his intention, but still, it happened. Then Eyghon attacked you.” Jenny looked up, startled by the *********.

“What do you mean?”

“You were knocked unconscious, and it possessed you. You nearly died, but you were saved by the Slayer.”

“The Vampire Slayer?” Jenny asked. Ethan had told her of the Slayer mythology soon after she had woken up. Ethan nodded.

“So you see why Ripper and I don’t get on too well.” Jenny remained silent for a long time. When she spoke, her voice shook.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“I didn’t think you needed to know.” Jenny couldn’t remember the last time she’d been so furious.

“Didn’t think I needed to know!” she screamed. “Ethan, this isn’t some unimportant little detail. This is me nearly dying!”

Ethan rolled his eyes.

“I knew telling you would cause trouble. I didn’t want to scare you, you’d been through a lot, and I wanted you to feel safe. Is that such a crime?”

“Yes! Because everything that I assumed about how I was before has changed! I nearly died, and that was something I hadn’t figured on, because I trusted you to tell me this stuff. Because I rely on you to tell me about myself because I don’t remember...” Jenny broke down into tears. Ethan patted her awkwardly on the shoulder and she shrugged him off, angrily. “When was I gonna find out, exactly? When I got possessed by another demon? When Rupert Giles managed to finish you off completely? When he came after me?”

“I didn’t think you would be in any danger. He’s never purposefully gone after you before...” Ethan began. Jenny let out a harsh laugh.

“It didn’t stop me getting hurt though, did it? Ethan, you know I hate not knowing things, you know that better than anybody else.” Ethan rolled his eyes again, and opened his mouth to speak, but Jenny cut him off.

“Oh, don’t bother. I’m terribly sorry that I’m cutting into your precious time!” she snapped, and ran upstairs in tears.

***Giles’s Apartment***

Giles stared at the empty bottle of whisky in his hands. Every night since Jenny had come back, he had sat there in his flat, drinking for hours, trying not to think of her. He always woke up with a terrible hangover, he was always irritable and snappy the next day, and he always thought of her anyway, but he still continued doing it.

As always, that night, his thoughts drifted towards Jenny. Memories of her before her death interlocked with the disgusting memory of Ethan kissing her, and that terrible, terrible memory of her corpse lying upstairs on his bed. Letting two tears run down his cheeks, he threw the bottle aside and lay down.

He hadn’t told Buffy or the others. He told himself that they wouldn’t be able to cope, that it would upset and disturb them, but the truth was that he was too ashamed to admit that Jenny was with Ethan, and that he had done nothing to stop it. Certainly, he had his reasons, but he didn’t know if they would consider it a justifiable cause for letting Jenny stay with Ethan Rayne, knowing what he’d done to her. He wasn’t even sure that he’d done the right thing. All he knew was that he loved Jenny and he’d do anything to make her happy. Even if it meant giving her up, though it was breaking his heart.

“Please, gods, please let her be happy. Please let her be safe,” he whispered to no-one in particular, as he fell asleep.

***1 hour later***

Jenny was still curled up crying when Ethan entered with a warm drink, which he set down on a table.

“Jenny? Look, darling, I’m sorry; I should have told you sooner, you’re right.” He put an arm around her. “I was only trying to stop you being afraid.”

“S’ okay,” Jenny mumbled.

“I made your drink,” he said, gesturing to the mug on the table.

“Thanks,” Jenny replied, picking it up and drinking a little. After she drank a little more, she began to feel drowsy. She handed the drink to Ethan, and lay down. She was asleep two minutes later.

Ethan left the room. “Thank God,” he muttered, “If I had to act like I cared about her any longer, I’d’ve been sick!”

Knowing Jenny would be asleep for at least a few more hours, he locked himself in the study, and knelt in front of the statue.

“Janus, I remain your faithful, degenerate son.”


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