The Wind Beyond the Walls of the Mind: Chapter 5 - The Forgotten Place
by Gaius Petronius
The Wind Beyond the Walls of the
Mind

Chapter 5
The Forgotten Place

by Gaius Petronius

DISCLAIMER:
Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all the characters that appear on
the show are the exclusive property of Joss Whedon, the WB, Fox
and Mutant Enemy, Inc. This story can be read on its own or as
a sequel to H. P. Lovecraft's "The Haunter of the Dark"
from which the Ancient Ones, the Shining Trapezohedron and the
character of Robert Blake are derived.

The Wind Beyond the Walls of the Mind is set
roughly in mid-season four shortly following the death of Doyle
but before the creation of Adam and the death of Maggie Walsh.

Rating is PG-13

* * * * * * *

A nurse doubling as a receptionist stood behind
the dark brown wooden receptionist desk in the Sunnydale Convalescent
Hospital. She was preoccupied checking charts, shuffling paperwork,
and at the same time watching seven patients, all in wheelchairs
clustered around in the lobby. Five of those patients were women,
elderly, and suffering from the later stages of Parkinson's or
Alzheimer's disease. Each of their hands shook uncontrollably
to various degrees and their eyes appeared glazed over. Their
mouths were all frozen in a downward frown over which they had
no control. Two swayed gently in their wheelchairs, the rhythm
of their movements somehow a comfort in a world deprived of almost
all sensory stimulus.

The two other patients were young, in their
twenties, and appeared rigid in their wheelchairs, their necks
supported by braces. Each stared straight ahead. One drooled uncontrollably.

The building itself, although freshly repainted
inside and partially refurbished, nonetheless was obviously over
thirty years old. Remnants of the original dark wood trim around
the doorways gave the corridors a cramped feeling.

Buffy and Giles walked through the front entrance
and up to the receptionist's desk. She had never been in a convalescent
hospital before, and her eyes were wide with horror at the condition
of the patients in the lobby.

"Good morning. Rupert Giles," Giles
said quietly to the nurse.

"Oh, yes," she replied, still considerably
distracted by the mounds of papers and charts before her. "You
called earlier. Down the hallway and to your left. Room 38. Do
you need help?"

"No, that's all right. I've been here
before," was Giles' cryptic answer.

Giles turned away from the desk and began walking
down the hallway. Buffy followed nervously. She stared at an elderly
woman patient leaning on a walker in the hallway. The old woman
muttered to herself as she swayed slightly within the confines
of the walker.

". . . hello . . . hello . . . hello .
. ." the old woman whispered to the bare walls next to her.

Giles and Buffy passed several rooms where
the doors were open. Over the doorway of one, a small temporary
sign warned, "No smoking. Oxygen in use." Buffy glanced
inside. Lying in bed was another elderly woman. Her eyes were
closed, her mouth open, and an oxygen breather attached to her
nose. From the stiff contorted appearance of the patient's limbs,
Buffy imagined for a moment that she must be a corpse except for
the tell tale sign of her rising and falling chest.

Shaking slightly, Buffy turned away from the
room and, as she followed Giles, didn't dare look through any
of the other open doors.

"Giles, . . . why are we here?" she
whispered, and Giles could sense a fear in her voice he had never
heard before.

Suddenly a scream reverberated from a room
down one of the other corridors branching off from where Buffy
and Giles were passing. Buffy jumped and spun around in the direction
of the noise. At first, the sound was loud and sharply piercing,
but then trailed off in a long agonizing wail that finally dissolved
into a quiet weeping moan.

Buffy stopped, her feet frozen to the spot
in the hallway. Giles turned and stared back at her.

"Buffy . . ." he said calmly.

"No . . ." she whimpered, and her
trembling was noticeable.

Giles retraced his steps, returning to her
side and looked directly into her eyes.

"Giles . . . this place . . ." she
whispered in terror, "It's Hell . . . everyone here . . .
they're all alive but they're in Hell!"

Giles still stared firmly into her eyes.

"I always knew in my head this place existed.
. . ." she continued, "And I could almost imagine what
went on here but . . ."

"Seeing it now, you understand,"
he said softly.

Buffy nodded.

"Good," he said. "Now, never
forget. For this is worse than Hell. It's the forgotten place."

Giles looked around him down the hallway. Another
scream, similar to the first, erupted from the other corridor.
It too dissolved into a wail of despair for a few moments and
then died away.

"Unlike Hell, these souls are here through
no fault of their own," he said and Buffy could see the pain
in his face as he spoke. "Diseases of aging, Parkinson's,
Alzheimers; diseases of youth, multiple sclerosis, spinal injuries,"
here Giles hesitated before proceeding.

". . . brain damage . . ." he said
ominously.

Buffy suddenly stared up at her Watcher. Her
eyes widened and her mouth dropped open as she barely whispered
the words.

". . . oh God . . . Giles, no . . . no!"

Giles didn't answer.

". . . she's here? . . ." Buffy whispered,
her voice trembling.

Still Giles didn't respond. He only stared
sternly at Buffy.

"Giles, how could you have brought me
here!?" she cried out.

"Buffy, something has happened,"
Giles said firmly as he struggled to control his own emotions.
"She's been at Sunnydale Convalescent since early summer
with no improvement. In fact, her condition has deteriorated over
the past several months . . . until last week. Since then, there
has been a marked change, on the surface it would appear for the
better but . . . there's something wrong. It's as if she were
rallying her last remaining sources of strength . . . trying to
communicate."

"Giles, I don't understand . . ."

"I've been coming here several times a
week since they moved her over from the hospital," he continued.
"I sit with her and talk to her. She hasn't been able to
move or speak. I have no idea whether she understands, but the
doctor says there's a good chance she can hear, just not respond."

Buffy listened intently, half in fear, half
with morbid curiosity.

"Then" Giles said ". . . the
morning after you first saw the entity, I was getting ready to
leave and I patted her hand goodbye . . . she grasped mine . .
. and squeezed it . . ."

Buffy's eyes widened.

"She's done it several times since and
then yesterday . . . she finally spoke."

"What did she say?" Buffy asked fearfully.

"Two words . . ." he replied. "'get
'B!'"

Giles turned away from Buffy and resumed walking
down the hallway. He halted after a few steps, turned and glanced
back over his shoulder at her.

"You coming? he said to Buffy.

Buffy nodded and caught up with Giles. Both
walked down the hallway together. Another scream echoed from a
nearby corridor, but this time Buffy didn't flinch. She stared
straight ahead, the steely expression on her face never faltering,
as the scream faded into a wail and then died away. Together side
by side, Giles and the Slayer walked down the convalescent hospital
hallway. Their footsteps clipped loudly on the sterile linoleum
floor.

Finally, they reached the end of the corridor,
turned left down an adjoining hallway and stopped by the entrance
to a room. Buffy read the number on the half open doorway.

". . . thirty-eight . . ." she said
quietly and looked at Giles for reassurance.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

". . . yeah . . ." she said nodding.

Both entered the room with Giles leading the
way.

Buffy and Giles halted just inside the room.
Against the right wall were two freshly made up beds, both empty.
Straight ahead on the outside wall was a large picture window
looking out onto the grounds of the hospital. By the side of the
window, a young woman sat in a metal folding chair and stared
out. She was dressed in a hospital night gown and simple slippers.
She had her back to Giles and Buffy as they entered but her long
poker straight black hair, even without its once luxurious shine
was unmistakable. Faith stared silent and unmoving out the window
at the morning sunshine.

"Knock, knock . . ." Giles announced
before fully entering the room.

Faith didn't move. Giles and Buffy approached
slowly so as not to startle her.

"Faith . . . it's Giles. I've come back
. . . and I've brought someone." He turned to Buffy, encouraging
her to approach. "Go ahead," he said to her.

Buffy stepped up towards Faith.

". . . Hi . . . " she said hesitantly.
"It's me, Buffy. . . . Giles says you're doing real good
. . . that you wanted to talk to me . . ."

Faith remained motionless and silent. Buffy
drew closer and stepped around in front of the chair to face Faith.

"I didn't know you were here . . . otherwise
I would have . . ."

Buffy suddenly froze in mid sentence and gasped
at the image of horror before her. Faith stared straight ahead,
her face an expressionless mask, unmoving and unresponsive to
Giles and Buffy's presence. But what startled Buffy were the dark
circles around Faith's eyes and the fallen Slayer's pupils. Where
formerly Faith had rich brown eyes that laughed with a love for
life, now in their place were a pair of flaming red points floating
in the white surrounding eye tissue.

Slowly, Faith turned her head to look up at
Buffy. Buffy wanted to turn away, to run, to somehow find a means
to avoid the piercing horror of those eyes but she couldn't. And
then Faith spoke, her voice almost echoing with a hollow, disembodied
tone like an entity without a soul.

". . . and . . . who . . . are . . . you
. . ." she said slowly as if the words had no meaning.

". . . Giles! . . ." Buffy cried
out, the terror threatening to overwhelm her.

"Speak to her," Giles said gently.

Buffy struggled to control her short circuiting
emotions. She calmed her breathing, and managed to look at Faith
once more.

"Faith? . . . Can you see me?"

At first, Faith only stared blankly at Buffy.
Then slowly she reached out to Buffy, took her hand and drew it
back towards herself. Faith then folded Buffy's fingers into the
shape of a clenched fist. She drew Buffy's fist against her abdomen
and wrapped her own hands around the fist as if she were trying
to fend off Buffy's hand.

Faith suddenly gasped in deeply and her red
eyes rolled up towards the ceiling. Buffy yanked her hand back
in shock. As she did, Faith covered the spot on her abdomen with
one hand where Buffy's fist had lain moments before. Her other
hand she held out, palm up and open, in front of her and slowly
she gazed at it as if it were coated in an invisible substance.
Buffy recoiled in horror as she realized what Faith was doing.
Jumping away, she backed up towards Giles.

"Oh God! Giles, she's reliving . . . !"

Giles put his hands on Buffy's shoulders reassuringly.

"Easy. easy," he said urgently, "I
think she's coming out of it again!"

Regaining her composure, Buffy stepped in front
of Faith once more. As if gazing across a vast and fathomless
void, the two Slayers stared at one another. Then suddenly, like
a brief moment when the sun slips out from behind a layer of clouds,
the blank expression on Faith's face slid away. A sparkle built
in her eyes and her mouth curled in her smirking grin. She nodded
in recognition at Buffy.

". . . hey . . . 'B' . . ."

"Faith?" Buffy whispered.

For a moment Faith grinned, then, like the
shadow of the clouds returning, the smirk evaporated from her
face. Her eyes widened and a look crossed her face that could
only have been despair. Sensing that Faith was drifting away again,
Buffy knelt down beside her and took her hands in hers.

"Faith? . . . Faith?! . . . What is it?!
What did you want to tell me?!"

The blank expression descended across Faith,
but before it completely overwhelmed her, Faith muttered one last
word.

". . . help . . ." she murmured in
a frightened whisper.

Suddenly Faith toppled forward out of the chair
and collapsed into Buffy's arms. Buffy caught her as the fallen
slayer buried her face in Buffy's shoulder.

". . . and . . . who . . . are . . . you
. . ." Faith whispered haltingly into Buffy's long blond
hair.

"Giles!"

Giles stepped forward and swept Faith up in
his arms. Quickly he placed her in the nearest bed.

"Buffy, get one of the nurses!"

Buffy jumped to her feet and ran out of the
room. Giles gently laid Faith down on the bed. With his hand he
tenderly brushed the strands of long black hair out of her face.
Faith stared out into the room, her expression giving no clue
she understood what was happening. Giles held up her arm by the
wrist and took her pulse, but before he could finish his count,
Faith's hand swung out of his grasp and clasped his palm. She
squeezed his hand firmly and then slowly released it. Her arm
dropped unmoving onto the bed covers.

"I understand. Don't give up. We'll find
a way," he whispered to her.

Moments later Buffy returned leading a pair
of nurses who immediately moved to either side of the bed.

"Her pulse seems strong," Giles said
to the nearest nurse.

"I think it's best you leave now,"
the nurse replied. "We'll take care of her. I'll call you
if there's any change."

Giles turned to leave but Buffy held back.
She stepped up beside the bed, leaned down and
spoke quietly in Faith's ear.

"Hang in there. I'll be back." Faith
gave no indication she heard or understood what Buffy had said.
Buffy waited a moment more but when no response was forthcoming,
she rejoined Giles at the door and together they left the room.

In the hallway, Giles was several steps ahead
of Buffy. She ran to catch up with him.

"Giles!" she called out.

He wouldn't turn to answer. Buffy grabbed him
by the arm and forced him to face her.

"Giles! What the hell is going on?!"

"Buffy . . . Faith is dying."

For a second, Buffy couldn't believe what she
had just heard.

"No!" she protested. "She almost
came out of it just now! She can't be . . ." Giles held up
his hand to interrupt her.

Buffy," he said ominously, "Something
is sapping her strength and the doctors can't identify it. The
red eyes, that appeared a week ago. They say it could be some
hemorrhaging behind her pupils but . . . The hospital has run
a series of CAT scans on her but besides the brain damage from
. . . your encounter last spring, they can't find anything."

"I don't get it. What's happening to her?"

Giles walked away from Buffy and stopped by
a large window in the hallway. He stared out into the morning
sunshine and ran his fingers through his hair. Inside, he battled
to keep his emotions in check as he tried to explain as clinically
as possible to Buffy what was happening to Faith.

"Buffy," he said slowly, "The
damage to Faith's mind, particularly that part of her brain that
retrieves memory, has been massive. The synapses, the nerve pathways
are shattered. Her brain is desperately trying to compensate,
find other neural routes around the damaged nerve tissues, but
. . . well, I'm afraid it's rapidly becoming a losing battle."

Buffy couldn't understand. Faith was a Slayer.
Her body was strong. In spite of the hideous damage she had inflicted
on Faith months before, she couldn't imagine at this point that
Faith was going to lose her battle for life.

"But Giles . . . I know she recognizes
me!" Buffy argued back, "Well sort of. I could see it
in her eyes, she's trying to put things together!"

"That's true," he answered, still
maintaining his cool rational tone of voice in spite of the emotions
he struggled with. "She has the Slayer's metabolism and her
brain won't surrender without a struggle. Every once in a while,
she'll manage to construct a new neural pathway and that accounts
for those occasional moments when she is lucid but . . . I'm sorry,
Buffy, they seem to collapse as quickly as her mind can set them
up."

"Giles . . . " she asked quietly
as she stumbled over her own words trying to formulate her question.
"Is Faith . . . is she still. . . in there?"

"I don't know," Giles spoke as gently
as possible. "The ancient physicians had a way of describing
it. They were as powerless to deal with brain damage as we are.
I remember reading in Hermocrates that in cases like Faith's,
it's as if a wall has been laid down across the mind . . . and
behind it lies what remains of the soul, a lost wind, whirling,
ever searching for a way from beyond the barrier that contains
it."

Buffy's eyes glistened, and she bit her lip
as she listened to Giles.

"Sometimes that wind rages and thunders,"
he continued. "Other times it falls to its knees and, in
lonely despair, weeps quietly against the walls of its prison.
Then slowly, eventually with the passing of time, . . . that wind
fades away . . . until it finally vanishes forever."

Buffy stared at the floor. Slowly, she wiped
one eye with the sleeve of her blouse.

After a few minutes, the nurses left Faith's
room. Faith lay alone in her bed and stared out at nothing, her
face a blank mask as the sheet over her rose and fell with her
steady breathing. She barely spoke in a whisper.

". . . and . . . who . . . are . . . you
. . ." her soulless voice asked the empty room.

Slowly, she closed her blood red eyes as she
repeated the same words over and over until they finally drifted
away into silence.

". . . and . . . who . . . are . . . you
. . ."

* * * * * * *

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