Goodbye Beneath a Dancing Moon: Goodbye Beneath a Dancing Moon
by SunnydaleGirl
"Goodbye Beneath a Dancing Moon"

Disclaimer: "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" is the property Joss Whedon, 20th Century Fox, United Paramount Network (UPN), Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Television and Kuzui Enterprises. "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" is distributed by 20th Century Fox and the Warner Brothers Television Network. "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" TM and © of Fox and its related entities.


He’s gone. He never even said goodbye – not really. All he did was stare at me with those mournful eyes and all I wanted was to make him stay. Beg him to stay because I needed him. Because I still need him. Because I’ll always need him. He wanted to stay, in his heart. I know he did. But it was best for both of us that he left. We could never be together – not the way we want to be. Our love is cursed.

How cruel it is that the fates brought us together, twined our hearts as one, knowing that we were doomed for only heartache and death. Death is the barrier that tore apart. His death, my death. His surrender, my defeat. Our love bloomed because of my death and withered with his. Sent, by my hand, to an eternity in hell because of one moment’s surrender. Lost to me forever because I was too weak to hang on. Now’s he gone and I’m alone.

Night is empty to me now – gone is the promise of melting in his arms. The stars glow less brightly and the winds howl their agony. The evening mourns for him as I do. All around me I see his face and everything reminds me of him. If only these places I could avoid, these places where he and I would come together. But these places are my home, my duty. I hunt his kind in the very cemetery where he first told me he loved me, in the park where we would meet, in the alley where we first met. He is everywhere. He is haunting me.

He broke my heart and what’s worse he did it in the sewers – of all places. I hated him for doing it, for saying aloud all the things I knew were true but was too scared to believe. He was being strong for both of us because I couldn’t be. I couldn’t bring myself to voice the truth I tried so hard to shut out. But he could.

“I’ve been thinking…about the future, our future and the more I do, the more I feel like us, you and me, being together is unfair to you.”

Unfair. How I loathed him for saying it. How I despised myself for knowing it was true. I knew, even though I would never admit it, that our relationship had ended the moment my sword had pierced his heart. We could never be and I was fooling myself to even consider a future.

“You deserve more. Something outside of demons and darkness. You should be with someone who can take you into the light. Someone who can make love to you.”

I didn’t care about that. All I cared about was him. Just being with him, holding his hand, kissing his lips, it was enough for me. But not forever. One day I would want more from him then he would be able to give and when he denied me I would grow to hate him and he would grow to hate himself for being weak – for not ending it when he could and saving me the heartache.

“You know how much I love you. It’s killing me to say this but I have to do the right thing. I’m leaving.”

My heart stopped and all I wanted to do was die. Existence without him? I didn’t believe it possible. He had twisted himself around my very soul. He had become a part of me and when he left he ripped that part away, leaving me empty inside. Nothing more then a hollow shell and a broken heart. Can I go on without him? Do I even want to try?

“Don’t cry.”

Whispered words, nothing more. It can’t be more. But I hear his voice beside me and I feel his fingertips brush my cheek. It’s only a dream. He left me and I’m only dreaming. But if this is a dream then why does he feel so real beneath my touch? His eyes meet mine and I know that this is real. He cradles me in his arms while I weep and whispers soothing words.

He can’t stay. He came only to say goodbye because it’s the least that I deserve from him. I don’t care. He’s here, with me. Now. That’s all that matters. The future lies ahead and the past is already set. Nothing matters but this moment and I cling to it.

“Dance with me.”

Taking my hand he wraps me in his arms and I am at peace. My heart swells and I can’t stop the tears that fall from my cheeks. He is my world; my life. He is all I need, all I want but he is all that I can not have. All eternity he will grasp my heart in his palm and all eternity I will trust him with it. Never will I love like I love him now – never do I want to.

The stars have brightened and the winds stilled. The night carries a gentle tune only we can hear and slowly we dance beneath the moon. Dawn will come and he will once again leave. Oh, how I wish the sun would stay away. Time we have always been denied but it is in this moment that I truly live. And in his arms that I know true love.

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