Together Again Soon: Together Again Soon
by inlovewithangel
Buffy stared out the window of the train. Going to see Angel only two months after his fight with Riley was going to be difficult. She loved Angel, more than she could ever say, but she knew that they could never be together. Not until he became human. Yes, she knew. She remembered back to that conversation with Cordelia, two weeks ago now.

“Hello?” Buffy was living at home, during the summer months before her sophomore year at college.
“Buffy? It’s you? Why are you still living at home? I just called your mom to ask where you were. Oh no, wait, that’s rude. I mean, it’s good to talk to you. How have you been?” Buffy laughed. Some things just stayed the same. It was oddly comforting.
“It’s good to talk to you too. I think I’m good. Finally. It’s been awhile since I’ve been this happy. You heard about Willow, right? About how she’s gay?” Buffy was still reeling from the news herself and wanted to share it with Cordelia. Buffy liked talking to Cordelia, more than she ever had when she was in high school. It was also scary that she was the closest to Angel now.
“Yeah, I did. I don’t remember how though. I think Giles talked to Wes awhile back. I never would of guessed. Her and Oz were so perfect.” Buffy could hear Cordy’s voice go soft when she talked about the old gang.
“Wesley, right!” Buffy threw her head back and laughed, thinking about her old watcher, who had never really been in charge. “How is he? I still feel pretty bad about how I treated him. Now that you and Angel put so much confidence in him, there must be something there that I missed.” Buffy’s voice quavered when she said her lover’s name. Ex- lover’s. Buffy hoped Cordelia hadn’t noticed. She did.
“Go ahead. Ask,” Buffy’s old friend said, and Buffy could hear the smile in her voice.
“How is he?” Buffy was dying to know. It had been a month and a half since she last heard from him.
“He’s good. He misses you. He doesn’t say anything, but I can tell. I sometimes catch him looking at a picture of you. And he calls you all the time. I saw the phone bill.”
“That’s what all those anonymous phone calls were.” Buffy sighed and looked at the ceiling. And then she got angry. “Cordy, what is this? Some new torture you’ve cooked up to kill me? Look, you know me, as much as I hate to admit, and you know how I feel about Angel. Why tell me this?” Tears were coming to Buffy’s eyes.
“No, Buff, I didn’t mean—I’m sorry. You’re right. I wasn’t thinking.” Cordelia was silent for a little while afterward.
“Why did you call me?” Buffy, now sitting on the floor, asked.
“Well, now I’m not so sure. I mean, I know Angel would never tell you… I just thought you should know.” Her voice trailed off.”
“What?”
“Angel is going to get his shanshu.” It was out. Cordelia was glad Buffy knew, but worried when Buffy didn’t answer for a few minutes.
“His what?” Buffy questioned.
“Oh. Oh. Shanshu. Life. He’s going to become human.” If this wasn’t such a crucial moment, Cordy would laugh at herself for presuming that Buffy knew the word.
“When?” Buff whispered the word, scared that this was a dream, scared that this information wasn’t true.
“Not for a while. Not tomorrow. But it will happen. It’s the only thing that keeps him going. The knowledge that he’ll someday be able to be with you.” Cordelia’s words were carefully chosen, and they got the point across.
“Tell him I’m coming. No. Don’t tell him I’m coming. I’ll be there in a week or two. I can’t wait to see you.” Buffy put the phone down with a click, and cried.

When Buffy awoke, she realized that they were at her stop. She pulled her belongings up from under her seat. Buffy’s mind was elsewhere though, she was focusing on getting to see Angel, Angel, Angel… Not, of course, focusing on the feelings she would feel when she saw the love of her life, her soulmate, the one. Nor was she paying attention to the man she bumped into as she was walking out of the train station to meet Cordelia, who was going to pick her up. His belongings fell to the ground and she knelt down to pick them up.
He was young, in his early to mid-twenties, and he had long greasy hair that was shoved under a baseball cap. His face was pinched, and his clothes looked as if they hadn’t been washed in several weeks.
“Excuse me,” Buffy said, distractedly, as she was standing up. The man walked around to the back side of her.
“No hard feelings. I know a way you could repay me though…” His hand reached down to touch her butt, and without realizing what she was doing, Buffy had grabbed his hand and whipped him around, so that he was on his back in front of her.
“Oh, shit! Sorry,” Buffy exclaimed, pulled out of her reveries by the man’s yelps of pain. People were staring at her and her strength, but none could blame her. Buffy was about to walk out the station doors when she heard the voice of a person she hadn’t seen in near to six months.
“That’s my little slayer.” Cordelia laughed. She was leaning against the wall by the door, big, plastic sunglasses on top of her head, her arms crossed in front of her. She was dressed in a red tank and cropped cargo pants; her hair cascaded down her back.
“Cordelia.” Emotion flooded Buffy and she smiled. This girl, this friend, had always been there through highschool, the one everyone scoffed at, the one with no tact. Cordelia had once said that tact was “just not saying true stuff”, and at this point in her life, Buffy was inclined to believe her. Cordelia and Buffy were always saying that they weren’t friends, but people can’t become as close as these women were without creating a special bond between them.
The two hugged and made small talk as they made their way over to Cordelia’s car. Once inside, Buffy brought up the real reason she had made the trip to L.A.
“Does Angel know I’m here?” Buffy asked, and once again, her voice made that dip when she mentioned that name.
“Nope, I didn’t say a word. Are you sure you’re going to be okay with this Buffy? I mean, when he got back from Sunnydale after seeing that Riley guy… Let me tell you, if a human had consumed that much alcohol… Basically, what I’m saying is, be gentle with him.” Buffy looked incredulously at this person, this person whom had never spoken in a protective manner against anyone before.
“Cordy, I wouldn’t… I mean, not on purpose. I wouldn’t expect you to understand.” Buffy turned her head away and looked out at the city blocks.
“Oh, right. I wouldn’t understand. What does Cordelia know about true love? What does Cordelia know about the ways of the world? Look, I know what you two have is incredibly special, and I know that no one can touch it. But, most people don’t want to, Buffy. Have faith in your friends. Have faith in us, the people who love you most of all. Maybe if this relationship wasn’t so, I don’t know, quiet, maybe things would’ve been easier on you.” Cordelia looked straight ahead, a sort of passion was on her face, that Buffy was sure wasn’t there the last time she’d seen her. Cordelia was older, wiser than before. She had grown up. Buffy supposed she had too, although she knew she still had a long way to go.
“I’m sorry. You know how I get when I’m around Angel. Wackiness. Cordelia, I want you to know that I do have faith in you. Thank you.” Buffy smiled, and Cordelia smiled back.

When they reached Cordelia’s apartment, where Cordelia had made sure Angel would be, Cordy opened the door. Angel looked on from the shadows, careful so as not to let any of the dangerous rays harm him.
“Cordy, what is this about--…” Angel let his voice trail off as he saw the golden- haired beauty walk into the house. “Buffy.”
“Angel.” Buffy’s voice was filled with such love, such hunger for this man, this person who had never made her feel the same.
He walked over towards her, with strong, long strides, and swept her up into such a kiss, that it staggered Buffy for a few seconds. After a long embrace, two pairs of eyes opened, and two pairs of lips left each other once again, after coming together after such a long time apart.
Buffy laughed, with tears in her eyes. “Goddamnit Angel,” she half sobbed, half laughed, “why can you always do that to me?” Tears were streaming down her face.
Angel looked at her and wiped away her tears. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” Buffy understood he was apologizing for more than that kiss. He pulled her to him, and they hugged for a long time, until Angel said the one word that brought their whole situation back from where it was stored at the bottom of their minds.
“Riley.”
Buffy pulled away, jerked back into reality, jerked back to realize that she had just kissed the man whom her current boyfriend is most jealous of. Riley lives in Angel’s shadow, she thought. “Don’t say that. Don’t bring him into this.” Buffy was facing the front door, her back to Angel.
“I’m sorry. I just don’t want you to do something that you’ll regret later, when you’re with him.” Angel sighed. When these two were together, there always seemed to be a lot of sighing.
“Angel,” Buffy whipped around to face him, “I’ve already done something that I regret. I regret coming here, seeing you, feeling like this.” She laughed, and it was hinted with, what? Irony? Sadness? Confusion? “ I came here because,… why did I come here?”
“Buffy, please. Don’t get upset. I’m not trying to be malicious here. We’re just friends now. That kiss was…”
“Amazing? Beautiful? The most wonderful time of my life, only to be beaten by the times that I kissed you when I didn’t have a boyfriend back home, in my town, waiting for me?” Buffy looked into Angel’s sad eyes, and tears started to well up in her own.
“Angel,” Buffy continued, “we tried being friends before, remember? Spike got us there though. We’ll never be friends, we can’t. That’s why we have to stay apart. And we’ve been doing an okay job. Angel, I love you. I always will. I tried doing the normal boyfriend thing with Riley. It worked for a while, and then… well, then he fell in love with me.”
Angel left Buffy’s side and sat down on the couch.
“Do you…” Angel started, cautious but then trailed off. He tried again. “Do you love him back?” Angel dreaded the answer.
But Buffy just shook her head sadly, as if maybe she did want to love him, but just couldn’t. Angel sighed in relief, but Buffy looked at him coldly. And then she brought up the real reason she had come. It was easier to say, now that she was angry with Angel.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Buffy looked at him accusingly.
“Tell you what?”
“That you are going to become human. That you will be… human.” Buffy looked at him, not angry now, just questioning.
Angel stood up and started pacing. “Shit,” he whispered to himself. “How did you…” But his question trailed off as he looked toward the closed door of Cordelia’s bedroom. “Cordelia! Come in here please.” Cordelia appeared from inside the room with an innocent expression.
“Actually, Mr. Vampire-with- a- soul, I’m leaving now. Prada sale. So, buh-bye.” She waggled her fingers goodbye as she went out the door, but paused. “Don’t have sex, okay?”
Angel shook his head and turned back to Buffy, who was still staring at him accusingly. “Buffy, I’m sorry… I just didn’t want you to get your hopes up.” He sighed and shrugged, and went to sit down again, apparently tired out.
“Angel, you should have told me.” Buffy went and sat down next to Angel, and smoothed his hair. “I should’ve been the first to know.”
“I know. I know.” And he turned his head and he kissed her, for the second time that day, for the second time in months.
“Angel, I should go.” It was an hour later, and they were both in varying states of undress. They had let their feelings almost get a hold of them, Angel had reached for his belt before he pulled his hand away.
“Buffy, stay. It’s okay. I’ll be good.”
“No, really, I told dad I’d visit him. Angel, I have to go.” Buffy looked into his eyes, hoping that he understood that she desperately didn’t want to leave, but it was imperative, for her, for him, for the safety of everyone they both held dear.
Angel nodded, and his eyes grew sad again. “Okay.” He stood up, and pulled her up by her hands, a little gesture to the one he loved. “Buffy. When I become human, it’ll be you.”
Buffy laughed. “If it were anybody else, I’d stake you right now.” He cracked a rare smile, an expression he saved purely for her.
“You should visit, more often.” Angel said it half-heartedly, knowing that would kill them.
“You know I only see you when I have to. To convince myself to go on. Anything else would result in badness.” He nodded sadly, and she picked up her purse.
“Goodbye.” She walked over to the door, and he didn’t say anything, when had they ever needed words?
On the train ride back up to Sunnydale, Buffy thought of everything she had just left, and everything she was coming back to. There was Xander, her heart and soul, her rock, the person she can always turn to, the person she can count on, even though more than once in their four years as best friends she’d wanted to strangle him. Willow, her best girl friend, her backup, the one who doesn’t always agree with her but who is the smartest person she’d ever met, and Buffy would give her life to protect her. Willow had really come into her own this year, thanks to magic and college, and a wonderful girl who Buffy would have to get to know better named Tara. There was Riley, her boyfriend. She felt a pang that she realized was happiness that she would be getting to see him, because she liked him and he was cute and he loved her, but she had realized long ago that he could never take the place of that vampire, he could only hold it. There was Giles, who was more father to her than her LA dad had ever been. Mom, of course, was mom, “best mom ever” she had once called her and Buffy stood by it. And then there were those that she had left behind in LA. Cordelia. Wesley. And of course, Angel. Oh god, Angel. Buffy looked up at the ceiling of her train. Angel had the ability to make her cry with sadness, whoop with joy and shake with anger. He loved her in a way that no one ever could. With passion and tenderness and sometimes violence, and Buffy did not feel whole without him. Buffy felt the hot tears come to her eyes at the thought of him, at the thought of her not being able to have him. But then she smiled. Soon, she thought, Soon I will be able to have him.


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