My Heart Will Go On - Angel Style: My Heart Will Go On - Angel Style
by Stephanie Loss
Buffy and Crew don't belong to us. They belong to Joss Whedon and all that other stuff we're supposed to say. "My Heart Will Go On" is property of James Horner and the record label and Celine Dion.



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Angel wandered aimlessly around Sunnydale, killing a vamp when he saw one, but with no zest in the actions. It was someting he did so others wouldn’t die. He had lost some one close to him already. He didn’t want to be responsible for anymore deaths. Not after what he went through with Buffy.

*Angel ran to the park at full superhuman-vampire-speed. Would he make it on time? Was it already too late?*

Angel was victim to the pictures in his head. There was nothing he could do to stop the show. She had needed him, and he hadn’t been there. The agony bounced around in his soul.

*As he ran, he was soon aware of the sounds of a battle. The familiar scream of a demon meeting its end told him that she was still alive.*

He hadn’t been fast enough. He had failed her in the worst possible way. She had died that night because of him.

*He carried her limp, lifeless body back to the library. The pain on Giles’ face was enough to shatter the mask he had been wearing. Tears fell down his cheeks, and harsh sobs wracked his body. Willow, in her grief, had held him as he cried. Even Xander put a sympathtic hand on his shoulder. After a few minutes, they had left him to grieve in silence. She was wearing the cross he had given her. He slipped it off and placed it in his pocket. They had buried her on a rainy Thursday morning. His heart had shattered because he couldn’t say his last goodbyes.*

The first light of dawn found Angel back in his apartment. He fell on his bed, exhausted both mentally and physically. The memories this apartment brought forth were overwhelming in a bitter sweet way. It was a pain he glad to live with.

As he drifted in to sleep, the deams began. Torturous dreams that haunted his every sleeping moment. Memories of their one night together, from when told her to “change and get under the covers, just to warm up,” to the moment he bolted out of bed, his demon rising to power.

He relived them all scene by scene. The first one hundred years were filled with bloodlust and purely evil intentions. He could still taste the warm sweetness of lifesblood as it flowed down his throat.

:I’ve got to stop thinking about this,: he said to himself. Slowly, he slipped into Morpheasus’ embrace.


* * *
The music played softly in the background. He couldn’t tell what song it was exactly, but it was hauntingly familiar. It took a few minutes before he realized that he was standing in a ballroom. It was decorated lavbishly in blue and silver, giving it an other worldly look.

“I knew you’d be here.”

Tears came to his eyes when he heard her voice. “Buffy?”

He turned and met her deep brown eyes. She smiled.

“Angel.”

She ran into his arms. As he held her, the music crescendoed until he recognized the words.

**Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you. That is how I know you go on.**

“Remember, Angel. I won’t ever be apart from you.”

**Near, far, where ever you are.**

“You can’t leave me. I can’t live without you.”

“I’ll always be with you, Angel. Always.”


* * *
The moon was beginning to set over Sunnydale, casting her ethreal glow on the city. Angel stood on the roof of the Bronze, staring out over this place he had called home. Dawn would becoming soon.

He had always feared the dawn. It was the one true power in nature that could take him away. But now, what he once feared, he waited to embrace. Despite Buffy’s assurance that he’d never be alone, he could not bear the pain of being without her.

“Angel what are you doing?”

He turned to face her. “I can’t go on. The pain...”

She took him in her arms. “You have to, loverling. The new Slayer will need your guidance.”

The music began to paly again, louder than before.

**You’re here, there’s nothing I fear. And I know that my heart will go on.**

“Listen to the words, Angel. I’ll always be with you. I will live on, in your heart.” She faded away, leaving only the sweet sound of the music.

**We’ll stay, forever this way. You are safe in my heart and my heart will go on and on.**

Angel stumbled back to his apartment, tears streaming down his face. He’d lost his only love in a moment of violence, but she was still with him. He closed his eyes, and he could see her. Smiling, laughing, that look of anguish as Angelous declared Angel dead. He made a vow right then.

“I’ll live on and I will do what you ask. It will be hard, but my heart *will* go on.”

Opening his eyes, he took her cros out of his pocket. “I won’t ever let go.” He fastened the clasp aroundhis neck as the music swelled up and engulfed him in comfort.

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