The Joy of Love, the Clarity of Hatred, and the Ecstasy of Grief: Part 7
by Symphony
The title is from the ep "Passions". Angel says it during his voiceover. The characters belong to Joss and company. The story is mine so if you have any comments, likes, dislikes, etc., feel free to email me (NishatheBard@worldnet.att.net)



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Part Seven

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Buffy?" Buffy looked up from the television screen. Joyce Summers stood in the entrance of the living room looking at her daughter lovingly. "You have a visitor." Buffy looked curiously behind her mother to make out the figure in the hallway.

"Who?" she asked. Buffy watched as her mother moved aside and Giles walked into the living room. He looked slightly uncomfortable but he smiled nonetheless.

"Hello, Buffy." the englishman greeted politely. Buffy smiled.

"Hi, Giles." Buffy looked at her mother. She gave her mother the "would-you-mind-if-we-talked-alone" look. Joyce nodded understandingly and moved out of the room and ascended the stairs.

"How's that cold?" Giles asked her loudly, not wanting to ask what he was really thinking until he heard Joyce close her door.

"Better." Buffy answered. The door upstairs had closed. Giles looked upstairs to feel reassured. He sat down beside Buffy and took off his glasses. He rubbed his temples.

Buffy knew how hard the past months had been for him too. And to have his slayer lose it was not helping matters at all. But she knew he understood.

"Have you been sleeping?" Giles asked her.

"Somewhat." he looked at her questioningly. "I keep waking up in the middle of the night." she explained. He nodded comprehensively.

"Xander and Willow tell me that you refuse to see them." Buffy sighed.

"I just don't feel like talking to anybody lately."

"I understand. But, Buffy, they care about you. You are eventually going to have to talk to them."

"I know."

"I know that it must be extremely difficult to carry out a duty like yours. Especiallly if the situations become more complicated." Giles turned to face her. "You are going through a lot, Buffy. You have matters to sort out." Giles laughed. "I'm beginning to believe that the vocation of slayers is not compromising enough for the dawning of the twenty-first century." Buffy smiled. "I was reading through a few volumes of the watcher's diaries and I found out that all slayers have had considerable troubles but nothing like what you are going through."

"Lucky them." Buffy said wistfully.

"Being a slayer is your first duty, Buffy. But it isn't your only duty." Giles stood up and walked to a picture of Buffy resting against a wall. "You are daughter, friend, student and..." Giles paused. "lover."

"Angel." Buffy stated plainly.

"Yes. Angel." Giles put his hand sin his pockets. "I know that this recent....happening is not only because of Angel but he does play a big part in it. After all, if he hadn't changed you wouldn't want so much to..." Giles could not bring himself to say the word. "Die?" Buffy offered.

"Yes." Giles looked at her sympathetically. "Where do you stand with him, Buffy?"

"I don't know."

"Do you still love him?"

"I think I love what I had with him."

"The memory."

"Yes." Buffy watched as Giles looked down at the floor. He was thinking about Jenny.

"It's a hard decision you must make. I was hoping that maybe you were more certain. I knew you weren't but that doesn't stop hope." Giles walked over to her and squatted. He took her hands in his. "If you need anything, anything at all in this world, come to me. I don't have all the answers and I won't pretend that I do but I will say that I will do anything in my power as your watcher, as your friend to do what I can to help you." Buffy looked at their hands. He had never displayed any affection towards her like this. Only once before could she remember them leaning on each other. It was when Giles had gone to kill Angel and Buffy had saved Giles. They had embraced each other so tightly for dear life. She had been able to say that she needed him then. She needed her watcher more than ever now.

"Thank you." Buffy whispered.

"I read the watcher diaries all the time, as you probably know."

"You're the book guy." Giles smiled.

"Yes I guess I am." Giles sat down next to her on the couch. "All of them speak of duty and honor but none of them speak of the relationship between watcher and slayer." Giles paused. "I never had children and never really had a desire for any, but I feel like I have a daughter." Buffy looked at Giles surprised.

"You never told me that before."

"Yes, well, time was never appropriate." Giles stood up again. She could tell that he had to leave.

"Do you need me to patrol tonight?" Buffy asked to change the subject.

"No. I...I will do it and the others are coming to help."

"Oh."

"Buffy, speak to them. I know you're not ready but remember, there sometimes isn't a good time for everything." Giles nodded to himself, pleased with the message. He made his way to the door. "I"ll see you soon."

"Giles?"

"Yes?" "Nice to have something in common, isn't it?"

"I guess it is." Giles flashed her a smile and closed the door behind him.


This story archived at: The Slayer\'s Fanfic Archive
The Slayer\\\\\\\\'s FanFic Archive - http://www.slayerfanfic.com/viewstory.php?sid=2975