A New Start: Buffy — Love and Hate
by Sibling
I've got a bad feeling about this.

When Faith got out of prison and came to Sunnydale, she had just one demand: she wanted to see Xander before the body-switch -- a chance to talk to him before she started wearing Anya's face.

Which meant someone -- or a couple of someones -- had to take her to Xander's apartment, since he never leaves it these days.

I couldn't do it, 'cause Xander can't stand the sight of me in Anya's body. Willow was out of the question; she was against the idea of Faith seeing him, and they were sure to get into a fight. I couldn't trust Dawn alone with Faith, and Spike would go up in flames in the sunlight.

That left Giles and Tara. Neither one wanted to leave the other to do it alone, so they both went with her.

That was over two hours ago.

Now I'm pacing the floor of the Magic Box, waiting for them to get back, hoping I didn't make a mistake letting Faith talk to Xander, hoping Tara and Giles aren't lying in an alley somewhere . . .

The bell on the door rings. It's them.

"How'd it go? How's Xander?" I blurt out.

Faith starts to say something, then she closes her mouth and just glares at me. Giles sighs and starts to do his usual glasses-cleaning time-wasting thing.

Tara looks at them a moment, then says, "Faith . . . really tried to talk to him. I know that-" she looks down and shuffles her feet a bit. "I know you guys weren't sure about this, but I think she really wanted to do something good for him. But . . . " She glances over at Faith.

Are those tears in Faith's eyes? "He wouldn't talk to me. I spent about an hour in there, and most of what he said boiled down to 'Leave me alone.'"

I feel my shoulders slump. I didn't even realize until now that I was actually hoping Faith might get through to him. If nothing else, maybe he would've gotten mad enough to yell at her, or something.

When I look up from my feet, Faith's right in front of me, and she's got this funny look on her face. "This is real hard on you, isn't it B?"

It's hard to believe Faith is trying to comfort me, but I guess she's earned a little trust. Heck, she's agreed to give up her Slayer powers forever; I can afford to cut her some slack. "Yeah. It's terrible, seeing Xander like this. I've never seen him this hopeless."

Faith nods. "I know what you mean. I thought you were speakin', y'know, figuratively, when you said this was killin' him, but damn! I've seen vampires that looked more alive than Xander does right now."

"At least you got to talk to him, Faith. I want to help him, talk to him, comfort him, be there for him like he's been there for me for so long, and I can't even go near him." I realize I'm babbling. I sigh, and finish, "I just hope that someday he won't hate me anymore."

And then something unbelievable happens.

Faith bursts out laughing.

I get so angry I want to hit her, but I remember that she's the Slayer and I'm not. Right now she could wipe up the floor with me if she wanted. So I just glare at her, and after a minute she chokes out, "Sorry, B. It's just funny to see that some things never change. SunnyD is still SunnyD, and you're just as clueless as ever!"

Huh?

She must see the confusion on my face, because she goes on, "B, Xander doesn't hate you. I don't think it would be possible for him to hate you. Some things could've changed around here in the past coupla years, but not that. The X-man loves you, B. Always has, always will."

I shake my head in disbelief; hasn't Faith been listening to me? "Xander doesn't love me, he loved Anya. He was going to marry her."

She waves her hand in dismissal. "I'm not talkin' hearts and flowers, B. This goes way beyond that. I'm talkin' total slave-like devotion. Xander would kneel down and kiss the water you friggin' walk on!"

I hear a snort of laughter from Spike, and Dawn giggles a little. Even Tara is trying to hide a smile behind her hand. I'm not sure who to glare at now.

Faith is a little more serious now. "Listen, B, I don't know what's eatin' Xander, but I can tell you this much. If he hates anybody right now, it's himself."

I can't help it, I snap at her, "How would you know, if he wouldn't talk to you?"

The cocky attitude leaves her face, and I see a little of the vulnerability underneath it; her expression makes me flash back to that night with Kakistos. "'Cause I've seen the look on his face too many times in the mirror."

Oh God. I start to mumble an apology, but she waves it off. "Save it, B. Let's just get that spell thing over with, so you can face the X-man and I can get gone."

God, I want to say something. She's right, in a way -- I don't think we'd ever be able to make things completely right between us. There are no words that could make up for the poisoned arrow that she shot Angel with, or the knife that I shoved into her stomach.

But still . . . "Faith?"

She looks at me suspiciously. "Yeah?"

"Good luck. I hope . . . I hope you'll be happy in your new life."

She stares at me for a while, and then she smiles at me. "Thanks, B." Then she gets a mischievous look in her eye. "Hey, B? Do me a favor?"

Now it's my turn to be suspicious. "Maybe."

She grins. "He might be kinda scruffy right now, but I saw some pictures around that house; Xander's turned into a real studmuffin in the past coupla years. And despite what I said about him worshipping you, you'd still give him the happy of a lifetime if you decided to give him a tumble."

I blush and glare at her. "And that's supposed to be a favor to you? To give my best friend a tumble?"

"Nah. Your choice if you wanna do it, B. Your loss if you don't wanna. But if you do decide to wake up and smell the hottie, give him one good 'uuuhhh!' from me." She winks. "You will be using my body, after all!"

My cheeks are flaming. But I can't help it, I start laughing. As Faith said, some things never change.

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