Whole Existence: Part Four
by Princess
I don't own any of the characters mentioned in this fic, except Erin and Tim. The belong to Joss. I don't hurt them (or make any money), so don't sue. Lots of FEEDBACK!! This is my first Real Fanfic. ENJOY!!
Author's Note: Part 4. Goodbyes. Tissues may be needed when reading this.
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Part Four
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Erin was thrown against the wall with great force, so great that it knocked her unconscious. The vampire moved onto Tim, where it promptly sunk his teeth into his neck. Tim fell to the ground lifelessly, and lay in eternal rest.
Buffy, Willow, Xander and giles came running from around the corner being chased by several vampires. Willow saw Tim lying on the ground and looked on in shock. Buffy was the first one to notice Erin sprawled on the ground, unmoving and unawake.
"Oh God," she whispered as she ran over to Erin. "Wake up damnit! Giles! Oh my God. She's ...she's...dead."
The vampires caught up to where they were standing.
"Yh, Buffy, now would be a good time to do the slayage thing." Xander asaid as the vampires closed in on them.
A very large fight broke out, but Buffy and the gang were successful in their slayng. They all had hurt themselves severely, Xander having his arm broken, Willow her thumb, and Buffy sprained her wrist. Giels looked a wreck with his black eye and slash that crossed his face.
"Buffy, I don't suppose you ffeel that we need to stay. We can come back later for the bodies. We need to get you all to the hospital." Giles said calmly.
Buffy stood still looking at the two lifeless bodies of the people who had become close to her in the last little while. Giles walked up to her and grabbed her lightly by ger good arm, and caregully pulled her away from the tragic scene.
Erin's body lie on the ground unmoved from when the gang had left. Her chest started moving a little, adn her eyes very drowsily opened. Disoriented, she lay on her back for several minutes in order to realize where she was and what had happened. She sat up, holding her head, glancing at the blood on her shirt. her head turned towards a body on the ground, and then she realized that her worst nightmare had become reality. The body she was staring at was the one of her love, Tim. Tears streamed down her face as she rushed over to him.
"Oh my God. God. Don't leave me. Please don't leave me! Come back to me. Please. Somebody help me! Help! Please don't leave me! Come back.: she sobbed as she frantically looked around at her surroundings and down at Tom's body. Realizing that he was gone, she carefully lay his body down and scambled to her feet. She ran over to the dumpster and kicked it so hard that it slid across the concrete.
"Damnit!" she screamed in frustrated anger and grief, before sinking down along the wall beside her. She let her head fall into her hands, and broke into uncontrollable sobs.
"Damnit..."
Coming to a realization that things could only get worse, Erin's emotions were overcomeby a determination. She stood up on her feet and raced down to the street. It only took her 10 minutes to reach her motel room, where she ran up the stairs. Frantically, she grabbed a leather bag and started throwing all of her slaying equipment and paraphernalia into it. When she was finished, she grabbed her black jacket and headed out the door.
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The entire gang was seated around the table, all having at least one arm in a sling. They sat in silence, looking at each other, coming to terms with what had just happened. Things would never be the same. They all had to deal in their own separate ways. Erin had died, and it was their fault.
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Erin walked quickly down the dark corridor towards the library. When she reached it, she kicked it open without hesitation. As she entered the room, startled and confused looks came across the faces of the group seated at the table. They looked in awe at her tear-streaked face.
She stood facing them for only a moment. All she could do to not break down right in front of them was think about how they all reminded her of it all.
Finally, her rage overcame her and she threw the open bag of stakes across the room, all of them spilling out when it landed. Immediately after, she threw the glass bottle of holy water against the opposite wall, smashing it to bits.
She screamed to the group, not able to hold back her tears and emotion.
"I want more! It's over!" she screamed following more calmly with "I'm finished."
As she was walking away, she took aletter out of her jacket, spun around, threw it on the floor, and ran out the door, leaving the group in shock. Giles was the first to respond, walking over to pick upp the letter.
"W-what is it Giles?" Willow said meekly.
"Well, it's addressed to me." Giles replied as he grabbed a letter opener from the library desk. Buffy stood up and grabbed a rag, beginning to clean up the water that had spilled out of the bottle as it smashed.
"Well, here goes," Giles said as he unfolded the letter, "It freads:
"Mr. Giles,
I have given my life to being a slayer and fighting for a better world. My world hasn't become any better. In fact, it's worse. I've lost everything. Keep Buffy strong, and make sure everything that's important to her stays close"
Buffy winced at the last remark, as her thoughts turned to Angel. Willow gave an understanding look to Buffy as she sat down to the table.
"It goes on.
All of my life, I've know who I am, but that doesn't mean that I ever accepted it. I won't do it anymore. I'm through with fighting for the good, when it seems that it does nothing to the evil. Why waste my time protecting something so precious, when everything precious to me has been taken away. I don't know the answer to that question, and I don't think I ever will. That is the reason why I'm quitting. Forever. Please inform the Council that I won't be returning. Good luck to you all, especially Buffy. Erin." Giles shuddered at the thought of what she must be going through. Xander noticed writing scrawled on the back of the letter. "Uh, Giles, there's something on the back."
Giles flipped the letter over and noticed the lines quickly scribbled on. "Oh, it says: Giles, there is something that all of you need to know. Angel know who I am, and I have told him something bery important. He won't tell you unless you show him this letter. I will contact him tonight, and tell him everything. You'll understand. Call him tomorrow, and ask him to come back. You all need to talk, and work out some issues. Once again, good luck."
"Giles, Angel knows her?" Buffy said.
"It would appear so."
"I'm phoning him right now! I need to know what she told him."
"Buffy, I'm quite sure that there is a reason for her asking us not to phone until tomorrow, and I think ti best that we respect her wishes." GIles said, before turning away and heading into his office, leaving the group in deep thought.
Erin caught the soonest bus possible, and got on it, with only one bag to her name which she carried beside her, guarding it with her life. Her mind was in such a trance, that she had not realized that she fell asleep, until the bus driver came to the back of the bus, and woke her up. She quickly came to, and walked to the front of the bus. As she stepped off, she looked around, noticing the familiar scenery. The lights, the darkness. Luckily, it wouldn't be too far a walk.
She arrived at the door about 40 minutes later.
Knock. Knock. Knock. Angel quickly ran to the door. He swung it open, to find Erin standing in the doorway, looking very cold and tired.
"Hi Angel."
"Hi?"
"Can I come in?"
"Do you really need to ask?" Angel replied as he held his arm on her as she stumbled through the doorway.
"I really need to talk to you. We don't have much time, so if you could please just listen to me, okay?"
"Good. Here goes. I will not be helping you any longer. I will tell you everything you need to know and leave the decisions up to you, and Buffy of course."
"What, are you leaving? Why?"
"I am not going to do this anymore. I can't deal with it. I don't want to deal with it. I've seen so many things in my life that I really didn't want to see, but now it's destroyed the most important things to me. There is nothing left for me in this anymore. I'm going to leave the good fight to the people who need to fight it. I didn't have any time to write anything dow, so if you give me some paper, I can do it as I'm telling you."
Angel walked over to a desk, and pulled out some paper froma drawer in the side. He handed it to her, although he didn't understand what was wrong.
"What happened?" he asked, letting his curiosity get the better of him.
"NEver mind. You already have a lot that you will have to deal with. I'm leaving here forever, so I couldn't tie up the loose ends. Buffy and her friends will be phoning here tomorrow, probably as early as possible. I'm sure of it. They will need to know answers, as I'm sure you do, so let's get this over with tonight. I will leaving on the first bus as early as possible tomorrow."
"Where will you stay tonight? I mean, you seem pretty shake up."
"Once we're done her, I'll find a motel or something."
"You can stay here. I won't take no for an answer. Understood? Good. Now, what do we need to talk about?"
"I'm going to tell you everything I went through with the council ,with slaying, and with my love. I will tell you what I can about how you can accomplish what you want with Buffy. It's been awhile, but hopefully if I mess anything, it shouldn't be too hard to figure out. This may be complicated, so I'll write the main points. Okay. Like I said before, you were misplaced in time. You and Buffy were destined to be together, and the watcher's council knew this. There is a ritual which will turn you into a human, and you will advance at the same rate as the slayer. You will maintain your strength and for the world's sake and hers, I hope that you will ocntinue to help Buffy. Remember though, you will no longer be immortal. For the first four weeks after the ritual, if it is successful, you will be very susceptible to all human disease. Even a cold will kill you. You need to protect yourself before doing th ritual, otherwise, you won't know what happened until you die. If the ritual is not successful, you will dies, and live eternally ina demon dimension. A few things that you need to know about the ritual. Everything that you know now, remember now, have experiences with now will reamin with you. The only thing that will change is the need for actual food instead of blood, you can walk during the day, you will need to breathe, and you will no longer be immortal. How are we doing so far?" Erin asked after she realized how quickly she had been rambling on.
"We're fine." Angel said, eager to get on to the major details.
:Now, for the ritual itself. This is what you will need. This is how it needs to be done, and this is who needs to be around you when you do it,: Erin said as pointing to various points she had outlined on the sheet of paper. They continued talking for hours, until Erin had told Angel everything that she knew, and everything that could help him; them.
"Angel, can you answer me one question, please?"
"Anything."
"How much do you love her?"
Angel thought about an answer for a half a miute and then stared at Erin as he decided what he would say.
"I don't know how to put a size on it. I love her so much that it hurts to not think about her, and when I do think about how I'm not with her, it hurts so badly that I want to sit down and cry." Angel replied to Erin's question. There was an understood silence between them, and Angel could see Erin's eyes becoming watery with tears.
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"For helping me realize that there are some things worth living for, and that what I'm doing is right, and it doesn't matter what I've lost, or will lose, but that I just may have saved the world."
"How so?"
"By saving you." There was a long dead silence between Erin and Angel as they thought about what was just said.
"Angel, take care of her,. Without you, she can't survive, just like you can't survive without her. Don't be rash and don't be foolish. Tell her the truth. That's the most important thing. Tell that to her first. You two belong together, and now you can be. Don't take it for granted, because you never know when things might change. All that I ask is that you take care of her. The world needs her, you need her, and as much as she is strong, she is the most delicate creature alive. Don't break her heart. Tellher the truth, and let her know what I have told you. Please."
"Of course I will. I don't think anything will be able to stop me."
Erin stood up and grabbed her bag. She stretched a little, and then headed towards the door. As she was about to turn the handle she heard Angel call her name.
"Erin?"
She turned around to face him standing up. He walked over towards her.
"Thank you, for everything. I promise I'll take care of her." angel reassured Erin as he hugged her.
"Thank you Angel. I won't see you again, so good luck, and more importantly, be happy. Forever."
"Where are you going from here?"
Erin looked at Angel, stared at him and finally decided on what she would say. "I'm going somewhere where I don't have to fight demons, help save the world or put those I love in danger. I will always know what I do, and have the powers that a slayer possesses, only I no longer choose to use them. I'm going to pretend that my existence is almost as worthless as almost everytbody else, in the greater scheme of things. I'll know that I saved the world when I see you and Buffy. I don't need to see you, but I can feel it. Things are going to be better, and now I'm going to go anywhere. I don't know where, or if I'll even survive, or if I even want to. Always remember. Please. I will." She kissed Angel on the cheek and mouthed the word 'bye'.
Erin opened the door, and walked out, leaving it open behind her. Angel watched her as she walked away, quietly into the fast approaching morning.
Next part coming Soon!!!
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