Whole Existence: Part One
by Princess
I don't own any of the characters mentioned in this fic, except Erin. The belong to Joss. I don't hurt them (or make any money), so don't sue. Lots of FEEDBACK!! This is my first Real Fanfic. ENJOY!!
Author's Note: This first part is titled The Girl. It takes place when Angel is already settled in LA.
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Part One
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The vampire flew across the open terrain. Angel looked up in disbelief. He peeked around the corner to see a girl kicking a vampire, and then staking it. She did it with such precision that he backed off quickly. Alarmed, the girl looked up and held the stake in his direction.
"Who the hell are you," she asked angrily, "and what the hell are you doing out so late at night?"
"I should be asking you the same question."
"You first."
"I'm angel."
"Oh. Uh, nice to meet you Angel. I'm Erin. Second question. What are you doing out so late at night?"
"It would appear the same thing that you're doing, only I'm not as properly equipped."
"Oh, well maybe you should be, if you insist on risking your life." Erin quipped as she handed him a stake.
Angel noticed a ring glimmering on her finger.
"What's that?" he said in disbelief.
"This would be a ring. As a matter of fact, a Claddagh ring."
"What?" he said quizzically.
"Well, the hands represent friendship, the heart love, and the crown loyalty. If you wear it facing towards you it means you belong to somebody. If you don't it means you've either lost your love, or your love has left - or never shown up for that matter."
"How do you know about the Claddagh ring?"
"Well, I should hope that I would know. I've worn it facing away from me all my life, hoping that somebody would come along and turn it around. I'm sure glad that you noticed. But, lucky for me, you're wearing one too," Erin said as her eyes turned toward the ring on Angel's finger, " and it's facing towards you. Great."
"Yes." Angel whispered softly, sadly.
"I can sense your loss. I can see it in your eyes. Something's not right. You are separated and distant from each other."
"Something like that, in more ways than one."
"You still love her deeply, don't you? She is the only one who can fill that space in your heart that hurts you so much each day that you think you can't breathe. But I guess that wouldn't affect you much, now would it, seeing as how you're a vampire."
"But how did you know."
"That's part of my job. I can sense these things. Just like I know that you were once Angelus, and you are deeply in love with a slayer named Buffy, a relationship that you never thought could work. Either of you."
"How did you know about Buffy? I never told you. And how did you know that she is a slayer? And if you know that I'm a vampire, then how come you didn't kill me? I mean, you sure have the right tools." Angel said as he eyed her stake still held poignantly in her hand.
"Oh. Sorry about that," she said as she lowered the stake. "It would make me nervous, too, if I were in your position. You still have a lot to learn. Yeah, so you got me, I'm a slayer. But what you don't know is that I'm also a member of the watcher's council. It's wicked being able to slay again! They don't exactly put me on active duty now..."
"Now what?"
"Now that I'm a mom."
"A slayer? A mom? A member of the Watcher's Council?"
"I'm not stupid Angel. I was sent... I came for a reason. The slayer cannot perform if she hasn't found the one true love in her life. Lucky for Buffy, you were there from her start. She needs you now more than ever."
"We can never be together."
"Like I said, you have a lot to learn."
"Pardon?"
"Me, mom, slayer. Not supposed to happen, only it did. Here's the catch, several Slayers of course are destined to be with their sworn enemy - vampires. They truly love them, and this is the Watchers Council's way of bringing together two people who are destined to be together, only one of them was misplaced in time."
"Misplaced in time?"
"Yeah. Wrong century, decade, whatever. In your case, you are 225 years too early. So, you became a vampire. Everything, well not EVERYTHING that has happened has a reason for it. Your reason - to be with the slayer, forever."
"How do you know all of this?"
"Well, for starters, I'm a member of that wonderfully talented at pissing Buffy off council, whom she quit working for, and secondly, I'm kinda', was kinda' in the same situation, only better. Let me tell you at your place. It's kind of a long story. Shall we?" Erin said as she was holding out her arm for Angel to grab. He smiled and grabbed it and they headed towards his place.
Angel and Erin walked towards his mansion together. It was still very dark outside and there were still undoubtedly more vampires around, but they were more interested in what the other had to say.
Together, they walked around towards the back of the house, and Angle lead Erin to a door that was hardly visible. They stepped inside and Angel shut the door behind her.
"Nice place. You're one high-class vampire. Not many have the decency to live well, dress well, act well - in the maturest sense I mean."
"Yeah, well, I'm a little different compared to most vampires. I guess it's saved my life a couple of times."
"You're right. She could have killed you anytime she wanted to . She is stronger than any slayer you've ever seen, or any slayer that will ever be. Only, her life will miss something. Not because she chose to, or we chose to, or anyone else."
"Then why?"
"Because you chose to. Look, I'm not saying that it's your fault, it's not. You are both scared. I mean, one would figure that a vampire and a slayer could never be together. But, it was your decision to leave, much too quickly. You left her in the dark, and you broke her heart."
"It wasn't a choice that I wanted to make! Believe me, I would never want to leave her. I love her so much, and I wish that we could be together and that it would be alright, but it can't and it will never."
"Angel, you're not grasping on to anything that I'm trying to tell you. Listen to me."
"I am listening to you, and you're not telling me anything except that I broke her heart! and I'm sorry if you think you're helping me, but you're not!"
"Angel, like I said, you have a lot to learn. You want to know, you have to be patient and trust me. Do you?"
"Do I what?"
"Do you trust me?"
"You're a slayer. Can I trust you?"
"I'm not here to hurt you, if that's what you mean. Yes, Angel, you can trust me, but you must listen to what I tell you, no matter how far fetched it may seem. Alright?"
"Alright." Angel and Erin slowly walked over to the sofas angled on a 90 degree angle towards each other. Erin claimed one sofa by stretching her legs across it. Angel looked at her hesitantly before moving to the other couch.
"Angel, you of all people should know that Buffy is a very fragile person. You know how to hurt her - emotionally. You can never hurt her physically. She is the strongest slayer. She is driven by something that most people will never experience throughout their entire life, and she is only 18. To her, age means nothing. This 'force behind her needs to be strong, for her."
"Well, what is it?"
"Have you learned nothing? Buffy knows pure love. You can't make love to her, but she doesn't care. She is a slayer. Children is something that she can never have. She will never have a normal life, and will most often be miserable because of that."
"I know she can't have a normal life. Why should I make that any more difficult on her? I don't want to cause her any more pain."
"What do you think you are doing now? Do you think that leaving her has helped her? Well, if you do then you're a fool. She is weak, as are you, but not weak like other people. You need to be there for her, and that is the only way she will survive. Without love, without your love, she is nothing. She can't go on."
"What am I supposed to do about that? I can't just go back and say 'Sorry, honey'. She would never accept that. You don't understand her, I do."
"Angel. That is where you are wrong. If you knew her, you would know that the instant she saw you, she would fling her arms around you and never let go You know that, even though you can't bring yourself to admitting that."
"So how will I help her by returning? I don't see how I could possible do anything. Buffy knows that I love her, but she also understands that it's better this way."
"Is it really? Do you think so? Because she sure doesn't."
"Hang on a second. You said you're a member of the Watcher's council, right? Buffy quit working for the Watcher's Council. How do you know all of this?"
"You said you trust me, so I'll trust you. Just because she is not working for us, does not mean that we don't keep an eye on her. She is the Chosen One. There is only one. We can't let someone like her slip away, but that's exactly what's happening. She's slipping. Mr. Giles was the best Watcher ever. He was paired with the strongest, most strong-headed slayer. There was a reason behind everything that we did. Rupert's and Buffy's tendencies would surely clash with those of the council's and that was known from the start. We knew what was inevitable and we worked with that in order to save the world. You honestly think that we didn't know about you and Buffy? Angel, we do things for a reason."
"So why are you here?"
"To deliver a message."
"Yeah, I got that part. So, what's this message from the council, and why are you giving it to me?"
"It's not from the council, Angel. Just because I'm a member of the council does not mean that everything I do is on their behalf. I'm a mother, a slayer, and a member. Those things clash. I take action when I'm a slayer, I have to sit back and watch while sitting on the council, and I have to do all of this know that if I don't, my daughter could die. I am trying to save the world. So, no, the message I bring to you is entirely personal. Do you want to hear it, because if you don't..."
"No, I want to hear it."
"Alright then. I was a slayer who was very much hateful towards the council, towards my life, towards the fact that I didn't have a choice where everyone else did. I was like Buffy, only I am her stepping stone. I too fell deeply in love with a vampire. Together, we found a way to give him life a gain. The only thing was, he would be very susceptible to human illness for the first weeks of his human life. We worked it out, and we had a child together. While I was in my first month of pregnancy, he became very ill. Eventually, he died. However, there was a reason for it. I became very rebellious and vulnerable, two traits not overly helpful in my profession. In order to protect me and my daughter, the Watcher's Council killed me, so another slayer would be activated. I was resuscitated and became a member of the council. do you see where I'm going?"
"No, not really."
"I opened the minds of the council, even though they knew it was going to happen. They realize now that they can't lose her. She can't lose you. Angel, she's not going to make it without you."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"Because it's up to you. Buffy knows things that you don't, much like you know many things that she doesn't. In good time, I will reveal who I truly am to her, but it is only to allow you to make your decision. You know what must be done, but if you can't do it, then may God be with the world, because Buffy won't be."
Angel stared at Erin as he tried to soak in what he had just heard. Erin noticed his eyes were glazed and that he need not know anymore- yet. Little did he know that he was to become something so much greater than he could ever imagine, but it had to e his choice. 'I can't say anymore. May you make the right decision Angel. For all of us.' Erin stood up to leave, when Angel spoke.
"How am I supposed to know what to do? How can I live with the wrong choice? I love her so much, but I can't hurt her again! Tell me what I'm supposed to do. You know."
"Angel," Erin walked towards where he was sitting on the couch, "think with your heart and your mind. When you have so many things inside that it hurts to think, then you'll know." Erin paused while she watched the expression on Angel's face. "I trust you."
She picked up her coat and walked outside. The sunrise was approaching. 'I guess there'll be no more slaying now, will there. Damnit.'
"Erin, will I ever see you again?"
"Angel, I'll be around. I'll find you soon. You will need my help. Tomorrow. Goodbye."
Erin walked out the door into the dimly lit backyard. Angel walked up to it quickly and shut it before any light could get in. All day he sat up in bed thinking about what Erin had said to him. Was she right? Should he go back to Buffy? He missed her so much, he loved her so much. His thoughts raced around in his head so quickly that it hurt. If Buffy couldn't survive without him, and he'd been gone for so long, maybe it was too late. What if something happened to her? What if somehing does happen to her? It will be all his fault. He couldn't see anything happen to her. He knew what he had to do. With his final though settled in his mind, Angel fell asleep, waiting for the sun to set and for Erin to return.
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