After the Lies: One
by Lauren M Chandler


“No, I think you've taught me everything I need to know,” Buffy said as she shut the door.

She couldn’t even look at Giles’ face anymore. He sought to get rid of the one person that she relied on. The one person who wasn’t questioning her every move or decision. The hatred she felt right now was overwhelming. Giles had done things behind her back before, but this, this was the worst and probably the most conniving. How dare he? How dare he conspire with Robin, of all people. Robin, son of a slayer that Spike killed.

So, yea. That sucks for him. But one thing Robin needs to understand is that yes, his mother was a slayer and Spike is a vampire. But he was a soulless vampire then. And whatever justification Robin thinks he has, he’d be just as guilty as soulless Spike if his twisted plan succeeded tonight. Just as guilty by killing a champion of good. A man who fought to be who he is right now.

A good man.

And so help her, if they try another scheme like this again, Buffy will not hesitate to let Spike fulfill his promise. He swore if Robin ever came near him again, he’d kill him. And Buffy made it clear to Robin tonight that she’d let him. She wouldn’t even blink an eye.

Buffy came home after that fiasco, only to find the basement empty. She was sure Spike had gone off, maybe to bar to drink himself into a stupor. And who can blame him. She wasn’t sure exactly what happened in there between Spike and Robin, but she knew it wasn’t pretty. Buffy knew Spike was hurt. Emotionally. She saw it in his eyes when she found them at Robin’s so-called sanctuary. Spike looked full of rage, but behind the fire in his eyes, she saw pain.

He was good at acting like the brave one. The warrior. But she could tell what lied behind his blue eyes. She knew him well. She knew every expression on his face, and what it meant. Tonight, she’d give anything to comfort him. That longing left Buffy with a strange feeling. Comfort him? All she wanted to do nowadays was be there for him. When his chip was all wonky, she watched him in agony. She wanted to help him, save him, love him...wait..not love. Love?

Whatever the reasoning or meaning behind it, she needed him here, in her house, safe. Buffy didn’t want to dissect the reason why. She didn’t want to analyze her feelings right now. She just wanted him here. Then she heard the front door slam. She was tempted to open her door and run to the top of the stairs to see if it was Spike, but at that thought, she heard footsteps coming up. Then as the steps stopped outside a door, a knock startled her. Buffy knew who it was. It was Spike.

As soon as the knock was heard, Buffy was already on her feet. She opened her door and saw a distraught Spike staring back at her. There seemed to be a few seconds of silent glares until Spike cracked a smile.

“You alone in here?”

Buffy looked behind her then smiled back at Spike, realizing the young potentials were all downstairs. “Looks like.”

“Can I come in?” Spike cocked his head, staring into Buffy’s eyes. Buffy gasped a bit, seeing how hurt he looked. Had she ever seen this much pain in his eyes before?

“Of course, Spike.” Buffy smiled, moving aside to let him in. He walked to the center of the room, keeping his gaze on her window. Buffy shut the door and approached Spike.

“Are you okay?” Buffy asked him.

Spike sighed, glanced at Buffy, then sighed again when he sat on her bed. He brought his hands to his face and slumped over.

“Spike?”

Buffy knelt down in front of him, noticing now that he was crying. Buffy’s heart broke. She wanted to kill Robin herself for making Spike this way. She wanted to kick Giles’ ass over and over until he begged her to stop. Instead, Buffy just extended her hands and held onto his wrists.

“What happened tonight?” she asked him.

Spike lifted his head. Tears spilled from his eyes, making Buffy’s heart break again. She brushed her fingers against his cheek, wiping away the water that ran down to his chin. Spike opened his mouth to speak, but stopped, obviously being taken aback by Buffy’s intimate gesture. She just looked deeply into his eyes, trying to show him that it was okay. He was safe in her room. She’d take care of him. And Buffy could tell by the look on his face, that he got it. He felt it. She smiled when his hand rested on top of hers.

“Robin brought back too many painful memories, luv.”

Buffy rose and sat next to him, still keeping her hand on his thigh. He squeezed that hand and turned his head to look at her. “Song doesn’t work anymore, though. That’s a plus.”

“Really? How?”

“Figured out why it drove me so bloody mad. Over it now. ‘cept, I’m not sure why I feel so miserable.”

Buffy inched closer to him. Spike watched her, amazed. She turned her body towards him and rested her other hand on his arm.

“Tell me what happened,” Buffy asked him, now moving closer to him. Spike smirked, surprising Buffy.


“Relived the time I turned my mum. Had to kill her. She was a monster.”

“Huh?”

“When I was turned, I decided I wanted to save my mum from her illness....by turning her. When I did, she became this horrible creature. She was so mean to me.”

“Spike, what did you expect?”

Spike’s face turned angry and he stood up. He walked to the window, peering out at nothing. “Don’t know. I...some things stayed within me after I was turned. I thought the same would go for her. But...it didn’t.”

Buffy understood what he meant. Spike kept a lot of his humanity after he was turned. It was not a normal thing, seeing as once you became a vampire, there was nothing left but a demon in a shell. But Spike was different. He fell in love, and fought to be a better man. He fought for his soul, and Buffy knew that no other demon had ever done that. When Angel was soulless, he was disgusting, vile. But, Spike...he could actually be civil. Hell, she slept with him before he had his soul back.

“I’m sorry, Spike. I really am.”

Spike turned to Buffy. He smiled and joined her back on the bed. “Robin gave me a run for my money. Tried to kill me, ya know.”

Buffy grabbed his hands and squeezed them hard. “I’d never let them.”

“Them?”

“Oh, uh..Giles was kinda involved with the whole ‘get rid of Spike’ plan.”


“That wanker!” Spike was about to rise again, but Buffy pulled him down. There eyes met, and for the first time in a long while, Buffy felt heat run through her body at his gaze.

“Spike, I’d never let them. Ever. I need...”

“Buffy?”

Spike cocked his head to the side and smiled at his beautiful slayer. Those words were so significant. She needed him. Just like when she told him how she wasn’t ready for him to go, when he suggested he leave town. All he ever wanted was to be wanted by her. To be needed by her. And Buffy knew that. She knew how much it meant to him. But, more importantly, she knew how much he meant to her.


“I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to you.”

Buffy saw the shock in his eyes. She didn’t care. He needed to know. Their hands stayed locked as well as their eyes. Spike was smiling, as tears filled his eyes again.

“I don’t deserve...”

“Spike, after all you’ve done...all you’ve fought for. You deserve a lot of good things.”

“I’ll never deserve you.”

Buffy shook her head and leaned into him. She rested her forehead to his and smiled, causing him to smile back. Buffy turned her head bringing her lips inches from his. Spike’s eyes were bulging as well as hers. She was shocking herself, clearly not expecting to want to kiss him. But whatever it was that she was feeling, kissing him seemed so right. Her lips met his and she kissed him gently. Spike’s eyes were still open wide, then they slowly closed as their kiss got heavier. The both of them were lost in some sort of daze when Spike broke their connection.

“Buffy, I can’t. You know how I feel. I can’t go back there.”

Buffy shook off the desire she was feeling and looked at Spike strangely. “What? Back where?”

“Why did you kiss me?”

Buffy had no clue why. Did he always need a reason for everything? “I...just went with it.”

Spike stared at her hard. Buffy began to feel a bit ashamed. Maybe Spike didn’t feel the same way. Maybe he wasn’t still in love with her and she just made a complete fool of herself.

“Oh, God. I’m sorry. I thought...” Buffy stood, shaking her head. Spike rose and approached her.

“Thought what?” he asked her.

“I didn’t mean to be that forward. I thought you’d like it..I mean, I figured you still...”

“Loved you?”

The heat filled her again. Just hearing him say that now made her feel dizzy. She wasn’t sure why, but she was hoping he did still love her.

“Y..yea.”

Spike stood inches from her. Their eyes met again, and Buffy was damned sure Spike could here the rapid beat of her heart.

“I do. Always. I will always love you.”

Buffy felt like crying. He was so sincere, and so angelic right now. The way he was looking at her, Buffy could see that love he felt. She could see the purity of it, the unconditional feeling of true love. And it made her want to cry.

Spike continued. “That’s why kissing you is so intense for me. Once it starts, I...”

“Look, I don’t know what’s going to happen between you and I, but I do know that you mean a lot to me.”

“After all I’ve done to you, how could you possibly feel anything for me?”

“That’s the past. This is now. I’ve got your back, Spike. Just like you’ve always had mine.”

They each smiled at one another. The house seem to disappear and it was just them, alone, sharing this long overdue moment. Buffy knew that something connected between her and Spike tonight. Something that she never allowed herself to connect to before. They were a team. Her and Spike. She knew he’d die for her, and she’d do the same. And if everyone disappeared, she knew he’d still be there. Backing her decisions. Agreeing with her motives. Loving her like she always wanted to be loved. And who knows, maybe she was falling in love with him. Could be why she feels so closely connected to him. Could be why she’d feel so utterly alone if he were gone. Could be why she stood here in her room staring deeply into his beautiful eyes, wondering if she should kiss him again.

And without another thought, he planted a kiss on her lips. Buffy closed her eyes and let herself melt into his arms as if she was put on this earth to be this close to him. And as his hands caressed her back Buffy knew this is how it should be. Nothing will keep Spike from her. Not Robin. Not Giles. Not The First. She'll always find him. He’ll always find her.

No matter what.



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