Walking with darkness: Venturing out
by Innocent Delirium
A new day. All bright and shiny. And new chance, a blank slate… or so they say. I'm able to think a little more clearly which is a good thing, I guess. I still haven't left my house. It's been four days, thus I have decided that I need to venture out. I don't know where to exactly but I need to go out.

Apply make-up. Eye liner. Mascara. Lip gloss… I am still a girl… I'm proud of myself I took a shower thus my hair is no longer greasy. Now it's calm, falling, blank, covering my face. That's how I like it. Get dressed. Black tank top. Black jeans. Black boots. Seeing a trend? Black and red jacket. Hey! Look a new color. Studded belt. Silver rings. Silver chains... i used to wear a cross on my chain but now that's out of the question. Onyx necklace. Keys. No need to double check how I look… it would be a waste of time. Walk out of my apartment.

Elevator? No I'd rather take the stairs. Claustrophobic? Nope, there's just something perversely satisfying about the click of my heels against the steel steps.

Click. Click. Click. Calm cool collective that’s me… Or rather just cool. I'm cold. I put on my jacket. Still cold. I'm always cold. I guess it's just something I have to get used to. Calm? Not so much. My body is buzzing like a bee. I feel it. Hear it. Sense it. It's coming. Don't go there Dana, you were doing so well. Reset.
Deep-
No.
-Little breaths. I know I don't need it but it makes me feel better. Ok now I'm good to go. What about collective? Barely. Still erratic. Still unfocused. But I'm trying. I think I should at least get a couple of brownie points for effort. I come to the steel doors. They should be heavy but I really can't tell anymore. Maybe I'm getting stronger. New keen sense. The sense of touch. Strength, Does that count? I should ask him if that's normal. New note in my memo box.

Ok this is good. I'm out on the street, not in the typical sense but I'm walking about. Lots of people, but I'm no a different level then them. They're coherent. Dealing. Common. New thoughts. If I continue to walk against traffic I'm bound to get run in to. I can only imagine the pain, so I turn around go with the flow. Walk with the masses. Something's going on. Something other than what's going on with me. The scant. Shop windows look different. Lots of cobwebs. Shop keep is getting lazy, he needs to do some serious dusting. Focus Dana. What's going on?
Cold wind blows my hair back and I look up at the sky. Grey. Gloomy. I think maybe it's going to rain. Small glimmer of hope? Nope no such luck. The breeze is too cold. Then what? Focus.

Still walking, I look up at a Shopkeeper and he smiles at me. Old habits die hard, I give him a friendly smile. I have half a mind to stop and ask him what's going on but, no, my feet keep moving. "I'll find out for myself."
More cobwebs and huge orange spiders… Orange. Wait that's not right. It's coming together… slowly.

A sign. No, not a sign from the powers that be, an actual cardboard sign. I stop. "Candy 20% discount with card. Don't forget to stock up. Halloween is Oct. 31." Oh. Halloween. Ok that makes sense. Some one bumps in to me.

"Move it!"

Reality hits. Literally. I look up at the man who bumped into me. A tall business man on a cell phone. I should say something. Fuck you buddy. That's it. I look up and he's gone. Where did he go? Lost in the crowd, I guess. My reaction time is slowed. Next time I'll get him. I continue walking and see more and more signs.
Of course Halloween. Dia de los Muertos. How could I have forgotten?
Blink. How long have I been in self-based solitary confinement? Not long. Not with him continually popping in. But still…

Pause. What day is it? I should find out. A calendar would be helpful. Yet another memo. I think that one should be moved up. A calendar might help track this thing. My thing not Halloween. Halloween can be spotted months in advance with the help of a calendar. Stop girl, you're thinking in circles.

Alright, I need to get back on track. I was doing so well too, oh well, let's try again. Still walking aimlessly; I don't know where I'm going, I guess I'll find out when I get there. Another cold breeze. Leaves rattle. I pull jacket tighter around me. I'm not really cold from the breeze but it’s a tendency maybe I should have brought a heavier jacket… I may have thrown it out. I need new clothes. Shopping. Eck. Not today. Maybe tomorrow or the day after. Sometime soon. It has to be soon. It's getting colder.

"Excuse me?" Sudden brakes. Was that for me? I look around.

Nothing…
NO! Not aging. Please not again.

"Excuse me, miss?" I heard it. I did, I'm not imagining it. I stop walking and turn around. Where? The voice it wasn't a figment of my imagination. I heard it!
"Down here."

"Huh?" I look down. Blond pig tails. Big blue eyes. A little girl with a cute smile in a baby blue sun dress. Aren't you cold? Seems out of place.

"D-do you have the time?"

That I do have. "Ah yeah" Lifting up my sleeves I glance at my worn black watch. Squiggles. Blink. Forming shapes. Closes eyes. Growling. Come on Dana, focus. Shapes forming figures.

"Ma'am don't you know? … Can't you tell? … What time is it?"

Hard swallow. Racing. Open eyes. Focus. Figures forming numbers. What do they say? WHAT DO THEY SAY? Five… ten. No fifteen. Five fifteen. It's five fifteen!
"IT'S FIVE FIFTEEN!"

Crashing halt. Stares all around me. Eyes watching. Blink. Back to the little girl. She looks scared' on the verge of tears. Distant echoes. "Are you ok?'" "Do you know this woman?" "Is she your mom?" "Where is your mom?" Closer, still distant. "Why would you snap at her?" "She just wanted the time" "Go get a life you freak"
Spinning. Quite. Chaos. Panic. Run. RUN!


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