Difficult Directions: Visions
by Kaoz
After everything was talked through and thought about then debated over the final decision of what to do with me was undecided, by Angel. The others knew exactly what they wanted to do with me.

I was a traitor for having sided with Wes and a danger because I knocked Cordelia out. I was out of control because of my spell and they just didn’t want to deal with me. Angel on the other hand wanted to use me. At first I had been offended by the idea then realized he was being smart. It sort of made sense once I thought about it. What leader, good leader, would let a resource like me go away? I was his strongest soldier and he needed all of us.

“I’m not his pawn.” I mumbled thinking of my family. My dad had finally met the others, well two of them. I still wondered what his reaction would have been at seeing Lorne. I shook my head. That would not have been a good idea.

“Heart attack for sure.”

Traffic wasn’t heavy at this hour and it made my drive easier not to mention shorter. I found a parking spot not far from the front door and got out. It was one of those sunny California days with the smog and pollution.

‘Yep, I’m in such a good mood I can’t stand myself.’
I thought walking up the steps and into the building. This was becoming a habit with me, coming to Wesley’s apartment. I usually came to check up on him and stayed to make lunch or dinner. He didn’t really need me to check up on him but I was comfortable around him and so was Efren. Not to mention he got more homework done with Wes than he ever did with me. Why is it boys listen more to the men than the Mom? I hate that.

“Wes,” I hung my keys on the hooks by the door with my sweater and sunglasses.
“Hope you’re hungry because I’m about to start cooking.” I made my way to the kitchen and began to pull out pots. I set the cutting board on the counter and got the vegetables from the refrigerator.

“Hey,” I glanced over my shoulder to the living room but he still hadn’t come out.
“Wesley.” I left the things on the counter and went towards the bedroom wiping my hands on the towel. I could hear the shower running as I got closer.
“Uum, Wes?” I knocked lightly hesitating before I pushed the door open. I was getting more uncomfortable as I stepped in. There was a blinding flash and for a moment I couldn’t see but I did, sort of.
I smelled them, could hear their voices, the rustle of the sheets and as I blinked against the flash of light I saw them.

“Aah!” I gasped turning my face away like some kid, unfortunately, walking in on their parents.
“Eew!” I stumbled out of the room pulling the door closed behind me. I couldn’t believe what I had seen!

‘How could he?’ I thought knowing exactly how he could having seen him being able to just now. It’s not like we were- well we weren’t but- Shit! I turned to glare at the door.
‘You fucker!’
I smacked it with my open palm and heard his yell. There was the sound of something falling but I didn’t care. All I wanted was to get out.

Behind, I heard the door open and just as I was reaching for the knob the other door opened. I could hear every sound clearly and the sound of his voice was loud in my head. I cringed pulling the front door open and stopped short.

She smiled lowering her arm.
“Hello.” She glanced over my shoulder at Wes and I grabbed the side of my head with a gasp.

‘Why does it hurt so much?’ I wondered,
I could see Wes was in a towel and not happy seeing us. He was sort of glaring-.

“Hiya, lover.” She moved past and the blinding pain intensified for a moment. I turned to Wesley with a fierce glare.

“A lawyer?” my voice shook with anger.

“Is it obvious?” Lilah asked me. I didn’t answer her. I could see exactly what and who she was and I didn’t like her at all.

“Lilah.” Wesley warned before turning to me once more. He took a couple of steps towards us and I turned to the door.

“Aw, I thought we were going to have some fun. Why don’t you stay-?”

Lilah placed her hand on my shoulder.

“No!” Wesley reached out his hand as if to stop her but he was too far away.

I turned grabbing on to her wrist and twisting her arm up behind her. She screamed in pain as I pushed her to her knees and pulled her arm up between her shoulder blades. I grabbed a fistful of perfectly coifed hair and pulled her head back cutting off her scream. I could see her crying and smiled inwardly.

“Bitch, I will gut you and hang them in your fucking office while you watch if you so much as lay a hand on me again.”
I shoved her forward letting go. Lilah landed on her face just a little outside of the apartment. I pushed her aside with my foot on my way out not bothering to look back.

“Phade,” Wesley kept his hands to himself as I glanced at him. He looked sort of sad and maybe embarrassed but really, what was he thinking?

“Not just any lawyer, it had to be one from the wolf ram and heart.” I waited a breath hoping for some sort of remorse or a sign that this was just another vision I was having.

His jaw clenched and he put his hand on the door frame.

“I've been playing advocate for you to the others and taking shit so you can fuck this.” I pointed at Lilah who was sitting by the door cleaning her bloody nose and trying to right her hair.

“Hope you enjoy what you’re getting more than what you had.”

Wesley said nothing just quietly closed the door leaving me in the sunless hall way. I felt cold and some how- I don’t know, there was this sense of something bad coming. Something big and it was definitely going to hurt.

“Time to prepare for the pain.” I said to myself leaving the hallway and this part of my life behind. There were things I needed to do.





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