Gone Means Forever: Part One
by AllUNeedIsLove
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Joss Whedon, Twentieth Century Fox, etc.
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Part One
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Xander watched the moving trucks in front of the Rosenberg home with a controlled neutrality. It was strange to see another family moving into that familiar house, but then again the house had been different for months. It wasn't the Rosenberg family he missed; sure, he knew his friend's parents fairly well, and they were nice people, but the one who made his stomach clench in anguish every time he thought of her was Willow.
And Willow had been gone for months now, so it didn't really matter who lived there. Well, not really... Xander thought back to all the days the two had spent playing on the front lawn or on the swingset in the backyard, thought of the kitchen with its counter and the stools which his small legs used to dangle from and all those peanut butter sandwiches split in half to share. Thought of Willow's room, in later days, where they would sit and study, or just talk. He could almost see ghosts of the two youngsters roaming the house and its surroundings, or maybe that was just the mist in his eyes...
"Hard, isn't it?" asked Buffy quietly, as she put her hand gently on his shoulder. He pulled his hand across his face, wiping back the tears to hide them from himself more than from her. She'd seen him cry more than enough over the last months, but he'd promised himself he wouldn't today. Some promises were too hard to keep, though.
She stood silently at his side as they both looked back to the house, and internally he was once again grateful to his friend for being there with him. He didn't know how he would have made it where he was without Buffy. She was the only one he could really talk to, though they made a point of not dwelling on their pain any more than necessary. Giles was a comfort, and the teenagers both knew he felt their sorrow intensely, and Cordelia had tried to stand by the two of them in her caring and apologetic way, but Buffy was the only one who understood.
She didn't understand everything, of course, could never feel what Xander and Willow had together, but she grieved for Willow as a dear friend, and then there was her other loss. Angel.
Xander hadn't really known Angel, and his pain was solely for Willow, but from what he saw Buffy going through, he was able to understand a great deal more about the vampire with a soul, and the bond between the two, than he had when Angel had been with them. Yes, he and Buffy had been through a lot in the last few months, but they were going to be okay. Somehow.
After the moving trucks had driven away, and the small family was safely and securely inside, a small red-headed boy appeared on the lawn, walking timidly up the stairs and ringing the doorbell. Twitching a bit, he spoke for a moment, though neither Xander nor Buffy could hear the words, and finally a small figure came out onto the porch. It was a young girl, about six years old, blonde and blue-eyed, who looked about the boy's age. He talked shyly for a moment, then pulled a small object out of his pocket and showed it to the girl, who looked fascinated. Then he pointed to the swingset in the girl's backyard, and the two young children ran gleefully behind the house.
Buffy put her arm around Xander, and together they walked down the street and away from the house, as the last of Xander's promises to himself were forgotten.
Giles looked up from his books. The creaking of the door and heavy footsteps were all that gave away the entrance of his charges now. He missed the teasing, the boisterous voices, the playful laughter of olden times. He walked out of the stacks and looked over the balcony, to see, as usual, Xander Harris and Buffy Summers. It hurt him each time to think so, but even after this long he almost expected to see the figure of Willow Rosenberg beside them.
"Hey, Giles," said Buffy, a little half-hearted teasing in her voice. "What're the predictions of the day? Which vamps are we fighting? What monsters of the deep threaten?"
"Nothing of particular interest," he said after a pause. "More vague prophecies, more unsupported possibilities."
"In other words, we don't have to worry about the ones we know about tonight. It's the ones we don't expect who're coming." Xander spoke grimly. Ever since the events of the summer, Xander had thrown himself into slaying with a vengeance. Insisting on attending all of Buffy's training, the boy lacked the natural skill of a Slayer, but he had fine-tuned his strength and his reflexes, driven by a pain and an anger more powerful than any vampire. He was actually a help to the Slayer at times, Giles had to admit, though he never would have expected it from the cheerful joker of old.
Buffy let him accompany him for a totally different reason, however. Ever since...ever *since*, she had become incredibly protective of Xander. Whereas before, she urged him not to follow her whenever she could, now she accepted his company. In fact, she was unlikely to let him leave her sight and tense and worried when he did. She seemed willing to expose him to demons and vampires, as long as they were the ones she was there to fight. She needed some kind of control over his destiny, Giles realized, and she didn't want him to face anything without her there to fight it.
Giles sighed sadly at these two young teenagers, whose behavior and actions were already alarmingly adult. They'd been through so much, and had to grow up so fast. He wished he could have protected them.
His thoughts drifted to Willow. Compared to her, the trials of the rest of the trio were easy. She had had to face more than the others could imagine, more than he could imagine. To face the vampires, to be attacked, to feel her throat bitten by those sharp teeth and then be forced to take in vampire blood. And it was much more than that. To feel her soul being taken over by the demonic bloodlusts of the vampires, to start to lose her very self, to have to leave all she held dear...and he had let it happen!
He was a Watcher, and it was his job to train and protect and care for the Slayer. That he had been saddled with three of them had never been a problem. He had loved them all dearly, and protected Xander and Willow as closely as he did Buffy, if not closer. But he had let it happen. He had let Willow be taken. He had not been able to protect her. It was because of his failings that they were all in the state they were in.
"Giles?" Buffy peered at her Watcher with concern. At times, her protective behavior extended to him, which he found touching at times and extremely annoying at others. At the moment, he looked up, startled.
"I'm fine," he said, finally. "Just...thinking." The other two nodded in understanding. "Now. You two go out and have a good time. No need to be worrying over things you don't know are there. Stay alert, mind you, but try to enjoy yourselves?"
The two teenagers saw the pleading look on Giles' face, and resolved to try their best. "Coming, Giles?" asked Xander as they turned to walk out. "We'd like to have you."
He shook his head, then paused a minute, studying them, then nodded. "Yes, yes, of course. Wait a moment." He filed a few things as Buffy and Xander stood waiting, and then pulled on an overcoat and a scarf. "Shall we go?"
Buffy was almost surprised to find herself enjoying the afternoon. She wasn't caught up in any throes of joy, of course, but it was pleasant. They had walked to one of the parks in Sunnydale, with a decent-sized lake in the middle, and a place to rent boats. When they saw it, they knew at once how they wanted to spend their day. The rowboat held three easily, and once they were suited up with paddles and life-jackets, they shoved themselves out. None of them had much experience with boats, not ones with paddles anyway, and for the first half-hour they mostly spun themselves in circles, until they finally got the hang of it.
Then, once they figured out how to go straight, they still had a difficult time getting the boat to move at any speed at all. The entire afternoon was glossed over with a kind of pathetic silliness, and their moods were all light as they struggled with their endeavor. Finally they gave up, deciding to simply drift on the lake until it was time to return the boat. They didn't talk much, but their silence was less frought with pain, and more simply reflection. Giles, Xander, and Buffy sat or lounged, their minds and hearts caught up in memories of their sweet, gentle and loyal friend.
"Willow would have liked this," Xander said finally, sitting up and breaking the silence. "C'mon. Let's go home."
It took more time than they'd thought to get back to the boathouse. Paddling randomly across the lake was considerably easier than trying to get to a particular destination.
"Left! Paddle on the left! That would be Xander!" Giles was trying to take control. Xander started paddling rather wildly, but the other two balanced him out, or overbalanced. "Buffy, go over there and give Xander a hand."
"I'm trying, I'm trying..." Buffy slid into the seat in front of Xander, sticking her paddle into the water. This time they overbalanced in the opposite direction. "Your turn, Giles. Paddle now." The librarian leaned over slightly, trying to direct the boat. It was tedious work, but somehow it was fun, and soon they were nearly to the dock. Buffy was paddling as fast as she could on one side, while Giles and Xander struggled to balance her out on the other. As the boat started to spin, Buffy called out.
"Xander! We're almost there. Over here, quick." Xander stood up to move next to Buffy, and just as they bumped against a submerged rock, Xander took his first step across the slippery floor. Suddenly, he had done some sort of a somersault, and flew over the edge to disappear underwater.
Almost as soon as he disappeared, his head popped up out of the water. "I'm fine," he assured them. "Really, I am." He looked bedraggled and drenched, but looking up over the side of the boat at the two concerned faces, he burst into laughter. After a few moments, Buffy joined in, grasping the hilarity of the incident, and even Giles shared some of his always rare, and recently rarer, laughter. They helped the soaked boy up into the boat, managed to get themselves to the dock, and walked back to Giles' house.
By this time, it was evening, and a November evening, even in California, is rarely very warm. Xander was shivering when they reached Giles' small house, and after the librarian had lent him a bathrobe and a warm sweater, the three of them gathered in the small, but cozy, living room. Giles had made a pot of tea, though the teens opted for cocoa, and they sat together on the couch, warm and comfortable. Days like these were rare, and they were cherishing every moment of it. They talked a little, but they were all tired, and soon enough Buffy and Xander lay fast asleep, worn out by the day.
Giles looked down at the two children. They look so innocent, he thought. So peaceful, and so happy. Xander leaned back on the couch, head tilted back, and Buffy leaned against his shoulder. Giles carefully tucked a quilt around them. It was still early, six-ish or so, and he would have to wake them so they could go home, but for the moment they could sleep. As Giles stood up to get some of his books to study while he watched over them, the thought came unbidden: Willow should be there. Two, where there should be three.
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