Desperate Acts: Part Nineteen
by Wravyn

Disclaimer: Not mine.




Cordelia opened her eyes groggily and stared at the clock on her wall. She sat up in bed, staring at the crumpled dress she was still wearing. “God, I’m a wreck,” she muttered. She padded over to her walk-in closet and pulled out a long-sleeved shirt and a pair of well-worn jeans that obviously belonged to the Dweeby Cordy. She slipped out of her dress and into those clothes, then pulled back her hair in a loose ponytail, for once not caring how unstylish she may look.

Cordelia walked out of her room and out to the garage downstairs, where she got into the Jag and sped away. She had things to do.


* * *
She stopped by the mansion one more time, to say talk for one last time with Angel. Getting out of the car and opening the front door was one of the hardest things she’d ever had to do in her life, for the thought of saying goodbye to her new friend hurt.

“Angel?” she called, stepping through the threshold. “I have to talk to you.” He was sitting on the couch with a book on his lap, but he stood up immediately when he saw her come in.

“Cordy,” he said in greeting. “Come in.” He smiled at her, but she noticed his voice was strained.

“Have you heard or do I have to go through the whole sordid thing with you?” she demanded, her own eyes serious.

“Buffy told me,” he said quietly. “How are you feeling?” He did not mention having seen her break down earlier that evening. He was sure she wouldn’t have wanted anyone to see.

“Like shit,” she told him bluntly. She walked over to a chair and sat down. “I’m not going to stay for a long time, Angel.” Her dark eyes flashed with pain and she took a while to compose herself before continuing. “I just wanted to thank you for being a great friend and all that. I really appreciated it. And I wanted to say ... you know.” She looked down at her feet. “Goodbye.”

Angel looked at her in horror, trying to see if she was hiding a gun or something underneath her clothes. “Goodbye?” he asked, his voice betraying his distress. “God, Cordy, you’re not going to do anything crazy, are you?”

She stared at him, perplexed, then burst out laughing. “Oh! You thought ...” She doubled over, laughing like a madman. “I ...” she took a deep breath and tried to calm herself down, tears of mirth seeping from her eyes. “I’m not going to kill myself, Angel! I could never do a stupid thing like that!” She calmed down somewhat, still breathing heavily from the hysterical laughter she had just engaged in.

Angel still wasn’t sure she was all that stable. The laughing was too unexpected, too jovial for him to be comfortable about. He eyed her doubtfully, but managed a weak grin when she looked at him, waiting for some sort of response.

“No, I’m not suicidal,” she told him, settling back down on the chair she was in. “I just have some stuff to carry out, that’s all.”

He didn’t like the tone in her voice. “What stuff, Cordy?”

“I’m going to reverse whatever spell got me in this situation in the first place.”

Angel’s first reaction was panic. “No!” The word was came out of his lips automatically. If she reversed the spell, then he’d go back too, and then he wouldn’t have his Buffy ...

Cordelia had clearly expected this response from him. She launched into a series of explanations, the whys and the wherefores, as Xander had once said. “But see, it’s all for the best, Angel! Or a least the better. For me. See, life here is totally hopeless for me,” she said, trying to justify her plan. “Xander doesn’t love me, he said he never has and he probably never will.” She grimaced. “At least the cheating Xander back home cared for me somewhat.” She saw Angel open his mouth and she rushed on quickly, before he could get a word in edgewise.

“Listen, Angel. I don’t intend on dragging you back with me. Don’t worry. The way I figure it, I can find a way to unwish my wish so that I’ll be brought back and you wouldn’t. See, you’re happy here,” she said in a low voice. “I don’t think I can ever be happy here. No matter how popular I become. Buffy likes me in this world, and she probably hates my guts in ours. I finally faced up to Harmony in here, but I can’t be sure that it’ll all work out there. And Miss Calendar ... I’m going to miss her. She’s a pretty “into it” kind of person, even if she is a teacher.” She looked at him, and gave a wrenching half-laugh, half-sob. Desperation shone in her dark eyes. “But can’t you see? I love him so much that I’ll put up with all of that just to know that I have a small chance of making him care for me again.” She tore her eyes away from his gaze and put her head in her hands, her chest heaving from the suppressed sobs.

Angel got up and sat next to her, putting his arm gently around her shaking shoulders. “Cordelia, I can’t deny that I’m loving it here. All those things you said – Buffy, Miss Calendar – all of it is working out great for me. I got what I wanted, and more. But Cordy, if you’re not happy, and you’re obviously not, then I can’t stand in your way.” He lifted her chin and made her look at him. His dark eyes held all the sympathy and love in the world. “I’m going to miss you, your highness. You’ve become a better friend to me than I ever thought possible in these past two days.” He looked away for a moment and laughed quietly. “I never really expected us to become friends at all, really.” He caught her eyes again, anxiously making sure she wasn’t offended by what he was saying. She seemed to be listening intently to his words. There were no tears of fury, no big demonstrations, so he thought it safe to go on. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I always figured you were just that loud, squealing girl that hung out with Buffy and the rest of them because ... well, I wasn’t sure why you did, but ...” Angel sighed in frustration. “You’re a wonderful person, Cordy. Xander is a fool if he doesn’t realize that. I guess what I really want to say is that I wish you the best of luck. I hope you know what you’re doing.”


* * *
Cordelia had left soon afterward. She had cried some more, and given him a hard hug, then she had ran out of the mansion. The black Jag had sped away, tires squealing, heading into the darkness. What Cordelia didn’t know was that Angel was tailing her ... worried that she may do herself harm. He decided to do the lurking thing and play her Dark Protector for a while. There was no telling what might happen to her, blinded as she was by her grief.


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