All We've Lost: Where in the hell are we?
by Rayne
As I sat in the upstairs bedroom that I used to call my own I could feel myself getting restless. My entire world had come crashing down on me today and being the slayer, I had the insistent need to pummel something. I had already called the airport and purchased a return trip to Rome for tomorrow morning. Until then, I had hours to waste and only one way I could think of wasting them. Grabbing a bag of slaying supplies, I figured a few less vampires in L.A. certainly wouldn’t be a bad thing.

Walking through the streets, I found myself instinctively going to a few of my old slay spots. There was a night club approximately 10 minutes away from my father’s house that used to be a rather hot spot for vampire activity. Luckily, it still was and I managed to get in quite a good fight with three vampires waiting in a back alley for an unlucky soul who happened to wander in the wrong direction. Lucky for me, it didn’t appear that they had nabbed anyone yet. Unlucky for them, I was the first one to wander their way.

When I began making my way toward one of the nearby cemeteries, I momentarily enjoyed the distraction from the ongoing disaster that is, was, and probably always will be my love life and savored the adrenaline boost. For a while, I considered going back to Rome tomorrow and accepting Jason’s proposal. After further consideration, however, I decided instead, to return home tomorrow and call everything off. My heart belonged to Angel, however pathetic that may be, and if I were to marry Jason, I wouldn’t be true to myself or him. Jason was a great guy and I didn’t want to hurt him, but I couldn’t marry him when I didn’t love him. That wasn’t fair to him and he deserved better.

The cemetery was relatively quite, in the way that only a slayer could appreciate. There were no graves waiting for newly risen vampires to wake up from them and the remainder of the already risen undead seemed to be taking a night off – from this cemetery at least. Setting my bag of Slayer necessities on a nearby headstone, I hopped up next to it and took a moment to reflect on how truly miserable I felt. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised that Angel had moved on. It’s not like I made any signs that I was waiting for him. After he left Sunnydale, I had attempted to move on and find someone new.

First there had been Scott. He was sweet enough but certainly not long term material. Then there had been Parker. Big mistake – ‘nuf said. Then Riley, who would have been perfect had he met my demands of being a completely and absolutely normal person and like Angel at the same time; because that’s likely! For a while after that there was no-one I was romantically involved with; not until Spike that is. Spike was different than any of the others. Spike allowed me to have a little bit of Angel along with someone I knew would never leave me. I knew that no matter what, Spike would stay with me to the end. He would never leave me standing alone, watching as he disappeared from sight. And he knew I didn’t love him and accepted it as such; never wavering in his dedication to me, regardless of how I truly felt. He allowed me to use him because he knew I needed to.

In the end however, it all came back to Angel. I guess I figured he would always be waiting in the wings for me to come back to him. I had assumed that when he showed up before the final battle in Sunnydale I had managed to show him how much I still needed him while telling him I wasn’t ready to need someone that much yet. I had waited too long and now it was too late.

A movement to my left caught me slightly off guard but recovering I continued to act as if I were still lost in my thoughts, figuring if it’s a vampire it would think it had caught an unsuspecting female off guard; which it almost had. After a few moments, I realized that the creature apparently wasn’t going to make any movements to attack but continued to remain in the shadows. Realizing what I probably should have realized before; a small tingling sensations was slowly making its way up my spine, an all too familiar feeling when a very certain someone was in the area. “You didn’t have to come here. You don’t owe me anything.” I said off into the nothingness, only loud enough for the ears in the darkness to hear. I couldn’t help the small smile that played across my face as Angel stepped out of the shadows.


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Wow, two chapters in one day!! It's a miracle in designer clothing!!!

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