Slay Wars: Part Two
by WillowSlay

Disclaimer: I'm not in any way associated with BTVS or Star Wars, or anyone who's ever been involved with it. I just took Joss Whedon's brilliant characters and mushed them into George Lucas' ingenious universe. The rest is, as they say, history. Please don't sue me, I'm not making any money off this, just have a lot of good laughs. (:




Act Two


Act 2, Scene 1: Dagodale, another planet, not too far away, but fairly far away.

(Willoda and Luffy Summerskywalker are training with floating kick pad, Hangel Solo and Spikebacca are working on their space-ship, the Millenium ____. Suddenly, the kick pad falls as Luffy steps back panting. )

Willoda: (sighs) Luffy, you must learn patience! You can do this. But if you're not even going to try, then don't waste my time.

Luffy: (looks surprised, but gets pouty) I AM trying! I am. Really. (Exasperated sigh) I can't concentrate at a time like this!

Willoda: You have no choice. Do I have to call O-G-Man or can we just finish the exercise?

Luffy: (pained look) We can finish...

(She closes her eyes, concentrating as the pad rises again, she begins kicking. After a while, Willoda nods in contentment, and Luffy puts the pad away. Willoda sits down under a tree with a pile of books. Luffy goes over and plops down near the ship.)

Hangel: (Coming off the ship) Hey, Luffy...have you decided yet? 'Cause we're about ready to launch...(gestures to the ship, grunts are heard coming from within)

Luffy: (raises and eyebrow at the grunts, but shakes off her curiosity) Um, well, no, not exactly...(glances back at Willoda) I'm supposed to have some sacred duty to help the Alliance fight the Fish-Boys, but between that and my sacred duty to protect the universe from vampires, I'd say I'm all sacred-dutied out.

Hangel: Yeah, but you have to admit the vampiric activity has been pretty low lately. Huh Spikey? (A loud growl is heard from the ship. A large, hairy, but strangely attractive being emerges.)

Spikebacca: (Deep voice, slight accent) Darla Fett was the last we saw... narrowly escaped her. It won't be getting easier. She's getting better.

Luffy: (Sighs) I know. Which makes this decision all the harder. With the vampires and fish combining forces against the Alliance, they need me more than ever. But my old-fashioned weapons work better on vampires than on Storm Fishies. And O-G-Man is not going to spring for new ones.

Hangel: (Smiles) Just wait till you see the adjustments we've made. (Leads Luffy onto the ship, followed by Spikebacca.)


* * *
Act 2, Scene 2: Rebel Alliance base, Endor

(Princess Cordy, Admiral Gagebar, and the Wicketed One walking down a corridor)

The Wicketed One: The Slayer and her smuggler consort have not given us a definite answer yet. I want it by tomorrow. We have to plan our attack on the Hellmouth Star and we need to know if they're with us or not.

Admiral Gagebar: Without the Slayer, our strategy is non-existant. We have no back-up plan. We need her.

Princess Cordy: You didn't make a back-up plan?! What's wrong with you? You ALWAYS make a back-up plan when the first one might not work!

Gagebar: Well, we have one...but I don't think -

Cordy: Whatever it is, implement it. We need any back-up we can get.

Gagebar: But hiring bounty hunters is not something the Alliance -

Cordy: BOUNTY HUNTERS?! Have you lost your mind?! We can't hire bounty hunters! 90% of them are already being paid to hunt for us, there's no way we could trust them!

Wicketed One: That's why it's the back-up pan, Highness. If we don't have the Slayer, our chances are slim anyway. We'll need any help we can get. And that includes help we can't necessarily trust.

(They reach a set of double doors. The Wicketed One gestures through the window.) Wicketed One: As you see, we've already recruited those who have never shown themselves to be COMPLETELY trustworthy. But sometimes you just have to take a chance. (Close-up through window of Oz-O Calrissian on stage with other members of "Womprats Ate My Baby")

Cordy: Oz-o is different. He's not being paid to kill us. We're paying him to kill the Imperials. All he's after is a place to have a gig now and then, and as long as we provide that, he'll be loyal.

Gagebar: That we know so far. Let's just say his record isn't the cleanest.

Wicketed One: Enough. Let's just hope the Hangel comes through and convinces the Slayer to join us. Then we won't have to worry about the bounty hunters.


* * *
Act 2, Scene 3: The Hellmouth Star, in orbit around Endor

(Admiral Harmony is standing on a bridge, watching over her troops as they perform maneuvers. Darth Xander enters with Darla Fett. They stop a few yards short of Harmony, out of her earshot.)

Darth Xander: Ms. Fett....your objective was to kill the Slayer. You didn't accomplish your goal.

Darla Fett: She is strong. She has friends.

Xander: Her friends don't concern me! I want her dead! Out of the picture! Gone!

Darla: We're working as fast as possible, Lord.

Xander: Well, it's not good enough. I don't know why I pay you idiots. I want her dead. Tomorrow.

Darla: I'll send Machito. He's one of our finest.

Xander: Whatever. Just get it done. (Darla bows her head and exits. Admiral Harmony approaches Xander as he sighs)

Harmony: She's so creepy.

Xander: Well, she's come closer to killing the Slayer than your shoddy Storm-Fishies have. (looks disgusted) What is that smell?

Harmony: (smiles) It's my new perfume. Like it?

Xander: Get rid of it. It's putrid! (Harmony looks hurts, but huffs off. Xander sighs and watches the troops below him.)


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