Axel's Arean, season 2.: Dear One
by Beer Good
Dear One

BEER GOOD: Hi, folks. Well, those were some interesting developments, weren't they? But seriously, someone has to keep the show running while everyone else goes around murdering each other. So thanks to the brand new bringing-back-people-from-the-dead-machine I bought with the money Axel had put aside for his lawyer, I've secured an exclusive interview with Darla. I figured with everyone else getting to spend time with Faith and Willow, I deserve some hot female companionship too. So, Darla, welcome to Axel's Arena.

DARLA (smiling evilly): Thank you. And thanks for bringing me back.

BEER GOOD: Oh, no need whatsoever to feel incredibly grateful and making it up to me later on. You know, unless you really want to. So, how've you been?

DARLA: Oh, just fine, considering... I'm feeling a little hungry, though. That backstage buffet did nothing for me.

BEER GOOD: Yeah, Diamond Dave is an awful cook. I'll have a talk with Axel about that. So, Darla, you hold the Buffyverse record for most deaths, beating Buffy by at least one; first the Master killed you, then Angel killed you, then Drusilla killed you, then you killed yourself... And now you're back as a human.

DARLA: No.

BEER GOOD: No?

DARLA (smiling even more evilly): No.

BEER GOOD (fidgeting, checking settings on the bringing-back-people-from-the-dead-machine): Shit. I could have sworn I set this on "Dear Boy", someone changed it to "Reunion"... after Dru re-vamped you... Um... (smiling sheepishly at Darla) I'm in trouble, aren't I?

DARLA: Oh yes.

Beer Good gets up and runs for the exit, but Darla catches him, vamps out and starts feeding. After a while, she puts him down, opens her blouse and seductively scratches a furrow of blood across her full, white

FCC GUY (clears throat): I refer you to rule #187 of the contract, dealing with the sublimation of sex as death, oh, and gratuitious nudity. STOP IT.

Beer Good gets up and runs for the exit, but Darla catches him, vamps out and starts feeding. After a while, she puts him down, bites her own finger and slowly slips it into his mouth

FCC GUY: Enough with the penetration metaphors too.

Beer Good gets up and runs for the exit, but Darla catches him, vamps out and starts feeding. After a while, she puts him down, takes out a previously prepared bottle containing her own blood and makes him drink it.

FCC GUY: Well... OK.

DARLA: There, my sweet... Drink and be strong. We'll show them they can't do a show about vampires without vampires. Together, we'll take over Axel's Arena and make it Darla's And VampBeerGood's Arena.

BEER GOOD: Cool. Do I get to wear a cape?

DARLA: No.

BEER GOOD: Crap. Oh well, see you in a few hours. (Dies.)

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