I Will Remember You: I Will Remember You
by Allison 2
Disclaimer: I do not own BTVS or any of its characters: they all belong to Joss Whedon. I don't have anything to do with Mutant Enemy or 20th Century Fox, or the WB.
I Will Remember You
by Sarah McLachlan and Pierre Marchand
remixed version copywrite 1998, Arista Records
(all words to the song are spaced between story text)
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I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Buffy sat down on the hard, cold bench of the Sunnydale Bus Depot. "Its for the best," she continued to tell herself. Leaving was the hardest thing to do, well, besides killing her reformed boyfriend. Her humor didn't seem to lighten the heavy load that seemed to lie just on top of her shoulders.
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Tears formed in her eyes as she realized why she was truly there. To escape the torturous world Angel, rather Angelus, had formed for her and her friends. She refused to shed any more tears over that man. Angel was gone, and there was nothing she could do to bring him back.
Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
Buffy heard her bus number being called for departure. She got up, looked around, and remembered the night Xander spent here, when he, of all people, was trying to assist Buffy and Angel. He would do just about anything for her. She laughed inwardly when she recalled him telling her about the "vibrant cross section of Americana". They'd had great times, the Slayer and her Slayerettes. The good times that they'd had far outwayed the bad, and that was something for living on the Hellmouth trying to save the world.
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one
Buffy walked out to the bus lot, and looked up at the shining sun, as if the sun hadn't a care in the world. She had seen Angel in the sun once, well, sort of in the sun. It was an eerie light, when Buffy was trying to break in the cemetary, when she had first arrived in Sunnydale. "I have a friend down there. Well, a potential friend. Do you know what its like to have a friend?" Buffy had asked him. God, how could she have been so dumb! Angel was so lonely, and Buffy hit him where it hurt, verbally and emotionally. "I'm so stupid." Buffy whispered out loud.
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Buffy boarded the bus and chose a seat next to the window. That way if someone sat next to her, she could just stare out of the window. The bus began to move, out of the parking lot and into the street. As they drove along, the bus passed Willow, Oz, and Xander's homes. Each had a little memory tucked away, hiding in the back of her mind. Oz's house was where Willow found out he was a werewolf. Xander's house was where the Scooby Gang hung out, since his mother was never home. And Willow's house was where Buffy and Willow had many heartfelt talks. Buffy remembered everything they had talked about there- although Willow probably assumed that she had forgotten- being the Slayer and having Angel and all. Well, Buffy hadn't. She felt so guilty that she hadn't been able to say goodbye.
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
The bus continued through town, and Buffy's heart skipped a beat when they turned on to Rebello Drive. Slowly, they drove by each home, and Buffy's heart plunged into her stomach when she passed 1630, and saw Xander, Willow, Giles, Oz, Cordelia, Xander, and Joyce standing in the front lawn discussing something. Joyce was visibly upset, and Giles was speaking vividly with his hands. The bus must have been noisy, for everyone glanced at the passing vehicle. Buffy turned her back quickly to the window, so no one would notice her. Hopefully, that was enough. Her back remained to the window until they reached the freeway.
I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
Buffy suddenly felt very tired as the humming of the highway tried to take her into dreamland. She closed her eyes for several moments, and just couldn't fall asleep. Too many thoughts. It reminded her of all of her sleepless nights, whether researching some prophecy schedualed to unfold in the next 48 hours, or when she had the dream filled nights before and after murdering the master.
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard
All the way to wherever she was going, Buffy remembered. She certainly didn't want to, but everything reminded her of something. Each memory brought bittersweet or just bitter feelings. Keeping these things inside was so hard. She wished she just had Willow or Giles, or even, jeez, Cordelia, to talk to right now. To say how she really felt about Angel and his soul being restored. How she felt about being the Slayer and being in love with a vampire. How she felt about having to hide so many things from the outside world.
But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Buffy heard the bus stop after apparently falling asleep. She felt someone tap her. An elderly woman asked her, "Is this your stop, dear?" Buffy nodded in agreement, and got out of her seat after the woman did. She grabbed her bag from the overhead rack and walked off the bus. It was nightfall, and Buffy realized where she had ended up. Sacremento. She hadn't wanted to go this far. Just to LA or something- not all the way up here! She only had a second cousin that lived here- not one she was close to. Looked like she was going to spend the night in the bus depot, and catch the next bus back to LA. She was very afraid- from what Xander said about Sunnydale- Sacremento had to be 3 times worse. She wished her enternal clock wasn't haywire from her much needed rest. Patrol hours were approaching- Buffy wondered what kind of vamps were here. Ones she did not want to slay, she thought as she walked inside the smelly lobby. She sad down on a bench, next to a provocatively dressed, red haired woman. She looked like Willow on Halloween, when Willow was too embarrassed to wear her hoochie mama outfit and turned into a ghost. The woman took out a pack of cigarettes, tapped one out, and offered one to Buffy. She politely refused, and the woman shrugged her shoulders, then lit the cigarette and took a long drag, blowing the smoke a little too close to her face.
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Not wanting to indure the smoke any longer, Buffy took her bag and retreated to the rest room. She stared at herself in the mirror. Her blond hair was limp and greasy, and badly in need of a new dye job. Her clothes clung to her body, and smelled of various travel smells. Her teeth were alarmingly yellow, and nails bitten down to the quick. She was a wreck. Reminded her of when she was a total mess, and was meeting Angel for their first date. She knew she looked horrible, but he loved her just the same. "Damn." She cursed, thinking about Angel again. She promised not to do that. How could she not? He was perfect. Well, as perfect as a vampire could be for a slayer. He was kind, gentle, sweet, not to mention totally handsome. When she first found out he was a vampire, she shyed away as far as possible, not wanting to be hurt. An older man, MUCH older, wanted her. Or at least acted like he did. She had researched Angel high and low, looking into his horrible past. He was cursed with an unwanted fate- much like Buffy herself. Why couldn't she have just loved him, why did she always want more than she was given? More than she could have?
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light
Buffy tried to wash her face with water and soap, drying off her face with a ragged paper towel. She thought about how selfish she was. Sure, she was devoted to saving the world all day and night. But that wasn't her choice. What was her choice was her love life. And Angel. She didn't have to love him, but she did. He didn't have to love her, but he did. He didn't have to have sex with her- hell, he didn't want to have sex with her. But she forced him. And look where it got her. He didn't even enjoy the night they had together- well, Angelus didn't. Angel enjoyed it. Angelus was mean and cruel- but Buffy wasn't going to dwell on him any longer. She used the restroom, and went to look for the ticket office.
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories
THE END
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