Life in L.A.: Lost in a Cookie Analogy
by Melissa Summers
“So...” Buffy said as the elevator arrived at Angel’s CEO apartment.

“So...” Spike repeated, smiling slightly at her uncomfortableness. “No need to be twitchy, love, it’s only me.”

“That’s exactly it. It’s you. You who died in the Hellmouth back in that crater called Sunnydale.” Buffy replied. “This isn’t the first time I’ve thought I lost the person I love forever, you know.”

“Oh, yeah, poor you.” Spike grinned, stepping off the elevator and striding over to Angel’s leather couch. He flopped down and put his feet on the coffee table. “At least you didn’t have to suffer the amazingly painful torture of the one being lost.”

Buffy sat down on the coffee table next to Spike’s boots. “Well it wasn’t exactly tea and biscuits for me either.”

Spike shook his head, still grinning. “Living it up in Rome sounds downright awful.”

Buffy sighed. “You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I do.” Spike admitted. “So how were things in Rome?”

“Well, before we went broke, things were actually pretty okay.” Buffy told him. “Dawn finished High School, I trained new Slayers, life was pretty normal. Which was a first. Of course, the gang was totally split up, tracking down Slayers and all...Dawn really missed Willow. She was really getting into the whole magic thing.”

“That’s a bit surprising.” Spike commented.

“What do you mean?” Buffy asked.

“Well, didn’t Red get into magic a bit too much, and wind up getting Lil Bit in a car crash? I do recall her being very upset about that.” Spike explained.

“That’s in the past. Willow’s been better for a while, and I think Dawn wanted to understand magic better. Willow was teaching her about responsibility with magic, and they were really making progress. Dawn can almost make a pencil float! But after Willow and Kennedy left, she was so down she stopped practicing.” Buffy said.

“Dawn floating pencils? There’s an idea.” Spike said amused.

“What about you? How’ve you been?” Buffy asked, though Angel had already hastily filled her in on all the details.

“Oh, you know, I was incorporeal for a while, then I got better.” Spike replied.

“What was it like? Not being able to touch things, I mean.” Buffy wondered aloud.

“It was frustrating. It was like I could be in the world, but not effect anything in it. I was just...there.” Spike said.

Buffy gave a sincere frown. “That sounds awful.”

“It was, but hey like I said, I got over it.” Spike shrugged.

“Listen, if you ever want to talk about it...” Buffy offered, remembering her own experience of being ripped out of heaven, and how Spike was there to listen.

“Thanks.” Spike replied gratefully. “I just might take you up on that. But I think we have some other things to discuss first.”

“I’m not your cookies anymore.” Buffy said.

“Wait, hold on, you finished baking?!” Spike exclaimed.

“No! I didn’t. I’m still in the oven. But I let you have some of my cookie dough, and then you left and I refilled the hole so I could keep baking...and now I’m lost in a cookie analogy.” Buffy said. “But the point is, I don’t think you’ll ever be the one to enjoy my delicious cookie me.”

“Yeah, I figured as much...” Spike muttered, a bit dejected.

“I just mean I moved on, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to go back. Especially if the time comes when I’ll have to move on again.” Buffy tried to explain.

“And you wanna know the weirdest part? I’m okay with that. God, I must have been more in love than any other man on earth, I got a soul for you! But now, I know that this is just never going to work. We can try until the real apocolypse comes, but I think we’re better off facing the facts.” Spike said, his eyes slightly tearing.

Buffy noticed the watery glint. “Oh, Spike...”

“Well, alright, it hurts.” Spike said. “It really does. But I love you enough to let you go. I’m not the one for you anymore, and I need to let you move on.”

Buffy got up from the coffee table and hugged Spike. “You will always have a place in my heart.”

Spike chuckled in her embrace. “Yeah, right next to Captain Forehead and Soldier Boy.”

“Angel was my first love. Riley was my first shot at a real relationship. But what I had with you...you were the first person that really truly understood me. What we had was intense, amazing. You saw me for who I was.” Buffy said, kissing him on the forehead. “And I wish more than anything that we could start again. But we can’t. I can’t.”

“And like you said, I know you. That’s why I understand.” Spike smiled at her, kissing her on the lips.

Buffy allowed him a brief moment before pulling back. “Thank you.”

“So what now, you go crawling back to your new sugar daddy Brood Boy?” Spike asked as Buffy sat down on the couch beside him.

“Spike, please don’t.” Buffy groaned.

“I won’t. But I have to know, are you going back to him?” Spike asked.

“You know I can’t answer that.” Buffy said.

“Not until you’re cookies.” Spike grinned.

“Not until I’m cookies.” Buffy grinned back.

“So, this gonna be your life now? Working at Wolfram and Hart?” Spike asked, making conversation.

“Well actually, I was going to ask Angel for a loan. I was thinking of going back to college, you know, on the side.” Buffy told him.

“That’s great!” Spike said encouragingly. “Though, with Angel all in the power you don’t really need a degree to get a job.”

“But I want one.” Buffy said defiantly. “When I was working at the Doublemeat Palace, I reapplied to college, and got totally rejected. Since then, I made it my goal to go back one day. Obviously not back to UC Sunnydale, as it’s in a giant crater, but back to any college. It’s what I want.”

“I think that’s a great goal. I never went to college myself, but I’ve always thought it sounded neat.” Spike said. “Well except the whole Initiative under the college part. I could’ve done without that.”
“You know, not every college is a part of a government conspiracy.” Buffy said.

“Yeah well, I’m not taking any chances on getting re-chiped.” Spike replied.

Buffy smiled. “I kinda liked Chips-Ahoy Spike. It was fun watching you twitch whenever you hit Xander.”

“Poor bloke, how is he and his eye?” Spike asked, cringing at the words ‘Chips-Ahoy’ and trying to change the topic.

“He was good last time I checked in. Really starting to dig the whole eye-patch look.” Buffy said. “Willow was looking into some spells to get him a new and possibly improved eye.”

“Well that’s good.” Spike said. “Does he know what color?”

“He was thinking blue last time I heard from him.” Buffy laughed. “I was actually thinking he would look good with green.”

“So Xander’s doing good. What about old Rupert?” Spike asked. “Shouldn’t he be the one solving all your financial problems?”

“He’s in England. He has a girlfriend, a new gig as a librarian, the whole package. I didn’t want to ruin that for him. He deserves to have a life, now if not ever.” Buffy answered.

“How very noble of you.” Spike nodded. “Willow, Xander, Rupert, I think I’ve covered the whole gang. Good to know everyone’s doing alright.”

“Since when did you care about anyone in the Scooby Gang but me and Dawn?” Buffy asked.

“I’ve always liked Red. I liked her before I fell in love with you.” Spike pointed out. “But I’m just pretending to care about Harris and Nancy Boy for your sake.”

“Well it’s much appreciated.” Buffy said, leaning into his shoulder.

Spike put his arm around her. “Tired?”

“Very. I don’t know why, but I’ve been just exhausted lately.” Buffy yawned into his chest.

“Well it sounds like you’ve been having a rough go of it lately.” Spike consoled her, secretly glad she was as tired as he was hung over. He closed his eyes.

“Yeah, I have...” Buffy said, more sleepily.

Spike could feel the rise and fall of her chest shift, and her breaths came in slower and more deeply. Her heart beat against him gently, and he knew she was falling asleep. He closed his eyes for just a moment and he was gone.

“Ahem.” Angel cleared his throat loudly.

Dawn stood next to him, clearly amused, and put her hands on her hips. “Well, well, well.”

Spike’s eyes sprung open. “Oh, geez, must’ve drifted off.”

Buffy woke up and quickly lifted her head off of Spike. “How long have we been asleep?”

“About fifteen minutes.” Angel answered.

“Only fifteen? Ugh, why’d you wake us up?” Buffy groaned, throwing a couch cushion at Angel.

He caught it. “Dawn’s back from her tour. I thought you’d want to see her.” He decided not to mention the prior events of Dawn’s assault.

“Hey Buffy. Hey Spike.” Dawn grinned behind Angel.

“Hey Lil Bit.” Spike grinned backed.

Buffy pulled herself to her feet and walked over to her sister.

“I need a ride to Spike’s to pick up my stuff.” Dawn muttered quickly, trying to get it over with.

“Pick up your stuff? What for?” Spike asked, standing up next to Buffy.

“I think I should stay here tonight. You know, close to Buffy.” Dawn explained, though inside she was screaming ‘Somebody please object to this!’

“Okay, if you’re sure. Angel, could we take one of the company cars?” Buffy asked.

Dawn’s face fell and Spike threw her a questioning look. Dawn looked determinedly at the floor.

“Yeah, sure. Take whichever one you want.” Angel said happily. Maybe Dawn was starting to warm up to him after all.

Dawn was silently cursing Wesley’s name.

But, on the plus side, a plasma screen TV.

“Do you have a game system? N-64, X-box maybe?” Dawn asked.

“Nope, but I can get one. I’ll get Harmony on it right away.” Angel replied.

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